Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical

Disclaimer: Obviously, we do not own Harry Potter, the characters and all associated names. We also do not own any of the melodies used for the songs - those belong to their credited artist(s). However, the lyrics are completely original, and we are very proud and protective of them. No stealing. We'll find you. Also, reviews are welcome, but keep flames nice.

Act I, Scene 3: Transformation

The light broadens once again to encompass the entire stage, but the setting has been completely changed. There is now an ornate table surrounded by chairs and laden with a feast. Sitting in the chairs are two elderly people--a man and a woman--and a rather handsome man with black hair. All three are 'eating', but the room is completely silent.

A fourth person walks onstage without any announcement: Tom Riddle (Junior). It takes several seconds for the others to notice him, but when they do, they all rise from their seats, rather alarmed.

"Who are you?" Tom Riddle Senior asks.

Tom laughs evilly. "You don't recognize me? I'm hurt, Father."

The other three gasp theatrically. Riddle continues.

"I bet you thought that you were rid of me! Never bothered to look for me, you probably didn't even care that I existed! Ran back to Mummy and Daddy--excuse me--Grandma and Grandpa--like the filthy, cowardly Muggle you are. Well, I have been looking for you for years."

Throughout Tom's monologue, the other Riddles begin to lose interest. They become bored, and quietly go back to eating dinner, as if Tom has simply disappeared. He continues despite their inattention.

"I've been looking through books, pouring through records looking for some hint of my family. I was sure that my father, the one whom I was named after, must be a great wizard to produce me. But no! My father is nothing more than a--a--a Muggle! The worst of all shames!"

The other three pay no attention. They converse quietly among themselves about the weather and other such mundane topics. Seeing this, Tom loses his head completely.

"No, no, NO!" he screams shrilly, his voice cracking. "You are no longer my father! I do not need you! I need no one! No one! At all! Just me! And this!"

Tom brandishes his wand and sings:

-

Revenge on My Father

(To the tune of "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran)

Sung by Tom Riddle

-

Tom: Long I have searched for the line of my father

Now I know that he's just a bother

Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee

He is a Muggle, that much I can tell

So he must die with my killing spell

Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee

-

The man never cared,

So now the punishment is death

The father who left my mother for dead,

I'm exacting my revenge

The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin

So now the punishment is death

The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn

I'm exacting my revenge

-

Grandma and Grandpa, they are up next

Finished off by my killing hex

Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee

Show no mercy, this day is their last

I will not mourn them after they've past

Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee

-

The man never cared,

So now the punishment is death

The father who left my mother for dead,

I'm exacting my revenge

The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin

So now the punishment is death

The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn

I'm exacting my revenge

-

The music stops. Tom points his wand at his father, grandfather and grandmother and shouts Avada Kedavra three times. All three die with looks of fear on their faces.

-

(I've exacted my revenge,

Exacted my revenge

Fin'lly, my revenge!)

-

The man never cared,

So now the punishment is death

The father who left my mother for dead,

I've exacted my revenge

The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin

So now the punishment is death

The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn

I've exacted my revenge!

-

The scene fades to black once again and when the lights fade back in, the stage is once again set like a classroom, complete with tables, stools and cauldrons. Slughorn holds a pile of papers and is passing them out to his students. Last to get a paper is Tom Riddle, who sits near the edge of the stage. Glancing at his grade, he smirks.

All the students rise to leave the classroom and Riddle is immediately surrounded by several students, all of them discussing the grades they received --

on their Potions essays. When Tom speaks, they all immediately fall silent, hanging onto his every word.

"Lord Voldemort received an 'O'. Lord Voldemort is very pleased with this grade."

The students stare at him, confused.

"Who is Lord Voldemort?" they all ask in unison.

Tom smiles. "I am Lord Voldemort."

The Old Hogwarts Peeps smile and begin to disperse, but two remain--Rosier and Avery. Avery asks, "Why did you change your name T--Lord Voldemort?"

"Well, I'll tell you--"

-

Lord Voldemort

(To the tune of "Y.M.C.A." by the Village People)

Sung by Lord Voldemort & the Death Eater Chorus

-

Voldie: Riddle, that's who I was as a boy

I said, "Riddle", it never brought me much joy

And Marvolo, that was my middle name

Sounded like dish soap and 'twas lame

-

Thomas, I was named for my dad

But now he's dead, and that makes me so glad

So I will give, myself a brand new name

Something that will gain me much fame

-

While singing 'Lord Voldemort' during the chorus, Voldemort shapes his right hand into an 'L' and his left into a 'V'. These motions are continued throughout the song.

-

No longer Tom,

I am Lord Voldemort

No longer Tom,

I am Lord Voldemort

-

My old name is gone

Already done said "So long"

Now I'm evil to the core

-

Lord Voldemort

I'm so cool, I am

Lord Voldemort

-

Tom Marvolo is done

Now let's have some fun

Striking fear into their hearts

-

Control, that is what I desire

I want to rule, under a reign of fire

So now I will, use fear as my means

And rejoice in all of the screams

-

During this next verse, the rest of the Death Eaters enter the stage with black robes and hoods pulled over their heads.

-

No man, can do it all by himself

I have power, but I know I need help

The Death Eaters, that is what they'll be called

And to help enforce my cruel laws

-

No longer Tom,

-

Death Eaters Chorus: He is Lord Voldemort!

-

Voldie: No longer Tom

-

D.E.C.: He is Lord Voldemort!

-

Voldie: My old name is gone

Already done said "So long"

Now I'm evil to the core

-

D.E.C.: Lord Voldemort!

-

Voldie: I'm so cool, I am

-

D.E.C.: Lord Voldemort!

-

Voldie: Tom Marvolo is done

Now let's have some fun

Striking fear into their hearts

-

But that is, not enough for me

I must live, for all of eternity

So now I will, find a way to live on

When even Dumbledore is gone

-

Somehow, I'll find a way to survive

When they are all dead, I will still be alive

And I will laugh, at their stupid state

And tap dance on each of their graves

-

No longer Tom

-

D.E.C.: He is Lord Voldemort!

-

Voldie: No longer Tom

-

D.E.C.: He is Lord Voldemort

-

Voldie: My old name is gone

Already done said "So long"

Now I'm evil to the core

-

Lord Voldemort

I'm so cool, I am

Lord Voldemort

-

Tom Marvolo is done

-

All: Now let's have some fun

Striking fear into their hearts!

-

Lord Voldemort!

-

All the Death Eaters end the song in pairs, using their arms to shape the letters 'L' and 'V' as the audience bursts into thunderous applause. There is an odd number of Death Eaters, so one sits on the end simply waving his arms above his head, alternating between the two letters. Lord Voldemort settles for crossing his arms and looking utterly pleased with himself.