Sisters; Can't Live With Them, Can't Prank Without Them

The Dreadful Nativity

Much pinching and being called Jonathan later it was finally Christmas Eve and the most hectic day. It did not help that Caitlyn was bouncing around singing "I'm Mary! I'm Mary! I'm Mary!"

My Grandparents actually got in to a full-blown fight over where to place the presents under the tree. Honest. My Dad was watching them while chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!" under his breath. At quarter to three we headed off to watch Caitlyn's Nativity. It was actually rather interesting but not for the reasons you'd have thought about. Everything that could go wrong went wrong.

We were greeted as we entered the hall by a child who held up his hand to display and declared,

"I lotht my tooth!"

"Really?" I said. "And what part do you play?"

"King number three," he replied promptly.

"Isn't that the one who brings Frankincense?"

"Yeah! I bring the Frankin- Frankinth- Frankincenthethethe- Mummy!"

He ran away up the hall.

"Poor child," said Mum vaguely. "Let's go get our seats."

We sat down at a good place in the middle and, quite naturally, I was behind the tallest person in the hall. I resigned myself to an afternoon of straining my head in all sorts of directions to catch a glimpse of my youngest sister's performance.

The curtain went up and there was silence expect for my Grandparents fussing next to me. Caitlyn was on stage dressed in blue and sweeping. She looked just like Mary except I doubt that Mary would have stopped mid sweep to wave at her brother in the audience. An angel appeared and the two went through the lines that everyone knew so well. Off by heart even. After all Caitlyn had been practicing them all week and they were exactly the same ones as last year. And the year before. And the year before that. And the- well you get the idea. The performance continued in what my dad called an 'awww' fest. Nothing major happened except a few people forgetting their lines and having to be prompted or even led off before they burst in to tears. The real trouble started at the same time as it did during rehearsal - Bethlehem. Mary and Joseph had to ask for a room at the three inns. They came to inn number two, where Dominic was in charge.

"We need a room," said Joseph (the boy who was playing Joseph. I'm not going in to a house elf-esque third person speech here. But I'm sure you got that anyway...)

He was much better actually, no longer taking a breath after every word. Now he was taking one huge one before he spoke and rushing out all his lines.

"There's no room at the inn," replied Dominic promptly.

I had to agree with Caitlyn on this one, it was completely unfair that Dominic was innkeeper number two. He was far too good to be a mere innkeeper number two. His huge acting talent could only reach his maximum potential if he was innkeeper number three.

"But my wife's pregnant," pleaded Joseph.

This was said with such earnestness that it not only shocked his parents in to crying out in delight but also shocked Dominic in to forgetting his lines.

"Well that's not my fault," he said in horror.

This complete disregard for the script bewildered Joseph.

"It's not my fault either!"

At which point Caitlyn took control, shut the cardboard door of inn number two in innkeeper number two's face and dragged Joseph to the third door. After Mary and Joseph were led off stage to the stable the scene was switched to a field and rows and rows of toddlers with tea towels on their heads marched on to the stage. An "Awww" came up from the audience as a miniature Shepherd holding a sheep rattle was pushed on stage in his pram. While they arranged themselves round a paper fire a guitar from the music group started playing 'While Shepherds watched'. A child in the audience, who was there to see his big brother in his award winning role as King number one and had had nothing to do for half an hour, stood up on his chair and started singing along to the tune.

"While Shepards washed their socks at night,

All seated on a bank!

The angel of the lord came down,

And taught them how to-"

At this point the child's mother firmly clamped her hand over her son's mouth and dragged him down to the seat. The guitar stopped abruptly. A whispered conversation endued.

"Go on, don't let him bother you."

"I can't. I only learnt the first verse."

The drama continued as normal until the final scene where everyone arrives at the stable. The Shepherds turned up with their model sheep and thumbs in their mouths but without their pram dependent member. His location was soon revealed when a loud crying filled the hall. One of the more senior Shepherds rushed off and brought him back in to the scene where he instantly ceased crying, his aim achieved. The three Kings arrived.

"I bring Gold," said the first.

"I bring Myrrh," said the second.

"I bring fra- I bring frac- I bring fr- frankin- frankinth- fra- more Myrrh!"

He placed it down by the manger and the stage collapsed. Well, not the entire stage. The floor had a trap door in it because the hall was also used by the local theatre group for pantomimes and Shakespearean plays etc. The main part of the full scene, with Mary, Joseph, the manger, the gifts and the odd sheep, was right over the trapdoor which then gave way causing my little sister to shoot downwards at a great speed.

The whole hall gasped and jumped to their feet. All the children cried with delight and crowded round the hole in the floor to see their friends. One particular angel budding for the position of Gabriel chose this point to pronounce the latter's lines. At the front of the stage were two doors that presumably led to under the stage. These were slung open and a dust covered, but giggling, Mary and Joseph crawled out. Caitlyn waved high the plastic doll that had been playing the part of Jesus.

"I got the baby!"

***

"I enjoyed it," said Dad as we walked home. "Far more entertaining than last year's show. But not as good as the year before."

He winked at me. The year before he'd been in Australia.

"Well I think it was a disgrace!" Mum declared, "How could they not check the trap door before they piled everything on it? Honestly. My poor baby could have been hurt."

"She landed on the remnants of the Christmas jumble sale," I reminded her. "She wasn't injured."

"But what if that wasn't there! I'd have sued them for all their money."

"You'd have sued the church?"

"I don't see why not."

"They're the church."

"Oh and I suppose that excludes them from having to check their buildings, does it?"

I gave up.

"Well I thought it was sweet," said Gran. "If only we hadn't forgotten the video camera."

"Oh, I'm sure we'd be quite willing to let you have a look at the pictures we took," said Grandma smugly, obviously loving it that she could fault my other grandparents on something in front of us. "We remembered our camera. How could we not? It was, after all, our Granddaughter's Nativity."

This might be an appropriate time to point out that I have never not doubted my family's sanity. I found myself thinking that the guys never knew how lucky they were to have mildly sensible families. This was, of course, before the events of the next few years occurred. To be frank - I had no idea.

As with the Christmas Eve tradition of my family Caitlyn and I were sent to bed early while our parents and grandparents got roaring drunk downstairs. Two stockings were hang up over the electric imitation fire, a mince pie and a glass of milk were left out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolf which would later be eaten and drank by my father or cut up and served to us the next day by my mother, whichever was appropriate.

For some reason I couldn't sleep that night. I heard Caitlyn fall asleep (we were sharing a room to make room for the Grandparents). I heard my Grandparents snapping at each other as they poured themselves in to bed (they only actually let loose at each other when they were too drunk to restrain themselves). and I heard my Dad singing as he went to bed (he wasn't drunk, he just always sang when he feels it's appropriate. That's where Melanie got it from). I just lay awake and wondered what they were up to at Hogwarts. I found myself plotting in my head all the awful fights they were getting in to like the year before. Just as I was imagining the possibility of a large Black Bugs Bunny taking Lucy and Lione onstage and demanding that Gregory fetch him fifty carrots or he'd never see them again, there was a crash from downstairs.

I sat bolt upright. I'm ashamed to say that the first clear thought that came to my mind was 'Father Christmas!' But this was very quickly replaced with the fear that this was the evil creepy guy come to get Caitlyn. I resolved to go down and stop him but had immediately problems while trying to find a weapon to do this with. Since I was in a seven-year-old's room all I had to choose from was a wide selection of cuddly toys. I settled on a rabbit that squeaked and did back flips because its head was rather hard due to the batteries. I still felt rather stupid while I held it aloft, ready to strike, as I crept down the stairs. A thought occurred to me that this could only be a minion of creepy evil guy and I my mind a possible conversation between him and his master started to unravel.

"Did you get the girl?"

"Oh, forgive me master! Please! I was stopped! I was unaware that her brother was home from Hogwarts."

"You were stopped by an underage wizard? How? He cannot use magic during the holidays."

"Please sir, I was attacked with a rabbit."

"A rabbit?!"

"Yes sire. It squeaked. Then as I wrestled it away from him it did a backflip in my hands and I lost my grip on it."

My next thought as I reached the corridor on the ground floor was one of annoyance that I was at my funniest when no one else was around.

Maybe it's the danger, I thought. It brings out the entertaining side of you. Or maybe it's that Caitlyn is upstairs, you always act differently when she's around.

I then corrected myself that this was hardly the appropriate time to be thinking about my comedy values - If I had any.

I turned the corner, saw the shape and pounced. I wrestled it to the ground but as I did so I noticed that it was far smaller than I expected. I released it.

"Father Christmas!" it cried as it got to its feet. "Be Father Christmas!"

It was small, thin, had large pointed ears and was wearing what appeared to be a red pillowcase. It looked rather familiar. I'd seen it in a textbook.

"You're," I stumbled. "You're a house elf."

"Father Christmas!" it repeated. "Be Father Christmas."

It was carrying a red sack. Just poking out the top was a candy cane, a toy soldier and a teddy bear.

"What?" I asked. "Really? Father Christmas really exists?"

"Be Father Christmas," said the house elf. "Elkie be Father Christmas."

"Elkie?"

"Yes. Elkie be Father Christmas. Elkie ordered to be Father Christmas. Elkie ordered by Mistress."

"What are you doing here?"

"Father Christmas deliver presents. Father Christmas deliver presents to Joseph. From Friends."

"And who is your Mistress?"

"Elkie have many Mistresses, she will not name names here."

"Oh please? Please tell me. I'll give you a sock. Come on!"

Father Christmas aka Elkie looked appalled. "Give Elkie a sock! That's disgraceful. Elkie is not one of these new fangled house elves, oh no. Elkie has respect for old ways, yes she does. Elkie is good servant, very good indeed. Elkie never complains. Elkie never want sock! The thought makes Elkie sick."

"How about if you don't tell me I'll give you a sock."

"Would not matter if you did. You not Elkie's Master. Only Elkie's master or Mistress can set Elkie free. If you gave Elkie sock she would only wash it."

"Then if you don't tell me what I want to know I'll tell your Mistress how rude you've been and she will give you a sock."

"But you do not know who Mistress is."

"Then you'd better tell me so I can tell her if you don't."

I felt as if my mind was going to explode from having to think like that. Honestly, I had a headache and everything.

Elkie looked terrified. "You would not make Mistress Lucy give Elkie sock!"

"Aha! Yes! I will tell your Mistress Lucy. Lucy! Lucy is your Mistress? You work for the Malfoys?"

"Yes Elkie does."

"And Lucy sent you here to deliver presents to me?"

"Elkie be Father Christmas. Father Christmas deliver presents. Elkie bring presents to Mistress' friend just like Father Christmas. Elkie be Father Christmas."

"Yes yes I get the point. But you're bringing me a candy cane, a Teddy bear and a toy soldier?"

"Oh no! Elkie bring nicely wrapped presents. Elkie has already placed them there under the tree. Candy Cane, toy soldier and Teddy Bear are only spell put on bag. Father Christmas always has Candy cane, toy soldier and Teddy bear poking out of bag."

"That would be Lione's idea."

"Mistress' friend be very insistent on having Teddy bear, Candy cane and Toy soldier poking out of bag, sir."

"Well she would."

"Joseph?"

Elkie clicked her fingers and her and the bag vanished. I turned around and saw my parents and grandparents coming down the stairs, all giving me odd looks.

"What are you doing down here? And who were you talking to."

"I... Um... I thought I heard Father Christmas."

I grinned at them hopefully. My Grandparents shook their heads in disbelief and went back upstairs.

"Joseph," said Mum, sternly. "What are you doing down here? And who were you talking to?"

I waved one of the new presents as an explanation. "My friends sent some presents over. I was talking to the messenger."

Mum looked at the package in my hand suspiciously. "Are they magical?"

"Probably."

"You'd better open them in your room then. Your Grandparents don't know about you and Melanie yet."

I grabbed the three boxes and rushed upstairs. I openly them as silently as possible so not to wake up Caitlyn. From Lione I got a strange black top hat. I put my hand in it only to find there wasn't a bottom and my hand could go right in. My fingers felt a small piece of card. When I pulled it out it read 'Provide your own rabbit'. Gregory gave me one of those tins that when you open them lots of snakes pop out. Except, since this was a Weasley Wizarding Wheezes product rather than the Muggle kind, I found myself having to force a several large salmon back in to it. Lucy sent the less funny, but more welcome, gift of a box of Chocolate Frogs. As I sat there musing over these gifts I found myself missing Hogwarts. Even at the time I thought it was weird because I knew that if I was at Hogwarts I would be doing the same thing - sitting on my bed in the darkness missing Caitlyn. But I had never spent a Christmas at Hogwarts and I couldn't help wondering what it was like. I resolved then and there that next year I would spend the holidays at school. I never thought I would say that... And just as I heard the church bells chime out Midnight and the beginning of Christmas Day a thought occurred to me. What would Caitlyn do when she found her squeaking, backflipping rabbit was missing?