A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews

Thursday 24^th May
13:00
Courtyard

I was proud of myself for not telling anyone about what I saw yesterday until about thirty minutes ago when I literally bumped into Anthony Goldstein. Luckily for him I suffered more than him (he's stronger than he looks, hence being a great Beater) and dropped all my books. Unluckily for me he was not only with Terry Boot but Michael Corner as well.

"You make a habit of that?" said Anthony, good-naturedly as I apologised profusely and got down on my knees to pick up my stuff, something which I've been doing a lot recently.

"Uh...kinda," I said, and I could tell I was going red. Something else I've been doing a lot recently.

"I'll give you a hand," said Terry, and he too got down to my level - causing me to get redder for some reason - and helped me pick up my stuff. I distinctly saw Michael and Anthony exchange A Look. I hate it when that happens.

After a period of time that seemed a lot longer than it was, I finally stuffed all my things into my bag and stood up. I noticed Michael trying not to smirk.

"So, I'll be going," I said, noticing with satisfaction that Terry was looking as embarrassed as me.

"Hold up," said Anthony, moving into my path so I couldn't go any further. "Are you saying that you don't want to spend quality time with us, your best friends in the world?"

I laughed, partly because of what Anthony had said and partly because of the look that had appeared on Terry's face.

"Well, yeah," I said, unable to think of a witty response.

"That will not do," said Michael, who was looking positively evil. "You'll be eating with us today, I think."

"Uh..."

"We insist," agreed Anthony, linking his arm through mine and practically dragging me towards him. "Come on. You like us, right?"

Terry at this point had gone an amusing pink colour. It's always nice to know that someone feels worse than me. However, he handled it a lot better than I would have, and pasted the usual smirk back on his face.

"Yeah," he said, slipping his arm through my remaining one. I felt like a Hollywood starlet with two bodyguards. "You like us, right?"

"Especially ME!" said Michael, leaping comically with his arms outstretched. He was lucky not to get trampled by a load of Gryffindor seventh year girls who looked scornfully at him. He didn't seem too upset about their disdain; on the contrary he winked at one of the prettier ones.

The look on her face made her considerably less pretty.

Anyway, as I was steered away by three people - two of which I've barely even spoken to until recently - I couldn't help but notice that all three of them are really quite good-looking. I mean, Michael's attractive in an obvious way, and loads of girls fancy him and he's dated Sally-Anne Perks and Ginny Weasley and Cho Chang, but you take it for granted. It's common knowledge. When he's there in front of you, walking backwards so he can still talk to you and nearly concussing himself on stone pillars, you can't help but think he's good-looking.

And Anthony's nice, I suppose. He looks like he belongs in a mosh pit since he started growing his hair, but maybe that's the fashionable thing wherever it is that he lives. And it suits him. Makes him look older.

And Terry...we won't go there because...well, because I don't like thinking about Terry Boot full stop, let alone thinking about how attractive he is. Because he is. And it annoys me.

Stupid boys.

I suddenly realised I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, and getting slightly dodgy looks from surrounding people. Apparently a girl can't be dragged around by three of her best-looking boy friends any more.

Or maybe it's just me. Pretty girls can probably get away with it.

"So," said Anthony. "I've been talking to Su today."

"Oh," I said.

"As have I," said Terry.

"Me too," Michael put in.

God, they all talk in sync. I've got prats in stereo. I'm sure this was rehearsed.

"And he had something rather interesting to tell us," said Terry.

"Incredibly interesting," said Anthony.

"Spectacularly interesting," said Michael.

"Huh?" I said.

"It involves you," Anthony added, draping a casual arm around my shoulder. I feel extremely uncomfortable when people do that, especially boys. Although only about two boys have ever done that to me before so I don't have a lot to go on. "In fact, it involves you quite largely."

"It does?"

"It does," agreed Michael. "He told me something EXTREMELY interesting."

"So, we have a quick question," said Terry.

"Who was he shagging?" said Anthony, not beating about the bush at all. I was actually quite taken-aback.

"What?" I spluttered.

"You walked in on him, he told us that much," said Terry. "But he didn't tell us who he was actually with."

"He refuses to," Michael said. "We think she's either got a boyfriend or...well, isn't very pretty."

"Or wasn't in Ravenclaw," added Anthony. "That could be it."

"So, who was it?"

Well, on the one hand I had Su to think of. I like Su; he's a nice enough guy. A bit odd, but nice. He was my Potions partner in first year. I carried him all the way through, but he always let me copy his homework when I forgot (couldn't be bothered) to do mine. He obviously doesn't want to tell anyone. I should respect his wishes.

On the other hand, he's not the one whose relationship will suffer. He's not going out with Alison Runcor anymore, and he doesn't have another girlfriend. Ok, he may have a few people pissed off with him for getting off with another guy's girlfriend, but at least he won't get dumped. No, Elodie is the one who will suffer the most if I blab.

And Justin will dump her.

It was a battle of lust over decency. Lust won.

Lust always wins.

But not without a bit of intelligence.

"Ok, fine," I said, and their faces lit up. "But this information will cost you."

"Fine, ok, we'll settle it later," said Michael impatiently. "I promise I'll give you something. We all will." At this point, Anthony and Terry gave him exasperated looks. "Just tell us!"

"It was Elodie Rivers," I said, savouring every syllable.

"Really?" said Anthony, astonished. "How did he manage that?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's really fit," said Anthony. "Way out of his league."

"I don't like her," said Terry. "She's pretty and that, but she's not a very nice person at all. I would even say she was...well, a bitch."

I managed to stop myself from smiling just in time. I don't even know why I wanted to smile. I guess it's just finding someone else who dislikes Elodie. It's a surprisingly rare thing, especially as most boys would willingly sign up to be her lifelong slave.

"More into brunettes, are you, Terry?" said Michael, meaningfully, and Terry scowled and went a bit red. I have no idea of the significance of that. Some in joke, probably.

"I have no preference as to hair colour, and you know it," said Terry, and he sounded thoroughly ticked off. Obviously some nerve had been touched somewhere. "I just don't like Elodie. I think she's spiteful and thinks far too much of herself. And it turns out she's cheating on her boyfriend, too. That doesn't really present her in a good light."

"It's good for you, though, Matthews," said Michael, brightly.

"Yes," agreed Anthony.

"You know?" I said indignantly. I didn't know Anthony knew too. Great. My best friends have no idea how I feel about Justin but Terry Boot, Michael Corner and Anthony Goldstein all do.

Fantastic.

Thank you God.

"Yeah, I know," shrugged Anthony. "Did you expect these two -" he gestured towards Michael, who was grinning, and Terry, who was looking vaguely guilty "- not to tell me?"

"Well, no," I admitted.

"Exactly," he said. "Right, now, lady and gentlemen, we have a slight situation here."

"What situation?" said Michael. "We've found out who Su was bonking. We have no problem."

"I hate that expression," said Anthony, wincing slightly.

"What, problem?"

"No, bonking."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's just...horrible."

"Ok, we've found out who Su was having sexual intercourse with, Mr I'm-Too-Good-For-Sexual-Metaphors," said Michael, ignoring Terry's interruption of, "That's a euphemism, not a metaphor," with masterful technique. "So, I repeat, we have no problem."

"But we do," said Anthony. "The problem is whether we spread the word so it gets back to Justin, tell him ourselves or leave it."

"Leave it," said Michael, instantly. "I don't want to get involved."

"That's a bit unfair," said Terry. "Justin's an alright bloke."

"He's a wet, rich pretty-boy," said Michael unfairly. "Finding out that his girlfriend's been b...sorry, sleeping with someone else will kill him. I don't want to be the one on trial for the murder of Justin Finch-Fletchley, thank you very much."

"Wouldn't it be better if he heard from people like us rather than people like...I dunno, Pansy Parkinson?" said Terry. "If he found out from gossip it would be twisted into something horrible, and he might not believe it. We're all trustworthy. He'd believe us."

"How many words have you exchanged with him in the past year?" said Michael, sceptically.

"Well, not many," confessed Terry. "But we've always been on relatively good terms. And Keira knows him quite well. She can do most of the talking."

"Hey!" I said, crossly. "Leave me out of this!"

"I'm afraid you're in a bit too much for us to leave you out," said Anthony. "You're the one who knows, you're the one who saw it, you're the one who told us and you're the one who's friendly with both parties. And I know you're not voluntarily friendly with one," he added, seeing the look on my face. "But if Justin knows you as one of Elodie's friends then he's more likely to trust you. You just have to act all remorseful, as if it hurts you to tell him but you have to because it's the right thing to do."

"That will be hard," I said. "I shall relish every second."

"Well don't do something stupid and let it show, whatever you do. We'll get back to you," warned Anthony. "Don't tell anyone until we've had a longer chat. Cheers, Matthews. I'll do your homework for you one day."

"Eh...thanks," I said.

"Yeah, I'll do something for you too," said Michael absent-mindedly. "Bye."

Both of them shot off so fast. It was extremely irritating. They just left me there with Terry. I dared to look at him. He didn't look awkward any more. In fact, he looked almost like his old, sarky, flirty, irritating self.

"That information's gotta be worth a couple of kisses," he said, with that all-too familiar smile. "I believe I now owe you two and you owe me one."

"No, Terry, the game is up," I meant to say.

I didn't, of course. I couldn't speak because my lips were pressed against his.

Thank God those Hufflepuffs had gone. The only people to see us were a load of Slytherin second years and a couple of Gryffindors who I didn't recognise. None of them cared anyway. You see snogging couples around here all the time. It's not an irregular thing. And it's not like we were particularly conspicuous.

You know, I would never admit this to anyone, but he's not a bad kisser. I almost enjoyed it, considering I don't fancy him.

When he finally moved away, he spoke really quickly before I could tell him what I thought of his behaviour.

"Before you start," he said. "I want to clear this up. Yes, I kissed you, but you made absolutely no attempt of stopping me. And you're the one with the boyfriend. I am not tied down to anyone at all. And also, no one who knows either of us could have seen us. And just so you know, that was my way of paying off debt. It wasn't anything personal."

"So that makes it right, does it?" I said, unable to think of an appropriate response. "Because I was polite enough not to push you away I'm the villain of the piece?"

He had the balls to laugh.

"Manners were nothing to do with it," he said.

"You don't know that."

"I do. You enjoy it."

"I do not!"

"You do. If you didn't, you wouldn't have kissed me back."

"I did not kiss you back!"

"You did."

"I didn't not kiss you, but I didn't kiss you, if you know what I mean."

"I really don't."

"Well, I do," I said. "And that's the important thing. And anyway, you must enjoy it or you would keep on doing it," I added triumphantly.

That got him. He went all red and indignant.

"That's rubbish!" he said. "I have no romantic feelings towards you."

"Well why do you keep snogging me then?" I demanded.

To my immense irritation - and his relief - Yasmin and Mandy suddenly wandered into the courtyard.

"Kee!" said Yasmin, brightly, and then caught sight of Terry and a very odd expression appeared on her face. "Oh. Hi Terry."

"Hello," said Terry, who was still a bit redder than normal. "I should go."

And he walked off, a bit too quickly I thought.

"You can't leave him alone, can you?" said Mandy, staring after him. "Mind you, he's got quite a nice bum."

Yasmin and I both snorted with laughter.

"Nice bum?" repeated Yasmin when she finally stopped giggling long enough to speak.

"Well he has!" said Mandy, defensively.

"And I can leave him alone," I said. "He came on to...sorry, up to me. And Michael and Anthony were here earlier, it wasn't just us two until the end."

"Could hack the tension, could they?" said Yasmin, snidely. I scowled.

"Shut up," I said. "Terry has no romantic feelings for me. He said so himself. And I have a boyfriend. I can't believe you'd insinuate that I have feelings for someone else."

Yasmin just raised an eyebrow, while Mandy made a small coughing noise that sounded remarkably like, "Lies."

Bitches.

Friday 25^th May
20:00
Common room

I may have told Yasmin, Mandy and Louise about Su Li and Elodie Rivers.

Yes, I know, I'm a horrible person. I deserve to rot in the fiery depths of Hell for the rest of eternity. And I know that Su is going to suffer for my idiocy. But in my defence, I didn't mean to. It just kind of slipped out.

And of course Yasmin was appropriately horrified, Louise went, "Oh my god! SQUEE!" and Mandy just shrugged it off and made a comment about how Su has the same kind of hair as Harry Potter.

Her mind is pretty much Harry-centric since the whole incident when he actually looked at her for once. She's spectacularly excited about the upcoming Ravenclaw/Gryffindor Quidditch match. She thinks that it will be the ideal opportunity to show Harry just how gorgeous she is when she's flying around with her hair all over the place in shapeless robes that aren't even her colour.

Does she listen?

Does she Hell.

Anyway, Yasmin's reaction was similar to Terry's.

"We have to tell Justin," she said. "Or, at least, someone has to tell Justin. It's a matter of principle. He's not a nasty person, and he deserves to know that he's going out with a worthless bitch who's wasting his time."

"Why?" said Louise. "I don't think we should interfere. It could put us in a really bad light. It might make us seem like we're spiteful, secret-spilling bitches with nothing else to do but split up some of the cutest couples around."

"Speshly with Justin looking like he does," added Mandy. "He has the best cheekbones I've seen in ages."

My immense gratitude to Mandy - no one else to my knowledge appreciates Justin's cheekbones as much as I do - faded when Louise said, "I vote we do nothing," and Mandy said, "Me too."

"No way," said Yasmin. "We have to do something. You're so harsh, you two, you're only out for number one."

"I agree with Yaz," I said, happy to be able to have a say in this. "I think we should tell him. After all, he thinks of us as Elodie's friends. He'd know we weren't lying."

"That is true," said Yasmin. "Thanks, Kee, never thought of that."

The conversation was broken up by the arrival of Lisa and Padma.

"Hey girlies," said Padma, slipping in between me and Louise. "What are you whispering about?"

"Do share," said Lisa, eagerly.

"We're talking about Elodie," said Mandy before we could stop her.

"What's she done now?" asked Padma, trying to pretend she didn't want to know as much as she did.

"Cheated on her boyfriend," said Mandy, blabbing what was last night a very well-kept secret to two incredibly big gossips. "Keira walked in on her in the dormitory last night with Su Li."

"Su Li? Really?" said Lisa, keenly. "I'm surprised, I thought he had better taste than that."

It's funny how Elodie is looked on from a boy's and a girl's point of view. All the girls I know have said, "Why would he want to sleep with her? She's such a bitch," and all the boys have said, "Wow, she's so fit. How did he manage to get her?" I guess it's because we know her and know just how horrible she actually is.

That or we're all jealous.

I know I am.

Saturday 26^th May
17:30
Library

I just told Justin about Elodie.

Oh my god, I thought he was going to cry. And crying people make me extremely uncomfortable, especially crying boys.

It's all Yasmin's fault. She's the one who said, "Hey, stuff what Lou and Mandy say, you tell him. He knows you better than me, and he thinks of you as Elodie's best friend. He'll trust you. You can tell him. There he is. Go and tell him."

So I was shoved into the library, almost concussing a particularly small first year, and walked nervously over to where Justin was sitting. He was reading quite a big book, I noticed. Probably about Quidditch or something like that. Boys tend to get really into Quidditch. Personally it leaves me slightly cold, although it is nice to be able to thrash Gryffindor at something for once.

I think the Gryffindors annoy me a bit.

Anyway, I went up to Justin, and finally managed to say, "Hi," with the kind of confidence I wish I had all the time.

He looked up, grinned and said, "Oh, hi Keira. Haven't seen you for a while. How are things?"

I love his accent so much.

I said, "Yeah, they're ok, I suppose. So...have you seen Elodie recently?" (My attempt at being nonchalant.)

"By recently, do you mean today?" he asked, frowning slightly. "Because if you do, no. If you mean this week...no."

"Oh," I said. "Is it ok with you two?"

"I think it's going off the boil a bit, to be completely honest with you," said Justin. "She's been claiming that she loves me and stuff, but I just...well, I think she's being a bit clingy, to tell the truth. But then she just disappears for ages and doesn't meet me when we arranged. And she gets so cold and then suddenly springs back and puts all this pressure on me." He looked very put out. I felt as if I had to free him from his tyrannical girlfriend. But then when it came to it I kind of lost my nerve.

"Well, uh...that's sad...I'm really sorry for you two. It's...eh...a real shame...and I...well, I...I..."

"Are you ok?" asked Justin, and he looked genuinely concerned.

"Not really," I managed to say coherently. "I've...well, I'm quite tired. I've been finding it hard to sleep, really."

"You should go to the Hospital Wing," said Justin. "Madam Pomfrey will be able to help you. I can remember I had appalling insomnia last year and I went to see her. I was sleeping like a log within a couple of days."

"Yes...and, uh...talking of sleeping," I said, trying to get back onto the subject that I was meant to be talking about, "I...umm...saw something on Tuesday that I think you should know..."

"What?" said Justin, looking puzzled.

"Well, I..."

I didn't want to just spill it out. I needed the right effect. Miss Nervous-and-Hesitant had suddenly turned into Miss Devious-and-Deceitful.

"I...don't think I should tell you, actually," I said, looking as forlorn as I could. "No, actually, forget I said anything."

It had the desired effect. "What?" he asked, urgently. "Is it about Ellie?"

"Well, yes," I said, having to look away before I smiled. "But I don't want to tell you. It would be too harsh on her. After all," I said, deciding to play the worst card of all, "she is one of my best friends."

"You have to tell me," said Justin, instantly. "Has she said something? Is she going to break up with me?"

I shook my head.

"Justin, I'm only telling you this because I...I feel I should," I said. "If this gets back to Elodie, our friendship will be completely ruined. I don't want to sacrifice it. So you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone that you heard this from me."

"I promise," said Justin, instantly. "I swear that I won't tell anyone that you told me this."

"Justin," I said, irritated with my inability to cry on cue. "Elodie's been sleeping with Su Li."

Jesus, I have never seen a Hufflepuff be quite as angry as he was. I thought they were of a patient, understanding disposition, but I actually backed off a bit. After the angry ranting he lapsed into the almost tearful part. You know, with the self-blaming and the self-pitying. The "why oh why" phase as Louise cheerfully called it. And then he apologised to me profusely, told me he was glad that I told him and that I was a good friend (yessssss!) and went storming off to find Elodie, who I think I can safely say will be boyfriendless by tomorrow.

Ha.

Revenge really is sweet.