Sisters; Can't Live With Them, Can't Prank Without Them

Detention with Browen

I climbed through the portrait hole on the first day back at Hogwarts after Christmas.

"You're insane."

"Oh come, don't tell me you've never even considered it."

"No I haven't. You know why, because I'm not a psycho!"

"I'm not a psycho. I just... you know... sympathise a bit."

"With Snow White's evil step mother?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"She's a witch."

"So're you, Air Jet."

"But she's an evil witch. She tried to poison Snow White, her own daughter. Well... step daughter."

"Exactly!"

"What?"

"Snow White is really annoying."

"So you sympathise with an evil witch step mother queen because..."

"She wants to kill Snow White."

"And this is good because..."

"She's really annoying."

"And you think being annoying is a good excuse for being murdered?"

"Well for some people."

"And this makes you not a psycho?"

"But I can't stand her! 'One day my prince will come.' Puh-lease."

"That was Cinderella, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah. Can't stand her either."

"Just because you can't stand them doesn't warrant their execution."

"Are you telling me, Gregory, that you think it's perfectly fine for seven male dwarves to exploit a young girl just because she's pretty, desperate and running for her life? You think it's fine that her sheer meekness and acceptance is presented in front of small gullible children as the right way to go about things? That thousands of little girls and boys are being brought up in the stereotypical image of male dominance? You think that's right?"

"No. I just think that you can't murder someone just because they're annoying."

"Back me up here Joseph. Joseph!"

"My Sister likes Beauty and the Beast," I said innocently. "Is that all right?"

I expected Lione to laugh. Instead she looked at me with absolute seriousness and said, "Oh yes, that's fine. At least Belle has a personality and dreams much bigger than a cute boyfriend."

"You really hate Disney, don't you?"

"No. The original stories were just as bad."

"Except more gory."

Lione grinned evilly. "Oh yes."

"So," I said. "Was success achieved?"

They looked back at me blankly "What?"

"The invisibility cloak," I prompted. "Did Lucy get it?"

"Oh!" cried Lucy. "Yes! I got it. It's really nice and shimmery and it's amazingly light. I expected it to be much heavier than it is."

"Why? You've used Gregory's cloak enough times."

"But you never let me hold it. I don't know why."

"Did you get a nice surprise over Christmas?" asked Lione.

"Ooh!" cried Lucy. "How was your sister's nativity?"

"Did the Shepherds cry?"

"Yes."

Lione nodded. "They always cry. It's something about being a Shepherd I suppose."

I frowned. "I thought you said that in your area they had a realistic one on a real farm with adults playing it."

"Yeah. So?"

"Did you get a nice surprise?" prompted Lucy

"Oh yes," I said. "Exactly what I wanted. While I was worrying that the siblings of underage wizards throughout the country were going missing what I really wanted was to hear a strange creature moving around in my living room. Thanks."

They all bit their lips.

"Okay so we didn't think of that. But did you like your presents?"

"Oh definitely. Especially the trout."

***

One evening we were sitting in the common room doing our homework and occasionally going through the ritual of:

"I'm bored."

"We know."

Whenever someone felt it was truly necessary.

Lione slammed her book closed. "Transfiguration now."

"What do we have to do again?" asked Gregory.

"I think we have to turn a book in to a rabbit."

All three dived under the table. I sighed and gave them what I hope was a meaningful look. They laughed and came out.

"Honestly, Starsy," said Gregory. "What did you expect to have to do with the rabbit?"

"Well you know. Bash whoever it was with it."

"With a rabbit?"

"Look, I was staying in my sister's room! It was the hardest thing at hand."

Lucy giggled. "Hey imagine if it wasn't actually evil creepy guy but one of his minions. What kind of conversation might he have when he reported back to base-"

"Yes I went through that."

"Oh."

There was silence.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm bored. Lets go set off some stink bombs in someone else's common room."

"But we don't know where they are."

"Blast."

"Hey! Let's set some off in Browen's room!"

"But he's got an invisibility cloak. What if he's just standing in there waiting to see who'll come in?"

"But he won't see us because we'll also be invisible."

"Good point, let's go."

Lucy and Gregory got their invisibility cloaks and we headed out of the common room. Once outside we pulled them on. We made our way to Browen's office where we neatly dropped a bag of stink bombs and got away as fast as possible. As we walked through the corridors we passed McGonagall's room and dropped a few bombs in there - just because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I must admit that the fumes might have been getting to us. As we walked along we started chatting about who else we should give the stink treatment. We paused only once while Lione counted the bombs and declared that we could do about three more offices if we did only three bombs per office. We walked along the corridors, barely recognising where we were going discussing whether we should go for Snape's office next or dare to try for Dumbledore's study. We were being pig headed and stupid and I don't think there's one of us who could not understand why McGonagall caught us. She crept right up from behind us and in one swift move swept the invisibility cloak off Gregory and me. We grinned innocently up at her as she scowled down at us.

"Well," she said. "It seems that you have been on a crime wave tonight. What on earth made you think that you could just waltz around the school after hours dropping stink bombs in every office? And you thought you wouldn't get caught? This means detention for the both of you. You'll receive the time and date tomorrow morning. And trust me, if any of you dare to laze around tomorrow with the excuse that you're tired then it will be a month's full of detentions each. Is that clear?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Good."

She escorted both of us back to the common room. It was, of course, completely unfair that she not only didn't give Gregory his invisibility cloak back but she didn't catch the girls. They returned soon after, giggling and claiming that they had done the final three offices by themselves. Leaving, of course, notes that said 'We woz ere' and the time. Just to confuse McGonagall.

"Who knows," said Lione. "She might even think that you were innocent all along."

***

Of course she didn't. The next day the post came with a long letter from Mum for Melanie, a huge package of food for Gregory from his grandparents (just in case he didn't get enough at the Christmas feast presumably), a pack of what appeared to be paper clips for Samuel (he was just as confused as we) and two notes for Gregory and I telling us the details of our detentions.

"Oh cool," said Gregory. "I get to go in to the forest with Hagrid."

Lucy was shocked by his reaction. "Cool? But it's bound to be dangerous in there! You could get killed!"

"Aww," said Gregory. "Isn't that sweet, my Cous cares about me."

"Gregory I'm serious."

With perfect timing Lione, Gregory and I all simultaneously gasped.

"Ha ha. You could be doing something with dangerous animals and blood and... and... huge slabs of... meat!"

"Cool."

"Oh no," I groaned.

"What?" asked Gregory, "Let me guess. You have to clean all the trophies in the trophy cabinet by hand."

"You have to wash the toilets."

"You have to sort out Dumbledore's hundred year old collection of Zazz magazines."

"You have to answer McGonagall's hate mail."

"You have to clean Snape's teeth."

"You have to wash Snape's hair."

"You have to eat ten stink bombs while the whole of the school pelts you with rotten fruit."

"You have detention with Gregory."

"Oi!"

"No, worse. I have detention with Browen."

"So?"

"He hates me!"

"No he doesn't. Why would he?"

"Because, if you ask me, he has a thing about Muggle-borns and Muggles. He keeps going on about how awful he thinks they are."

"Maybe he's evil creepy guy's minion!" cried Lucy suddenly.

There was a deathly silence while everyone seriously considered this.

"The school wouldn't hire an evil teacher," said Gregory sounding as if he was assuring himself rather than us. "Would it? Dumbledore wouldn't stand for it."

"What about that Death Eater that turned Lucy's dad in to a Ferret?" suggested Lione.

"But Professor Browen couldn't be him. He was given the Dementor's Kiss."

"No! I mean that Browen could be a different yet equally evil guy. What if he's in disguise and Dumbledore doesn't realise that he's evil."

We all looked up at the staff table where Browen was having great difficulty trying to break in to a grapefruit. We watched as he slammed it on the table and pointed his wand at it.

"Open up! I command you! You're asking for real trouble here you know, mister."

Lione was already shaking her head. "Honestly. If I was an evil guy trying to hide my identity then I would do a far better job than that."

"What if it's a double bluff," Lucy suggested. "Trying to make us think that."

The grapefruit exploded all over Browen, causing him to cry out with pain over the citrus juice that had just gone in his eye.

"I think you'd have to be a very good actor to pull that off."

***

That evening Gregory and I left the common room together and headed off to our detentions. We wished each other good luck as we split up and set off in our separate directions. I reached Browen's office and knocked on the door. I heard something that sounded suspiciously like someone moving a lot of items about and slamming a drawer shut.

"Who is it?"

"Joseph Bower," I replied.

"Come in."

I went in he office. Browen was standing behind his desk. He indicated a seat opposite him and told me to sit down. I sat.

"So," he said, also sitting down and looking at me severely. "I want to hear everything."

"What?"

"Every little thing. Don't miss out any detail. I want a word for word account of the whole thing."

"The whole what?"

"The whole what? This stink bomb raid you went on of course! You are going to sit there and tell me exactly how and what you did."

"Why?"

"Mr Bower are you a teacher? No. Are you the one holding this detention? Of course not. I get to decide what you do for the next few hours and I have decided that I want to hear every single detail of your crime. Your 'prank'. Is that too hard for you? I suppose it might be for someone like you. Maybe you'd be more suited to scrub the floor and clean the cupboards. I suppose it's a failing you people have. Your memory isn't as good as others."

I cut him off right there and launched, angrily, in to a detail account of the night. Seeing as my memory is one of my greatest talents I find it especially offensive when people doubt it like that. I of course conveniently neglected to mention the part of Lione and Lucy in this account. Even though it was utterly unjust that they should get away with it and we shouldn't when they were just as accountable I saw no reason it getting them in trouble now. Besides, I knew that were they in a similar situation they would do the same for Gregory and me. As I continued I noticed a certain change come over Browen's face. At first he looked severe and unimpressed. As I went on he started to look completely in awe and as if I was telling a fascinating joke. He was even sitting with his head in his hands like a little child listening to an adult tell a story. He interrupted at points.

"You weren't alone. I mean, of course someone like you couldn't do all this by yourself. It's unthinkable."

He didn't sound as certain with his insult as he usually did. I couldn't help noticing, and if I noticed it, it must have been there, a slight lapse in concentration.

"No," I said. "Gregory Weasley was helping me."

"Oh yes, he's with Hagrid isn't he? Carry on."

Then later,

"What about the ones that happened after you two were caught? The ones with the notes? How did you do those? Time delay? Why didn't you leave notes for the others?"

"That wasn't us," I replied. "That must have been someone else. We had been caught so it obviously couldn't have been us."

"A rival Prankster perhaps," he suggested. "A copy cat? Someone trying to get you in more trouble than you were already in? Maybe an old friend perhaps?"

I stared.

"Carry on."

I started up again but slower this time. I was trying to simultaneously tell the story but keeping Lione and Lucy out of it and was mulling over what he had said. Did he know about the girls? How? And why did he suggest an 'old friend'? We were still friends with Lione and Lucy. Just as I was getting in to the swing of it he interrupted again.

"You have an invisibility cloak? How on earth did you get an invisibility cloak?"

I couldn't help thinking that it was strange that he didn't take that opportunity to scorn my Muggle heritage like he usually would. I just got the impression that he was talking about the rarity and price of Invisibility cloaks rather than the low likelihood of a Muggle Born having one. Which, I have to admit, is completely true but that that shouldn't have stopped him pouncing on it like he did with everything else I said.

"It's Gregory's. His Dad gave it too him when he first came to Hogwarts."

"Oh of course, that makes sense. He is a Weasley. Carry on."

I was too shocked to continue. "What do you mean, sir? His being a Weasley automatically qualifies him to have an invisibility cloak?"

"No," he said as if it was obvious. "But invisibility cloaks are barely ever used for anything other than mischief. Which Weasley was his father, do you know?"

I was getting more and more bewildered every minute.

"Er... Fred."

"Oh of course!"

"Do you know him?"

"No, but I know of him. Don't you even know who created that swamp on the second floor? And you call yourself a prankster. Now will you carry on or shall I fetch you a mop for the rest of your detention?"

After I finished reciting the tale I sat in shock while listening to him lecture for a while. I barely noticed the constant references to the lower value of Muggles compared to Wizards. I was still mulling over what I had been told. I stared to think about how completely unfair this was. How come Browen was always making big revelations when I was the only one around? I was starting to tire of my role of always repeating his words to the others. But, yet again, it was up to me and me alone to do that. Lucky Gregory, I thought. He definitely got the better option. At least monsters only eat you, they don't puzzle you.

A/N: Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo-doo... Just pressing the idea of evil Browen a bit more. Oops! Did I say he was evil? Maaaaaaaybe.... I'm not going to tell you if he is or if he isn't so there *sticks out tongue*

And yet again I am in complete lack of a cliff-hanger! I'm trying to do them but I can never get the timing right! Stupid sections always turn out to be too short *grumbles*