A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Sunday 27^th May
11:15
Common room
Feeling extremely smug

It is official.

Elodie Rivers is soon to be de-boyfriended.

I'd like to see her sweet-talk her way out of this one. There is absolutely no way she is EVER going to get away with this.

Yes, I think it's safe to say that Elodie Rivers is on her way to Dumpsville.

Not that this will maim her or anything like it would for me. She's just move onto the next guy. But I'll settle for Elodie being alright as long as Justin is free. I can concentrate on ruining Elodie's life later.

Talking of ruining people's lives, we think we've got Carmichael wound up quite nicely. We just sent Yasmin to go and...well, hint and she came back looking extremely pleased. Carmichael is still staring at her. She told us what she said, and quite frankly, I didn't realise that someone as academic and studious as Yasmin would say the kind of things she just did.

It redefines sordid.

Anyway, the whole thing is becoming very dull. I doubt anyone will go through with it anyway. Yasmin cares too much about Carmichael to actually do anything to him, and Louise and Mandy haven't really got the guts to do this kind of thing. And I just don't care enough.

Anyway, Carmichael's friends with Adam. If I help to show up Carmichael, I'm heading for Dumpsville myself. And unlike Elodie, I'm unable to charm my way into another relationship the next second.

Ugh.

Monday 28^th May
14:20
Herbology (God dammit)

I know I have said this many times, but Theodore Nott is my least favourite person in the entire world.

I would honestly rather spend time with Pansy Parkinson.

At least he's given up trying to work on this project. He just sits there giving orders, which we duly ignore. I'm just sitting on the desk writing in my diary and watching Justin and Seamus Finnigan (who isn't half bad-looking himself. Shame he's gay) who are working together.

You know, I never noticed this before but now I'm presented with the back of Justin's head, all the curls at the base of his neck go clockwise except one. It's a rebel. It'll probably end up being cut off.

Although knowing me, I'm the only one who will have noticed it.

"Could you stop staring at him?" said Terry, irritably, breaking my concentration.

"Sorry," I said. "And what's your problem?"

"You're just sitting there staring at him," said Terry, who had gone a bit red. "You're not actually doing any work, which is why we're here in the first place. Although some people don't seem to have realised that," he said, turning round and looking pointedly at Nott, who appeared to have got into a fight with a bit of Venomous Tentacula. I would have helped him but it was funny.

"Leave him like that," I advised. "I think Nott's best when he doesn't help."

"I agree," said Hannah instantly. "He's ok just there. We can get on with it while he does whatever it is that he does."

"I think breathing is his limit," I said, watching Nott be untangled from the plant by Professor Sprout.

"Shame," said Terry, who was bent over our project again and writing something. I couldn't see his face properly but I could tell that he'd gone a lot redder than normal. No idea why.

He didn't appear to be in a speaking mood and Hannah was busily chatting to Meg Jones who was working next to us, so I went back to watching Justin. I was sitting there happily when he looked up and caught my eye.

I was ready to run and hide whilst turning an attractive bright pink colour, but he smiled at me and waved me over.

Feeling extremely chuffed, I said, "Back in a second," to Terry and Hannah and went over to where he was working with Seamus, Hermione Granger and Daphne Greengrass.

"Hullo," he said. "I've been meaning to talk to you, Keira."

"Oh, have you?" I said, in what I hoped was friendly nonchalance. "What about?"

"I...well, I broke it off with Ellie at break," he said, looking around and lowering his voice. I looked up and noticed Elodie looking rather subdued over where she was working. "I just want you to know that I didn't tell her that you're the one who told me. I don't want you to suffer." He looked over at her, and she gave him such a filthy look, and me and even filthier one. "But Keira, take my advice. She's not as nice as she seems. I know she seems really lovely," he added, and I tried to look surprised. "But trust me. Elodie is not a very nice person."

"Ok," I said, trying to conceal the fact that I always knew Elodie was bad news. "Thanks, Justin."

"I'm so glad you told me," said Justin, smiling his delicious smile at me. I thought I was going to pass out, seriously. "You got me out of it just in time. You're such a lovely person, Keira."

"Th-thank you," I said, and I knew I was grinning some big stupid smile that probably made me look like a total prat. "I...I'm glad you think so...I should get back to my project now."

Basically I got out before I made too much of a fool of myself. That would have been catastrophic. When I got back to our project, Hannah was looking quizzical and Terry was looking really hacked off at something.

"You alright?" I said, leaning down to where he was and beaming at him. I was in such a fantastic mood.

The look he gave me made my smile droop instantly.

"That good, eh?" I said.

"If you're not going to work then feck off," he said, crossly.

This was irritating me now. Yes, I know I wasn't working and yes, I know Terry is in a bad mood. But Hell, he doesn't need to take that kind of approach. He shouldn't be taking it out on me.

"Terry, just because you're in a bad mood, it doesn't mean you can take it out on me," I said, trying to sound as hurt as possible. "I don't even know why you're in a bad mood in the first place."

"Don't you?" he said, turning around to face me. I shouldn't notice this, but he's cute when he's angry. "You don't know why I'm in a bad mood? Well maybe you should open your eyes, Matthews! Evidently you're the only person who doesn't know!"

"No, I don't!" I replied, hotly, well aware that half the greenhouse was listening in. "I have absolutely no idea why you're so pissy. Maybe you should enlighten me, seeing as I'm far too stupid to know the innermost workings of your mind!"

"I'm not telling you," snapped Terry. "You should work these things out on your own. You're going to have to get used to not having someone to tell you everything."

"Well if you can't be bothered to tell me, then you can stop being such an arsehole," I retorted. Hannah was looking slightly alarmed at this point. "If you want to brood over some mysterious yet blatantly obvious phenomenon that everyone knows about except me, then fine. You do that. Just leave me out of it, ok?"

Piss.

15:15
Potions
Passing notes

Yasmin.

Keira. What's up with you? Why do you look like Mandy when she found out Parvati Patil was going to the Yule Ball with Harry Potter?

I'm bloody angry, that's why.

Why are you angry? I see no reason for you to be angry.

You wouldn't know, would you? You've dropped Herbology. You don't know what a complete and utter arsehole Terry Boot was being earlier. God that boy is a pain.

You seriously can't talk about anyone else, can you?

I can so! I think I have a right to be a bit pissed off. I was being perfectly civil and he told me to either work or feck off!!! And then he kept being all snappy at me just because I was talking to Justin Finch-Fletchley. And then he told me that if I didn't know why he was grumpy then I was being blind and that he wasn't going to tell me! So I think I have a right to be a bit cross with him. Do you?

God Kee, you two are so...

Yasmin, please don't finish sentences in ellipses. It pisses me off. And I would prefer it if you didn't refer to Terry and I as "you two". We are two separate people, not joined in any way.

Ooh.

SHUT UP. I said not joined. Don't be so crude. Eugh. Me and Terry. Nasty images.

Kee, grow up. And if you hate Terry so much, how come you hang out with him so much? How come you talk about him pretty much all the time? How come you've snogged him?

Circumstances.

And on the topic of your Herbology row, I know why he's pissed off when you leave him and go and talk to some random Hufflepuff guy with gorgeous cheekbones and dreamy eyes.

Yasmin, do you have a thing about Justin Finch-Fletchley?

No, but you have to admit he's pretty. Even you, Miss Going-Out-With-Adam-Chambers-In-Love-With-Terry-Boot.

I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH TERRY SODDING BOOT!!!!!!!!! I don't even like Terry that much!

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

SHUT UP YASMIN. And anyway, tell me why Terry is being such a prat.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to do what your own beloved Mr Boot did and make the following statement: If you don't know, I'm not going to be the one that tells you.

YASMIN! TELL ME!! And by the way, he is NOT my beloved!

No.

Why not?

Because 1) I think Terry should tell you when he feels ready. He's obviously not ready and the last thing he needs is for me to tell you when he isn't ready for you to know. He trusts me, and I intend to honour his trust. 2) I think you should start working things out for yourself. 3) I like to see you get wound up about it.

Yasmin, piss off.

Fine.

No, wait, Yaz, don't piss off, I didn't mean it.

Didn't think so somehow.

You're so confusing. Both of you are so confusing. What do you mean ready? What could Terry possibly have to tell me that he's not ready for?

I'm sure you'll find out.

ARGH, I think about that boy too much to be healthy.

You talk about that boy too much to be healthy. But as William Shakespeare once said, "Lovers tire the hearer with a book of words." Well, those weren't the exact words, but it was very similar and I had to change it to keep it contextual.

Shut up. I'm not Terry Boot's lover. I never have been and never will be. And which play is that taken from?

Much Ado About Nothing.

Terry annoys me. And apparently I annoy him.

Pffffffff.

What kind of crappy response is "Pffffffff?"

My kind.

You piss me off. You're like a female Terry Boot, but blonde.

And you're like a female Theodore Nott, but tall.

How am I like Theodore Nott?!

You're stupid.

There, idiot, you got yourself a detention. You brought it on yourself. You knew Slughorn was looking and yet you still threw that at me. It bloody hurt, too. I'm expecting full compensation.

Expect away, bitch.

Terry's looking at you.

Sod him and sod you. I don't care.

There's longing in that gaze, Kee. You should give him one of your wistful, I-want-you looks. Show him that his feelings are requited. After all, you can't expect him to wait around forever.

Yasmin, shut the Hell up. I do not want Terry Boot. I'm just very annoyed with him at the moment, so therefore I'm talking about him. I'm now over it. Please drop the subject.

Fine. :p

Don't stick your tongue out at me, Moon.

Yasmin, are you ignoring me?

YASMIN?

Tuesday 29^th May
12:08
Charms

Yasmin has definitely said something to Louise and Mandy about me. They keep looking at me, then looking at Terry and then looking back at me. Then they look at each other meaningfully and start giggling.

It's extremely annoying.

Luckily I'm partnered up with Su Li in Charms, and he doesn't know anything about the whole Terry fandango. He's a nice guy. Quiet, but nice, apart from the whole shagging Smellodie thing. I think he's figured out it was me that told Justin, though. Elodie certainly has, although she hasn't said anything yet. All we got yesterday evening was a tearful (I think she faked them) announcement that Justin and she had broken up. However, what I didn't predict was that she's not going out with Su. Apparently they've ended their little affaire. Su was telling me about it, and he didn't seem happy.

"Yeah," he said, after I asked him if he was ok. "I guess. But the problem is, I'm now completely undatable."

"Oh," I said, and I can completely empathise with that. "Why?" It's not like Su's ugly. He's not much of a looker, but he's alright. And loads of other girls like him. After all, he and Alison Runcor have their great long history, and Alison's lovely. A bit hot-tempered, but really nice. And it's not like she's not pretty.

And he managed to snag Elodie for a bit. That's got to be worth something.

No. Apparently no one will go out with him now because not only did he sleep with someone (which is a hanging offence around here in some people's book) but he slept with someone who had a boyfriend.

Seriously, so many people are pissed off with him. I never knew so many people would be broken up about the whole Justin/Elodie split. Admittedly, it's mostly people that don't know either of them that feel that way, but still.

Poor Su. I never realised what my little confession would cost him.

20:05
Common room

Whoa.

Just whoa.

I haven't quite absorbed what just happened.

I had spent some time down by the lake with Adam. He suggested we take a walk and I went, and to be honest I didn't have such a fantastic time. His hands tend to wander a little. But still, we went down to the lake and came back up again, and I found Elodie sitting talking to Mandy, Yasmin, Louise, Padma, Lisa and Morag.

When she saw me she stood up. She looked livid.

"You!" she spat.

"Eh...me," I said, bewildered.

Elodie got up and strode towards me. I was made aware of how much taller than me she is. She stopped, hands on hips, shoulders out, all that jazz. She looked ready to kill me.

"Do you know just what you've done?" she snarled.

"Yes, I went for a walk," I said, although I knew that wasn't what she was talking about.

"Not that," she snapped. "I meant to me. Ratting me out to Justin like that."

"I didn't tell Justin anything!" I lied, trying to sound hurt and confused. I could see Yasmin looking vaguely guilty. She told her! I couldn't believe Yasmin would tell her.

"Yeah, right," Elodie scoffed. The whole common room was watching now. "You were the one who walked in on us."

"Elodie, I swear I didn't tell Justin anything," I said, crossing my toes and feeling glad I don't wear open-toed shoes. "I like you!" Mandy made a small amused noise, and Louise shoved her. "I wouldn't do that to you! Justin and I barely know each other!"

"Oh, of course," Elodie said. I've never seen her angry with me before. In fact, she's never been outright mean to me. Usually she disguised it as "friendly advice". Elodie's not the sort of person who'll tell you what she thinks straight out.

"I'm serious, Elodie," I said. "I honestly did not tell Justin anything. Ask him."

"She didn't tell him," said the voice of a mysterious third party. Male third party.

Elodie spun around.

"How do you know, Terry?" she said, angrily to Terry Boot. I realised what he was going to say a split second before he said it, and winced. This was both the thing I most needed and the thing I least wanted.

"Because I did," he said.

Everyone went quiet, even Elodie, who was just staring at Terry. He's a lot taller than her, and there is absolutely no doubt that he could beat her in a fight, be it verbal or physical. Elodie Rivers is not going to take on Terry Boot in a hurry.

"You told him?" she said, dumbfounded. "You? Why? How did you even know?"

"I've seen you around," shrugged Terry. I tried to catch his eye, but he wasn't looking at me. In fact, I got the feeling he was going out of his way to not look at me. "You should be more careful about where you go, just for future reference. And I told Justin because I thought he deserved to know. Yes, I ruined your relationship. Sue me. But it couldn't have kept you that happy or you wouldn't have slept with someone else."

Elodie just gaped at him and finally said, "Terry, do you realise what you've done to me? You've split me and my boyfriend up, and you've made me accuse one of my best friends of what you did!"

She turned around and suddenly flung her arms around me in what I think was supposed to be a friendly hug. It hurt, actually, and I think her perfume gives me slight allergies.

"I'm so sorry, KeeKee," she said, dramatically.

"Das awwite," I said, as best I could whilst being nearly suffocated. Also, must find some way of subtly telling her that I can't stand being called KeeKee, especially by her.

She finally let go, and I breathed sweet air.

"Terry," she said, dangerously, and Terry didn't bat an eyelid, "you're going to pay for what you've done to me. I'm going to make sure you pay. You'll be very sorry."

Terry looked at her for one whole second.

Then he laughed.

Adam appeared at my shoulder.

"She giving you grief, Keira?" he said, putting his arm around my waist and giving Elodie a scathing look. I felt momentarily proud. Adam was sticking up for me. He had never done it before. Admittedly, he'd never had to. But still.

Elodie gave him her "I'm-only-a-cute-little-girl" look.

"Oh no, Adam," she simpered. (Yuck.) "There was a slight misunderstanding, that's all. It's all cleared up."

"Oh good," said Adam, giving her a kind of "I don't trust you but you're bloody good-looking" look. He turned to me. "Come on, Keira."

And I let him lead me away from Elodie, who was now laying into Terry like anything. (Eww, now I read that that sounds really bad.)

I hate guilt, and now I have loads of it.

Oh dammit all, I'm going to have to go and thank Terry, aren't I?

Wednesday 30^th May
17:00
By the lake

After what happened last night, I had to find Terry. I can't believe he told Elodie that last night. By the time it's got around the school a load of the Justin/Elodie-ites (shites would be a more appropriate suffix, now that I think of it) are going to hate his guts.

I went around looking for him and finally found him by the lake under a tree with what looked like a very long and difficult essay.

"Hi," I said, nervously. He looked up at me. He didn't smile.

"Hullo," he said, eyes going back to the parchment.

My heart sank. This was going to be hard. He was obviously pissed off with me still.

"Listen, about what happened yesterday," I began, but he cut me off.

"If it's what I said in the greenhouse, I'm sorry," he said. He still wasn't looking at me, but he sounded less cold. "I was in a really bad mood. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."

"That was Monday," I reminded him. "I meant in the common room yesterday. With Elodie. That was a really nice thing to do."

"It's ok," he shrugged, and he finally looked at me. Treated me to his usual grin. His teeth are surprisingly straight. Shut up, brain. "I just figured that I'd be better at handling Elodie than you. No offence meant, of course. I know that the people who matter won't care what I did, or what I claim to have done. Most of the people who actually care about the whole Justin/Elodie thing don't even know me anyway."

He winked and patted the grass next to him.

"Sit down?" he offered. I obliged.

"I guess you're right," I said. "I just...like to be liked."

"I know," said Terry, and he put his hand on my shoulder. He has big hands. I never noticed before. "You're too nice for your own good, Matthews. If I were in your situation I would've given Elodie a good kicking by now."

"It's tempting to," I admitted. "But if I do, I'm worried that she'll turn everyone against me."

"She won't be able to," said Terry, who was perusing his essay again. "Too many people like you."

"Yasmin, Louise and Mandy are only three people," I said.

"Not just them," said Terry. "Me, Michael and Anthony do. And Kevin especially does."

"I know," I said. "Yasmin...eh...told me."

"Hmmm," said Terry, looking a bit strange. But then, he is a bit strange. "Shame you're breaking his heart, really."

Dammit. He can always make me feel really guilty.

"Well, I have to go inside," he said, checking his watch. "I said I'd meet Anthony and Stephen. Nice talking to you, Matthews."

"Likewise," I said, and I wasn't lying. I like Terry. He's annoying and can be such a moody git, but I like him. He's a nice guy at heart. "By the way, are you ever going to tell me what was up on Monday? Coz Yasmin knows."

"I think everyone knows except you," shrugged Terry. "And no, I'm not going to. Sorry."

And he just walked off, leaving me sitting there wondering how the Hell I manage every time I talk to Terry Boot to get myself into a situation in which he has the one-up.

Shit.

Things to Do

1) Work out what I want for my birthday as it's in two weeks
2) Find a subtle way of telling Adam that it's my birthday in two weeks as I don't think he knows.
3) Get Justin to fall madly in love with me.
4) Find a way of kindly dumping Adam when Justin finally realises that it's me that he wants.
5) Stop kissing Terry Boot.
6) Stop spending so much time with Terry Boot as it's not only having a negative effect on me, but also on him (if what Michael's said is anything to go by) and both of our sets of friends.
7) Tidy up area of dormitory that has been marked out as mine as it looks like a bomb's gone off.
8) Find Mandy's diary again and search for some entries that actually have something worth reading in them.
9) Try to dissuade Louise from sleeping with Dean Thomas.
10) Do homework!!!!!!!