The Perfect Azkaban Breakout

Daily Prophet, 23 September 1999

YOU-KNOW-WHO ATTACKS AZKABAN WITH BASILISK!

Last night, a Basilisk invaded Azkaban in what is believed to be an attack by You-Know-Who on the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry Potter is currently imprisoned there for the murder of Lucius Malfoy. Potter was unharmed, but several Azkaban guards were petrified. The guards have since been revived at St Mungo's.

The Basilisk's first victim was Niamh O'Riordan, one of Potter's guards. She was discovered near his cell.

"She had been vomiting," said her fellow guard Robert Smythe, one of the werewolves employed at Azkaban, "and had just rushed to the bathroom. She must have been on her way back when the snake saw her."

O'Riordan confirmed the story after being revived, "I saw it when coming back from the bathroom. I shot off a few Hexes at it, but when they had no effect I began running. And I think I saw a Death Eater behind the snake."

When it was pointed out that no-one else saw the Death Eater with the snake, O'Riordan shrugged. "I could have been mistaken. It's difficult to observe when you're running for your life. If there was a Death Eater, then maybe he was a flea Animagus and hitched a ride on the snake when it was on its way out. I'm just happy to be alive."

The snake, perhaps believing it had completed its task, then proceeded to escape by smashing through the wooden doors of the only entrance to Azkaban castle. It petrified several guards in the process. They fired several more stunners at it, but this had no effect.

"We believe that Death Eaters had the Basilisk enter Azkaban through the South Tower, by levitating it through the window. We almost caught one of them near the base of the Tower."

Some experts expressed surprise that the Basilisk only petrified the guards instead of killing them, but they are doubtless unaware of the fact that all students who faced the Hogwarts Basilisk in 1992 were only petrified.

This incident raises several questions about the security and safety of prisoners at Azkaban, especially given the huge amount of funds Minister Scrimgeour has spent on improving security there. Some members of the Wizengamot are calling for the return of the Dementors...

24 September 1999

Harry Potter, now back at Order Headquarters, had spent the time since his escape alternating between taking hot showers, sleeping on a real bed, and getting yelled at by everyone for getting himself into Azkaban. He had, by way of apology and gratitude, made dinner. It was a good meal, and he was unanimously sentenced to making dinner every night for the next two months.

Other decisions taken included the new Order rule to use scent-concealing charms when invisible. Moony was roundly teased for failing to do so - he had been discovered by a werewolf guard patrolling Azkaban castle. He had made a narrow escape by jumping off a cliff, levitating himself to a cranny on its side, and creating an illusion of a prone body at the foot of the cliff that was washed away by the tide soon after his pursuers arrived above him. Fred and George were the most impressed, particularly when he mentioned that illusion-based methods were a common Marauder evasive maneuver.

The most acclaimed trick, however, was Moody's collection of layered memory charm on the guard Tonks had impersonated.

"Did you have any trouble with O'Riordan?" asked Fleur.

"No, thank goodness," replied Tonks. "As soon as I was revived, I got to Moody's place. He modified her memory, and I took her back to her place."

"What does she think happened now?"

"Moody's a bloody genius," said the Metamorphmagus. "She thinks she had a bad meal before going to work, and vomited while guarding Harry. She went to the bathroom and, while returning, met the Basilisk. She ran, not knowing where she was running. When was passing the base of the South Tower, she looked back and was petrified. She woke up in St Mungo's, said a few words to a journalist, and returned home."

"Such detail is certainly difficult," said Flitwick. "But you sound like there is more to it."

"Ah," said Tonks in the manner of someone who considered audience participation a vital component of getting to the punchline. "But if someone breaks the charm, then she will remember that she was abducted by Death Eaters, who used her hair in a new form of Polyjuice that cannot be detected by the Ministry."

"Nice," said Flitwick, now impressed.

"But there's a final level," said Tonks, nodding at the grizzled and now embarassed Cyclops. "In the unlikely level that even that is broken, then she will remember the same thing except that instead of Death Eaters it's a group of Peruvian religious fanatics who worship Harry as a god."

25 September 1999

Three blonde figures, two female and one male, sat on a park bench in London's Kew Gardens. Anyone passing by them heard a conversation in Swedish about the outrageous price of smoked salmon in the city.

"This is a useful spell, Severus," said one of the figures.

"Of course it is, Minerva," snorted the male figure sitting in the middle. "I invented it. Granger here would be familiar with its predecessor, the Muffliato spell I created while in Hogwarts."

"You're a bastard, Snape," said the third, who was clearly younger than her two bench companions. "But you are the most intelligent bastard I've ever met. How much of it is an act?"

"Very little now," admitted the wizard. "Blame it on Minerva, and her protection of Black and Potter when Lupin almost killed me."

"I have apologized for that several times, Severus," said the Headmistress with a sigh. "And I did try to convince Albus several times in private to have Sirius expelled."

"It was inadequate," said the spy. "I am fully conversant with the difference between public and private persona - witness my friendship with Lily Evans - and that was an instance where you should have been on my side publicly. With Slughorn ignoring me because I wasn't as pretty as Lily, I was led to believe that no Professor was on my side. Did you know I took the Dark Mark a month afterwards?"

Minerva said nothing, but put her head in her hands.

"You were friends with Harry's mother?" asked Hermione slowly, sensing how close Severus was to exploding. He was having a talk with McGonagall that was clearly a decade or two overdue.

"Of course we were," replied Severus. "She was the kindest, most compassionate person I have ever met. We invented potions together, and made double and triple-entendre jokes about ingredients. We had to maintain a public image of hating each other, of course, for my protection. I would have been murdered if I was known to be friends with her. She allowed me to call her Mudblood - can you imagine what a friend she was?"

"Oh," said Hermione intelligently. She remained silent for a minute before asking a question. "Murdered. That bad?"

"You Gryffindors really have no idea, do you?" he replied. "Do you know how many times I begged the Headmaster to have me resorted into Ravenclaw? Everyone in Slytherin knew I had a Muggle father. My mother was terrified that I would be placed in Slytherin like all Princes before me. All she knew from her beloved family was the Dark Arts, and that's what she taught me. I didn't even know they were supposed to be a bad thing."

"Albus was an idiot sometimes," said McGonagall. After some thought, as if wondering whether to say her next words, she decided to do so. "Did you know the family he placed Harry Potter with - Lily's sister - neglected him to the point of abuse? The boy lived in a cupboard till he came to Hogwarts."

Severus said nothing, but raised an eyebrow. "I find that difficult to believe," he eventually remarked. "Did the Headmaster not know this?"

"He didn't know about the cupboard," admitted the old witch, "but Arabella was constantly sending reports about everything else. About his being malnourished, about his having to cook breakfast for his family from the time he was five, about his cousin's gang of thugs beating him up at home and at school and preventing him from having any friends. Albus was adamant that the blood protection was more important for the general good."

"Any physical abuse?" asked the Potions Master, rubbing his hands. Hermione suspected he was feeling some pangs of guilt. At least she hoped he was.

"Other than malnourishment and the gang beating him up? We could never find out. Potter is remarkably close-lipped on the whole business, and accidental magic has been known to heal bruises quickly."

There was silence for a long time.

"It will be over soon," said Hermione. "One way or the other."

Snape grunted, and decided it was time to get to business.

"The Dark Lord summoned me last night," he said. "He was furious about the Basilisk attack - furious that someone else it off instead of him. If Lucius had still been alive this morning, he would not be breathing now. He blames Lucius for the loss of his Basilisk in Hogwarts, and wishes me to find another. I don't suppose you would know anything about recent happenings at Azkaban?"

Hermione looked to her mentor, waiting to see how much the older witch was willing to say. In Hermione's opinion, Snape was untrustworthy to the point of predictable reliability, which meant that she would tell him everything if it was up to her. Besides, all those oaths meant something, didn't they?

"Potter took your Faux Animagus Potion," Minerva replied after some thought. "He was the Basilisk."

Snape's eyebrows rose to his foreline.

"I presume you did not use any snake blood."

"You presume correctly."

"Then... how?" Snape was professionally interested now, and his body posture visibly indicated this. For the first time since the conversation began, he was looking at one of the other two participants instead of a spot on the ground twenty metres ahead of him.

"Miss Granger, would you explain?"

"Alright," said the younger witch. "We believe Harry has no natural Animagus form. His father was an Animagus, and we found no father-son pairs on the list of registered Animagi."

"The Ministry's list is useless," pointed out Snape.

"We used the French one."

"That would be acceptable." He nodded in approval. "Continue."

"We think that if a person has no natural form, but is bitten by a magical being, that being becomes his form as far as your potion is concerned. Harry was bitten by the Basilisk in our second year. Also, Bill Weasley was bitten by a werewolf - not on a full moon - and his form is a werewolf now."

Snape turned to look at Hermione for a moment, as if to judge her truthfulness. She did not look at him, but he seemed to conclude that she had no reason to lie.

"What of Lupin?" he asked.

"He has not taken the potion yet. Only Fleur, Bill, Harry, and I have taken it. Fleur, who is quarter-Veela, and I have no form."

Snape was silent for a few moments. "I have some ideas, but would need further evidence to confirm them. I would be interested in hearing of any further evidence you obtain, if you are willing to provide it."

Hermione felt rather good. She had - finally! - been treated with some professional respect. She gave her head a mental shake. What if this was what Snape wanted them to believe? Was he trying to manipulate their emotions by giving them a sob story? The best lie is a partial truth. Perhaps what he was saying was a mixture of what he believed, what he wanted them to believe, and what he wished himself to believe. Truth, lies, and self-deception made a powerful combination - if only she could figure out which was which.

"Perhaps the two of you should discuss this along with Fleur Weasley at another time," interruped McGonagall. "I would certainly be interested in hearing of its results. For now, we still have a plan to concoct. Have you any ideas, Hermione?"

"If Harry was willing to go with Snape to Voldemort's hideout - "

"Say not his name!" hissed Snape.

"No," replied Hermione, causing the man to scowl magnificently. "If Harry was willing to go with Snape to Voldemort's hideout, and then looked at Voldemort, would Voldemort die?"

"Impudent woman," said the Potions Master, miffed at her use and overuse of Riddle's appellation. "First of all, I would not go within a hundred feet of Potter unless he took the same oaths you did. I have sworn not to harm him, and he must do likewise. If he proves his usual unwilling self, tell him ... tell him that I accept that my early conception of him may have been misplaced."

"Assume this can be arranged," offered McGonagall in response to the large personal concession. Even if Snape made it sound like it was merely part of the negotiation process, the apology sounded sincere.

"You said the last Horcrux was destroyed," he mused. "Therefore the Dark Lord is mortal now. But the Prophet claimed that everyone he looked at was only petrified."

"That was because he was wearing glasses when he transformed," said Hermione, who was still shocked that her hastily contrived explanation to Harry on the night of the breakout had turned out to be correct after all. "If he takes off his glasses before transforming, then his stare is fatal. We tested it on a few rats at Headquarters."

"Then the answer is yes, the Dark Lord would die if Potter looked at him."

The conversation stopped for a moment to watch a fight break out in front of them between a group of camera-happy tourists and a gardener who did not like to be photographed. Hermione found it oddly amusing, and made a resolution to carry a camera around more often - and to use it with Disillusionment or Notice-Me-Not Charms. She wondered, idly, why Colin Creevey have ever thought of that. Or maybe he had, considering some of the photographs he'd procured in his later years. She made a mental note to pay him a visit. Perhaps in a dark alley.

"My second Potter-related question of today," said Snape, "Is why the Ministry still thinks the boy is in prison."

"Flitwick made a substitute," said McGonagall after a long pause.

"Remarkable," said Snape, accepting that the Headmistress wished to remain silent on the details. "I take it that the Dark Lord will realize the substitution once he arrives at Azkaban? He has not noticed yet, that is certain."

"You are correct, since there is no scar link between the substitute and Tom. Now, tell me, would it be too suspicious if you were to obtain a Basilisk in a couple of days?" asked Minerva. "You could claim it is the Hogwarts Basilisk, and that Albus made up the story that Potter killed it to make the boy look good, and that it was only wounded."

"What if the Dark Lord decides to attack Hogwarts to retrieve the Basilisk himself?"

"Then we shall have Mr Potter waiting there for him."