A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Monday 12^th June
12:15
Arithmancy

In two days I will be seventeen years old.

Do you know what that means?

It means I will be officially an adult.

Ok, not in the Muggle world. I have to wait until next year if I'm going to be an adult in the Muggle world. But in the wizarding world, which is the one I think I prefer, I will be an adult in two days.

TWO DAYS.

That means I can do magic out of school. It means people will take me seriously. It means I can get a job. And it means I will get some bloody good presents this year as opposed to the crappy lot I got last year.

Mandy is in the foulest mood I have ever seen her in. It turns out that Harry Potter is going out with...Ginny Weasley. I know! I always figured it was Hermione Granger that he had a thing about, but no, he's gone for Ginny. Well, she's certainly the prettier of the two. And probably the most easy-going. Michael went out with her last year and he had good reports for her. I don't really know her all that well. I know she's a really good Chaser and is Ron Weasley's sister and that she's Michael's ex but apart from that I am clueless.

Anyway, I can't say I'm too bothered about Harry Potter's dating habits. When I told Mandy this, she just snarled, "Well I'm not surprised you'd say that, Keira! We all know you're only interested in Terry Boot dating Lisa Turpin!"

That is so blatantly not true. I am not even remotely interested in Terry and Lisa going out. It is boring. I don't give a damn who either of them date. It is not my business.

13:10
Courtyard

Justin came up to me at the end of Arithmancy.

"Hey, Keira," he said, smiling at me. Yasmin raised her eyebrows at me. I smiled knowingly at her. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thanks," I said, with unusual confidence and a charming smile. "Do you want something?"

"As a matter of fact I do," he said. "Will you meet me Wednesday lunchtime? I want to give you your birthday present in person. And also I've got something to tell you."

"Really?" I said, interestedly.

"Really," he said. "So, in the Entrance Hall at one?"

"It's a...date."

After he'd left, Yasmin gave me a half amused, half calculating look.

"You sly whatsit," she said, sounding quite impressed. "All this time I thought you were madly in love with Terry Boot and it turns out that you really like Justin Finch-Fletchley."

I smiled serenely. Nothing was going to get me down now. And no, I wasn't going to bother denying it now it seemed almost set in stone that he fancied me too. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work out that he's going to ask me out on Wednesday. Oh my god, seventeen is shaping up to be the best birthday ever for me!

Yasmin ruined it slightly by saying, "You realise that if Elodie finds out that you've stolen her boyfriend she's going to come after you and...and...?"

"Shoot me dead?" I said. I was actually quite worried about that. Maybe I should tell Justin that we should keep our relationship a secret so Elodie doesn't get too hurt. He still thinks I'm her friend, after ll.

"Shoot you?" asked Yasmin, sounding puzzled. "How would that work?"

Damn wizards.

Tuesday 13^th June
18:00
Common room

It's all around the school that Padma has been brutally dumped by Blaise Zabini. It's also come to my attention that he's been slagging her off behind her back. I believe he called her a "filthy half-blood", although it may have just been a rumour about that one.

Still, he's being incredibly mean about it. Padma's pretending not to care but I know she really liked him. She's sitting with Lisa and Anthony (why Anthony? Hmm, maybe she's the one he fancies) and ranting for England. I went to join them for a second.

"Hey," I said. "What's wrong, Padma?"

"That prat Zabini has been spreading stupid rumours about me!" said Padma. I've never seen her angry before but let me tell you, it's not pretty. "Ugh! What on earth possessed me to go out with that complete sod? He's not even that good-looking!"

"What's he been saying?" I asked Anthony over Padma's ranting.

"He's been saying that they've been sleeping together, and on top of that - pardon the pun - he's been saying that she's terrible...y'know, in bed," he said, biting his lip. "He's been a complete git, basically. Also various other discriminatory remarks about Padma having a Muggle father."

"BASTARD!" Padma interjected.

"What an arsehole!" I said.

"Quite," said Anthony.

"At least Padma's now open to finding someone more worthy to go out with," said Lisa, looking at Anthony pointedly. Anthony went a bit red. Evidently I was right in thinking that Anthony likes Padma.

Then Terry appeared, doing his usual out-of-nowhere trick and making me do my usual jumping-out-my-skin trick.

"Hey," he said, kissing Lisa on the cheek. She turned around and kissed him full on the mouth. For some reason I felt like pulling Lisa's hair out and force-feeding her it, but I refrained and just looked politely at the floor. I felt like a real gooseberry. Terry and Lisa dating and snogging each other's faces off. (Well, not in front of me, but I bet they were.) Anthony and Padma obviously had a lot of sexual tension there. So I made my excuses.

"Well, I'd better...uh...well, I should go," I said, smiling awkwardly. "Good luck with the...finding a new boyfriend or whatever, Padma," I added, lamely. Padma didn't hear me, though. Probably a good thing, seeing as I was talking total crap.

Hastily skedaddled off back to Yasmin and Mandy (Louise had gone off with Dean again, presumably to have another try in bed). Mandy was looking at me with a kind of smug grin.

"For about a year I thought you were planning on being Mrs Keira Boot and it turns out you were trying to be Mrs Keira Finch-Fletchley!" said Mandy. "Well that's one way of hiding your affection, I suppose!"

"Not quite Mrs," I said, defensively. "I'm not planning weddings yet."

"Yet."

"Not at all!" I said, crossly. "Look, I just happen to think that Justin may return my feelings. That's all. He may not. He may be asking if he can copy my Runes homework."

"I doubt it," scoffed Yasmin. "He's going to tell you something big, Kee. I don't think that homework falls under the category of big. I think he's either going to tell you he loves you, he's going to kill you, he's gay or he's you're long-lost brother or father."

"He's only a few months older than me!" I said, disgusted. "That's quite sick."

Yasmin rolled her eyes.

"Oh shut up, Kee, you know what I mean. Don't be irritating. The fact is, tomorrow you are going to turn seventeen. We are going to give you mucho de presents. And then Justin Finch-Fletchley, who just happens to be incredibly gorgeous, is going to ask you out and you can dance off into the sunset with him."

Yeep!

Wednesday 14^th June
My birthday
8:10
Common room

Yay! I'm seventeen! I am officially an of-age witch. I am an adult in the wizarding world. I can do magic out of school. (Although I probably won't be able to do it at home as the Ministry still prohibit magic in Muggle areas, which means I will still have to wash up by hand when I go home, worse luck.) It feels good to know that I'm an adult.

I was dithering over presents when Yasmin, Lou, Mandy, Padma, Morag and Lisa (Elodie was in the shower) treated me to their loud and not very well harmonised chorus of happy birthday.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..."

"This is really unnecessary, seriously."

"...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..."

"Look, seriously, I'm trying to decide whether to open these now or later. I really don't need your singing, lovely as it is."

"...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KEIRA..."

"Guys!!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Thank God. Look, help me! I'm all dithery and undecided." (Here Mandy rather meanly butted in with, "No change there then.") "I don't know whether to open my presents now or after lessons in the evening. Help me decide!"

"There are people debating over whether we should invade a dictatorship in the Middle East with the stability of the country hanging in the balance at we are debating over when to open some birthday presents," said Padma. She didn't sound cross, though. Well, no crosser than usual. She's been snappy ever since yesterday. She even snarled at Morag when she gave her the Chocolate Frog card she'd wanted for ages as a thoughtful gift. She has Blaise Zabini withdrawal, according to Lisa. The blonde deviant. Lisa, that is, not Blaise, that is, although Blaise could also be described as a deviant. Just not a blonde one, as he has very dark hair.

I'm rambling again.

In the end we decided that I open half now and half later. Somehow the really massive one from Yasmin, Mandy and Lou (cheapskates, giving me a joint present) found its way into the "open now" pile.

I pulled the paper off. It was a big box. A cardboard box. One that had obviously come from something else. I glared at them.

"It's not that big, is it?" I said.

Yasmin grinned.

"We wanted it to look impressive even before you got it open," she said. "Go on, open the box. It's still a good present; it's just not all that big."

I dubiously opened the box. At first I thought it was a blue cloak but it turned out to be a set of dress robes. Really nice ones, too, made of a silky light blue material. They must have cost a fortune, which was why the present was from three people I supposed. I held them up to the light so everyone could see. Padma and Lisa made various exclamations of appreciation and Louise smiled smugly.

"I chose them," she said. "Blue's your colour. Do you like them?"

"Of course," I said, holding them up against myself and preening in the mirror. I could tell that when I put them on I would probably look good. Really good. They were lovely. They reminded me of the robes that Hermione Granger wore to the Yule Ball back in fourth year, although I could probably never look as pretty as she did back then.

Wow. I never thought I'd be wishing I looked like Hermione Granger.

She did look really nice at the Yule Ball, though.

I picked one up. It was a small, rectangular shaped one.

"That one's from me!" said Lisa, brightly, and my heart plummeted into my shoes. I am a bitch. I've been saying all this horrible stuff about Lisa and she's bought me a birthday present. I'm just jealous of her because she's prettier than me. There's actually nothing bad in her. She's been nothing but nice to me and now I feel guilty as Hell.

Still. I don't like her, especially when she added, "Terry mentioned that he had something for you. I'll get it off him in Defence Against the Dark Arts for you, Keira."

"Thanks," I said, trying to be as grateful as possible. "That's really nice of you, Lisa. Thank you."

I opened the present. It was a bracelet. Not a diamond-encrusted really expensive one, God no. I would have probably died of guilt if she'd bought me something like that. It was just a little pink one. It was cute, though. My thanks were genuine.

I got various other boring things. It turned out that the thing that Leila had sent me was another book. She thinks I have no life other than reading books. Just because she had her nose in a book all through her school life it doesn't mean that I have. Mum and dad sent me a few things along with a note saying that most of my presents are at home. I usually get them about three months late. They have a habit of buying me videos and CDs, which are all very well for home use but I can't use them at school. They thought they were solving this last year when they bought me this really snazzy personal CD player. I didn't have the heart to tell them that electronics don't work at Hogwarts so I wouldn't be able to use it. It's in my trunk, now underneath the CDs they've sent me. Great. More Muggle stuff I want to use yet can't.

"What's this?" said Louise, ripping the plastic off my new Blur album and opening the case. "Wow...uh...what's the point? It's a round thing with a hole in the middle."

"It's a compact disk, you fool," said Yasmin, taking it and examining it. "We did those in Muggle Studies last year. You put them into a Compact Disk Player and they play music."

"You can't get music on that, that's a piece of metal!" scoffed Louise.

"It's actually aluminium, with a transparent plastic coating," said Yasmin, putting the CD back in its case. I was quite relieved. I want that CD and I was worried Louise would snap it.

"How do you know more about this than me?" I asked, peevishly. "I'm the one that grew up in a Muggle household. I didn't know that CDs were made of aluminium."

Yasmin is too smart.

Still.

She buys nice presents.

9:20
Transfiguration
Passing notes

Kee, you're seeing Justin in three hours and forty minutes. You will soon be being asked out by a guy who you really like. You could have done something with your hair. Yaz

Shut up, Yasmin.

I'm not actually speaking, technically, I'm writing, so I can't shut up really.

You know what I mean. And anyway, what's wrong with my hair.

It's just a bit...bland. That's all. How long have you fancied Justin for, by the way?

Like a year. And how can hair be bland? My hair is fine, thank you.

Well, why don't you do it up or something? It's your birthday. You want to look nice. It just does nothing for your face when it just hangs there like that. Tie it up. You looked nice when you did that bun thing with it.

That was for the Yule Ball, Yasmin. That was a formal occasion so a formal hairstyle was only appropriate. And I thought I looked like an idiot. I looked more like Wilma Flintstone than Audrey Hepburn.

You realise I don't know who either of those people are.

Well Wilma Flintstone is the one I don't want to look like.

Well you're your own worst critic; I've told you this.

Yes. Please don't.

It's meant to make you feel better about yourself, you know.

How?

Well it means that other people see you differently to how you see you. You're always going on about how awful you are when other people see you how you actually are. You're actually quite nice, Keira. I know I go on at you and stuff, but I do like you. And Justin evidently does too, because he's going to confess his love.

I'm really excited!

Not surprised.

Seriously, I'm mega excited.

I can tell. Calm down, woman, you look positively manic.

Leave me alone, I'm mentally preparing.

Go and do your hair at break.

Oh piss off.

10:35
Break
Courtyard

I am so nervous I'm practically jumping up and down. I let Yasmin fix my hair in the end. It looked like my head had exploded so Louise took over and I actually look quite nice now. I just hope Justin doesn't think I made too much of an effort and that I am desperate.

I am desperate.

But he doesn't need to know it.

11:00
Potions

Eeep. Only two hours.

11:30

Huh. Professor Slughorn is so irritating. Why does he have to be so...interfering? Just because my potion was a little bit on the tarmac-like side it doesn't mean it's wrong. And it's none of his business whether I'm doing my potion right or not. He's only the teacher; he's not the Supreme Overlord of my life. Anyway, he only likes Harry Potter and his superior potion-making skills. Obviously the fact that I am anticipated with love has escaped him. I am not bad at Potions, I am just in love.

11:40

You would have thought the change in hairstyle would have pointed him in the direction that there are things more important than Potions on my mind at the moment, but no. He is, after all, a man. And a teacher.

13:20
By the lake
In a state of shock

Nearly steam-rollered Yasmin on my way out of Potions. I needed to get to the Entrance Hall as fast as I could. To be fair to Yasmin, she took it well, just raised an eyebrow.

Terry didn't take it quite as well though. I ran straight into him. He's bloody strong.

"Sorry," he said, looking down at me. When he realise who I was he looked quite amused. "Bit keen to leave, aren't you, Keira? Where are you rushing off to with your hair all different?"

He noticed! Wow. Hopefully Justin would also notice the hair. But hopefully he wouldn't make the connection between "different hair" and "trying too hard to impress me".

"Just meeting someone," I said, airily.

"Who?" asked Michael, who was, as always, there too.

"No one you'd be interested in," I said.

"One of your many boys, no doubt," said Michael, giving Terry an evil look which was countered with a much more evil one. "Well, we mustn't keep you from your super-important super-busy love life with our boring talk. Bye."

"Happy birthday, by the way," said Terry.

I felt quite pleased, actually. Terry had remembered my birthday. I wouldn't have expected him to. Maybe Lisa mentioned it to him in between time attached to his mouth.

I wandered off, less quickly and more composed. However as soon as I got around the corner and knew they were out of sight I started running again, pausing only briefly to glance at my compact. I was Queen of Being Very Red. Great. I slowed down a bit after that. I should carry a bottle of water around like Yasmin.

I finally got to the Entrance Hall. Thank God Justin was there. I didn't want to seem keen as well as very red. He smiled at me (I felt the customary weak knees) and said, "Hi."

I managed to say, "Hi," back, blushing furiously. Although I blush so much around Justin he probably thinks that my natural face colour is bright red and won't be able to tell.

"Happy birthday," he said, reaching into his bag and getting out a little box. It was purple with a little ribbon. Really cute. I accepted it in what I hope were gracious but not over grateful tones.

"Open it now," he said, eagerly. "I want to know what you think."

I opened it.

I was expecting something romantic and sweet, like a little bracelet or a necklace. (No, not a ring, I'm not quite that bad.) Just something thoughtful and pretty. But in the box, looking oddly out of place, was a pair of what looked like shears.

"They're broomstick tail trimmers," said Justin, happily. "Really good ones, too. I know they work because I have a pair myself. I thought you'd like them."

I grinned at him, hoping I didn't look as disappointed as I felt.

"Wow...I...don't know what to say, Justin, this is such a thoughtful present," I said, smiling. It was thoughtful; I wasn't lying. It's just not the sort of thoughts I wanted.

"I'm glad you like them," said Justin, looking relieved. "I was really worried about what to get you."

"Well, they're great!" I lied, looking all happy. It seemed to work, because he looked happy too.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he said. "Around the lake, or something, I mean. Because I'd like to talk to you about something and I don't think here's the right environment."

Trying to stop myself from dancing with joy, I agreed and we left. Quite a few people looked at us leaving, actually. I suppose when you see people like Justin with people like me it's hard not to stare.

We walked past the first years mucking around and the snogging couples and gossiping fourth years until we got to a weird log thing. I recognised it as the one Justin was sitting on when he asked me to come to Hogsmeade with him. He obviously uses it as a talking area. He sat on it, and gestured that I should come and sit next to him. As I sat down I couldn't help but wander if I was sitting where Elodie had once sat. Maybe he'd asked her out here. Or maybe he'd dumped her here.

"Keira...lately you and I have become quite good friends and I've begun to feel really close to you. I know we haven't known each other that long but I don't think that really matters. You're great at listening and you're a really caring and empathetic person. I'd...I'd like to tell you something."

"Yes, Justin?" I said, trying to be as composed as possible, but inside I was going, "Oh my God! Oh my God oh my God oh my God! He's going to tell me he likes me back, he's going to tell me he likes me back! Oh my God!"

"Keira..."

"Yes?"

"I'm gay."

"I love you too! Hang on..."

"God, it's so great to finally be out of the closet!" said Justin, as if in some kind of euphoria. "It's just such a relief, you know, Keira? What was that you said? Didn't quite catch that."

"Uh...I'm pleased for you!"

He's gay? How can he be gay? I don't have anything against gays; the few I've met are just like other normal, pleasant people. I am not in the least bit homophobic. But Justin CAN'T BE GAY. HE CAN'T. NOT WHEN I WENT TO ALL THAT TROUBLE TO SPLIT ELODIE AND HIM UP.

Turns out that when a guy gets over a two-year girlfriend, he goes on the turn.

Marvellous. Thank you God.

"I...uh...I'm really thrilled for you," I lied, faking delight. "I hope you'll be really happy."

"God, this is such a relief," said Justin. "I just had to tell someone, and I wanted you to be the first to know. Well, second technically. The first to know is my...well, my boyfriend."

"Umm...who is your boyfriend?" I asked, pretending to be interested whilst secretly forming a plot to kill whoever this person was. "D'you think there's that possibility that you could be bisexual...?"

"Seamus Finnigan."

"Sorry?"

"Y'know, the Irish guy in Gryffindor."

"Oh yes. Him."

Shame he has to die now; I always thought he was cute.

"It was all a bit of a rush, really," said Justin. "I think Seamus knew before I did. We were talking the other day and we just...ended up...well, kissing. And then I realised and he said he'd already realised and maybe I'd like to go on a date with him sometime. And I thought, why not? And I've discovered that I really like him. He's such a great guy."

"Mmmm," I said, sourly. Thinking I should add to my fake delight to try and deter him from the fact that I was feeling murderous, I added, "It's so great that you've found each other. I'm really happy for you."

"I'm so glad you understand, Keira," said Justin, and he gave me a kind of hug. "It's so nice that people know now! You know, I thought I should keep it on the low at first but I feel like I should tell everyone. I want people know!"

He seemed genuinely delighted that he was gay. Well, I knew there had to be a reason why he was so gorgeous. Those looks are the kind of looks that only gay men are blessed with.

"It's so nice of you to listen to me," said Justin. "I can tell we're going to be great friends, Keira. I'm sorry, I have to go, I said I'd meet Seamus. It was fantastic talking to you."

And he kissed me on the cheek and left.

I can't believe this.

My fantastic birthday has gone fantastically wrong.

17:30
Common room

Yasmin, Lou and Mandy were all eager to know the gossip. They could all tell it hadn't all gone according to plan when I stomped over in a terrible mood.

"What happened?" asked Louise. "Did he not turn up?"

"Oh, he turned up," I said, bitterly. "But you know that list of things you said he was going to tell me, Yasmin? He didn't ask me out. Or declare love. Or anything relatively romantic towards me."

"Oh my god, he isn't your brother is he?" said Yasmin, looking alarmed.

"No!" I said, crossly. "He's gay."

Mandy burst out laughing.

"That's bitter fate for you!" she said, not sounding at all sympathetic.

"Shut up, Mandy," said Yasmin, putting her arm around me. "Ah, poor Kee. But still, you can't do anything about it so you may as well just move on from him. He's a bit of a drip anyway. And it's your birthday."

"Sod birthday," I said.

"You've got a load of pressies still to open," Louise reminded me.

"That's true," I said, perking up a little. I didn't look it, but I was excited about the presents. "Shall I go and get them so we can open them down here together?"

"Yeah," said Yaz. "We'll make you remember how good it is to not be in love with a boy."

I got up and headed in the direction of the staircase, but I was stopped by Terry.

"Hey," he said, handing me a little package. "Happy birthday...you ok? You look like the picture of misery. What happened?"

"Nothing," I said, trying to get away from him. "Thanks, by the way."

"Seriously, what happened?" asked Terry. He looked genuinely concerned. There's something about him that always breaks me. Probably his eyes. "You can tell me, I swear."

I glanced over at Yasmin, Louise and Mandy. They were talking amongst each other, probably discussing whether they'd predicted Justin's closet exit. I succumbed.

"Fine," I said. "I went to see Justin today and I thought he was going to ask me out, but he gave me a stupid pair of broomstick clippers and told me he was gay. That's why I'm pissed off."

Terry looked extremely surprised.

"Wow," he said. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I," I said. No, don't cry, don't cry.

"Are you ok?" said Terry.

"No!" I said, and my voice broke. Bugger.

Terry steered me into the area just below the staircase. We were hidden by a bit of the wall so that no one could see me crying. I felt really grateful for that, but, as I reminded myself, it was probably for his benefit as well as mine. I didn't know how his girlfriend would take it if she saw us.

"There's no cure for this one, I'm afraid," he said, and he gave me a proper boy hug. He felt really strong and sturdy and warm and...well, nice. "You're just going to have to grin and bear it. You'll get over him in the end, don't worry. You just need to grit your teeth and get on with life."

"It's hard!" I said, sounding like a spoilt child.

"I know," he said. "It's going to hurt like Hell. It always does when you like someone and they don't like you back." I felt a pang of guilt here. "But you will get over it eventually, trust me." He pulled away, and smiled at me. I have to say he has a nice smile. "Now go and get your presents and go all girly with your mates. You'll probably feel happier for it."

"Thanks, Terry," I said. "You always cheer me up."

He laughed.

"It's a pleasure," he said. "You're a great person, Keira, you just need to realise it."

It was only when I finally got up to the dormitory that I realised something that I should have realised about a year ago. Something I'd been too dense to realise. Something that I really wish I had realised about a month ago. Because realising it now is bloody horrible.

I fancy Terry Boot.

I think I might love Terry Boot.

And Terry Boot is going out with Lisa Turpin and does not fancy me any more.

He sees me as a mate.

Hell's Bells and Satan's Thong.

This is the worst birthday ever.