The Panda Who Ate Students

The Panda Who Ate Students

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No You Cannot Murder Him, He Is Wholly Mine!

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Remus's words did nothing to lessen the students' panic. They just stared at the panda fearfully, some pressing their owls against their chests, some trying to make their birds fly as far from the "threatening" creature as possible. Some first-year girls were crying, and many were deathly pale.

"Well, well," said Dumbledore. "It looks like the panda is threatening our students!"

"No, he isn't!" argued the werewolf fiercely. "The students are afraid of him, but he's not threatening them!"

'No,' Severus-Danpa thought dryly in his half-panda mind. 'The song you've been cheerfully singing for the past month is, however.' Well, maybe that was a bit unfair, though. It wasn't like Lupin had originally created the song, even though he did do everything in his might to spread it into people's knowledge. Besides, Lupin seemed to be his only protector from the threatening death in Albus Dumbledore's hands. He had to be nice to the man if he wanted to live, leave alone ever gain back his usual form.

...Merlin, he truly hoped that wouldn't happen in the middle of day. If he recalled right, his clothes had been torn to shreds when his body had grown. And if he suddenly stood naked in front of the whole school, or even a classfull of students...

He shuddered. There were very few fates he considered worse than dying, but that would definitely be one of those. Which meant that with his luck, it was exactly what would happen.

"That creature's not safe to be near students," Victoria Vector said, frowning. "Where did you find it, anyway? Better return it immediately. Nobody can know what it does."

"Don't be so nasty to him," Remus said stubbornly. "Danpa is perfectly harmless. He's just a big ball of fluff, really." To prove his point, he reached down to pet the panda's fur. Danpa needed all his willpower not to back away. Instead, he tried to look happy. He would not be killed by those idiots who thought that pandas were carnivores. He wouldn't, if he only could in any way prevent that.

At this point, the teachers who'd already been sitting in the Staff Table warily rose from their chairs and walked nearer. Some looked curious, some slightly fearful, and not a few were fingering their wands nervously.

"Really, and you are supposed to be the adults around here!" huffed Remus. "If Severus was here, he would laugh himself sick at the sight of you!"

'Well, I am here,' Danpa thought. 'And I'm shivering in fear -- hey, wait! No no no! Severus Snape does not shiver in fear!' As an afterthought, he added, 'But Danpa can do that... The more un-Severus I behave, the longer it will take before they discover the truth!'

With this fact in mind, he sat down on his enormous bum, put his paws on his eyes and started to howl pitifully. Some shrieked in fear, but some just looked curious.

"Now look what you've done," Remus said, scowling. "You've scared the poor animal! He's done nothing wrong! Do I go around threatening other people's pets?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Minerva, pointing at the students. "Look at the poor children!"

"Well, I don't do it on purpose!" snapped the werewolf. "Danpa hasn't eaten anything but bamboo! That hardly is a reason to try to get rid of him!"

"We're only wanting the best for the students, Remus," Victoria said, frowning.

"And Severus!" said Dumbledore. "That horrid creature has eaten Severus, I'm telling you!"

"Maybe it can't be all that bad, then," murmured Hooch at that. This, of course, earned her a murderous glare from the Headmaster, who still hadn't let go of the Potions Master's robes.

"Go wanting the best for the students elsewhere," the slender DADA professor said. "Danpa is my pet, and you will not lay a hand on him! Go and banish Peeves if you truly want to 'protect the students' by relieving your violent tension!"

"You're beginning to sound more and more like Severus," observed Minerva, making Dumbledore howl in sorrow again. Danpa, who by now had stopped his howling, tried to suppress a smirk. It was rather easy, considering that a panda's face is not meant for smirking.

"Well, that's good," huffed Remus. "I'm beginning to think that Severus is the only one of the whole lot with some common sense in his head!"

"Keep your panda, then. Just don't let him sleep on your bed," said Pomona Sprout with a wicked smile from her own chair -- she was the only professor who hadn't risen from the table. "If you do that, he'll never leave!"

"Really?" asked Remus, trying to look innocent but failing miserably. "Oh, well. My bad, then."

Now, Pomona almost choked on the pumpkin juice she'd been drinking. "You - you don't mean you -" she tried to say, staring at him disbelievingly.

"Why, of course," said Remus with a broad grin. "I couldn't very well have let him sleep on the cold and hard floor, now could I? Besides, he's actually nice company," he added, sending an amused glance at the panda, who growled deep in his throat. Not a few teachers took a step away from the huge creature.

"See? It's threatening us!" Dumbledore shrieked immediately. "It's Severus's murderer! I'll kill it!"

"No, you won't!" exclaimed Remus. In an instant he was on his knees next to the huge animal, hugging it tightly. "Danpa is mine! None of you is going to harm him!"

Danpa did his best to look afraid instead of threatening, which was rather easy with the werewolf's arms in an iron grip around his neck. A small groan escaped the animal's lips, and it gave a helpless look to the nearest professor, who happened to be Filius Flitwick. Unfortunately, Filius didn't understand the help-me -look he was getting and, instead of helping, yelped in fear.

"Oh, stuff it, Filius," sighed the DADA Professor annoyedly. "Danpa's not going to anything to you." With a small kiss on top of the huge animal's head, he said then, "I see our company isn't appreciated here, Danpa. Come on, let's get ready for the first lesson of the day."

At this, the second-year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs -- who had DADA for the first thing that day -- all shrieked in fear. With a roll of his eyes and a frustrated sigh, Remus started to lead his "pet" out of the Great Hall.

As they went, everybody made way to them.