Siege of the Sues

By the time they arrived at Diagon Alley, Harry was grateful for Lupin's warnings. The busy street was more packed than usual, mostly with groups of giggling girls.

"D'you think those are the Mary Sues?" Harry whispered to Ron.

"I sure hope not" was all Ron replied.

They followed Hermione into Flourish & Botts to pick up their books for the year. Harry hadn't even walked two steps into the store when he was suddenly accosted by a girl in filmy pink robes. "You must be Harry Potter!" she squealed. "I'm Cassie. I'm going to Hogwarts this year, and I'll be in the sixth year--just like you!"

Hermione's back stiffened and she turned around to face the girl. "Then how come we've never seen you before?"

"Oh, I'm a transfer student," Cassie replied. "I'm an orphan, you know--just like Harry--and I was raised by witches in America, but now they're sending me here." She lowered her eyes modestly. "Of course, I'm already really good at a lot of spells."

"Like what?" Hermione asked suspiciously. Harry took a step back.

"Well, see, I have this special necklace that gives me a magical power," Cassie whispered, pulling a thin silver chain out from under her robes. "It gives me the ability to see the future. It's the only thing I have left from my parents," she added mournfully.

"Hogwarts doesn't take transfer students," Hermione snapped. "And besides, why are you conveniently moving here all of a sudden?"

Cassie's innocent expression suddenly broke. "You're stupid!" she yelled, causing the other patrons of the store to look up. "Don't ask me for reasons! I don't need reasons!" Smoke started to curl from her ears. Harry grabbed Ron and Hermione and yanked them both out of the shop. But it was too late.

"That's not a magical necklace, either!" Hermione yelled. Ron tried to cover her mouth, but she smacked his hand away. "That's a stupid Hello Kitty charm! You can't see the future in a Hello Kitty charm!"

Cassie, still standing in the doorway of the shop, started to rumble. "You're mean!" she screamed, fire shooting from her mouth along with her words. "I can't believe it! I'm gonna get my friends to come and tell you how stupid you are and how much you--" She burst into a ball of fire and disappeared.

"Oh, boy," Ron muttered under his breath. The manager of Flourish & Botts ran out, followed by levitating buckets of water that dumped themselves on the burning doorframe. He turned to the three of them, his face pale. "What was that?"

"A Mary Sue," Harry told him. "They're everywhere, so be careful."

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Hermione said brightly.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if you'd kept your mouth shut," Ron snapped back. "You can't go around telling all these things they're wrong, Hermione, they're just--" He broke off midsentence. "What are you staring at?"

Harry also followed Hermione's gaze to see something he hardly believed possible. It was a girl covered in piercings, black makeup, and shiny black leather clothes. And even though she had waist-length black hair, her face beneath all the piercings was unmistakable. It was Hermione's twin.

Ron and Harry kept their distance as Hermione marched up to the girl. "Who are you?" she demanded.

"Mione Granger," the girl replied dully. "Want a clove?"

Hermione slapped the cigarette out of the girl's hand. "You are not 'Mione' Granger. I am Hermione Granger. You--you're just some Mary Sue impostor!"

The girl looked stricken. "Mary Sue? How dare you call me a Mary Sue! I'm Hermione! I can't be a Mary Sue!"

"You can't be Hermione because I am Hermione," Hermione replied witheringly. "Not that I'd be caught dead in those clothes anyways."

The girl shrugged. "I got tired of being a bookworm, and getting made fun of all the time. So I decided to show people what I was really like inside--angry and empty and full of angst."

"What?" Hermione screamed.

The girl nodded. "Since you don't smoke, you want some pepper jack cheese? It's my favorite."

"No, she's got to go!" Harry yelled. He and Ron ran up and grabbed a screaming Hermione and dragged her away.

"What are you doing!" Hermione spat. "That--that thing says she's me--and why do I care about her stupid cheese--"

"Ron, let's find your mum," Harry yelled over the screams. "We need to get her out of here before she sets the whole place on fire." The girl with Hermione's face was already following them, shooting flames from her hands. Ron nodded in agreement.