A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Sunday 3^rd June
15:15
By the Lake with the usual suspects

This is the life.

Sprawled out under the usual tree with a glass of pumpkin juice listening to the scratching of Yasmin's quill and the occasional stream of swear-words as she slaves away over her History of Magic homework. Combined with the tuneless humming coming for nearby birds (and Louise) and Mandy's sporadic snores, it's all very relaxing and soothing.

"Bollocking buggering sodding shitting bloody craaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"

The peacefulness was ruined slightly when Yasmin flew into one of her mad, psychotic rages and hurled Mandy's Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook into the lake. Oops.

"Yaz, that's Mandy's!" Louise said, looking stricken. "Sprout will go mad!"

Yasmin was looking slightly more mollified now she'd taken her anger out on a book, but also a little bit guilty. Yasmin's not the sort of person who usually abuses books, or condones the abuse of books. However, she is the sort of person who flies into angry violent frenzies and ends up doing things she ends up really regretting.

"Oh," she said, looking very uneasy. "I think I've just secured Mandy a load of detentions. Do you think it'll be completely ruined?"

"Yes," said Louise and I simultaneously.

"Mandy will probably just put it down to being lost, though," I added. "You know what she's like. And anyway, this weekend's a Hogsmeade weekend. She can buy another one."

"I forgot about that," said Louise. "Hopefully Dean and I will be going together. Last time was so fun. He kissed me in the Great Hall, everyone could see. It was lovely. He's so sweet, you know."

"You've mentioned," said Yasmin, who was still looking worriedly into the lake. "Oh God, I can't believe I did that. I threw a book. Into the lake. Why? Why did I do that?"

"Because you're an idiot?" suggested Louise, very unhelpfully.

"Shut up."

"Owww! Sodding Hell, Yasmin, you're really in a book-throwing mood today, aren't you?" said Louise, irritably rubbing her head where the offending object had hit her.

"Don't make me hit you again."

"Talking of the Hogsmeade weekend," added Yasmin, turning to me, "I'm assuming you haven't secured yourself a date, yet, Kee, seeing as you only suffered you heart-wrenching split from Adam two days ago?"

"Well, no," I admitted, but then Louise had to stick her foot in it.

"Ask Terry, Kee," she said.

"No," I said, flatly. "I'm not asking Terry. Just because he fancies me it doesn't mean..."

"Christ almighty, it's a Christmas miracle!" declared Yasmin, sitting bolt upright and ignoring Louise's remark of, "You really need a new calendar." "Are you saying you've finally realised that Terry fancies you? Or was I hearing things? Surely this isn't possible? The oblivious Keira Matthews has finally realised that Terry..."

"Shut up, Yasmin," I snapped.

"Well, you've got no excuse now," said Yasmin, brightly. "You know he likes you back so you have to ask him to go to Hogsmeade with you. It makes sense. You know it's all good."

"What do you mean he likes me back?" I asked, suspiciously. "He likes me. I don't like him. Well, I do, but not like as in fancy like. I only feel friendship towards him."

Louise looked at me.

Yasmin looked at me.

Mandy looked at me.

"When did you wake up?" I asked her; annoyed that she'd "woken up" at the crucial moment to start deciding if my feelings for Terry were platonic or romantic.

"About fifteen seconds ago," she said, stretching. "Why, what did I miss?"

"Nothing of importance," I started to say, but I was interrupted by Yasmin, who proclaimed, "Joyous and gleeful tidings, for Keira Matthews has finally realised the romantic inclinations of Terry Boot."

"Really?" said Mandy, interestedly. "Took you long enough."

"Shut up," I said.

"Touchy," muttered Mandy. "Just because you have no success in your love life."

Ha! So going to the Yule Ball with Wayne Hopkins (who was suffering from terminal acne at the time) then dating Stephen Cornfoot for a while and breaking up spectacularly so they now can't talk to each other without it becoming a blazing row is her idea of a successful love life, is it? And I haven't even started on Harry Potter.

"Anyway," she said, sitting back. "It's not like he's not a good catch."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, he's one of the brainiest people in the year," said Mandy. "He got about nine Os in his OWLs. And he's really funny. We were paired up in Potions once, and he had me in stitches. And you have to admit he's good-looking."

"I wouldn't say good-looking..."

"I would," said Louise. "He's got lovely eyes, have you noticed?"

"Of course she has!" sniggered Yasmin. "She must have gazed into them a few times when she was snogging his face off."

"I think he's got pretty nice everything to be honest," said Mandy. "If you don't want him, I'll have him, Kee. He's got a really nice bum."

"You've mentioned," said Louise, laughing.

"I mean, obviously he's no Harry Potter," Mandy went on, and Yasmin rolled her eyes to the heavens. "But he's really good-looking. Gives Michael Corner a run for his money, in my humble opinion."

I was getting really pissed off with them now, especially as I have actually noticed Terry has really nice eyes and nice hair and a nice smile. And yes, I have noticed that he's funny and clever and all that. But he's also Terry Boot. I don't fancy him. Ok, we've shared a few kisses and I can't say I disliked them, but that doesn't mean I fancy him. I can just appreciate that he would be a good boyfriend. If I fancied him. Which I definitely don't. End of story. Finito. Nada. Period.

My thought process was mercifully interrupted by Mandy saying, "Hey, you haven't seen where my Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook has got to, have you?"

Oops.

14:29

Literally ran into Justin just outside the library. Luckily I didn't do my usual trick of dropping everything onto the floor. That is becoming something of a habit lately.

"You're keen," he said, smiling that delicious smile at me.

"Thanks. For the help," I added, quite sanely for me.

"Pleasure," he said, standing up and handing me my falling possessions. "So you going in, passing by or coming out?"

"Oh, passing by," I lied. I don't want him to think I'm just some boffin type who just sits in the library doing homework. He probably thinks I'm like that because I'm in Ravenclaw. Most people seem to. If they knew that I was only put in Ravenclaw by default they'd change their minds.

"Great," he said. "Me too. Fancy a walk?"

I managed to say, "Yes please," in between being very red and inwardly singing, "OH YES OH YES OH YES OH YES!" and resisting the overpowering urge to do war dancing.

Maybe war dancing wasn't very appropriate, but it was a victory dance.

Anyway, I digress.

So, anyway, I followed him down into the entrance hall for a walk around the lake. He's so nice to me. And it helps that he's rather delicious.

I was getting a little bit worried because he wasn't talking, but then he said, "You're really good at Care of Magical Creatures, aren't you, Keira?"

"Uh...I'm quite good, yes," I said, feeling proud that he took enough notice of me to remember this.

"You're too modest," he said, smiling at me and I could feel myself melting. "I know you're really good. Elodie always used to mention how you helped her out with her homework before...you know. I found out that she wasn't being faithful."

For once Elodie had done something right. She's right, too. She's crap at Care of Magical Creatures. If it weren't for me she'd have failed. I don't know why she took it at NEWT.

"Thanks," I said, blushing. Although it wouldn't have shown very much as most of the time I am very red around Justin. I suppose it comes with the territory of being a minor Sex God.

"I'm pretty useless, actually," he said. "I don't think practical work is my area of expertise. I'd probably be failing Herbology right now if it weren't for Seamus and Hermione. Oh, and Daphne."

Hmm. He'd made a special emphasis on "forgetting" Daphne. Daphne is not unattractive. I would say pretty. Must make a mental note to watch out for her from now on if Justin likes her.

I hope he doesn't.

"I heard you broke up with Adam Chambers," he said.

"Oh. Eh...yes," I said.

"I know how you feel," he said, sympathetically patting my arm. Arm glows with possibly radiant and divine light. "Breaking up with someone is tough. I can empathise with that."

"Mmmm," I said. "But I'm not all that cut up about it. It wasn't such a hard blow as it was with you and Sm...Elodie."

"I'm feeling very fragile at the moment," continued Justin. "I feel I can talk to you, Keira. You're a really good listener. I can tell you things I can't tell other people. I hope you know that."

"I do now," I stammered. Not great, but a literary masterpiece under the circumstances.

"It's just not as easy to get over someone as I anticipated," said Justin, sadly. He looked so sweet and sad. I just wanted to snog his face off. "I mean, I know now that Elodie is a really nasty person but there are still feelings there, you know what I mean?"

"Uh...yes," I lied. To be honest I have never experienced that kind of thing, but hey.

"I hope you don't mind me having a go at your friend," said Justin, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't. It's mean of me. But what she did to me has really hurt me."

He sat down on a kind of fallen log thing. I just stood there awkwardly, not wanting to sit next to him in case it seemed too forward. He looked really unhappy. This wasn't really particularly confidence-inducing but still. He'd asked me to come for a walk with him. That had to count for something, right?

"You should let go of it," I said, trying to sound as kind as possible. "It will be hard, but try to move on. It will take time but you will manage it in the end. Trust me."

Trust me.

I have no experience.

"You're right. Of course you're right," he said, sitting back and running a hand through his hair distractedly. Ran a long-fingered, artistic hand through his springy sun-coloured curls. "It's only sensible. But Elodie and I were together for so long and I liked her so much. Ernie told me the best way to get over a girl is to go out with another one."

"I'M RIGHT HERE!"

No, I didn't say that. But I implied it with a look. He didn't notice, though. To my horror he said, "Susan asked me out yesterday but I had to turn her down. I just don't think I'm ready for another relationship until I'm completely over Elodie. And I don't think it would be fair on the girl, either, just to use her to try and get over my ex."

"Yes, you're right," my mouth said without my brain's permission. "That's really thoughtful of you. There aren't many boys in this school that would be that considerate of a girl's feelings."

Dammit. I know for a fact there are plenty of boys who think like that. Loads that don't, but there are still a large amount that do. It seemed to work, though, because he grinned at me. If he kept this smiling up I was going to be a puddle on the floor by the end of the evening. Yasmin would have to carry me to lessons in a flask.

Shut up, brain, no one asked you.

"Thanks," he said. "I try to value other people's feelings. Ernie tells me I need to value mine more. Do you think I should, Keira?"

"I...I don't think I know you well enough to comment," I said, startled at this on-the-spot question.

"We'll have to fix that," said Justin. There was a definite flirtatious quality in his voice. "Are you going into Hogsmeade with anyone next weekend?"

"No," I said, breathlessly.

"Really?" he said, surprised. "I thought you'd be going with Terry."

"I am not going out with Terry Boot!" I said, indignantly. He looked a bit taken aback, so I softened my tone a bit. "Sorry," I added. "But everyone makes that assumption. Terry's a friend of mine but there is not romantic attraction between us. I'm sorry I snapped. And no, I'm not going into Hogsmeade with him."

I wasn't entirely lying. There isn't any romantic attraction on my behalf, and that's the bit that counts.

"Oh, I'm glad that's cleared up," said Justin, looking relieved. "It's just I've heard various rumours and you seem to hang around together a lot, so I figured you might be dating. Sorry. So, anyway, about Hogsmeade. There are a load of us going down together. Do you fancy coming along?"

"Oh, I'm sure I would!" I said, trying to tone down the eagerness. "Of course, who else is going?"

"Oh, Seamus, Ernie, Hannah," said Justin, counting on his fingers. "Lisa, Kevin, Stephen and Sally-Anne."

"Quite a few, then," I said, feeling simultaneously honoured that I had been chosen and dubious at spending large amounts of time with Stephen Cornfoot and Kevin Entwhistle. "Well I'd be happy to go. Thank you for inviting me."

Yessssss!

I am going on a big group outing with Justin Finch-Fletchley for the Hogsmeade weekend!

Must persuade Yasmin, Louise or Mandy to come with me, though. I like Lisa and everything but we don't have all that much in common.

Monday 4^th June
12:25
Lunch
Great Hall
6 days until Hogsmeade

Yasmin and Mandy are all pissed off with me for arranging to go to Hogsmeade with other people. (Louise of course is going with Dean so doesn't care. I doubt she even knows; she doesn't listen much these days.) Mandy is especially pissed off because Stephen will be there. I am sensing sexual tension galore between them but she just tells me that I'm "consorting with her enemies" and am therefore "betraying her" by going.

Yasmin is just annoyed that she has to go with one person. It looks a bit sad wondering around Hogsmeade in a two. Like you have no friends and no life to speak of.

"For God's sake, Kee, don't leave me alone with Mandy!" she said, cornering me after Transfiguration. "I like her and all but she's being unbearable at the moment. All I will hear is 'Harry Potter this' and 'Stephen Cornfoot that' and possibly 'I can't believe Keira is hanging around with my ex boyfriend who I obviously still like'."

"I'm sorry, Yaz," I said, smugly, "but I was invited and it would have been rude to say no. You could come too if you want," I added, hopefully.

"And make polite conversation to intellectually challenged acquaintances all day?" she said, wrinkling her nose. "No thanks."

"Lisa's going," I said, frowning. "You like Lisa. And Stephen and Kevin aren't intellectually challenged. They're in Ravenclaw. And Ernie Macmillan isn't either. He got into NEWT Potions, so he must be ok."

"Lisa's ok I suppose," said Yasmin, begrudgingly. "But Stephen and Kevin are strange. And Ernie's a real snob. As for Hannah Abbot, Seamus Finnigan, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Sally-Anne Perks, well...I hardly know them, do I?"

"This is your chance to get to know them!" I said, earnestly.

But she refused.

Typical.

Tuesday 5^th June
17:30
Common room

Was - in theory - doing my Charms homework and not bothering anyone when Michael Corner and Anthony Goldstein showed up. Terry-less, I noticed, although I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed. Relieved, probably.

"Hi," I said, shutting my book, and not hesitantly. "Can I help you?"

"I doubt it," said Anthony, and he didn't look too happy. Oh God. He had a massive bruise on his forehead. His fringe didn't quite cover it. That looked attractive. Not.

"Shut up, Ant," said Michael. "Using that tone is not helpful in the slightest. So. Miss Matthews. You've been mucking Terry around again. I thought we had a talk about that kind of thing."

I scowled. I was less pleased to see them than I was originally.

"No I have not," I said. "It's not my fault that he fancies me. He approaches me, not the other way around. It's not my fault," I added again, just to put emphasis on this point.

Anthony was looking sceptical and Michael more so.

"Come on," he said. "Don't tell me it's all one-sided. You've never turned down any of his advances. And it's pretty obvious that you fancy him too, so why don't you swallow your pride and ask him out rather than arsing around and playing games with him all the time?"

"It's ticking him off," added Anthony. "And when Terry is ticked off he makes sure that everyone around him is ticked off too. He's an 'I'm-suffering-so-you-must-all-suffer-too' kind of guy."

"I do not fancy Terry!" I hissed, angrily. "How many times do I have to go through this with people? I like someone else! Terry is just a friend! And he isn't even a good friend! He's really annoying at times!"

"That's just his way of showing he likes you," said Anthony. "The more he takes the piss the more he wants a kiss."

"Eugh," said Michael. "That's awful, Anthony."

"Just because you have no sense of poetry," said Anthony. "Anyway, it got the point across."

They do make me laugh, even if they're accusing me of fancying Terry. Which I don't.

"Look, I'm sorry that Terry's a moody git," I said. "But it's not my fault. He should get over it and stop turning up wherever I go. Maybe the less he sees me the less he'll like me."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," Michael said.

"Not always."

"No, but the way my luck's going Terry will not be one of the exceptions," said Anthony bitterly.

"How are you unlucky?"

"The girl I fancy is going out with someone else and refuses to acknowledge my existence. My Beater's bat has broken and I might not be able to get a replacement by the match so I'll be replaced by Andrew Appleby, the most arrogant kid in the fifth year. I've got a massive disfiguring bruise on my forehead where the same Bludger that broke my bat hit me and I have a lovesick grouch and a pubescent cretin as friends."

"Hey!" said Michael.

"Cruel but accurate," I said. "I see your point, but maybe you should be confronting Terry and not me. I don't go after him. You should tell him to stop hanging around with me. And don't bring your Bludger-related issues into this."

"If we confront Terry he just finds some excuse to run off," said Michael. "He's even started hanging around with Stephen and Kevin to get away from us. Obviously he can't establish a proper friendship with Kevin because it'll just die when Kevin finds out Terry likes you too. Seems you're quite the Miss Popular these days," he added. "Boys falling at your feet left right and centre."

"Two," I said, pointedly.

"Well I've heard there are developments on the Justin Finch-Fletchley front," Anthony said. "I've been talking to Hannah and apparently you're going into Hogsmeade with him next weekend. Am I right?"

"Well, yes," I said, blushing, "but it's not just me. It's a load of other people too."

"The point still stands," said Michael.

I was about to ask which point that would be when he just turned and walked off, followed by Anthony.

They are so bloody annoying!

Wednesday 6^th June
19:30
Dormitory

Hell's Bells and Satan's Thong.

I somehow ended up walking out of Transfiguration with Terry. I don't know how I managed it but I did. I'm sure it's his fault. He practically stalks me. And I earned myself a really dirty look from Michael. He obviously thinks I'm stringing Terry along. But as I have said before, it's not my fault that Terry follows me.

"Hi," he said. He was being normal. He doesn't realise that I know he fancies me.

"Uh...hi," I said, looking around for an escape route. Where the Hell was Yasmin when you need her?

"I hear you're going to Hogsmeade with Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said.

"How did you find that out?" I asked indignantly. It seems that everyone in Ravenclaw knows about my social life these days. "I suppose Michael and Anthony told you."

"No, I was talking to Lisa earlier and she invited me along," said Terry. "And obviously I asked her who else was going and she mentioned you and Justin. Go figure."

"Oh," I said. "You're coming, then?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Why? You don't mind, do you?"

Yes, I do mind. I won't be able to concentrate with Terry making snide remarks and making me laugh all day. Fantastic. And also, why did Lisa invite him? I didn't know he and Lisa got on well.

Why do I even care?

I don't care.

"No, I don't mind," I lied. "I was just clearing that up. Why? Should I mind?"

My attempt at trying to turn the situation over to my advantage was somewhat ruined when Terry said, "Probably, seeing as you go on about how much I annoy you."

I felt kind of guilty then.

"You don't annoy me as such," I said, avoiding looking at him because I could imagine the look on his face. "It's just that you can be...uh...a bit...well, yeah. You can be a bit annoying. Sorry."

Terry laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. It was a sad kind of laugh.

"Ok," he said. "Well, I'll go then. I wouldn't want to annoy you."

And he walked off.

How can he do that? How does he manage to make me hate him, like him, hate him again, be absurdly attracted to him and then feel really bad about being mean to him within about three days?

How?

Reasons for Jumping in Lake and being Eaten by Giant Squid

1) Would make the squid happy and as I seem unable to make anyone else happy that would be a Good Thing.
2) Wouldn't have to put up with annoying, self-righteous friends.
3) Wouldn't have to put up with annoying, self-righteous, sarcastic, guilt-making, irritatingly good-looking, invited-to-come-to-Hogsmeade-with-us-by-Lisa-stupid-Turpin Terry Boot.
4) No homework.
5) No school-work.
6) I wouldn't have to put up with my parents sending me letters about how fantastically Leila is doing and how they wish I could be ask good as she is when they know there is no way I could ever be up to her standards. (I got another one this morning.)
7) May end up a martyr, which would be cool.
8) Justin might realise suddenly how much he loved me.
9) Would no longer have an inferiority complex.
10) Wouldn't have to put up with Elodie.