A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Saturday 11^th June
7:25
Common room
In an incensed rage

I hate bloody everything.

Woke up to find that Elodie had left her cereal on the floor next to my bed while she took a shower so I ended up with my foot dripping wet and covered in cornflakes. Fanbloodytastic.

You know, she's done some irritating things in her time but she's never let me stand in her breakfast. I'm thinking she put it there on purpose to get revenge on me for snaring her boyfriend.

The door to the bathroom opened and I started to say, "Look, Elodie, I've just..." when I realised that the blonde I was talking to was not, in fact Elodie, but Lisa. She had her hair up in a towel but other than that looked as impeccable as usual.

"Oh, hi, Keira!" she said, brightly. "I was just washing my hair. My mum sent me this new shampoo; it's forest fruits flavoured apparently. It actually smells really nice. Feel free to borrow it sometime."

Lisa, like me, is a Muggle-Born; however Lisa, unlike me, has nice normal parents who send her things like groovy-smelling shampoo. My parents don't send me stuff because they're scared of owls. That's why they wouldn't buy me one so I have to use one of the crappy school owls. They did buy me a cat but it turned out that it was actually feral so I don't bring it to school with me. Mum and dad still keep her. They claim she's "cute". Personally I think she's a minion of the Anti-Christ, but that's just my opinion.

"Mmmm," I said, non-committally.

"What do you want for your birthday, by the way?" asked Lisa, removing the towel from her head and getting out her hairbrush. "I'm going into Hogsmeade again today with Padma and I thought I'd get some shopping in."

"Oh...eh...nothing in particular. You really don't have to get me anything," I said, panicked, grabbing Lisa's towel and using it to wipe the milk and cornflakes off of my foot. "And anyway, you don't want to miss the match. It's on today, you know."

"But I want to," said Lisa, earnestly, now drying her hair with a hot air charm. "You don't turn seventeen every day, after all. And I'll be back in time for the match; it's at one so I've got about three shopping hours before I have to be back. Your birthday's on Wednesday, isn't it?"

"Yes," I said, pulling my socks on now my foot was dry.

"Great," she said. "You must be really looking forward to it. You'll be of age, won't you? You'll be able to do magic out of school and that. I'm not seventeen until August," she said, grimacing. "It's such a drag. It means that I'll have to wait until the middle of the summer holidays before I can actually do magic out of school. But it's worth the wait, I guess. What do you think?"

"Umm...I agree."

"That's good," said Lisa, who was now combing out her hair again and fluffing it up, pouting in the mirror. "Bugger my hair, it's just won't go right. It's gone all fluffy. I can't stand my hair," she added, swishing it around as she turned to face me. "You're so lucky, Keira, you've got lovely, manageable hair. I really envy you."

Humph. No matter how nice Lisa is to me, it will not make me think that she has irritatingly nice, swishy hair. I personally think she's pretending to hate her hair so that she seems like a nicer person.

"Well, can't stop, I'm meeting Padma. She'll kill me if I'm late," said Lisa, swinging a bag over her shoulder in the sophisticated way that only the select few can achieve. "I'll try and get you something really great, Keira."

Ooh, she is a bitch.

10:40
Common room

Ooh, joy of joys. A letter from Leila, my lovely sister.

Dear Keira,
I remembered last week that you had a birthday coming up and ordered you a present straight away, of course. As soon as it gets to me I'll have Athena bring it to you, but I'm afraid it has not reached me yet as the catalogue I ordered it from is rather slow. I hope it will be worth the wait, however!
I'm well, although poor Randolph has been struck down with a nasty cold for over a week now. I am worried that little India may catch it, but hopefully if they are kept in separate rooms it should be ok. I've got a strict policy on until Randolph gets better that he should not go near Indy, so I doubt there will be any problems.
I hope your exams are going well. Just remember to pull your finger out. I slacked off during mine and I ended up getting an E in my Divination NEWT. It was really irritating because if I had concentrated I would have got all Os and it's held me back in the careers slightly. So if you want to get all Os then you have to work extremely hard!
I hope it's all going ok with your friends. Stay friends with that Jasmine girl, she's extremely good for you. And don't worry about not making the Quidditch team; most Muggle-Borns don't make it anyway. Most of us aren't natural flyers; I was quite rare in that I managed to make the Quidditch team. So don't feel you have to get on it just because I did.
All the best,
You loving sister Leila

See, this is why I don't like Leila. She writes the most boring letters in the world, and you can just tell that she's trying to make me feel like a failure compared so herself. She knows she's the favourite and insists on rubbing it in my face.

Yasmin said I was overreacting but she only thinks that because Leila said that she was good for me. She then said I was being stupid and that Leila was only trying to advise me on my direction in life and she only mentioned her successes in a contextual matter as evidence to back up her points. I then pointed out that I hate flying and have never tried out for the Quidditch team in my life so why did she mention that she was one of the few Muggle-Borns to make the team? That shut Yasmin up.

Huh. Why does she even think I want to know about Randolph having a cold? I don't give a damn about her husband, even if he is my brother in law and also just happens to be Britain's answer to Brad Pitt. That's another thing I hate about Leila; how she managed to secure herself a God-on-Earth type husband. I know it's really creepy to be attracted to your brother in law but he seriously is gorgeous. How Leila managed to persuade him to marry her, let alone father her insufferably ugly baby daughter, is beyond me.

Anyway, I'm not attracted to Randolph. I can just appreciate the fact that he's man-pretty. Anyway, he's far too old for me. And he obviously has crap taste in girls anyway. He evidently prefers the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, prim and prissy type.

11:00

Louise is on a big Dean Thomas high. She basically is every time she sees him. To be fair to her, I don't think she's a rebound any more. Well, if she is she's lasting a very long time as rebounds go. But I still think his public kissing displays are a bit dodgy, especially as Louise usually lets slip something about Ginny Weasley being nearby.

Mandy is off getting ready for the match. She's on a boy-related high, too, but a Harry Potter high. She won't shut up, even when Yasmin pretended to fall asleep on Lou's shoulder. I love Mandy but thank God she's gone. I'm getting really pissed off with her constant Harry Potter talk. For a smart girl she has really crap taste.

"Kee," said Yasmin, interrupting my train of thought, "you haven't spoken to Terry much recently, have you?"

"Uh...no, not really," I said, with due sense of dread. "Why? Should I have done?"

"Well no, not really," shrugged Yasmin. "It's just that I was talking to Michael and he said that I should tell you that Terry is really quite pissed off with you at the moment."

I'm not surprised, to be honest. I didn't say that, though, I said, "Oh. Well, you know what he's like, all moody and weird. He's probably just annoyed that I don't fancy him back."

"Mmmm," said Yasmin. "Well, he doesn't seem to mind that much because from what I hear he and Lisa are definitely an item now. I was listening to her talking to Padma and by the sound of it she really likes him. So that means you can't just pick him up and snog him on whim any more, ok? Because Lisa is a nice person and she's finally managed to get herself a decent boyfriend who she really likes after she's been treated like dirt by some of those bastards she's had before. You remember Luke Stebbins?"

"Uh...vaguely. She's had a lot of bastards. Which one was he?"

"The one who drove her to a nervous wreck and then ditched her for her sister."

"Oh, that one. I thought he was the one who had a mini harem going on behind her back."

"No, that was Tom Jenkins."

"Oh. Well, she has had a lot of bastards so can forgive me for not remembering which one's which."

"Yes, she has had a lot of bastards," said Yasmin, pointedly. "Which is why you should leave Terry alone from now on. Lisa is a lovely person who deserves someone who won't muck her around after all the crap she's been through and Terry's a nice guy who she really likes who will give her the respect she deserves. So no snogging him from now on, understood?"

"Yes!" I said, indignantly. "What makes you think I would snog him? I am not remotely interested in Terry Boot! If you ask me he and Lisa make a really good couple and I want them to stay together!"

Big lies. I don't think Terry and Lisa make a good couple, in fact I think Lisa would go better with someone like Michael Corner or someone else. I don't think she has enough intellectual capacity to satisfy Terry somehow. Not that Lisa is thick. Lisa's brainy enough. She's in Ravenclaw, after all. I just don't think she's all that in the brain department.

14:30

On my way to the match I bumped into Justin. He looked pleased to see me.

"Hi, Keira," he said, smiling at me. "What's up?"

"Not much," I said. "You going to the game?"

"Nah," he said. "I have a ton of homework and I thought I'd take advantage of the library being quiet. And as Hufflepuff's not playing I figured it wasn't too important. Ravenclaw's dead set to win anyway; half the Gryffindor team's down. I suppose you're going to the match?"

"...No," I lied. "I was actually going to the library too. I've got an essay to finish." As it happens I do have an essay to finish, but it's not in until Thursday. Still, I may as well put some effort into it for once, and I knew I had some parchment in my bag. "I find Quidditch terribly boring. And anyway, you're right; Ravenclaw is dead set to win."

"Well, we could help each other," he said. "What's your essay on?"

"Ancient Runes," I said. "I have to compare and contrast Runes from about six different eras, most of which I can't remember the names of. But I'll be able to find a book on it in the library, Professor Decifrare mentioned a textbook that had all the answers in."

"Great," said Justin. "I guess it's just you and me, then."

So we went off to the library and...did homework. Well, amongst other things. It was only us and some second year I didn't know in the library.

"So, you got a boyfriend at the moment, Kee?" asked Justin, pouring over his book.

I had to catch myself quickly before a massive dopey smile spread all over my face. Not because of the forward question concerning my love life, although that was cool too. But because he called me Kee. He's never called me Kee before; it's always Keira. Only my good mates call me Kee. I know he used it in a casual sense, like he couldn't be bothered to say my whole name. But it was weird to me. Like he was...well, like he was my friend. That felt good, thinking of Justin as a friend.

I suddenly remembered he'd asked me a question.

"Oh...uh, no, no I haven't," I said, blushing a bit. "I'm sure I told you that before!"

"Yeah, you probably did," said Justin. "Sorry. I just thought you must have, seeing as you're so pretty."

I actually thought my head was going to explode with redness at this point. I got a quick smile from Justin, who didn't seem to mind that I had gone the colour of Harry Potter's Quidditch robes, before he went back to writing something. I managed to splutter out, "Th-thanks."

A long time of me being red later, Justin closed his book and I realised I had actually done a relatively good essay. He's a good influence on me work-wise. I think we're meant to be.

"That's great," he said. "I've finished. And it only took me about an hour. Hey, I'm going up to visit Susan in the Hospital Wing; she's had a...eh...incident with a gang of fifth years. D'you want to come? You know Susan quite well, don't you?"

"Mmmm," I said, nodding as I didn't seem to be capable of much else.

"Great," he said.

He chatted away as we headed for the Hospital Wing. He mentioned Hogsmeade, which jogged my memory that I was meant to tell Mandy to meet Stephen at seven in the library yesterday. Shit. No wonder he was giving me horrible looks this morning. Well, I'll just tell him that I told her but she didn't buy it.

By the time I'd realised where I was Justin was pushing open the door of the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey didn't look overly pleased that we were here.

"Two of you?" she said, eyebrows raised. "Well the norm is to have one visitor, especially under current circumstances."

"Current circumstances? What circumstances?"

"Never you mind what circumstances."

It went on like that for a bit until she finally deigned to let us in. Susan waved at us. She didn't seem to mind that I was there. She didn't look surprised either. Maybe she's heard rumours...

"Hello," she said. I noticed she had one ear and a radish in the place of the other, but I didn't mention it. "How've you two been?"

"Great," said Justin. I muttered something positive sounding. "What about you? Are you feeling any better?"

"Well I can't walk yet," said Susan, "but my teeth have all grown back and the bruising is all gone. I should be out by next week, and Hannah's bought me plenty of homework to do so I'm not bored. And anyway," she said, lowering her voice so Madam Pomfrey couldn't hear, "something quite interesting happened a few nights ago. Professor Snape came in with Draco Malfoy, and he was absolutely covered in blood. I couldn't see much but I could tell that he was completely blood-soaked. Snape sounded really worried, and Madam Pomfrey's put screens up all around his bed. He's been unconscious ever since he came in apart from a few periods. I heard he was attacked in a bathroom by a maniac!"

"Wow," said Justin, peering interestedly at the only screened-off bed. "I wonder what happened to him really."

"Go and look," said Susan, glancing around for Madam Pomfrey. "Pomfrey's in her office. She'll never know, she's been moaning about a load of paperwork she's got all day. She won't notice."

"No!" said Justin. "I'm not doing that! What if she caught me?"

"Oh come on, wuss, where's your sense of adventure?" said Susan. "I'd go but I can't walk. Five Jelly-Legs Jinxes at a time play havoc with your mobility. Go on, Justin!"

"I'll go," said my mouth. My brain had had no say in the matter.

"Really?" said Susan, smiling at me. "Cool. See, Justin, Kara has some bottle."

"Uh...Keira," I said.

"Sorry?"

"I didn't say anything," I lied. Well, I was in it now. I couldn't back down, or Susan and Justin would think I was a liar and a coward. "Well, I'm going to go and look."

Susan and Justin made encouraging noises and I darted off towards the screened-off bed, presumably hiding Malfoy. To my immense relief there was a gap in the screens around the back that was definitely large enough to slip through. Madam Pomfrey may have been busy but she would almost definitely have noticed me moving one of the screens around. I slipped through, and sure enough Draco Malfoy was lying there, completely out of it, and covered in cuts.

Not normal cuts, though. Really deep, slashy cuts. It looked like someone had been ripping at him with a knife. I was reminded of a horror film I once saw, except this was real. But who would attack a guy with a knife in the wizarding world when there are so many more efficient spells?

I'm quite squeamish. The sight of Draco Malfoy, who I will admit that I don't like much, in this kind of state was...well, gross. I don't like the guy but I didn't want him to be attacked, especially like that. They'll leave scars, those slashes will. He'll probably be permanently disfigured. And by the look of it they'd healed slightly already, so they must have been inches deep when he first got them.

I backed out of the screens and dashed back to Justin and Susan, who were keeping a watchful eye on Madam Pomfrey's office. They gave me the thumbs up as I returned.

"It's ok, she hasn't looked up," said Justin. "So what did you see?"

"He's...covered in slashes," I said, weakly. "Really deep cuts."

"That explains all the blood," said Susan, matter-of-factly, as Justin winced. "I suspected he must have had some kind of cuts or he wouldn't have been bleeding."

"It looked like he'd been knifed," I said, feeling sick.

"I doubt it," said Susan. "There are plenty of far better ways to hurt someone that using a knife, I should think. Just a good job it's not Slytherin playing the match today, isn't it?"

Justin then noticed I was looking pale and suggested that the match would be over and maybe I should get a drink of water? I duly did, but not before he'd kissed me on the cheek again (I nearly fainted at this point) and said, "Well, I'll see you soon, hopefully. Arrivederci."

He said arrivederci to me. Squee!

I don't actually know what that means, but hey. It sounded quite Spanish to me.

I almost skipped back to the common room and stared around, looking for Mandy. She would tell me how the match went. I saw her in the usual corner with Lou, Yaz, Anthony, Padma and Terry. I went over.

"I have returned!" I said, in mock magnificence. Then I spotted that Mandy was in floods of tears. "Oh. The match went that well, huh?"

Mandy said something totally incomprehensible through sobs, so I turned to Anthony.

"We went down four hundred and fifty to one hundred and forty," he said, miserably. He hadn't changed out of his robes yet, and he looked thoroughly depressed. "And they still beat us even though half their team was screwed."

I winced.

"And that's not the worst of it!" wailed Mandy. "The worst part is that Harry Potter didn't even play!"

I am probably going to hell for this, but I had to fight really hard to stop myself smiling. Poor, infatuated Mandy.

"Yeah, I heard Snape gave him detention until the end of term," said Louise. "I heard he used Crucio on someone."

"I doubt it," said Yasmin. "He'd be in a lot more trouble than detention if he had. Remember, people can go to Azkaban for life if they use an Unforgivable on another person. Where were you, by the way, Kee? We missed you."

"Oh, I bumped into Justin Finch-Fletchley," I said, off-handedly. "We got talking and we went to visit Susan in the Hospital Wing." I didn't want to mention Malfoy. It'd start more gossip. And that meant me being endlessly questioned. No thanks.

To my horror, they all wondered off somewhere, leaving me standing there with Terry.

There was a long, awkward silence, and then we both said, "Look," at the same time.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh...you go first."

"Ok," I said, bracing myself and not looking at him. "I'm really sorry about having a go at you and insulting you and being mean to you and stuff. I don't really dislike you. I was just a bit...annoyed at that point. I like you really."

Not much, but an oral masterpiece under the circumstances.

"Oh," said Terry. "Cool. Because I was going to apologise for being a git. It isn't any of my business what you do or...who you do," he added. I frowned at him, but he does make me laugh a bit.

"I was hardly doing someone," I pointed out.

"Whatever," he said, shrugging. "Anyway, the point is that I like you too. You're a mate. And I don't want things to get awkward between us again just because I used to have a crush on you. Ok?"

"Ok," I said. "It's a deal. No more awkwardness."

I almost stuck my hand out so we could shake on it, but Lisa appeared out of nowhere so I had to pretend like I was scratching my head. She grabbed onto Terry's arm, kissed him on the cheek (I felt a bit weird at this point. I don't know why) and smiled at me.

"Oh, hi, Keira!" she said, brightly. "Enjoy the game?"

"Uh...yeah, but...y'know," I said, pretending I was disappointed. It was easier than explaining. "We lost. It's all a bit...well, crap, really."

"Mmmm," said Lisa, nodding sympathetically. "I know. I think it was a fluke, personally. We were the rightful winners; our team can beat Gryffindor any day, even with all their best players."

Feeling that I was going to end up seeing something I didn't want to, I nodded, said, "Yeah, I'll see you around," and headed off in the direction of Louise, who was sitting on her own.

"Hey Lou," I said. "You alright?"

"Yeah," she said. She didn't sound very enthusiastic.

"You see the game?" I asked.

"Umm...no," she said, looking at the floor.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, me and Dean sort of...went off together if you catch my drift," she said, looking at me pointedly.

"Drift caught," I said, not wanting the details. Bad, bad images. "You did use the potion, right?"

"Oh yes," said Louise. "It's all good. There's no way I'll be getting pregnant. Thanks for the help with the ingredients, by the way, you've probably saved my school career."

"Why are you so down, then?" I enquired.

"Well," said Louise, looking really awkward, "it...wasn't all that great. It was all bumpy and weird and...I didn't feel anything, if you know what I mean. And now I can't really look at him properly any more. And he...he..."

She started to sob quietly. I put my arm around her.

"Calm down, Lou," I said. "If he's going to ditch you then we're all going to beat him up."

"No, it's not that," said Louise. "It's just that...well, he didn't seem to think I was...eh...very good."

"Oh," I said, a bit taken aback. "He said that?"

"Well no, and he didn't seem to mind much, but still, he kind of implied it," said Louise. "And also, that means that he must have had someone before me, doesn't it, so he can judge if I'm good or bad."

"Aww, Lou, it doesn't mean that," I said, comfortingly. "You can judge if you enjoy something even if you haven't done it before. And anyway, I'm sure no one's good on their first time."

Lou, however, was inconsolable. She had taken it completely to heart that her first time having sex wasn't incredible and romantic. Poor girl. And she's worried that she won't be able to look at Dean any more now she's seen him, well, naked. This is why I'm glad that I'm not mega horny like the rest of my year seem to be. It causes nothing but trouble.