Rating:
15
House:
Riddikulus
Ships:
Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape
Characters:
Draco Malfoy Albus Dumbledore Harry Potter
Genres:
Humor Slash
Era:
The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 10/19/2007
Updated: 10/15/2008
Words: 26,418
Chapters: 22
Hits: 11,944

The Hogwarts Poets' Society

Sara Myles

Story Summary:
Dumbledore forms a Poets' society and invites a strange array of people, but nobody knows why! And then he gets a twinkle in his eye that can only mean one thing: A Plan of Imminent Doom! Oh no! *slash*

Chapter 19 - Alliance System

Chapter Summary:
In which Dumbledore sings a song, and Ron makes an accurate prediction!
Posted:
05/15/2008
Hits:
288


"Now, it's very important you don't interrupt me when I'm singing," said Dumbledore. "Otherwise, I'm bound to forget something." And he began to sing in a low, deep voice at an incredibly slow pace.

A long time ago, even before I was born

Chaos reined o'er the Earth,

Who knew who was friend or foe?

You were bound to cross them both

On a simple outing in the snow

Without an Alliance System

So those brilliant folk,

Came up with a plan,

(It started as a joke)

How to mark those that were safe

With...the Alliance System

Each family had to stand together,

They could bind their offspring

Make them better

Protect themselves and one another

With ... The Alliance System

Give me your daughter and I'll share my son,

Then an Alliance has been won

A complex spell bound by honor

On the word of your father

With...The Alliance System

Chastity became important

As the spell required one so safe,

No frolics with the stable boy,

And so marriage became insurance

For...the Alliance System

When the families have been bound

Those clever folk, guess what they found,

None of them could be harmed

By the direct relations of their offspring...

With...The Alliance System

"Now do you understand?" snarled Snape at Harry.

"No, I'm afraid I don't!" said Harry. "I was lulled to sleep by Dumbledore's monotonous us dirge of a song!"

"Respect the classics," reprimanded Dumbledore. "That was written in Gobblededook approximately 1926 years ago!"

"Dumbledore, even you have to admit it loses some of it's witty puns and information in the translation," said McGonagall gently. "Maybe you could be Not Obscure for once and just tell them!"

"It means neither of you can attack each other--verbally or physically--and your family members can't attack each other either," said Snape. "Dumbledore would probably ramble on and on about the technicalities of the thing."

"How did this happen?" asked Harry. "It's not like I pledged myself to him or anything!"

"Actually, you might as well have," said Snape. There was a sudden twinkle of triumph in his eyes. "Who would have thought that the famous Harry Potter was a virgin until last night?"

"I--but--how do you know?" demanded Harry angrily.

"Because an Alliance is formed when a virgin is penetrated by someone who has no official Alliance, but whose parents have an Alliance at least with each other and the consensual act occurs on any day but Tuesday following the full moon at least six days after Valentine's Day..." rambled Dumbledore.

"Wow," said Draco. "How oddly specific and strange."

"Yes, it is," said McGonagall. "And those aren't all the rules, either. But it doesn't really matter now, does it? You two have done something Incredibly Stupid and now you'll have to live with the fact that you can never insult or harm each other again."

"That's not a bad thing," Harry pointed out.

"Hah," said Snape.


"What?" said Draco. "That really isn't a bad thing. I mean, I don't particularly enjoy being called Ferret, you know."

"Yeah, except that if either of you gets angry at the other, you'll be forced to spend more and more time together in very close proximity," said McGonagall. "That's because an Alliance is usually part of a marriage. Of course, marriage isn't a requirement, and you can have an Alliance with more than one person, but that can get very awkward."

"I must stress to you two the importance of keeping your temper in check. One verbal assault will cause the attacker a mild headache. Two, and you'll both feel as though you've been whacked with the Beater's bat. And if at any time you try to attack one another, you're Alliance will force you to spend 24 hours together!" Dumbledore sounded very happy as he said this.

"We've already been locked in a closet together. It can't get much worse than that," snarled Harry.

Actually, it can, Harry, thought Ron the cactus.

And Ron the cactus was very right.


Okay, I know this was REALLY short, but the next chapter will be longer!!!