Siege of the Sues

Harry had noticed that the conductor on the Hogwarts Express hadn't commented on the scorch marks in the carpet. They had had to take out a second Sue that was in hot pursuit of Neville, who was completely terrified. By the time they reached Hogwarts, the influence of the Sues on the other students was apparent. Girls were getting makeovers courtesy of two girls Harry suspected were not Lanvender and Parvati, and there wasn't a boy on the train who didn't have a girl on each arm, besides himself, Ron, and Neville. Even Colin Creevey had a girl listening to him ramble on about his Chocolate Frog card collection.

"Firs' years an...well...all you girls, this way!" Harry heard Hagrid calling as they left the train.

"Why do you think they're all at school here?" Ron whispered to Harry. "You don't think Dumbledore actually let them in, do you? I mean, he has to know better. And we don't take transfer students anyways...do we?"

"Hermione said we didn't, and you know she's probably right," Harry said, watching the bizarre display of revealing Muggle clothes against the stark black background of Hogwarts robes. "But from what Lupin said, I'd guess people only know about them if they've run into them before, and maybe Dumbledore hasn't."

They followed the rest of the students into the castle, ignoring screams from a girl who had fallen into the lake and broken a nail. Ron and Hermione tried herding the transfer students around, but they all seemed to hate Hermione at first glance.

Harry, meanwhile, had noticed McGonagall and Flitwick talking in hushed tones on a staircase landing. He walked as slowly as possible past them, trying to catch their conversation.

"...where we're going to put them all. Sixth years, every one!"

"No, I saw a few fifth years," Flitwick squeaked. "But this place is overrun..."

"Why, hello there, Potter." Harry heard an unpleasantly familiar voice and turned to see Draco Malfoy surrounded by a bevy of adoring girls and...Harry blinked. That couldn't be...

"Potter, I've finally realized the error of my ways," Draco continued. "I've been a bit too hard on you over the years, and I think it's time for us to be friends." He stuck out his hand. "What do you say? Truce?"

"Malfoy?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you wearing leather pants?"

Draco looked down at himself in surprise. "Why...I guess I am." He shrugged. "Picked them up doing shopping the other day, I suppose. I mean, I can't discount Muggle clothing that makes me look like a sexy beast, now can I?" The girls around him started giggling wildly.

Harry shook his head and walked on. "I'll talk to you later, Malfoy. Have fun with your leather pants."

"Oh, Potter!" Draco called after him. "By the way, your friend Hermione's gotten really hot!"

Harry stopped. "What did you say?"

"Oh, yeah. The piercings, the makeup...I don't know what happened to her over the summer, but whatever it was, I like it!"

"Whatever you say, Malfoy." The Mione-Sue had survived. Hermione was not going to be pleased to hear this at all.

Harry walked on to the Great Hall and slumped down at the Gryffindor table. "How'd it go?" he asked Ron and Hermione.

Ron's eyes widened. "Harry, I'm so glad I know what they really are. They're terrible! And every single one of them calls me Ronnie!"

"At least they're not trying to kill you," Hermione snapped. "Honestly, they kept trying to put the most outrageous curses on me that don't exist."

"Well, at least you took a few down with that," Ron replied. Harry glanced at Hermione. She looked down modestly.

"I suppose I did send a few up in flames."

"A few?" Ron sputtered. "Hermione, you had to have gotten a dozen of them! Filch is still trying to put out those tapestries!"

"It's not all good news," Harry muttered. He told them about his encounter with Draco.

"That thing's still running around here? Honestly..." Hermione looked more exasperated than Harry had ever seen her.

"Hush, you two," Ron said, pointing to the front of the room. "The Sorting's about to begin. This should be interesting."