Journal of a Mister Cool

August 18^th, 1971

Reg says diaries are for girls, but he doesn't know what he's talking about. First of all, girls can't write, everybody knows that (except Regulus, but what does he know?), and second, this isn't a diary. It's a journal. That's something totally different. A journal of my super-cool life.

Well, it's not actually super-cool yet, but it's going to be. When I go to Hogwarts.

Only two more weeks! Yippee!

No, wait. Cool boys don't say yippee. They say... Yeuh. Yeuh! I'm going to be cool. The coolest boy in school. No more Yippee-ing. Yeuh!

Anyway, within two weeks I will be at Hogwarts! No more shrieking from Mum! No more stupid Reg, pretending to be a Death Eater ("Fear me, idiots! I, Regulus Black am going to blow up your houses!"), no more moaning from Dad about blood purity, no more Kreacher! And especially, no more stupid cousins!

Oh wait, Andy and Cissa are still at Hogwarts, and probably also a lot of second (and third) cousins I don't even know! Noooooo!!!!! Well, Andy is all right, but I don't want to be stuck with Narcisssa for EVERY BLOODY DAY! I hope I won't be in Slytherin, or I'll have to sit at her table every day.

But... Bella isn't at Hogwarts anymore! Yippee! I mean, yeuh!

Bellatrix is crazy. Even crazier than Mum. Yesterday she came over for dinner and instead of just eating her meat, she chopped it into a thousand pieces first. Really freaky. And she is in love with Voldemort. No kidding, I swear! She talks about him all the time, about how powerful he is, and what fantastic things he does (like killing muggles, is he allowed to do that, by the way? I've never heard anyone say he's not).

Yesterday she was doing it again ("The Dark Lord...blabla....the Dark Lord said....blablabla...") and I sang: "Bella and Voldemort, sitting in a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G."

I know. Childish. But for now I'm still allowed to do it, at Hogwarts I will have to be Mister Cool.

A couple of things happened:

1) Regulus fell off his chair because I had said Voldemort's name out loud.

2) Bella glared at me furiously and hexed me (I still can't open my mouth, if I try, my lips start to rip).

3) Mum started to screech. Not at Bella, for hexing her beloved (huge fake cough) son, but at me, for insulting Bellatrix and saying "Voldemort" out loud.

4) Dad sent me to my room because he was "heartily sick of my stupid trap".

I have such a loving family. I'm really going to miss them.

August 19^th, 1971

Aah! The starvation! I'm famished. I'm still not able to eat, thanks to Bella's hex. Stupid Bella. If I die of hunger, it's her fault.

If I can't eat now, I will actually die of hunger. Bah.

What to do before going to Hogwarts

1) EAT!!!!

2) Buy school supplies. Must ask Mum. Hope I can go alone.

3) Find list with school supplies. Must Ask Kreacher.

4) Become cool.

5) Remind Dad to bring me to the station.

6) When I have my books, find a hex to take revenge on Bella.

There is just one tiny little problem. How can I do all these things WHEN I CAN'T OPEN MY MOUTH??!! Bugger. Bloody Bella. I hope I'll find a terrible hex.

Days until Hogwarts: 13

August 20^th 1971

Hurray! Finally! I can open my mouth again. I'm going to do the things on my list right NOW.

What to do before going to Hogwarts

1) EAT!!!! Check. Ate everything edible, including half a pouch of dog food (Why do we have dog food? We don't have a dog!), which tasted actually really good

2) Buy school supplies. Must ask Mum. Asked Mum. Went allright:

"Mum?" I asked carefully. You always have to be careful with Mum, or else she can go mad and throw things at your head.

Mum put Pureblood Magazine down and snarled: "Yes?"

"Er, I need to buy my school supplies and..."

"Yes, yes, I know," she said irritated. "Andromeda is taking you to Diagon Alley tomorrow."

"Andy?" I asked, surprised. "But-"

"Did you think I'd let you buy your stuff alone? You don't have any taste at all when it comes down to clothes. I'm not going to let you disgrace the name of Black by wearing some ridiculous robes. Here's your money." Yeuh! Going to Diagon Alley with Andy is even better than going alone!

3) Find list with school supplies. Must Ask Kreacher. Kreacher was in Regulus's room, snickering with Reg about something (Probably me, they always talk about me behind my back). I stormed into the room and they immediately stopped laughing. "I don't want you to come in my room, Sirius," Regulus said angrily. "Can't you read?" He pointed at the sign on the door, which is supposed to freak people out, even though it doesn't. I ignored him. "Kreacher, what have you done to my list of things I need for Hogwarts?"

Kreacher tried to look innocent, but he is not very good at innocent glances. So I said: "Don't lie to me Kreacher. I know you have it. Where is it?"

A really nasty smile appeared on his face and he said: "Kreacher doesn't have the list, master Sirius. Kreacher would never lie to you." Yeah, right. He would if he found a way. But I told him not to lie, so he had to speak the truth. Stil,l I didn't trust it. He looked too pleased with himself, just like Regulus.

Then I had a Smart-Sirius moment. He must have given it to Reg. And I happen to know where Reg hides stuff: Under his mattress. So I quickly lifted his mattress, and there it was. I grabbed it and walked away, sticking my tongue out at Regulus and Kreacher. Ha.

4) Become cool.

Plan Cool

How to become a Mister Cool

1. No more childish words. Replace by cool words. For example:

Yippee → Yeuh.

Stupid → Bloody (or other swear word).

Hello → Wotcher, no, no, wrong, something like "hey".

2. Cool pose. Laidback, hands in pocket. Casual.

3. Bored face expression. Bored = cool.

4. Practice to raise eyebrows separately.

5. Make people believe writing a diary - journal - is super-cool.

6. Buy cool robes. Must ask Andy for help.

5) Remind Dad to bring me to the station. Asked him. He merely shrugged and said: "I'll see if I have time." And what if he DOESN'T have time? Huh, huh? How am I supposed to GET there?

6) When I have my books, find a hex to take revenge on Bella. I still have to do that.

Days until Hogwarts: 12

August 21^st, 1971

Andy picked me up at half past nine. "Snuffles!" she called when I opened the door and she gave me a big fat kiss on the cheek. Ugh.

Andy always calls me Snuffles. I used to snuffle at everybody when I was a baby, rumour has it. Andromeda says I was just like a puppy.

I really like Andy, but I wish she didn't find me so cute. After all, I'm almost twelve (3 more days!!!), and I'm cool now.

As we walked out of the street, I asked how we were going to Diagon Alley.

"Apparating," she said. "I have my licence now, and I can take you with me. But before we're going there, we'll first go somewhere else."

"Where?" I asked.

"Er, picking someone up."

"Who?" She stopped walking. I noticed she flushed a little bit.

"Listen, Sirius, before I say who, I want you to promise that you won't talk about this with your parents. Or any other family member. You know what, just don't tell anyone."

"Er, okay," I said. "I promise."

"Good." She smiled. "We're going to pick up my boyfriend. He will go shopping with us. I hope you don't mind."

Whaaaa!!! Andy has a boyfriend! Hahahaha! I would have loved to sing "Andy has a boyfriend, Andy has a boyfriend" with a very annoying little voice, but that doesn't really follow Plan Cool, so I just shrugged and said: "No, it's fine, as long as you two don't snog in my presence. Why aren't the others allowed to know, by the way?"

"Because... because he is a Muggle-born."

"Oh, right," I said intelligently. "That explains it. Are we going now?"

We walked into a little alleyway and Andromeda told me to hold her arm very tightly. Then I had this really weird feeling, as if I was being forced into a matchbox. Then it stopped. We were in a little Muggle village, and Andy walked towards a brick stone house and rang the bell. A blond bloke, around Andromeda's age, opened the door and smiled. "Hello, Andy," he said, and he kissed her.

Ugh! I had told her not to! Why had I agreed to this?

Then he looked at me. "Hello, there," he said. "Who are you?"

"This is my cousin Sirius," Andy said. "Sirius, this is Ted." We shook hands. "Are you coming to Hogwarts this year?" he asked. I nodded. Then we apparated to Diagon Alley.

It was the first time I ever met a Muggle-born. He didn't even look that evil.

We spent almost the entire day shopping. At Quality Quidditch Supplies, Ted and I agreed with each other that the Nimbus 1001 is the most brilliant broom in the world. We bought books, a cauldron, a wand, school robes (Ted and Andy helped picking out really cool ones), and loads of other stuff. Luckily, we didn't go to Knockturn Alley, where we usually go when I go with Mum and/or Dad. I hate it there. I don't like dark magic.

And the best thing is, Andy bought me an owl! A beautiful black one (of course), I called it Ted, and Ted and Andy found that very funny. She said she gave it to me because her mother forgot to buy me a birthday present last year and that is was an early birthday present for this year. I told her she was by far my favourite cousin.

"Well, that's not very difficult," Ted said. "When you look at your other cousins." Andy slapped him. "Don't you insult my sisters, Ted Tonks!" But she laughed as she said it, so I don't think she really minded.

I looked for something to hex Bella, but there aren't any hexes in my school books. I could use that Wingardium Leviosa charm though. That'd be fun.

I have also been practising the eyebrow-thing. Maybe I shouldn't have done it during dinner, because I was sent to my room again, and now I am really hungry, again.

Days until Hogwarts: 11

It's coming closer... Huzzah!

August 25^th 1971

Yesterday was my Birthday. It was boring except for the presents. I'll write a few of them down:

- A really cool penknife Uncle Alphard gave me. He says you can open any lock you want with it. Sounds cool. I could use it on that chest in the attic.

- Er... a thing from Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Ignatius. I don't know what it is, but it looks peculiar.

- A beautiful set of silver gobstones from Mum and Dad.

- A flying carpet! It's so cool. I should really appreciate Narcissa more. She gives me cool presents.

- A set of poisonous candles from Grandfather Pollux and Grandmother Irma. I don't know what they want me to do with them, but I can't think of anything healthy.

- A deck of self-shuffling playing cards with Black family members on them from Grandfather Arcturus and Grandmother Melania. I drew a moustache on the picture of Bellatrix (Queen of Spades). She started screaming. It was dead funny.

- A chess set from Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella. The white pieces are wizards and the black ones are muggles. I'm not sure if I like it yet.

- A thing that looked like a spider, from Bella. As soon I unwrapped it, it tried to puncture my arm. I hit it with:

- An enormous book, called: "Me and the Dark Arts". I can't remember who gave it to me.

- A Lunascope from Mum and Dad. It's kind of cool, but I don't really know what to do with it. okay, so I'll know when the moon is full. Great.

- Andy gave me two little mirrors. She said they are two-way mirrors and that you can use them to talk to the other person who has one of them. Handy.

- A poster of the Wigtown Wanderers from a friend of Dad's.

- A smelly package from Kreacher that I didn't open. I'm not that stupid.

I wondered why they didn't send me a letter from Hogwarts last year, since I was eleven then already. Dad said it's because you have to become eleven before the 20^th of August, or else they think you're too young.

WHY wasn't I born four days earlier??!! I could have gone to Hogwarts last year!!!

I think I'm going to fly on my carpet now.

Days until Hogwarts: 7

August 30^th, 1971

I haven't written anything for five days, sorry diary journal. I have just such a demanding social life. So much to do, not. The truth is, I haven't written anything because there hasn't been anything interesting (Except for that time when I set Kreacher's loincloth on fire, that was hilarious). I have spent most of the time reading. Not because I love books so much, but because there just isn't much else to do here. I have read all my schoolbooks by now (Which I'm not going to let anyone know at school, because something like that belongs more to Plan Geek than to Plan Cool). I have also played with/thrown away all my birthday presents (I threw away all the freaky stuff, which was the major part) and now I have nothing to do again. I'm so not going to read Mum and Dad's books because they are either boring or evil.

Maybe Reg wants to play Quidditch in the garden.

Reg wanted to play Quidditch, but only if we were both seekers. But that's boring, floating around all the time, looking for that stupid little ball. Chasing is so much more fun. Or beating, but that doesn't really have a point when there's just the two of us.

Eventually, I won the fight (Of course. Who's the oldest here, huh?) and we were both Keeper in turn, but then Reg quit because he had enough of it. Git.

Days until Hogwarts: 2. Yes! I hope those lumps will be gone by then (One word: chest in the attic).

Okay, technically that's four words, but who cares.