The Panda Who Ate Students

The Panda Who Ate Students

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Chapter 3:

At Least if You Are Nice, Then You Shall Survive

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"Don't be ridiculous, Albus." Professor McGonagall gave the Headmaster a disbelieving gaze.

"I'm not!" argued the ancient wizard. "I'm just terribly concerned! For all we know, that panda ate poor Severus, and is just finishing his feast on the remains of Remus while we talk here."

"Pandas do not eat Potions Masters," the Deputy Headmistress said with a deep sigh. "Believe me, Albus. Even if pandas really ate humans -- what they don't do -- Severus would be far too bitter for anything to eat."

"How can you be so cruel?" exclaimed the Headmaster, tears filling his blue eyes. "I'm mourning Severus, and you make fun of him! Don't you have any respect for the dead?"

Taking a deep breath, McGonagall tried to control herself. "I'm sure that Severus has just disappeared somewhere," she said. "And I'm also sure that Remus is perfectly fine, even if he spent his night in the same rooms with the panda."

"You cannot know that!" shrieked Dumbledore. "What if we could still save him, and he dies because we linger here?"

"Then why don't you knock on the door?" asked the witch, trying hard not to sound annoyed. True, the Headmaster was a powerful wizard and all that, but at times he could be just so childish. Of course pandas didn't eat people. They much preferred owls. Therefore, Severus was still somewhere -- unless somebody had transfigured him into an owl.

So, at last, Dumbledore raised his free hand to knock on the door of Remus's quarters. His other hand was still holding the remains of Severus's robes, which he had kept as a reminder of his favourite professor.

After some seconds of silence, a voice called, "Come in!" through the door. Quite obviously, Remus was still alive.

McGonagall gave Dumbledore a triumphant grin. She'd known it.

"That doesn't prove anything," grumbled Dumbledore as he opened the door to Remus's quarters. "Maybe it just wasn't hungry after slaughtering poor Severus!"

"Oh, come off it, Albus," sighed the witch. "Believe me, pandas don't eat people." They both stepped into the werewolf professor's rooms.

At first, they didn't see Remus anywhere. Then, however, they found him in the tiny kitchen of his quarters. A giant panda sat on the floor, calmly chewing a bamboo rod, and Remus was leaning against its back, eating a sandwich.

"Good morning, Albus, Minerva," said the werewolf cheerfully. "Nice to see you here, even though it is a bit early. Was there something you wanted?"

"In fact, yes," replied the Transfiguration Professor. "Albus wanted to check that you were still alive after spending your night with that beast." She shot a glare at the panda. He'd better keep away from her owl.

"What?" asked Remus, blinking. Then he let out a laugh. "Oh, there's really no need to worry," he assured them. "Danpa is just a big, cute ball of fluff, really. He's no danger to anyone."

"You -- you have named the creature?" asked McGonagall disbelievingly. "You can't be serious!"

"Why not?" asked Remus, sounding confused. "He's really cute. Until we find out where he's come from, I'm going to keep him. So, of course I have to know what to call him during all that time!"

"The beast is just acting to gain our trust," grumbled Dumbledore. "And when we finally feel safe and secure around it, it will go on a rampage and eat us all!"

"Stop insulting him!" the werewolf said sharply. "Danpa has done nothing! He's innocent of Severus's disappearance until you prove otherwise." Finishing his sandwich, he turned around and wrapped his arms around the panda's thick neck. "You're just one big cutie, aren't you, Danpa?" he chirped. Unheard by the others, but the panda's ears well catching his words, he continued, "You'd better play along, or I will have to reveal your true self to them in order to save your life!"

The panda suffered, then let out what he hoped to be a cute sound. He even fluttered his eyelids in an attempt to look very cute, harmless, innocent -- and especially un-Severus-like.

"See?" said Remus to the two older Professors. "Danpa wouldn't harm a fly -- except maybe sitting on it!"

"Where's your owl, then?" asked Minerva sharply. "What if the panda has eaten him?"

"My owl?" Remus asked, blinking again. "Oh, he's really fine. Snowie!" he then called out. In an instant, a midnight-black owl flew to him. "See? Snowie's completely unharmed."

"And shall remain as such," huffed Minerva. "Fine, Remus, I don't think the panda is going to eat you. However, it might be dangerous to owls. I won't let you risk those innocent creatures just because you trust that beast. Neither you nor this Danpa --" she said the panda's name with an obviously disgusted tone -- "will come near Snowie, or any other owl, including the school owls, for at least a month. After that, I might believe that he's not going to eat owls."

"How can you know that, if there are no owls around to be eaten?" asked Dumbledore sharply. "Sorry, Remus, but I fear that as long as this panda remains with you, you shall not go near any owls, not accompanied by your beast nor alone."

"Fine," said Remus lightly. "Go to the owlery, Snowie," he then said to his owl. The owl immediately took a flight out of the open window of the kitchen.

"I still fear that this will be the end of you, Remus," sighed the Headmaster then. "However, as long as you make sure that the panda does not harm any students, it can remain with you. But if it's proven guilty of Severus's untimely death," he added sharply, "nothing will save it from an immediate death."

"Fine," said the werewolf, standing up. "I believe it's about the time for a breakfast in the Great Hall. You coming, Danpa?" he asked. The panda gave a resigned sigh and a shake of his huge head, but then got clumsily up to his huge paws and started to follow the werewolf out of his quarters.

The Headmaster and the Deputy Headmistress both hastily backed away from them. Really, how thick could people be? Why couldn't they just believe that pandas DID NOT eat meat?

They made their way slowly -- mostly because of the panda's slow pace -- to the Great Hall. Once there, Remus opened the door, and walked in, Severus-Danpa on his side.

As soon as they came to sight, somebody screamed loudly, "Keep your owls safe! There's a PANDA at the doors!"

Immediately, all students grasped their owls that had just brought the post, pressing them tightly against their chests. The owls, not quite understanding what was going on but panicked because of their owners' reactions, started to all screech in fear and flutter their wings.

"What's wrong with you lot?" asked Remus annoyedly. "I don't think Danpa is that ugly. There's no reason to be afraid."

Beside him, the panda let out a long, deep sigh. Somehow he just knew that this would be a long, long day to him. If he ever lived to see its end, that was.