And now for something completely different: Ron singing

Last time we left our heroes no one sang anything and Voldemort almost got arrested for trying to slip a 'Not the Nine o'clock News' sketch in to this fic. Legolas transformed in to Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean and Jack from the same movie also appeared. The characters were about to give up all hope for the fic and go back to their normal, productive lives when...

Voldemort walks in holding high a Monty Python CD. All stop playing/talking/dancing and look at him. A beam of light shines down on the holy CD.

RON: The fic's back on!

ALL: (Cheer and generally celebrate)

RON: (Takes CD from Voldemort) Lets see what kind of songs you've got on here.

VOLDEMORT: (Snatches CD back) Oit! That's mine!

RON: (snatches CD) I only want to see...

VOLDEMORT: (snatches CD back) Well you can't, it's mine.

Ron and Voldemort then go on to get in to a huge squabble over who gets to look at the back cover of the CD. Hermione2 gets involved to try and sort things out but Hermione1 gets in her way and the two start their own fight. The rest of the hall watch in amazement until...

SEAMUS: Bundle!!!

ALL: (rush towards fight to create one huge pile of people)

DUMBLEDORE: (climbs on staff table) Geronimo!!! (Jumps right in to the middle of the pile)

MORBO: (copies Dumbledore) Crowd surfing! Whee!!!

RON: (from middle of pile) (in Mr Smith from Matrix impression) Wet Willy Mr Potter...

HARRY: Aargh! (Jumps to his feet sending all flying off in different directions) Oh please! This is completely ridiculous. If we have to do this stupid thing can we at least do it properly?

ALL: No.

RON: You know, as much as it pains me to say it, Harry's right.

ALL: (gasp)

NEVILLE: No Ron! It can't be true!

LAVENDER: Take it back Ron! Take it back!

RON: I'm sorry. But I can't. Harry's... Harry's got something right.

PARVATI: (faints)

RON: Let's just get on with the next song.

HARRY: What are we going to sing?

RON: I'll sing the Spam song. The rest can join in but there'll be no more of this open mike night nonsense.

CHO: Open mike! (Rushes towards piano)

RON: Hold it right there missy. Let's do this right. Everyone get a Viking hat!

VIKING HAT SELLER: Viking hats! Get your Viking hats! Get 'em while they're spiky.

HOT DOG SELLER: Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs! Get 'em while they're hot!

POPCORN SELLER: Popcorn! Get your popcorn! Get it while it's popped!

CLASSIC ART WORK SELLER: Classic art! Get your classic art! Get it while it's valuable!

ALBATROSS SELLER: Albatross! Get your albatross!

DEAN: What flavour is it?

ALBATROSS SELLER: What do you mean 'what flavour is it'? It's an albatross. It's albatross flavoured.

DEAN: Nah, I'll just have a Viking hat then.

VIKING HAT SELLER: (gives Dean a Viking hat)

DEAN: (eats it)

STAFF: Spam spam spam spam,

HARRY: Wow, this is inventive.

GRYFFINDORS: Lovely Spaaam!

ERIC IDLE: (thwacks Harry)

STAFF: Spam spam spam,

HARRY: (rubs head) Ow...

SLYTHERINS: Wonderful Spaaam!

ALL: (point at Harry and snigger)

STAFF: Spam spam spam spam

HARRY: Hey...

RAVENCLAWS: Lovely Spaaam!

HARRY: Aren't you being a little over enthusiastic?

HUFFLEPUFFS: Wonderful Spam.

HARRY: I mean it's only Spam.

ALL: Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. (Stare at Harry in shock) Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.

GEORGE: Are you saying you don't like Spam?

ALL: Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.

HARRY: Yes. I rather think I am.

ALL: Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.

FRED: But it's...

ALL: Lovely Spaaam!

WILL TURNER: (nods in approval) Nice cut.

DEATH EATERS: (dancing) Lovely Spam!

FRED: Thanks.

ALL: Lovely Spaaam!

AUTHOR: Thanks.

DEATH EATERS: Lovely Spam!

FRED: What are you thanking him for? He praised me.

ALL: Lovely Spaaam!

AUTHOR: It was my idea. My timing.

FRED: But I said it.

ALL: Spaaam,

DEATH EATERS: Wahey!

FRED: That wasn't even close to a sexual reference.

ALL: Spaaam,

LUCIUS: Hey, we get turned on by anything.

DEATH EATERS: Wahey!

ALL: Spaaam,

HARRY: Ew.

DRACO: Dad!

ALL: Spaaaaaam!

AUTHOR: These characters are getting out of control.

AVERY: And that's the way we like it baby.

DEATH EATERS: Wahey!

AUTHOR: (backs away slowly)

RON: Er... methinks we need to change the subject. Let's get another song. How does everyone feel about Oliver Cromwell.

DRACO: Cool.

DEAN: Interesting.

HERMIONE1: Sexy.

HERMIONE2: (stares at Hermione1) Okay, I don't agree with that...

LAVENDER: Why not?

LOCKHART: (throwing himself in to Hermione2's lap) Because she loves me!!!!!!!

HERMIONE2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick Ron!!! Start the next song!!!!!

RON: Actually I want to see how this-

HERMIONE1: (grabs Ron by the collar and holds him up) (growling) Start it...

RON: Okay, okay. Neville?

NEVILLE: (plays piano)

RON: The most interesting thing about King Charles the First...