Ron Weasley and the Prefect Shower

Harry taps foot impatiently on the floor.

Ginny: Come on, Hermione.... only two chapters left. Let's go, go, GO!

Draco: (glares at Ron) I've been just itching to see what's going to happen. Too bad Granger here is so damn slow...

Hermione: Shut up, ferret.

Ron snickers.

Ginny: (sighs) This is just like everything else. I'm hardly in anything except the commentary, and when I finally come in it's something horribly embarrassing. But hurry up, I want to see what I do after I got finished 'stroking' you.

Draco: Like sending Potty a little valentine. How did it go again, Weaselette?

Ginny: (bites her lip) I can't quite remember. But it was ages ago, and I'm definitely not interested in Harry now....

Harry: Oh, thanks...

Ginny shrugs.

Draco: You snooze, you lose, scar head. Come on, mini Weasel...I'll take you out...

Ron: YOU WILL NOT!

Ginny: (makes gagging noises) Dream on Malfoy, I'm out of your league....

Draco: I beg your pardon? I'm out of your league? Which one of us lives in a filthy hole in the ground?

Ron lunges for Draco, but Hermione pulls him back down.

Harry: You'd better shut it, Malfoy. You're on everyone's last nerve.

Ginny shakes her head and mutters something about metrosexuals.

Draco: What did you say?

Ginny: Nothing.

Draco: Whatever...rooster-killer.

Ginny stares at Draco.

Hermione: What did he just say?

Harry: (sighs in an aggravated fashion and rubs his temples) He called Ginny a rooster-killer...

Ron: That's it! Let me go Hermione...I'm going to kill him!

Hermione: (glares at Draco, but turns back to the chapter) Forget it Ron...kill him after we're finished with the fourth chapter.

Ginny: ...

Draco: Shocked?

Ginny: ...I can't believe you even said that.

Harry: Go to hell Malfoy. You'd better hope Hermione takes her time.

Draco: And why's that?

Ron: That way you've got longer to live....

'Ron! What have you done to Hermione?'

Ron gulped and looked up from his homework to look at his ferocious little sister marching down the stairs. 'I-I d-didn't do anything. Honest! She wouldn't even let me fin-'

'Just shut up and listen to me, Ronald! You are going to meet Hermione tonight by the lake and fix everything. Do you hear me?' demanded Ginny, her green eyes flashing dangerously.

Ron flushed. 'I...er...But I can't. Every time I try to talk to her, I end up saying the wrong thing or saying something completely daft.'

'And how's that different from how you talk around everyone else?' snickered Harry from the corner.

Harry snickers.

Ginny: Green eyes? Has this person ever heard of canon?

Hermione: I suppose not.

Ron: At least they got the ferocious part down. Ginny's like a smaller, more evil version of Mum. Stop laughing, Harry!

Draco: You know, you haven't been in here much. Have you, orphan?

Hermione: Malfoy! You are completely out of line today! You were at least semi-civil before...

Draco: (shrugs) I'm out of line everyday...you're just not around to see it, Mudblood.

Ron: SHUT IT!

Draco: NO!

'Look...I don't know Ginger....'

Ginny: Ginger?

'I don't care, Ron. You're making Hermione feel terrible. Now I know you super-like her. I don't get what the problem is.'

Ron sighed and sank further into the chair. 'It's just- I always dreamed about seeing Hermione naked...'

Harry made a disgusted face at Ginny, who rolled her eyes and pretended not to hear.

'And when I finally did, I was so happy and shocked, I couldn't think of anything to say. I was sort of beside myself. And.. I ruined everything, didn't I?'

'You didn't ruin anything. You just...need to talk to her. She really needs to know how much you care about her.'

'What's she doing now?'

Ginny sighed. 'She's upstairs crying and listening to Bob Marley and The Clash.'

Hermione: What?

Ron: What's a Bob Marley? And who is The Clash?

Ginny shakes with the laughter.

Harry: That is completely ridiculous.

Hermione mutters and begins scribbling comments on the page.

Ginny: Relax, Hermione. At least now you now the truth...Ron's always dreamed about seeing you naked.

Ron: Shut up, you little squirt!

Ginny: No! You told Harry about my crush before. So I can tell Hermione about yours! And it's not like she didn't already know...

Ron: What!?

Ginny: I told her ages ago. I read it in the journal you kept under Mr. Rutherford II...

Ron pushes Ginny roughly from her perch on the arm of the couch.

Ginny: OW!

Hermione: Knock it off, Ron. There's no need to get violent with Ginny. I'm so stupid I couldn't figure it out. I do possess common sense.

Ron: (looks around wildly) You figured wrong! I-I don't fancy you!

Draco slinks away and quietly stuffs the picture of Ron and Hermione into his pocket.

Harry: What are you doing over there, Malfoy?

Draco: Nothing...just fantasizing about Weasley.

Ron: (whirls around) All right...that's it! If you make one more comment about my sister...

Hermione: RON! We have a chapter to finish.

Draco: You know, if you keep turning around so quickly like that, you're going to hurt your neck.

Ron glares at Draco, muttering under his breath.

Ginny shakes her head at Draco.

Draco: It doesn't matter either way....

Ron sighed heavily. 'Now I've done it.' he muttered as he trudged through the portrait hole.

Ginny shook her head at the retreating form of her brother. 'What a git.'

Harry shrugged. 'Ah...he'll see reason sooner or later. You and I got into quite a few rows before we got settled, remember.'

Ginny blushed. 'Of course I do my little hero...'

'That's my girl...my Virginia...'

Ginny: No offense Harry, but that's just wrong. And my name's not Virginia....

Harry: (shakes his head) That's okay. I didn't like 'my little hero', either...

Draco: (begins to chant in a singsong voice) Orange Crush, Orange Crush, Orange Crush...

Ginny: Shut up.

Draco: So what is your name then?

Ginny: (sniffs) None of your business...that's what.

Hermione: It's Ginerva Molly.

Ginny: Thanks a lot!

Ron snickers.

Ginny: Shut it, Ronald Bilius...

Draco: I always thought that was just a pathetic little Fandom rumor.

Ginny: No, it's Bilius all right.

Draco: Ginerva....

Ginny: SHUT IT!

Draco: Using your brother's tactics? How classy.

Ginny glares at Draco.

Ginny and Harry snuggled and snogged well into the afternoon hours.

Ginny: Lovely...

Draco: If by lovely, you mean psychically and mentally sickening, disturbing, and scarring...then, yes. It was rather lovely.

Ron paced the halls, a sick feeling in his stomach. He was going to have to tell her he loved her tonight. Merlin, that was going to be hard. What should he say and how should he say it? Where should he stand? Should he touch her?

The sound of low moaning emanating from a broom closet caught his attention.

Curious, he opened it. His mouth dropped open as he saw-

Draco: A Weasley sandwich! Twincest with mini Weasel in between! (laughs)

Hermione: That was revolting. Keep your filthy mouth shut, Malfoy! (Carefully folds a paper that reads, WEASLEY REVENGE ATTACK PLAN)

Ron: What's that? WRAP?

Hermione: Nothing.

Ron: You'd better just leave Fred and George alone, Hermione. You don't know what you're dealing with.

Hermione: They don't know what they're dealing with!

Ginny: Enough! Finish this bloody chapter!

Malfoy and Lavender Brown were locked together, robes askew and flushed.

Malfoy's deep gray eyes widened. 'W-weasel? What are you doing here?'

Ron snorted. 'Might ask you two the same question.'

Lavender blushed and looked at the ground. 'Please don't tell anyone, Ron.'

Ron sighed. 'Lavender, I'm surprised at you. After all those comments he makes about Muggle-borns?'

Lavender huffed and pushed Draco away. 'It was just a snog.'

Malfoy and Ron watched her go.

'You'd better keep your mouth shut about this, Weasel! If you don't, I'll-' he glared at Ron, seemingly at a loss for words.

Ron just shook his head and walked away. He had more important things to do than worry about nancy-boy Draco and whom he snogged.

Draco: Brown?! Nancy-boy?! This story is trash! Burn it!

Ron: All except the nancy-boy part...

Draco: I'd never be caught dead with Brown or her kind.

Ginny: Daddy wouldn't approve? Then again, there's not much he can do from Azkaban, now is there? I bet he's got a lot of boyfriends in jail. They probably just love that shiny blonde hair.

Harry: I sort of always forget Mr. Malfoy is in jail.

Hermione: I think L.I.S. sexy fans do too...

Ron: LIS?

Hermione: Lucius is sexy.

Ron and Draco both make faces.

Ginny: Eww! That's enough to give me nightmares.

Draco: Wouldn't mind being caught with mini Weasel in a broom closet....

Ginny: Would you leave me alone? What is with you today?

Ron: I...AM...WARNING...YOU....

Draco: It'll be a fabulous date. I know just how to make it special for you. We'll kill a few roosters, petrify some cats, and write in our diaries. And if the night goes well, who knows? Maybe we'll even get something to eat. That's a rare occurrence in the Weasley house, isn't it?

Ron shakes with anger.

Ginny glares at Draco for a moment...then slaps him hard across the face.

Draco: (holds his face and smirks) Oh well. Love can be painful, can't it?

Ginny: You're such a creep!

Draco: Excuse me! I thought you liked Slytherin boys. (mutters) Tom Riddle.

Harry: Shut up! Ginny was never with Tom Riddle.

Draco: Sure...

Ginny: He did sort of try to suck my soul from me and kill me. That's not usually a good base for a relationship. He was rather good-looking though.

Hermione: Ginny!

Ginny: (defensively) What?

Hermione: (sighs) Ron, get over here and help me check this chapter.

Harry: It was better than the last two...rather mild.

Draco: Run over to your wife, Weasel. (makes a whip sound)

Ron...

Ginny: Why don't you shut up, Draco?

Draco: Why don't you shut up and snog me?

Hermione: I can't wait to be finished. It was fun in the beginning, but it has sort of lost its flavor. I just sort of want it to be over.

Ginny begins to beat Draco violently.