Ron Weasley and the Prefect Shower

Harry: Finished yet?

Hermione: (nods) I will be in a moment. Stop talking to me.

Ron and Draco glare at each other from across the room.

Ginny: Knock it off you two. We still have three chapters left to go.

Harry: Oh boy...

Draco: Well at least we all got a little taste of moi, right?

Hermione: Oh yes, we're all thankful for that.

Draco smirks at her.

Ron sighs and stands up to pace around the room.

Draco: Worried about what fan fiction Ron's going to do, weasel? (pretends to bite his nails) I don't know, Gin, will he confess his love and show that Gryffindor courage, or will he chicken out?

Ginny: (rolls her eyes) Don't call me Gin.

Hermione: Like Gin and Tonic....

Harry: I could use a Gin and Tonic right now...the drink I mean.

Ron: I could use a pillow... the cushion I mean. (snorts)

Harry: What!? That didn't even make sense.

Hermione: None of his jokes ever do. He only has that one....

Ginny snickers.

Hermione: What about lavatory?

Ginny stops laughing and shrugs.

Ron: (sighs) That's the point, Harry.

Harry: Shut up, Uranus.

Ron: (glowers) It's not funny anymore.

Harry: I know...it stopped being funny two years ago.

Hermione: (rolls her eyes and huffs) Honestly, Ron.

Draco: I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be thicker than Crabbe and Goyle, until this very moment. Weasel...you are without a doubt...the stupidest prat I ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on...wanker.

Ron: (glares at Draco but ignores him) I don't think I've ever seen any Ginamawhatsits fics....

Hermione: (still scribbling furiously on the packet.) Gin and Tonic.

Draco: I hate those fics.

Harry: Just jealous it's not you with her?

Hermione smirks as Ginny blushes.

Draco: That's it! How did you guess? I bet you hate those fics more than anyone Potty. I have to say though... (waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Ginny) I don't mind some of the steamy ones.

Ron: SHUT UP!

Ginny: Let him keep talking...it's the closest he's ever going to get.

Draco: Oh yeah? Leave everything to the imagination eh? (gives her a seductive stare)

Ginny: (gasps and pretends to faint in Hermione's lap) Oh Merlin! I can't handle the hormones!

Hermione pushes Ginny off her lap and onto the floor.

Draco shrugs and glances at Ron and Harry.

Ron glares at him and turns his face back towards Hermione.

Ron: Heeeerrmiiiioone, aren't you done yet? I want to get this over with.

Hermione: (glances up at Ron) Stop whining.

Draco: Wanker.

Ron: Shut it!

Hermione: Honestly, Ron, can't you wait for anything? Don't you care about all the errors in this story? It's a literary nightmare.

Draco: I've seen worse. (Weasel's mum...)

Ginny: At least the plot's not that bad.

Ron: Whatever.... I don't like it. No Quidditch, no humor...no nothing. It's stale...I can't be like Hermione and read boring things all the time. (snaps his mouth shut abruptly)

Hermione: (glares at the story) You know, Ron.... You could do to take a page out-

Ron: Don't you dare say it...!

Hermione: -Of my-

Ron: DON'T SAY IT!

Draco: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO YELL?

Hermione:...book.

Ron clenches his fists and stares at Hermione.

Harry and Ginny: OOoooohhhhhhh

Ron: Go on Hermione...say it again.

Hermione: Why? You couldn't process all that information the first time?

Harry clears his throat.

Draco: Let's get back to the story. This is boring the hell out of me.

Hermione flashes a withering look at Ron and turns back to the story.

Ginny: That sounds like an excellent idea.

Hermione pulled Ron into an empty classroom by the Grrate Hall. She setted her books down and seemed for a long time thinking.

Ron gulped and kept his eyes riveted to the stone floor.

"Ron.... I really think we need to talk about..."

"Class schedules?" Ron chirped hopefully. "Yes that's an excellent idea, Hermy. I was wondering about getting into Muggle studies courses, but I don't know if-"

Hermione sighed and flopped into a squishy armchair. "That's not what I was talking about Ron. We need to work out what happened last week."

Ron made an uncomfortable noise in his throat and fidgeted nervously. "I-I said I was sorry Hermy...."

"It's not about that. I.... never mind. It's not important. I just....you've been avoiding me all week."

"I-er, um...well, you see........."

Ginny: GET ON WITH IT! Enough stuttering and stagnant dialogue.

Hermione frowns and begins crossing out 'Hermy' from the pages.

Harry: (scratches his chin thoughtfully) Grrate...

Draco: (is chuckling) Chirped....

Ginny: Setted...

Ron: I don't chirp....

Hermione giggles and Ron turns red.

Ginny: (raises an eyebrow) What's this?

Hermione: (sobering at once) Nothing.

Ron: (ears turning red) If you're laughing about yesterday when I knocked you over coming into the common room.... that was all Fred and George's fault! They packed my pumpkin juice full of Weasley's Whiny voices! The one for boys! It makes you squeak!

Ginny: Riiiight.

Harry: Grrate.... what in the name of-

Draco: Merlin?

Ginny: Don't worry Harry; I still can't get over the lavatory joke.

Harry: I'm not even going to think about this anymore.

Draco: Said Harry as he entered the Grrate Hall. He satted down and seemed a long time thinking.

Ron sighed. "Cor Hermione...It's just that. Well..." He shrugged for lack of words.

Hermione's eyes filled with tears as she turned away.

"NO! Tha-that's not what I meant...I mean..."

And with that, she grabbed her books and pushed violently past Ron and out of the room.

"Merlin, am I in for it," he muttered. "Now I- Because Ron Weasley was indeed a whipped wanker. And not just any whipped wanker.... He was King of the Wankers.... Who was terrified of spiders and mad for Hermione Granger...Queen of bossy know-it-alls everywhere.

Ron: HEY!

Hermione: What is this?

Ginny:...

Harry raises an eyebrow towards Ginny.

Draco: Ooh...this story is finally getting a little more interesting.

Hermione: Wait a minute...this sort of looks like-

Ron: Fred and George's handwriting! Damn it!

Ginny: I probably should have told you, but.... they've been into the stories.

Hermione: What?

Ginny: Well! You try lying when Fred and George pour Weasley patented Truth Telling Potion down your throat.

Ron: And why would they do that?

Ginny: They wanted to know where I'd been going after Potions.

Draco: Hey! Look...here's a little picture and note too....

Dear IckleRonniekins and future sister in law,

This picture is just a small taste of things to come. We informed the aforementioned sister in law that if she continued to confiscate our order forms and in other means and manner 'boss us around' and rat on us (that's Ronnie's job), chaos and unpleasantness would ensue. Of course, her whipped manservant ickleRonniekins continued to assist her in her nefarious plans for the corruption of our honest and well-meaning business venture...and this is the result. MORE WILL COME! You're in for it, Ronniekins...just wait. I wouldn't go looking for your MR. Rutherford II if I were you. Remember what happened to Mr. Rutherford I.

Send our regards to Ginny and Harry please.

Best wishes,

Gred and Forge

P.S. Like the picture? Hermione should be pleased with our creativity. We did a lot of 'research' for this one.

Draco: Brilliant! Your family finally did something right!

Ron stares at with his mouth open.

Draco: (eyes widen as he grabs the picture) Heh heh...check out the sugarplums on Granger!

Ron tries to mouth 'shut it' but is staring in bewilderment at the suggestive picture.

Harry whistles through his teeth and inches his chair farther away.

Hermione: ...

Ron: Why is my hair all puffy? And....I look like a gorilla. My hair's not brown.... oh...that's Hermione..........

Draco: (glances at the picture, then Ron and Hermione, then back towards the picture.) No... no, it's very lifelike... I would assume Granger would be more dominant in the bedroom anyway... (turns the picture to the left and tilts his head) But I never in my nightmares imagined THAT kind of get up.

Hermione: T.h.e.y. a.r.e. i.n. s.o. m.u.c.h. t.r.o.u.b.l.e.

Ginny: (gulps nervously) Relax, Hermione, it's just a joke.... Sort of.... I'm sure they didn't mean to be lewd or...never mind. I'm not getting in the middle of this one.

Hermione: I. A.M. G.O.I.N.G. T.O-...oh, oh just wait. Come on! Let's get this over with so I can put those two idiots back in their place.

Harry: Er... (glances at Hermione who's lips are becoming thinner and thinner) ...Back to the story.

Hermione flopped onto her bed and continued to sob violently.

Ginny Weasley, the youngest Weasley family, popped her head in. "Oh Hermy, what happened? It was Ron, wasn't it? He's such a git sometimes...and Harry's no better."

"Oh Ginny...he *sob* thinks I'm *sob* repulsive! *sob, sob, sob*

Ginny: I think we figured out that she was sobbing all ready. Was the 'sob, sob, sob' really necessary?

"Naw...you're very beautiful. I think you're gorgeous," said Ginny reassuringly, lying down next to Hermione and stroking her.

Draco:.......

Harry:..........

Hermione:!........

Ginny:.........?!

Ron: ?

"Don't worry sweetie...I'll go talk to my thickheaded brother for you."

Ginny smiled softly and kissed the top of Hermione's head before exiting the room.

Hermione sighed and thought about Ron and the look of shock he'd been wearing when he entered the lavatory.

"Oh dear..." she mumbled into her pillow.

Hermione: Um.... yes...well.... I believe the third chapter is finished...

Draco:...(snickers in the corner)

Harry shakes his head.

Ginny: Stroked you, did I?

Draco: Yeah, Granger, did you like it?

Hermione: That's disgusting! Grow up ferret!

Ron: Shut up. (crumples the note from Fred and George and whips it at Draco's head)

Draco: Didn't I tell you it would have something to do with Granger and mini Weasel getting-

Harry: Shut up, Malfoy. I have a headache from all this.

Ginny: (shakes her head) This is horrible.

Hermione: I don't think I want to read anymore.

Draco: Yeah...despite all the humiliation it's causing you...there's not enough about me in there. I mean...what's a story with out the sexiest wizard in the world in every other sentence?

Ginny: If you're talking about yourself.... than.... the best piece of literature ever written.

Hermione: (is marking up the chapter) Fred and George are going to pay for that one.

Ron: Just leave them be, Hermione. They can be real monsters sometimes... (quietly) Mr. Rutherford...

Draco: Who's that? Your teddy bear?

Ron: SHUT IT!

Draco: STOP YELLING! I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

Ginny: I didn't think anything could be worse than the second chapter...but I was wrong. (watches Ron and Draco grapple at each other's throats.) Well...might as well read what comes next and get this over with.

Hermione: (looks over at Ron and Draco who are purple from their exertions.) I don't know what to think any more...I'm curious as to what's coming next.