Letters

James walked down the corridor, heading toward the loo. Remus was out on patrol and he was tired of Peter gagging all over him and Sirius. James spared a glance over his shoulder at the compartment. Sirius had shown up on their doorstep one night at the beginning of August, with his broomstick and school trunk in hand. James and his parents hadn't asked why Sirius was there. They didn't need to.

He passed by a compartment, and doubled back. He stood in the open compartment door, leaning nonchalantly against the doorjamb. She was alone. She had her nose in a book, and didn't look up. James supposed he was half in love with her. Stubborn, though. He had asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him all year last year. Each time she said no. She said no to everything. Walks around the lake, the Astronomy Tower, even to sitting with him at meals. James supposed he had to admit she didn't give in easily. It was intriguing. 'Where's your friend, Evans?'

Lily looked up at James over the top edge of her book, then dropped her gaze back to the print.

James raised an eyebrow. This was unusual. She usually hurled an insult at him, followed by a sniff of, 'Arrogant toerag.'

Lily looked up again. 'Are you lost or something, Potter?'

'Nope. Just didn't expect to see you alone, Evans. You've usually had your shadow trailing after you.'

Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'He wasn't my shadow,' she spat. 'Why don't you go harass some first years and leave me alone?'

James grinned at her. 'One day, Evans... You'll go out with me.'

Lily snorted. 'Potter, when will you get it through that thick head of yours that if you were on fire, I couldn't be bothered to spit on you to put you out?'

******

James sat next to Lily in Charms the next day. He shoved a scrap of parchment toward her in the commotion of the practical demonstration.

Why do you have such a bad opinion of me, Evans? I've never done anything to you. Why won't you at least try to get to know me better?

Lily snorted as she scanned the note. She crumpled it up and stuffed it in her bag.

******

The next day, Lily pretended to bump into James, walking out the Transfiguration classroom. He looked down in surprise, at the neatly folded parchment in his hand.

-I don't like you, because you're an arrogant toerag, and always have been since I've known you. You have no regard for anyone's feelings, save your own. How can you say you've never done anything to me? You took my best friend away from me. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you.

'You've really wound her up, then, Prongs,' commented a hoarse voice in his ear. James looked at the slight form of Remus sprawled across the other half of the sofa. Remus sent a significant look toward Lily, sitting on the other side of the room, engrossed in her homework.

'How do you know it's her?' James asked, annoyed.

'She's the only person who calls you an arrogant toerag, mate.' Remus paused, clearing his throat uncomfortably. 'You went too far last term.'

'What?' James felt his ears burn. Once he had calmed down, even he knew he had gone too far. Not that he would admit it to anyone. Remus had warned him last year, albeit obliquely, that his quick temper was going to get him into trouble one day.

'Why do you do it?' Remus asked, in a soft, persistent voice.

'Because he's a greasy-haired, slimy bat-like git.' But that wasn't why. Although it helped James justify his behavior.

'I don't think so,' Remus said, shaking his head, making the sandy hair flop into his tired grey eyes. 'I think it's because he loves her, and the idea that she might love him back drives you barmy, mate.'

'How do you know he loves her?'

Remus snorted. 'You really ought to read more Muggle literature, Prongs.' He slid off the sofa, and headed for the portrait hole. 'I think I'm going to see if there's anything chocolate to be had in the kitchen.'

******

Evans,

I am sorry you lost your friend. I don't know what I'd do without Remus or Sirius. How did you know Snivellus - here it had been violently scratched out - him anyway?

Lily tossed the parchment James had crumpled into a ball and thrown at the back of her head into the fire.

-He was the first wizard I ever met. We're from the same town.

She folded it into a Muggle paper airplane and launched it toward James, where it glanced off the side of his face, and lodged in his glasses. Lily's mouth opened in surprise, and she quickly turned around back to her Transfiguration notes.

******

James watched the snow fall outside the common room windows. It was getting late, and he supposed he should go up to his dormitory and go to bed. The common room was deserted. He paced around the room, waiting for Remus to come back from patrol with Lily. James told himself he was waiting for Remus, as it would be a full moon soon, and they needed to plan their trip to the Shrieking Shack.

'Oh, face it, Potter, you're waiting for Evans.' James laughed caustically at himself. He wondered if he was starting to enjoy Lily's rejection. Sirius told him he was starting to act like a puppy - always returning to the one who kicked him - and wouldn't be surprised to find out James' Animagus form had changed this month. He kicked at the armchair he'd just passed.

He was sitting on the floor, with his shoe off, massaging his sore toes when Remus and Lily climbed through the portrait hole. 'What on earth did you do, Prongs?'

'Nothing,' James muttered, shoving his foot back into the shoe, and casting a baleful glance at the offending chair.

Remus' eyes flicked back and forth between James and Lily. 'I'll just go on up to bed, then. Good night, Lily.'

James went to the table where he had been doing his Potions homework. He gathered his books together, and watched Lily open her book. 'So, uh...' James cleared his throat nervously.

Lily sighed. She had a ton of homework left to do and she had been on patrol that night. 'Spit it out, Potter, then leave me alone.'

James stared at her, his mouth working like a stranded fish. He flushed and spun on his heel, heading for the staircase to the boys' dormitory.

*****

-Did you love him?

James tossed the crumpled ball of parchment between his hands, unsure of whether or not to toss it toward Lily. It was the night before school started again after Christmas, and she was sitting in a circle of friends. James drew a deep breath, and carefully lobbed the ball neatly into Lily's lap.

Lily frowned as the crumpled parchment landed on top of the Muggle novel she was reading. She picked it apart and in seconds, her bright green eyes darkened, and she spared a single scathing glance toward James. Nevertheless, she stuffed it into the pocket of her jeans. In a few minutes she bid her friends good night and went up to her dormitory.

As she dressed for bed, Lily's thoughts went back to the scrap of parchment in her pocket. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and loosened the curtains around her bed, so they cocooned her in red.

******

-That's a loaded question, Potter. It's not a very fair one, either.

Yes. And no.

I don't know.

Maybe I did. Maybe I kept hoping... If he had someone like me, maybe he'd give up on the Dark magic. Maybe he'd realize there are more important things.

I did up until the day he called me a... Well, you were there. You heard it. There's no need to go about repeating it, is there?

Do you think anyone who really loved me would have said that? Maybe he didn't mean it. I mean, people do say things in the heat of the moment when they're angry, right?

No matter. It's over.

Does that answer your question?

******

Lily slid the note into James' hand when she sat next to him at breakfast the next morning. She didn't even look at him as she spooned eggs and potatoes on her plate.

She pointedly ignored him until he ran to catch up with her after Herbology. 'Evans,' he began. 'I...' He couldn't say it. Especially when she turned those cool green eyes on him. 'Never mind,' he muttered. He watched her walk into the castle, head bent against the wind, snowflakes glistening in her fiery hair.

'You must have it bad,' Sirius sardonic voice drawled in his ear.

'Huh?'

'If she leaves you that tongue-tied, Prongsie,' Sirius elaborated.

'Nah. It's nothing. Come on, it's time for lunch, and I'm starved.'

******

James put a hand into the pocket of his robes. He felt the crinkle of crumpled parchment, and weighed his options. McGonagall could be twice as hard on her own House than any of the others. She didn't take kindly to disruptions to her class. Especially not N.E.W.T. level. He sighed and pulled the hand out. He'd have to wait.

******

-It doesn't have to be over.

You're right. People do say things in an argument they'd never dream of saying otherwise.

If it - he - makes you happy, maybe you should think about forgiving him.

With a pang, James dropped it on the floor next to Lily's feet. 'Evans,' he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

'What?' she hissed back irritably.

'You dropped something.'

'No, I -'

'Evans! Potter! Is there something you need to share with the rest of the class?' Professor McGonagall's sharp voice cut through the classroom.

'No, Professor,' James said, almost meekly. McGonagall was the only one who could put that tone into his voice.

McGonagall's eyes flicked toward Lily. 'No, Professor,' she said firmly. But she bent to pick up the ball of paper at her feet.

******

James was scowling at his Potions textbook when a Muggle paper airplane sailed gracefully into his head.

No. It was over long before that. I just couldn't see it.

That day last June was merely the final nail in the coffin.

******

'So, Evans, what are you doing today?' James silently cheered at being able to say something coherent to her.

'Nothing,' she replied, and a look of shock crossed her features as she realized she had just engaged in conversation with the arrogant toerag. 'And it's Lily, Potter, or had you forgotten?'

'James,' he said automatically.

'What?'

'James. My first name, in case you forgot, too.'

******

Meet me at the top of the Astronomy Tower...

James picked up the parchment that had been folded in half and left sitting on his school bag. He looked at his watch, and realized it was after curfew. However, being Head Girl had its privileges.

As did being Head Boy. Still... James went up to his dormitory and pulled his Invisibility cloak from his trunk.

He found Lily standing by the parapet, looking up at the clear night sky. 'Lily?' He frowned when he realized tears were streaming down her cheeks. 'Lily...' he breathed, thumbing the tears from her face.

She mutely handed him a piece of stiff, fussy paper.

Mr. and Mrs. Michael Evans request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Petunia Evans to Mr. Vernon Dursley on the seventeenth of June at ten in the morning...

James let it fall to the floor. He gathered Lily into his arms, stroking her hair, and crooning nonsense to her until she calmed down.

******

Lily walked into the small flat and heard a crunching sound. She lifted her foot, to see a flattened ball of crumpled parchment. 'James Potter! You need to pick up after yourself, you lazy prat!' She picked up the parchment, and noticed the writing.

-Will

Lily frowned and looked up. There was a trail of parchment on the hallway to the sitting room. She picked up the next one.

You

And the next.

-Marry

And the last.

Me?

Lily looked at the coffee table and a small box rested on a pile of crumpled up parchment. She looked suspiciously around the room, but James was nowhere to be seen. Lily picked up the box and opened it. It held a ring adorned with a round sapphire. She picked up one of the parchment balls under the box, and smoothed it out, and wrote one word on it, folding it into a paper airplane. 'James? I know you're in here under that bloody cloak of yours!' She heard James' laugh, and aimed it toward the sound. It bounced off James' head.

Yes.