And now for something completely different: Ron singing

Last time we left our heroes they sang Oliver Cromwell that went for a long while but was filled with very random things. Draco was revelled to be Batman, Voldemort and Snape played with their model armies, Harry had a tooth removed, made a Hitler-esque speech and got dragged off while Hermione2 spent the whole chapter fighting off Lockhart. As we rejoin them, Luna has finally been successful in her attempts to clone Legolas.

LEGOLAS: (waves)

ALL FEMALES IN HALL: (sigh longingly)

RON: (quickly moving on) A-one, two, a-one two three four...

HERMIONE2: (leans over to Neville) (whispers) What are we singing?

RON: Half a bee, philosophically,

NEVILLE: (whispers) No idea.

RON: Must ipso facto half not be.

GEORGE: (leans over to Hermione2) What does ipso mean?

RON: But half a bee has got to be,

HERMIONE2: Haven't got the foggiest.

HERMIONE1: Well I should hope not! No clone of me is going to have a foggiest. Only very naughty people have foggiests.

RON: Vis a vis it's entity.

HERMIONE2: I'm not a clone...

LEGOLAS: (waves) I am.

RON: D'you see?

ALL GIRLS IN HALL: (with a happy sigh) Yes...

RON: But can a bee be said to be,

FRED: (looking scared) Please say that happy sigh was for Legolas. Because it sounded scarily like it could be for Ron...

RON: Or not to be an entire bee,

LAVENDER: Well my sigh was certainly for Legolas.

GOYLE: Mine wasn't.

RON: Due to some ancient injury. Singing.

ALL: (edges away from Goyle)

LUCIUS: Er... I bet it was?

DEATH EATERS: Maybe not...

ALL: La di di, one two three,

CRABBE: (bursts in to fits of laughter)

HERMIONE1: What?

CRABBE: Rump!

ALL: Eric the Half a Bee.

VOLDEMORT: Surely half a B is an o?

HERMIONE2: (thinks) You know he's right...

ALL: A B C D E F G,

CRABBE: I thought K came after E.

HERMIONE3: No, that's just what George Bush thinks.

ALL: Eric the Half a Bee.

AUTHOR: May I just put that since George Bush is currently in my country while I write this and not wanted here I feel the special need to add in extra jokes about him- hang on. Where'd the third Hermione come from?

ALL: (shrug)

RON: Is this wretched demi-bee,

LUNA: Demi-bee? That's a kind of tornado that makes no damage but paints your house green, isn't it?

HERMIONE4: No that's a- I don't actually know what that is.

RON: Half asleep upon my knee,

HERMIONE1: Can I stop multiplying here!

ALL TWELVE HERMIONES: (shrug)

RON: Some freak from a menagerie?

GINNY: Yep. They are.

HERMIONES: Grr...

ALL: (shout) No! It's Eric the Half a Bee.

HERMIONE1: There are more of me than there are of you. I can do anything I like.

ALL: Fiddle di dum, fiddle di dee,

HERMIONE6: Hey, she's right.

HERMIONE8: Let's go on a murderous rampage.

ALL: Eric the Half a Bee.

HERMIONES: (go on murderous rampage)

HERMIONE1: Oops.

ALL: Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,

HERMIONE11: Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

LOCKHART: (dies)

HERMIONE9: Nice.

ALL: Eric the Half a Bee.

HERMIONE1: Ron! Stop them! They're killing everyone!

HERMIONE22: Here's for taking points from me in first year! (Kills McGonagall)

RON: I love this hive employ-ee-ee,

HERMIONE1: Ron that's very flattering but not very helpful.

RON: Bisected accidentally,

HERMIONE14: Not accidentally for long (wields sword) Nehehehehehe!

RON: One summer's afternoon by me,

DEATHEATERS: (while being slowly massacred one by one) (dance)

RON: I love him carnally.

ALL: (stop and stare) WHAT?! He loves him carnally...

RON: Semi-carnally. The end.

GARY: Oh good. I thought this slaughter would never come to an-aargh!

FRED: Cyril Connelly?

HERMIONES: (innocently) That wasn't us...

RON: No, Semi-carnally.

AUTHOR: Oh! He was talking about that slaughter. I thought he was insulting me... Sorry... Carry on...

FRED: Oh.

HERMIONES: (continue on murderous rampage)

ALL: Cyril Connolly

HERMIONE1: Ron! You've got to do something! You can do it Ron! Save the world! Be a Hero! Et cetera!

FRED: (Whistles)

RON: Why?

HERMIONE1: Why?! Because some of us enjoy the process of breathing, that's why!

RON: No, I mean why as in 'why?' the philosophical question.

HERMIONE1: I hardly think this is the- you're going to sing Bruces' Philosophers Song, aren't you?

RON: (nods eagerly)

RAVENCLAWS: Yay! Finally! Something mildly intelligent!

FRED + GEORGE: Ha!

RON: Immanuel Kant was a real pissant.