And now for something completely different: Ron singing

Last time we left our heroes the author got rather trigger-happy and turned the Narrator guy in to a cockroach. After appeals from the characters she relented and brought back the Narrator guy, Lucius and another Hermione. All the characters dressed up like pirates and sang the Accountancy shanty. Eric Idle, a leprechaun and a medium guy serving drinks appeared from nowhere. Senna Wells ran on and stole Lucius' pimp stick and Lockhart, the Hermiones and Legolas got in to an argument over who kissed whom.

RON: Okay, I'm going to sing something else now.

HARRY: Why? Voldemort's gone.

RON: To shut them up.

HARRY: Ah! So what are you going to sing?

RON: Um... I'm not sure. Ooh! How about I like-

DUMBLEDORE: No! You cannot sing that!

HARRY: Why not?

DUMBLEDORE: Because we must go to...

DEAN: (takes out trumpet and blows a fanfare)

DUMBLEDORE: Camelot!

HARRY: Camelot?

MCGONAGALL: Camelot!

BLAISE: It's only a model.

ALL: Shh.

DUMBLEDORE: Knights, to your new home. Let us ride...to ... CAMELOT!

HARRY: Who's he calling a knight?

GEORGE: Not you for sure.

BLAISE: (gets out clarinet and plays)

LEE: (plays drum kit)

ALL: We're Knights of the Round Table.

HOUSEELVES: (come from nowhere and start wondering around with dishes for no particular reason)

HARRY: Ah-

ALL: We dance when e're we're able.

HARRY: What d-

GRYFFINDORS: (jump on table)

DEATH EATERS: (dance)

ALL: We do routines, and border scenes, and footwork imp-e-cable;

HARRY: You're not-

ALL: We dine well here in Camelot; we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot.

HARRY: You're not giving me enough time to say funny comments!

FRED: So?

GRYFFINDORS: (also dance while kicking bowls and foodstuff off the table)

ALICIA: (kicks House elf)

HERMIONES: Alicia, stop it.

ALICIA: It's part of the routine...

ALL: We're Knights of the Round Table,

HARRY: I-

ALL: Our shows are for-mid-able

HARRY: Will-

ALL: The many times, we're given rhymes, that are quite un-sing-able

PARVATI: (kicks duck)

HARRY: Then why do-

ALL: We like opera in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot!

HARRY: It doesn't make sense! This isn't a song; this is just a whole load of words that Rhyme put to a tune

LAVENDER: I thought that was what a song was.

FLITWICK: Yeah, same here...

CEDRIC: (claps)

HARRY: Where did he come from?

DEATH EATERS: (Tap dance)

HARRY: I wish I could say I was worried about that...

ALL: Though we're tough and able,

ALICIA: (steps on Crookshanks)

HERMIONES: Alicia!

ALL: Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable,

HARRY: (quickly) Iamgoingtogetawordinwhetheryoulikeitornot.

ALL: Between our quests, we seek incest and impersonate Clark Gable,

HARRY: Who's Clark Gable?

LEGOLAS: (shrugs)

ALL: It's a busy life in Camelot:

SNAPE: (in a bass solo) I have to push the pram a lot!

BLAISE, LEE AND DEAN: (finish playing)

DUMBLEDORE: On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place.

MCGONAGALL: Yeah

SNAPE: Agreed

TRELAWNY: Let's go.

RON: Am I allowed to pick the next song or has this turned in to open mike night?

CHO: It's open mike night? Great! (Grabs Neville's keyboard, turns it in to a real piano with a flick of her wand and plays the minute waltz)

NICOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just a Minute!

HARRY: Now this is ridiculous

DENNIS CREEVEY: It may be ridiculous but this thing is doing wonders for my autograph book. (Goes up to Nicolas Parsons) Speaking of which. (Puts book in front of Nicolas Parsons)

NICOLAS PARSONS: (signs book)

MORBO: What about me?

DENNIS: No one knows who you are.

MORBO: Well now they do.

LUNA: Dennis, I completely agree with you. (Goes up to Legolas holding scissors out) Can I have a lock of your hair?

LEGOLAS: Sure. (Cuts out lock of hair)

LUNA: Brilliant! (Gets out copy of The Quibbler) Now according to this if I can find a pineapple and a piece of rubber then I can clone you.

EVERY GIRL IN THE HALL: (Goes off to find Pineapple and piece of rubber)

LOCKHART: Do you want to clone me?

ALL: No.

RON: Yes yes yes, we all want to clone Legolas-

HARRY: You do?

RON: Well... yeah.

HARRY: (edges away)

RON: Whatever. What song will we do next?

LUCIUS: I know! (Disappears under staff table)

MCGONAGALL: Ooh, I say.

LUCIUS: (comes out wearing tux) (looks around guiltily) It wasn't me. (Sits down at piano) Good evening ladies and gentleman, here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean

A/N: WARNING: The next chapter is incredibly rude since Lucius will be singing the Penis song. If you do not like that sort of thing then skip to the next chapter.