Wildly Inspired

A/N: Wildly Inspired is a collection of poems and fics that came about from reading way too many Harry Potter theories. No names have been mentioned, because the some of the theories have originated from several different sources. And let's face it: one person's idea of a brilliant theory could be another's idea of outlandish crap. However, they are all precious to me and make great plot bunny kibble. My intent was to come up with some hopefully humorous stories--not to hurt anyone's feelings. If you are sensitive about any of the characters or 'ships being lampooned, read no further. Neither of us needs the grief, and I think I may have a tear in my asbestos undies.

Thanks to those poor individuals who were forced to beta read for me.

WARNING: The following poems and fics have no socially redeeming qualities and are designed to be borderline vulgar. No theory, 'ship or character is sacred. You have been fairly warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the theories mentioned below; however, I am very grateful for the existence of both.

Gotta Love Those Theories:

A Tribute to Harry Potter Theorists Everywhere

Sometimes when I sit down to write,

my plot bunnies scamper out of sight.

In annoyance and desperation,

I surf the web in exasperation.

One thing that will always cheer me

is an interesting HP theory.

Some are serious, and some are funny;

Some gave birth to a plot bunny.

Now I'm using my strange sense of humor

to entertain my fellow fanfic consumer.

Enjoy the collection of stuff you see.

I write for fun, not for money.

If you're someone who's easily offended,

hitting the back button is recommended.

The following things are a little crass,

but please refrain from flaming my ass.

"Dumbledore just can't be dead!"

the stricken, teary-eyed fans all said.

How did he slip through death's noose?

He and Snape swapped some Polyjuice!

If death he wanted to escape,

why the hell would he pick Snape?

Was it to save the Potions master

from Unbreakable Vow disaster?

And speaking of our favorite Death Eater,

here's a theory that's even sweeter.

I'm sure it drew that many flames

when they said he was in love with James!

Sorry, but it's much less silly

to think Snape had an eye for Lily.

If Snape and Lily had a such a thing,

does that make them Slug Queen and King?

Now here's one I like the best.

It's about the 'monster' in Harry's chest.

When Ginny was in Tom's possession,

She then became his lusty obsession!

The soul fragment just escaped the diary

and joined the one lodged in poor Harry.

Why else would he want to date

the little sister of his best mate?

Voldie made a Horcrux of Harry?

Now that thought is just plain scary!

No, our hero deserves a life,

a home, some children, and a wife.

Luna? Ginny? Hermione?

Just one? Or perhaps all three?

Will she be pretty, or will she be smart?

Will she connive to win Harry's heart?

Now there's also the interesting notion

that Harry was slipped a Weasley love potion.

This is what happens when shippers get irate:

you end up with things like Ginny the Pirate!

Then there's Ginny's pet Pygmy Puff,

that little purple ball of fluff.

Arnold is something beyond the norm:

he's Bella in Animagus form!

I wonder if Voldie thought it was funny

when Bella became a purple dust bunny?

If he and Bella want to scheme,

they must add Kreacher to the team!

Shipping is so not my hobby.

But what about the Squid and Dobby?

Here's one that gave me a start:

Sybill Trelawney and Gilderoy Lockhart!

Kick back, relax, take a seat.

Grab a margarita and prop up your feet.

One final warning that cannot hurt:

some of these have a nose/cola alert.

Enjoy, my luvs, and when you're through,

please don't forget to leave a review!

Even though I make no money,

I still need something to feed the plot bunny.

Now that I have your attention, what do you think? Are you curious as to how I can take any of these theories and make them into stories? If you are, leave a review and let me know.