Ron Weasley and the Prefect Shower

Harry sighs as Hermione finishes scribbling on the first chapter.

Ron: What are you doing there?

Hermione: Correcting grammatical errors.

Ron: (slowly) Grammatical.....

Hermione: It means dealing with words and their arrangement in sentences.

Ron: (angrily) I know what it means!

Harry: I don’t CARE what it means.

Draco: (sniffs and sits down farther away from the other four) I still have yet to read about moi.

Ron: Moi?

Draco: Yeah...it's French. You wouldn't know anything about being classy, would you weasel?

Ron glares at him.

Draco: (smugly) I’m bilingual, you know.

Ron gives him a look of disgust.

Harry: (shakes his head when he sees Ron) No...it means he can speak another language Ron. God, you’re thick.

Draco: Il est bete a manger du foin, no?

Hermione: You're about as French as French fries, Malfoy.

Ron: Yeah!....(leans over to Hermione) What are French fires?

Harry: FRIES, not fires, Ron.

Ginny: Just wait to read the next chapter. I have to use the lavoratory...

Draco snickers.

Exit: Ginny

Hermione: (nods and scans the first page) I almost forgot about that one.

Ron fidgets nervously with his hands, and glances sideways at Hermione.

Draco watches with a slow and evil smile.

Harry: You know what? If these bastards use the words 'colour' and 'favour', but then go on to spell them 'color' and 'favor', I will leave this room, Hermione. I’m just giving you fair warning. I HATE these things.

Hermione nods absentmindedly as she continues to scan the page.

Draco: I'm leaving if they say Merlin.

Ron: You could save us all the trouble and agony and leave now.

Draco: Jaloux?

Ron: Stop speaking French!

Enter: Ginny

Ginny: I'm back.

Harry: So soon?

Draco: Yeah...did you wash your hands?

Ginny: Go to hell, Malfoy.

Hermione clears her throat impatiently.

Draco: Ah yes, on to the next chapter old chaps.

Ron: Shut up.

Harry: Come on Hermione, let's get this over with.

Ron woke the next morning for breakfast and swore as he fumbled with his blouse and tie.

Draco: Weasel wears a blouse, does he?

Ron: SHUT UP!

Hermione: Could we PLEASE get through at least seven sentences before you idiots start bickering and commenting?

After dressing hurriedly and washing his face, Ron raced down the stairs. Panting, he finally reached the Great Hall. His eyes searched rapidly for Hermione, and found her sitting next to Harry, reading a gigantamous book.

Hermione: Honestly, now....gigantamous isn't even a real word.

Ron: Seven line rule Hermione!

Hermione's eyes widen and she huffs and looks away.

His stomach knotted up as he tried to push the images he'd seen a few nights before out of his mind. His stomach fluttered as he approached the table, watching how her soft brown curls had blonde streaks in it, and how she chewed her bottom lip in concentration. He blushed as he realized that his stomach and mind weren't the only things being effected by this scrutinizing examination of Hermione.

"Merlin..." he breathed as she brushed a stray hair from her face.

Draco: (stands up) That’s it...I’m out of here.

Hermione: (a bit viciously) Sit down! You are going to stay right there until we finish reading this story or I will kill you!

Ron, Ginny, and Draco all look at Hermione apprehensively.

Harry: (looks around and sighs) I hate you guys.

"Well well, what do we have here? A rare breed of gawking weasel?"

Clenching his fists, Ron whirled on Draco. "What do you want, ferret?"

Malfoy flushed and glared at Ron. "Just watching you pine for your little Mudblood, weasel."

"Don’t call her that!"

"Mudblood."

"Stop it!"

"Mudblood."

"I’m warning you, you donkey-raping $#%#$% &*^%@#$#%#$%#$%!@((^!!!!"

Ginny: (snickers) Merlin......

Ron: Wow, there’s one I haven’t heard before.

Draco raises his eyes eyebrows as Hermione tuts disapprovingly and scribbles furiously on the page.

Harry: ...

Ginny: Must be a South Park fan.

Harry: You see!? That’s completely out of context and out of line!!!! We are not South Park! We are Harry Potter!

Ron: That sounded strange coming from you, Harry.... That’s like me saying... 'We are Ron Weasley!' Wait, that sounded stranger.

Hermione: It sounds strange because you're not the main character. We are 'Harry Potter' characters because the books are about him.

Ron: This is like....one big mind warp or something.....

Harry groans and bangs his head backwards against the wall.

Draco: They made fun of us on a South Park episode once. 'I cast a spell on you!'

Ginny: (giggles) Yeah...I like that one. It was the Lord of the Rings episode, right? Where they’re all going after the porno tape and Butters is supposed to be Gollum.

Draco: You know...I read those books and-

Harry: It's funny....I didn't see anything in the disclaimer about this being a CROSSOVER!

Hermione looks up from writing.

Ron: Bloody hell Harry...you're more uptight about this thing than Hermione.

Hermione: Shut it Ron.

Harry: Whatever.

Draco: (leans over to Ginny and whispers) I think he’s on his period.

Ginny bites back her laugh.

Draco flushed again and glared at Ron.

Draco: I 'flushed', did I?

Ginny: Always good to that after you use the lavoratroy.

Hermione: Okay Ginny....the lavoratory thing is getting old fast.

Harry: I can see where she gets it from. (glances at Ron) Right Ron? Uranus?

Ron: Now THAT is old. Why’d you have to bring that back up?

Draco: Relax.... Anyway, BACK to Ron Weasley and the PREFECT shower...

"Got some mouth on you, don’t you, weasel?"

"That's it, Malfoy.... I'm sick of you calling her names...."

"I called you a name."

"But you were saying stuff about her before."

"That was before. That conversation ended with your stream of obscenities because then I brought the topic back to you by referring to you as 'weasel'."

Ron growled in his throat and was about to reply when Hermione lightly touched his arm.

"Ignore him, Ron," she said softly.

Draco: Granger’s favorite line.

Ron clenched his fists tighter. "Right," he muttered.

Malfoy smirked and nodded to them. "Weasel, Granger."

Ron watched him strut away and was barely able to process the words Hermione spoke to him.

"I think we need to talk, Ron."

Ron gulped and felt his ears turn red. "I-uh...I um.....all right then."

Hermione sighs and begins to correct the chapter.

Ginny: Glad that's over. I liked the first chapter better.

Draco: The second chapter always sucks.

Harry: You suck.

Draco: No....I’m straight.

Ron groans.

Draco: Disappointed?

Ron: No! I thought maybe we could get through this chapter without any sexual innuendos...but you had to go and ruin it.

Draco: (pretends to pout) Isn’t that a shame? And that really wasn’t a sexual innuendo at all. I was just being a smart ass. And come to think of it weasel...technically you’re the one who brought it up. So YOU ruined it.

Ron glares at him and opens his mouth to reply.

Draco and Hermione: Ignore him Ron.

Hermione glares at Draco now as Ron clenches his fists.

Ginny: Look at it this way. The story has perfect characterization of all of you.

Draco nods.

Hermione: That's true... (begins writing again)

Harry: Draco's right though. The second chapter always sucks.

Ron: Yeah....all our funny material was tired and recycled.

Hermione: (shrugs her shoulders) What did you expect? It takes time to get fresh material. I blame Ron and Ginny mostly.

Harry: Weasleys' love recyclable humor.

Ginny: When the hell am I going to show up?

Draco: Maybe in Granger's dorm...or in the Astronomy Tower when she tells Ron that her and Granger have been having sex and late night rendez-vous-

Hermione: ENOUGH!

Draco: Easy sugarplums....

Draco, Ginny, and Ron laugh as Hermione turns red and glares at all of them.