A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Thursday 31^st May
18:20
Common room

Stephen Cornfoot and Kevin Entwhistle are weird.

There is no other way of saying it, they're weird.

I mean, Kevin has an excuse because for some reason he has a crush on me. He always has. I have absolutely no idea why he likes me when there are people like Louise and Padma around, but hey, boys have strange minds. Anyway, he has an excuse vis-à-vis acting oddly. But Stephen has no excuse at all. He has a girlfriend, that red-haired Hufflepuff girl. Megan Jones.

Hang on a second, didn't Susan Bones mention something about Jones going out with that tall kid with the big teeth? What's his name...Samuel Roper? I swear she did.

Wow. Either Stephen neglected to mention their split or Elodie's not the only one around here with loyalty issues. People in this place sure do get around. Funny, because Hufflepuffs are meant to be loyal.

Apparently the Sorting Hat buggered Jones's sorting up a bit. It certainly buggered up mine. I have no idea why I've been put Ravenclaw when I'm a complete dork. I suppose when McGonagall put it on my head it took one look inside my brain and went, "No ambition, complete coward, lazy as arse...shove her in Ravenclaw."

Well, that's a bit unfair. I do have some ambition. But I'd rather be in Ravenclaw than Slytherin. Some of the Slytherins in our year are so prejudiced against Muggle-Borns I'd probably be slaughtered in a week. I bet that any Muggle-Borns in Slytherin keep it quiet. With people like Nott, Parkinson, Malfoy and Zabini around you'd end up dead by the end of the first year.

Not that they're all bad. Tracey Davis is nice enough, and Daphne Greengrass is actually very pleasant.

Anyway, before I went off on my little tangent, what was I saying? Oh yes, Stephen and Kevin. I don't even know why they came over. I was just chatting to Mandy and they both appeared, Stephen clutching a number of books.

"Here, Mandy, you can borrow these now," he said, handing them over. Mandy looked slightly alarmed.

"Uh...I didn't ask you about borrowing books," she said, with the kind of look that says, "Get away now". "We haven't spoken to each other properly since fifth year."

Abrupt but true. Mandy and Stephen had a huge long rocky relationship in the fifth year which ended when they both came out and said they fancied other people, in his case Meg Jones and in her case Harry Potter. However Mandy seems to have taken Stephen actually going out with the girl he liked as a personal insult and, as she said, hasn't spoken to him since the fifth. I suppose it doesn't really help that while his love life is thriving (err...sounds a bit bad put like that) Harry Potter has taken absolutely no interest in her whatsoever, let alone romantically.

"Oh...I swear you asked me," said Stephen. "Because on my list of stuff to do it says, 'Lend these books to Brocklehurst'."

"It might have been one of my sisters," Mandy suggested. "Have you tried Ronie?"

"Ronie?"

"Sherona, sorry. You know the one. Fourth year, big hair, debatable sexuality?"

It was Stephen's turn to look alarmed.

"No, I don't think I know her," he said.

"Well, it was either her or Heather," she said, giving him the wary eye again. "And I doubt it was Heather; she's only in the second year. You must be getting mixed up. You probably wrote Brocklehurst accidentally. You probably meant Boot or Bones or something."

Then began the bickering. Mandy and Stephen were infamous for their bickering. They acted like they hated each other rather than fancied each other. While this was going on I was just staring at the floor. I knew for a fact that Kevin was watching me. Why he can't go and find someone else to be infatuated with I will never ever know.

Finally Mandy took pity on me and said, "Kevin, why do you think Stephen and I broke up? Do you think it was because I had become obsessed with another boy, or do you think it was because Stephen didn't try hard enough to keep me interested and get along? Is it because Stephen is a complete and utter git who argues just for the sake of it?"

"Ummm..."

He just stood there, all awkward, not looking at us. He went all red, as well. You don't argue with Mandy when she's in a bad mood. You especially don't take Stephen Cornfoot's side in an argument with Mandy. You're unlikely to come out of it with all your limbs.

"Well, thank you for ruining my day by coming over here and arguing with me pointlessly," said Mandy, waspishly turning back to Stephen when she realised Kevin wasn't going to say anything, let alone back her up. "Made my week, that did. Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you would piss off and leave me the Hell alone."

Stephen scowled at her. He can't do scary scowls.

"Steve," said Kevin. It was the first time he'd spoken. "Drop it."

He looked extremely reluctant to do so, but he settled with giving Mandy what I suppose he thought was a dignified glare and stalked off.

"He. Is. Such. A. Prick," Mandy snarled, sitting down really low in her chair and scowling at the world in general. "Why he had to just suddenly come up and pick a fight I don't know. I bet he knows Ronie really, nearly everyone knows who she is. I mean, for God's sake people have heard of my parents so they must have heard of Ronie!"

The Brocklehursts are extremely rare in that they are Muggles that managed to produce three witches. My parents are pretty rare for producing two, but it has happened before. Quite a few brothers and sisters here are Muggle-Born, those brothers in Gryffindor for instance. Colin and Dennis Cleaver or something. However Mandy is the only girl in the entire school that has two magical siblings and Muggle parents, to my knowledge. I know it's happened before but it's really rare. So the Brocklehursts are minor celebrities. Well, "celebrities" is exaggerating a bit. They're quite well-known among the student body, in the same way that Hermione Granger is well-known for her unbelievable intelligence.

Mandy has a point though. I have to admit, both of them are strange. I can't see why Stephen suddenly came up to Mandy and started talking to her, unless it's some kind of plot to piss her off. If it is it's worked. I've never seen her so irritated over something that small. I mean, it's only Stephen Cornfoot. It's no one important to her.

And Kevin Entwhistle has to be strange. He fancies me.

Maybe it's us that are strange. Maybe Stephen's not strange at all, but Mandy is for being so moody over nothing particularly big. And maybe I'm strange for not liking Kevin. I mean, he's nice and everything. Not too bad in the looks department. Maybe I should take him up on his offer (when he finally gets around to making it).

18:30

Just remembered I have a boyfriend, so taking Kevin up on his yet-to-be-made offer is not a good idea, vis-à-vis not having Adam dump me and therefore being spectacularly humiliated and new status as "girlfriend of potentially best looking Ravenclaw boy now that Roger Davies has left" being shattered into a thousand pieces.

Incidentally, must find some way of gently dumping Adam now that Justin is free and single. Must do it in a kind, affectionate manner as don't want to break his heart.

Also, must come up with a really good reason. Somehow I don't think that saying, "I fancied someone else but he had a girlfriend, but now I've managed to split them up so he's free. Bye-bye," is such a fantastic idea. In fact, it could set the whole seventh year against me and probably the whole Quidditch team minus Mandy.

Need to think.

Friday 1^st June
12:58
Courtyard

Something rather odd just happened.

I was eating with Mandy when Yasmin came up to us looking a bit pissed off.

"I've got that book," she said. "You know, the one about tropical plants that you said you didn't want to borrow. Well, I thought it would do you good," she added at the look on my face. "It's not boring at all, it's actually a fascinating read, and it'll be excellent for your Herbology NEWT. You can keep it for as long as you want, I don't need it. I know it practically off by heart anyway, so even if I hadn't dropped Herbology I wouldn't be needing it too much. Anyway, I have to go and do something. I'll see you in Arithmancy."

"Can I borrow it when Kee's finished?" Mandy asked.

"Piss off, Judas," Yasmin snapped, and stalked off in a very abrupt manner.

"Why did she call you Judas?" I asked.

"I dunno," said Mandy, looking a bit guilty. A lot guilty. "You know what Yasmin's like with names. She's probably got me mixed up with that kid Judas in the fifth year."

15:30
Ancient Runes

The mystery of the "Piss Off Judas" incident has been solved. I sent Yasmin a note in Arithmancy.

Yaz, are you ok? You seemed just a touch angry with Mandy earlier. And why did you call her Judas? I know names aren't your strong point but I didn't know it was that bad.

Oh, you're so funny.
Not.
Anyway, it's none of your business if Mandy and I have fallen out.

Why won't you tell me?

Because I don't want to.

Please, Yaz, I told you about the Terry Boot incident.

Which one? There were several. You tell me about them in great long detail whenever you get the opportunity. It's rather amusing, if not a little tedious after a while.

Shut it. I meant the incident when he kissed me. Anyway, I told you that so you tell me this.

You told Louise about that, and she told me. That's different.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase Yaz! I love you.

No, you love Terry.

Oh great, back to the Terry jokes.

Dude, always.

Please tell me, Yaz. You know I'll always take your side. You're my best friend.

Please don't play the best friend card, it makes you sound pathetic.

Ok, do you accept bribes?

Always.

I'll give you five galleons and I'll buy you some of that fudge you like from Honeydukes.

...Really?

Really. And stop with the ellipses. They irritate me.

I'll only tell if I can use as many ellipses as I see fit...

Ok, fine, use the ellipses. See how much I love you?

...I'm pissed off with Mandy because...

Now you're just taking the piss.

...she told Eddie that I'd been cheating on him.

WHAT? You cheated on him?

No! She only said it because she is STUPID and thought that it would be better if he just thought I was cheating on him as it pays him back and I don't have to resort to anything. But the thing is he's now ditched me so I look really pathetic.

Whoa...Yaz, I think you're the first person ever to be ditched by Eddie Carmichael!

Shut up or I'll make it ten galleons.

I know now.

Damn you.

17:00

Yasmin isn't speaking to Mandy. Mandy knows why but is pretending not to. Louise is spending most of her time quietly speculating with me why they weren't talking. I didn't tell her that Yasmin had told me as I don't want to betray her trust.

Also Louise would demand the details.

And I can't be arsed to explain.

Also, I don't know them all.

17:15

Adam came over to me.

"Hi," he said, and just bent straight down and kissed me.

When he'd finally finished I managed to say something. I said, "Hello. How was your day?" Pretty basic, but a conversational masterpiece under the circumstances.

"Dull as ever," he said, waving his hand like he was brushing away a cloud of gnats or something. "Not important. Listen, do you have something you want to tell me? Because you've been acting a little bit strangely these past few days, if you don't mind me saying."

"Oh," I said, hoping that he hadn't heard about the whole kissing Terry in the courtyard thing. "Umm...no, I'm ok. Oh!" I said with a sudden burst of genius. "It's my birthday on the twelfth."

"Is it?" he said, looking puzzled. "I didn't know. You didn't tell me."

"Sorry," I said, apologetically. "I never got around to it."

"Oh. Never mind, it's not too much of a problem," he said. "Well, anyway, I hear your friend Jasmine cheated on Eddie."

"Yasmin," I said automatically.

"Well, she's not made herself too popular," he said. "Actually, most of our friends really don't like her now, and as you're friends with her, they're not over-keen on you now."

"Why?" I demanded. "I didn't cheat on anyone." Neither did Yasmin, actually, but hey.

"So, well..."

He looked all awkward.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"Well, I don't think we should see each other any more," he said, nervously. "I mean, I like you and everything, but I think that until this whole thing with Jasmine..."

"Yasmin."

"...dies down, I think we'd both be better off seeing other people. I mean, there's this girl in Slytherin who I quite like...not that I've made a move, or anything," he added quickly, seeing my face. "I'd never do that. But she's quite cool. And you've got that Terry Boot guy that you're always hanging around with, so we're both ok."

"I don't like Terry Boot in that way!" I said, crossly. I had a right to be a bit miffed. I was being dumped for no good reason and being told to have Terry Boot as a consolation prize.

I could do worse, though. I glanced at him quickly and I have to admit there is something almost sexy about him.

"That's odd, you're always spending time together," said Adam, frowning slightly. "I figured you liked him so you wouldn't mind if we broke up."

"I don't like him," I snapped. "He irritates me. And I don't mind that much," I added. To be honest, I was telling the truth. This actually frees me up and I don't have to find an excuse to ditch him.

It suddenly struck me that this was a really stupid excuse to ditch me.

"It seems to me," I said, and I swear he looked kind of exasperated for a second, "that if you like me as much as you say you do that you wouldn't let what your friends think be an issue. After all," I continued, "I'm sure I don't give you a lot of credibility anyway."

"It's not that," he said, impatiently. Impatiently. He was being impatient with me. His girlfriend. Soon to be ex girlfriend, but still. "Look, if you must know, I just think that the sun has set on our...day in the sun."

"You just said that you were breaking up with me because of Yasmin," I said.

"Will you stop being so bloody difficult?" he snapped. He's a lot less sexy when he's angry. Actually, he sounded like an irritating, spoiled child. "All you have to do is accept that it's over and leave me alone! But no. You can't. You have to pick holes in everything I say. Do you really want me to leave you sitting here with your ego in tatters? Because that's what I'll do. The reason I am breaking up with you is because I only went out with you for a bet, ok?"

There was this kind of stunned silence. I could tell everyone was looking at me. I went bright red. Don't cry, don't cry, DO NOT CRY.

"What?" I said, with as much composure as I could.

"I only went out with you for a bet," Adam said, angrily. "There. It's out. You know it. Did you really think that I liked you when I hadn't even spoken to you before?"

"You're scum," said Louise, who was sitting near me. "You really are scum. You're the lowest..."

"Oh shut up," Adam said, and Louise looked taken aback. "If your friend had just sat there and been dumped like a normal person no one would have got hurt. But she had to play the smart-arse, didn't she?" he added, giving me a really nasty look.

I just sat there and watched him stomp back to his mates. I seriously thought I was going to cry. Slowly the noise level rose and Yasmin, Mandy, Louise and Morag all descended on me.

"Oh my god, Kee, what a git!"

"I can't believe he'd humiliate you like that!"

"Prat, I bet his IQ is lower than his age."

"You're better off without him."

"I never thought he was that good-looking anyway."

"Same. I never liked him."

I muttered something about wanting to be on my own and just got up and left. They all shouted after me but to be honest, I didn't want to talk to any of them.

How could he? How could he do that to me? I had him marked down as a nice person. Apparently not. Turns out he's a git just like everyone else. No, he's worse than everyone else.

It's break-up city. First Su and Alison, then Justin and Elodie, then Yasmin and Eddie, now me and Adam. And possibly Stephen and Megan.

"Keira?"

"What?" I snapped, and spun round to be face-to-face with none other than Terry Boot. Probably the last person I wanted to see. I would actually rather have had Elodie follow me. Well, actually that's pushing it a bit, but you know what I mean. I don't have the energy or the patience to have a conversation with Terry Boot right now.

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked, and he seemed genuinely concerned.

"I don't know," I said, softening slightly. It's hard to be mean to Terry when he's being nice to you. Good Lord, I was going to cry. Don't cry, don't cry. "Everyone's going to be talking about me now."

"No they aren't," said Terry, and he put his arm around me. "And if they do, people are going to be saying, 'Finally, Keira Matthews got rid of that bastard she was hanging around with. She was too good for him anyway.'"

I don't know why I did it, but I flung my arms around him. He looked a bit surprised, but to be fair to the guy he hugged me back. Shit, I had started crying.

I suddenly realised how bad it would look if someone came out of the common room and saw me crying into Terry Boot's shoulder. Pretty bad. But for once, I didn't care. It was nice.

I know, I shouldn't admit that. But it was nice. It was really...friendly. And just because he's a boy it doesn't mean I can't hug him, does it? And I know that I do find him kind of attractive, and he kisses nicely and all that, but it doesn't mean we can't be friends. We can be those friends that occasionally flirt with each other. And kiss. Kissing is a friendly kind of thing.

Shut up, brain.

"You're a great person," said Terry. "Chambers doesn't deserve you. You can do so much better than him. You know that, don't you?"

"I thought he liked me," I said, glumly. I was very aware of his neck, for some reason. The fact that it was about a centimetre away from my face was...off-putting. "I guess I should have known. No one in their right mind would like me."

There was a long, awkward silence, and Terry said, "I like you."

"I meant in a romantic way," I said.

And I know this sounds really, really stupid and unlikely and that, but I would swear on a life - not necessarily my own, but maybe Leila's - that he muttered something that sounded very much like, "So did I."

"What was that?" I said, taking my head off his shoulder so we were face to face again. I realised that my arms were still around him, and I took them off quickly. He did the same, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I didn't say anything," he said. "But what's not to like about you? I mean, you're clever, you're sweet and you're pretty. I'm sure there are loads of guys out there who like you."

"Pretty? Me?" I said, secretly touched. "Yeah right."

"Please don't do that whole, 'I'm not pretty' thing," he said. "You have no idea how much it pisses me off when people do that. And I think you're pretty. And I know quite a few other people that do. The majority has spoken."

He looked at his watch.

"Anyway, I should get back," he said. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Not really," I said. "I think I need some alone time right now."

"Ok," he said. "I'll see you later, maybe."

He turned and walked off. He was just about to say the password when I called after him, "Thanks, Terry."

He turned and smiled at me.

"Pleasure."

Saturday 2^nd June
12:10
Lunch
The Great Hall

Am I overeating about that whole, "I like you" thing? Because I swear Terry looks at me a lot more than he needs to. And why would he say he likes me if he doesn't? And I am absolutely sure that he said, "So do I." I wasn't hearing things. I've never heard things before so why should I start now?

"You alright, Kee, you seem a bit preoccupied," said Louise.

"Yeah," I said. "Look, Lou, can I ask you something? In confidence?"

"Naturally," said Lou.

"Well...do you think Terry Boot...?"

"Fancies you? Yes," she said, instantly.

"What...?"

"To be honest, I'm surprised it took you this long to work it out," continued Louise matter-of-factly. "I've known for ages. It's pretty obvious. Actually, I think the whole house knows. And probably people in other houses have spotted it."

"Oh. Really?" I asked. "You're not kidding?"

"Would I kid about something that serious?" said Louise.

She's right. Lou's a dreadful gossip but she wouldn't joke about that kind of thing.

"So what am I meant to do about it?" I asked her.

"That is up to you," said Louise. "You know how you feel better than I do. You just have to go with it. If you want to confront him, you do that. If you want to go about like nothing's wrong, you do that. God knows you've been doing that long enough already; a little longer won't kill him. But one thing I would advise you to do is to stop kissing the poor guy," she added. "You're probably giving him the complete wrong impression. And Terry's a nice guy. He doesn't deserve to be strung along. So that's my opinion on the subject. Could you pass me the broccoli, please?"

And she wouldn't pursue the subject any longer.

So Terry Boot fancies me.

Clucking bell.