Journal of a Mister Cool

September 1st, 7:30 am, breakfast in the Kitchen of Hell

They're not coming with me to the station. Mum, Dad, Regulus, none of them. I mean, I didn't really expect that all three of them would come to wave me goodbye, crying like babies - and I wasn't up to that anyway - but I didn't expect them to just send me with Andromeda and Narcissa.

Not that I care or something, but still.

Today is the day! I'm finally going to Hogwarts; I'm finally going to have friends!

I never really had friends. I was home-schooled by Mum, so I didn't have any classmates, and we're not allowed to talk to the Muggle neighbours , so I only had Reg, and he's an idiot.

But that's all over now. I, Mister Cool, am going to get tons of friends who all adore me. Yeuh.

I am quite certain about Plan Cool. The eyebrow thing is finally coming through (I don't look like a St. Mungo's escapee anymore when I try it), and I am very good at the bored face expression (Probably because I am bored stiff in here). I am ready.

Oh, bugger, I still need to pack my trunk.

3:10 pm, On the Hogwarts Express

Andy and Cissy came around ten. I said goodbye to Mum, Dad, and Regulus.

"Well, Sirius," Dad said. "Good luck. Say hello to Professor Slughorn from me, your Head of House."

Professor Slughorn, your Head of House. As if it is a fact that I will be sorted into Slytherin.

"Er, sure," I said. "Well, bye then."

"Bye," they said, and they went on with what they had been doing.

Andromeda, Narcissa, and I drove in Uncle Cygnus's car to the station (We could have walked it but my cousins are two sluggish slackers) and walked through the gate to platform 9 ¾ (That was so cool). When we were there, Narcissa immediately ran off, and so did Andy, after I had told her I'd be fine on my own. She probably went to find Ted and snog him senselessly. Narcissa knows about Ted too, by the way, but she keeps her mouth shut because if she doesn't, Andromeda will tell everyone that Cissy isn't a real blonde.

I looked around. Everywhere there were children with their parents. An Asian looking boy, probably a sixth year or something, was being hugged so tightly by his mother that it looked as if he was being strangled. A little boy with enormous front teeth was trying to avoid a kiss from his mother ("Don't, Mum, people are looking!" "But Peter, sweetie, I won't see you for half a year!"), and a little redhead was talking to another girl, probably her sister.

That blond one didn't really look happy.

"Freak!" she screeched.

Well, that's not a very nice thing to say.

A bit further on, a boy with glasses and black hair that was so messy it shouldn't be allowed was talking to his parents. His mother looked sort of familiar...

She looked up and saw me.

"Sirius!" she called. Suddenly, I knew who she was. It was great aunt Dorea! She's an aunt of Mum's, but she isn't even that old. She beckoned me, and I walked towards them.

"Hello, Aunt Dorea," I said. She smiled. "Hello, dear. Are you coming to Hogwarts too this year? So is James here." The boy with the messy hair grinned at me. "Hey," he said.

Aha, so he is a Mister Cool, too!

"Hey," I said, in a Cool-blokes-among-each-other tone.

We talked a bit for a while, and Mr. Potter/Uncle Charlie/James's dad helped us to get our trunks in the train.

Then the whistle went and James said goodbye to his parents. "Bye, Honey, we'll see you at Christmas," Dorea said. "Bye Mum, bye Dad," James said.

"Bye, son," Charlie said, and he hugged him.

James and I found a compartment and sat down. We talked a bit about Quidditch (James has a Nimbus 1001! He's really cheesed off with the no-brooms-for-first-years rule), and then a boy and a girl came in. The girl was the one I had seen on the station (The red one, who had been called a freak) and the boy had a huge nose and long black hair.

As James and I were playing a game of Exploding Snap, the boy started to inform the girl about the Wizarding World and Hogwarts (She's probably a Muggle-born), until he said that she'd better be in Slytherin.

Apparently, James didn't agree to that, because he said: "Slytherin? Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave." Then he turned to me, who had been lounging in my seat, very casual. Very cool . "Wouldn't you?"

Well, my entire family consists of Slytherins, and they're all kind of weird. Besides, I don't want to be in the same House as my stupid cousin Narcissa, even though she gave me a cool flying carpet, but she pretends to be blond, but she really has just dark hair like the rest of the family, and Voldemort was in Slytherin too, and I think Voldemort is a duffer and so is this greasy weirdo opposite me, so no, not Slytherin, please. Hufflepuff seems okay, because Ted's in there, but I hate the colour yellow, so I'd prefer Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. You know what, let's pick Gryffindor. Lions are cool.

Of course I didn't really say that. James would think that I am an idiot (Which I am, but he doesn't need to know that). Instead, I just shrugged and said: "My whole family has been in Slytherin."

James was a bit shocked by that. "Blimey," he said. "And I thought you seemed all right!"

Pf, prejudice (Isn't that a cool word? I heard Andy say it when she and Cissy were talking in the car)! But he was sort of right, so I grinned and said: "Maybe I'll break the tradition."

Let's hope so.

So then James and the weird wannabe-Slytherin started arguing about which House was the best (James wanted to be in Gryffindor, like his dad), and then the weirdo said that Gryffindors are brawny, not brainy.

Then I made a brilliant comment.

It was so witty, so... I don't know. It was just great.

I said: "Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?"

There. Brilliant. Wicked. I should get the Order of Merlin for it, at least Second Class.

But apparently, the girl didn't seem to think so. She sat up and said (With a ridiculously high voice, honestly, girls are so stupid): "Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."

Severus! What a stupid name! Honestly, who calls his child Severus? You're just asking for it to be changed into something funny. Like... Snivellus. Hahaha, that'd be hilarious.

James and I both laughed and imitated the girl's voice. "See ya, Snivelus!" I called after them.

Ah, making friends, it's lovely.

10:30 pm, 1^st year's Boys Dormitory

I'm not in Slytherin! I'm in Gryffindor, with James! I'll start with when we came out of the train.

"Firs' years, Firs' years over here!" called an enormous bloke with so much hair that, if someone would shave it off, one could give an entire orphanage a jumper for Christmas.

Not that anyone would want that kind of a jumper. Ugh.

Anyway. He brought us to the lake, where a couple of little boats were waiting for us. James and I climbed into a boat, next to the hairy bloke, who turned out to be called Hagrid. I like him. He told us about the Forbidden Forest and what kind of creatures live in it. James and I should really go there sometime.

From a distance we could see Hogwarts, and it was so cool. All those towers and lights. Wow.

Then we arrived at the castle.

This is it , I thought as I was walking through those huge doors. My new life. In the entrance hall, there was a strict looking woman with a black bun in her hair. I don't understand why women put their hair in a bun. Why don't they just let it down?

She looked at me with an expression that clearly said: I don't like you.

Why? I hadn't even done anything yet! This was so unfair!

She told us about the four Houses, blablabla, that we had to follow her, blablabla. Then she told James to do something about his hair. James tried, but it didn't work even a bit. Then we entered the Great Hall.

There is a reason it is called the Great Hall. It is indeed, er... Great. Everywhere there were floating candles (hopefully not poisoned), and the ceiling was like the sky, full of stars. I looked up and saw Sirius, my star. It always makes me happy to see it. At home, when I had a row with Reg or was sent to my room, I would climb on the roof and watch it. In July and September, during the Dog Days, it's never visible, though. It's always visible again on my birthday, maybe that's why Mum and Dad called me Sirius.

Back to the Great Hall. There were four long tables and all the students looked at us as we were walking past them. I did a successful Mister Cool walk and saw Andy and Narcissa sitting at the Slytherin table. They waved. Andy smiled. Narcissa nudged some blond bloke, and I heard her say: "That's my little cousin. Make some room for him, okay?"

We had to stand by the staff table, and the woman with the bun put down a little stool with a very old hat - the Sorting Hat. She rolled out a piece of parchment and called: "Abbot, Jacob!"

A boy with light blond hair walked towards the stool as if his death sentence were waiting for him there (Wow, what a sentence! Maybe I'll be a writer!). The woman (Who is called Professor McGonagall, by the way) put the hat on his head and it called: "Hufflepuff!" Then Morgan Avery was sorted into Slytherin and Damocles Belby into Ravenclaw and then...

"Black, Sirius!"

On the inside, I was almost dead, I was so nervous, but on the outside, I was Mister Cool. I caught some comments from students sitting at the tables:

"Awww, what a cutie! I wouldn't mind showing the castle to that one!"

"Bertha, you child molester!"

"Where d'you reckon they'll put him?"

"Slytherin of course, didn't you hear his name?"

McGonagall gave me a really weird look as she put the hat on my head. Was it... interest? Curiosity? Something else that I don't know a word for?

"Aha!" a little voice in my head said. "You are something different, aren't you?"

"Sure," I murmured. "Just don't put me in Slytherin, all right?"

"Oh, no, definitely not Slytherin." I sighed with relief. "But where do you belong? Mmm... let's see. You are smart, very smart indeed. And loyal, too. And what about courage? Oh, yes, tons of it, yes, yes... " I was starting to get a bit impatient. I didn't want a personality scan, I just wanted to be sorted.

"Er, could you cut the crap and sort me, please?" I asked. My mum would kill me if she heard this. I don't understand why though, because she isn't the politest of people herself.

"All right, all right," the Hat said, a bit irritated. Had I insulted him? Honestly, it's a hat. Do I have to be polite to a hat?

"Have it your way, then, Mister Fretful," it said.

It's Mister Cool, actually.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Yes! The last one of the four tables started to cheer (Well, not the table itself, but the people sitting at it, but you can understand that if you're not too dim). From the corner of my eye, I saw James sticking his thumbs up at me. McGonagall took the hat off my head, again with an odd expression on her face. What is it with that woman?

As I was walking towards the Gryffindor table I heard McGonagall call: "Bott, Belle!" but I wasn't paying attention. I saw Narcissa sitting at the Slytherin table. Her jaw was on the floor. I snickered and sat down next to a boy with red hair, who introduced himself as "Quintus Weasley, prefect." He introduced me to his brothers, Jack, Will, Philip and Marcus. He also had two other brothers, Arthur and Brian, but they had already left Hogwarts and Arthur had a wife and a baby.

In the meanwhile, Adrina Davis had been sorted into Slytherin. I had totally forgotten to pay attention. So I did now.

"Eal, Amanda!" McGonagall called. A girl with long black hair walked towards the stool. She didn't seem to be nervous at all.

"Ravenclaw!" the Hat called only a few seconds after it had touched her head.

"Evans, Lily!" The girl from the train walked towards the stool. She looked indeed as if she would fit in Slytherin, because her face was just as green as the Slytherin banners.

Even though her hair couldn't have been more red.

The Hat touched her head, screamed: "Gryffindor!" and I started cheering, together with the rest of the Gryffindors. My first Housemate!

I made some room for her on the bench, but she didn't want to talk to me.

Sigh. Women.

The next Gryffindor was Emily Keane, a girl with short dark hair, who started talking to Lily as if they were best friends already.

What if there would be only girls in my class? I didn't think I could survive that.

"Lockhart, Gilderoy!" A blond boy with a smile from here to Egypt sat down on the stool. The Hat was silent for a while. Then in said: "Hufflepuff!" The Hufflepuff table started cheering, and he made a bow, as if he had just made a very impressive performance. Wanker.

Please, let there be another boy in Gryffindor, I thought as Lola Lovegood was being sorted into Ravenclaw. Please, let James be in Gryffindor too. Or anyone else.

Luckily, Remus Lupin, a boy with light brown hair who didn't look very healthy joined us. My first roommate!

Then there were:

Lynch, Sebastian (Ravenclaw)

Maddock, Alasdair (Hufflepuff)

Macdonald, Mary (Gryffindor!!!)

Macmillan, Brian (Hufflepuff)

Macmillan, Mary (Hufflepuff)

Mulciber, Dimitri (Slytherin)

Pettigrew, Peter (Gryffindor!!!)

Pomfrey, Poppy (Ravenclaw)

Potter, James (Gryffindor!!!! Yeuh!)

Pritchard, Daisy (Slytherin)

Rosier, Evan (Slytherin)

Shingleton, Gaspard (Ravenclaw)

Snape, Snivellus (haha) (Slytherin, of course)

Spinnet, Jessica (Hufflepuff)

Wilkes, Lucas (Slytherin)

Zeller, Evelyn (Hufflepuff)

von Ziegesar, Kiki (Ravenclaw)

After the feast, Quintus brought us to the Gryffindor tower, which is on the seventh floor. Along the way, I saw a lot of really cool stuff. I really need to investigate this castle.

The Gryffindor tower is guarded by a portrait of a very very very fat lady and you have to give the password to her and then she swings open. The common room is warm and cozy, really different than home. Quintus showed us our dormitory, and that's where we are now, the four of us. I'm so happy I'm with James. And the other two also seem all right to me.

I really don't feel like sleeping yet. I want to explore the castle. Let's see if James is thinking the same thing.