- Rating:
- PG
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Characters:
- Bellatrix Lestrange Lucius Malfoy Lord Voldemort
- Genres:
- Parody Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix Half-Blood Prince Deadly Hallows (Through Ch. 36)
- Stats:
-
Published: 07/24/2008Updated: 08/18/2008Words: 21,807Chapters: 12Hits: 2,394
Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical
Voldie.Lurvs.Muffins
- Story Summary:
- Poor, misunderstood Voldemort. Who knew that Bellatrix freaked him out, too? Who knew that he had a sense of humor? Who knew that he was a tenor? Finally, the true life story of the Dark Lord... with music!
Chapter 02 - The Orphanage
- Posted:
- 07/27/2008
- Hits:
- 368
Disclaimer: Obviously, we do not own Harry Potter, the characters and all associated names. We also do not own any of the melodies used for the songs - those belong to their credited artist(s). However, the lyrics are completely original, and we are very proud and protective of them. No stealing. We'll find you. Also, reviews are welcome, but keep flames nice.
Reading Key: Song Title
(Original Tune and Artist)
Character Performed By
Act I, Scene 1: The Orphanage
The stage is set. The curtains are deep black velvet. There is no light but one solitary offstage gel, casting a dreary gray illumination onto the stage. All is still, until a pale, blonde, pompous-looking man appears, seemingly from thin air, in the centre of the stage. A faint spot is set on the man, but most of the light is reflected off of his white hair to add brightness to the area.
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Prologue
(To the Musically Spoken Intro and Conclusion of "Stonehenge" by Spinal Tap)
Sung by Lucius Malfoy
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Lucius: London, 1937.
As you can see, in those days, everything was dark.
The city--dark. The streets at night--dark.
The people--dark. And behind me, the orphanage
where our story begins--dark.
-
There is a musical interlude, during which Lucius and several hooded Death Eaters perform a Lord of the Dance Irish jig.
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It's said that we are
Products of our environment
Is it any wonder
That the subject of our story
-
Dark Lord Voldemort
Turned out to be so very... dark?
In fact, one could say he was
the darkest of them all...
-
As soon as he is finished speaking, a young boy with shiny black hair walks onstage. This boy is little Tommy Riddle, the hero of our story. He looks at the audience and chortles evilly before sauntering to a bed and taking a seat. Tommy rubs his hands together in a gleeful way while the background noise of children playing can be heard. As the lights come up on this somewhat disturbing little lad, he starts to sing.
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Riddle-De-Dee
(To the tune of "Zippidy-Do-Da" by Ray Gilbert & Allie Wrubel)
Sung by Little Tommy
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Little Tommy: Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day
Why must I in this orphanage stay?
Ultimate evil; I'm heading that way
Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day
-
Mr. Bunny hanging from the rafters--
-
Tommy's song is cut short by the sudden entrance of two people: Professor Dumbledore, a tall man with long auburn hair and beard, and a skinny woman who is the matron of the orphanage. They take their seats in two chairs at the end of the stage, one of which is behind a simple wooden desk. Tommy stands up off of the bed and tiptoes to eavesdrop at the door that separates his 'room' from the 'office', where he overhears them singing.
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Little Tom Riddle
(To the tune of "Hakuna Matata" by Tim Rice)
Sung by Orphanage Matron, Professor Dumbledore, & Little Tommy
O.M.: Little Tom Riddle
What an odd little lad
Dumbledore: Little Tom Riddle
Has no mum and dad
O.M.: Strange things seem to happen
When he gets really mad
Dumbledore: That's no problem, see
So just tell me about little Tom Riddle
-
O.M.: Well, before he was even born...
Little Tommy (suddenly appears): Before I was even BORN!
O.M.: Go away Tommy.
Little Tommy: Sorry. (sulks off)
-
O.M.: His mother appeared from the cold freezing rain
Had Little Tommy, then died from the pain
Dumbledore: What a sad little tale
How it seems such a shame
-
O.M.: But she lived just long enough to give him a name
Named "Tom" for his dad
Dumbledore: He was named for his dad?
O.M.: And "Marvolo" for gramps
Dumbledore: "Marvolo"? Sounds like dish detergent
O.M.: And he's been here ever since
Dumbledore: What's he like?
O.M.: He's got a bit of a temper and--
Dumbledore: That's okay, we'll take him anyway.
O.M.: Oh... Fabulous!
-
Both: Little Tom Riddle
What an odd little lad
Little Tom Riddle
Has no mum and dad
Little Tommy (Appearing): Strange things seem to happen
When I get really mad!
O.M.: Get OUT, Tommy!
Dumbledore: That's no problem, see
Just leave him to me; little Tom Riddle
-
While instrumental music continues in the background, the Orphanage Matron leads Dumbledore across the stage. Tommy, having heard them coming, grabs a book and jumps on his bed, pretending to read as they walk in the room.
"Tommy," says the matron. "You've got a visitor. This is Professor Dumbledore."
Dumbledore and Tommy shake hands, while the matron exits the stage. As soon as she leaves, Tommy flops back down on the bed, looking bad-tempered.
"What are you here for?" he says resentfully.
"To tell you about a very special place," says Dumbledore.
"It's an asylum, isn't it? She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Well, I'm not crazy!" Tommy jumps up from his bed again, looking indignant.
"I know you're not crazy, Tommy. And Hogwarts is not an asylum; it's a school of magic."
Tommy looks shocked. "Magic?" he asks disbelievingly.
"Yes. Tommy, you are a wizard. And I am here to ask whether you would like to go to Hogwarts..."
As this last line is spoken, Dumbledore leads Tommy offstage. The scene changes. The bed and desk slide out of sight, and a sign drops down reading "Platform 9 ¾". All around students, parents, and random wizards are dancing while loading trunks onto the Hogwarts Express and saying their goodbyes. Dumbledore leads little Tommy back onstage, Hogwarts trunk in tow. As the older wizard helps the dark little youngster load his things they continue the song.
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Dumbledore and Tommy: We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going--
-
Little Tommy: Strange things seem to happen
When I get really mad!
Dumbledore: That's no problem, see
Come to Hogwarts with me; little Tom Riddle
It's no problem, see
So come to Hogwarts with me;
Little Tom Riddle
-
A-oooooo, Tommy Riddle
Oh Little Tommy Riddle...
-
Little Tommy and Dumbledore continue to vocalize and strut about the stage as the lights fade to black.