And now for something completely different: Ron singing

Last time we left our heroes they all got drunk and sang the Philosopher's drinking song while the Hermiones slowly killed them off one by one. Rather jolly this, isn't it?

AUTHOR: And long...

True true.

AUTHOR: Almost over...

True tr- what do you mean almost over? I'm out of a job? Oh...

LUCIUS: (from chandelier) Up here.

ALL: (look up) What are you doing up there?

LUCIUS: Hiding from the Hermiones.

RON: Who, might I add, love me.

HERMIONES: (look up) (snarl)

LUCIUS: Er... Ron? Sing something. Please!

RON: (shrugs) Sit on my face and tell me that you love me.

NEVILLE: (shrugs) Okay. If you really want me to-

ALL: DON'T!

RON: I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.

SEAMUS: Wait! I'm having an idea!

ALL: (waving various glasses) Wahey!!

RON: I love to hear you oralise,

HERMIONE1: Hang on, why aren't you drunk?

SEAMUS: (thinks) I don't know. (Drinks)

RON: When I'm between your thighs.

ERIC IDLE: That gives me an idea... (Leads McGonagall away)

MCGONAGALL: (giggles)

HERMIONE16: Ew...

RON: You blow me away!

Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint and Tom Felton wander in leading a tour group. Bet they don't have to worry about getting fired with only a chapter's notice...

DANIEL: And this is where we shot the great hall scene. Come this way to the Slytherin common room.

EMMA: Where Tom Felton has obliged he will wear leather trousers for your enjoyment.

DRACO: Really?

TOM: I lost a bet...

TOUR GROUP: (leave wearing large grins)

GIRLS IN HALL: (sigh despondently)

RON: Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.

HERMIONE1: (shakes Seamus) Seamus! What were you saying? What was your idea? If it has anything to do with, tiny umbrellas, Snape's underpants, (which are still stuck to the wall by the way) and a furby, I will kill you.

SEAMUS: Oh. I'd rather not say now...

RON: I'll sit on your face, and then I'll love you truly.

SEAMUS: But I did have an idea how to get rid of the extra Hermiones. The way I see it, all we have to do is- (a plank falls on his head, knocking him out)

RON: Life can be fine if we're both sixty-nine

CLIFF RICHARD: (does the Can Can across the hall while holding a sign that says 'I want a fish') (is mercilessly slaughtered by the Hermiones -- including Hermione1)

ALL: (cheer)

RON: If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,

HERMIONE1: Oh woes! Will there be no relent of my sisters?

No.

HERMIONE1: Oh you're just grumpy because you're fired.

RON: Till we're blown away!

Gandalf skips in to the room carrying a large, life sized picture of Aragorn and parades in front of the Hermiones waving it about. All the Hermione clones gasp and follow the poster out the room. There is the sound of a large weight being dropped, a giant mousetrap closing and a dozen tigers being released. For no reason whatsoever a hubcap rolls back into the hall, spins around for a short while, and then clatters on the ground before silence reigns again.

DENNIS: Yay!

HERMIONE: Oh.

RON: My fans! (Bursts in to tears)

HERMIONE: (pats him on the back) There there. Er... why don't you sing a song to cheer yourself up?

RON: (cheers up) Good idea! We've still got tons to go through.

That's what you think...

RON: Oh