The Perfect Azkaban Breakout

22 September 1999

"Is everyone in place?" asked Hermione Granger. She was sitting at the kitchen table with Fleur Weasley, surrounded by old books, parchment, maps, and coffee cups.

Hermione and Fleur each had a satellite phone, since ordinary cellphones and Charms did not work on Azkaban island itself. Ernie Macmillan had heard (through the highly reliable source of Auror Trainee coffee machine gossip) that a Muggleborn guard had received an call about a family emergency on her satellite phone while on island duty. Apparently Muggle devices were far more averse to Hogwarts' extensive magical interference than they were to Azkaban's.

Fleur's phone was for communication with Tonks. They maintained a continuous, and hideously expensive, link so that Fleur could keep track of the Auror's surroundings. Tonks had her phone speaker muted so no-one could hear voices emanating from her robe pocket. She would only unmute it when she was alone.

Since Fleur had to concentate on the most critical communication link, Hermione handled the links with the three other groups involved in the Breakout, using her satellite phone and a pair of long-distance audio Charms.

The first group, nicknamed the Old Farts, had Mad-Eye Moody and Arthur Weasley. They had a Muggle motorboat that was as close to Azkaban as was possible without the island's wards interfering with silencing charms on the motor. With them was Buckbeak.

"We're half-ready," Arthur's voice said through the audio charm. "We're three kilometres southwest off Azkaban. The wolves have taken the rowboat closer. The problem is Buckbeak. We tried flying with him to the island, and he does not want to go."

"Merde!" said Fleur, who could hear everything said through the Charms.

"Bloody hell," said Hermione, biting her lower lip. "Can you Imperius Buckbeak?"

"Ah, good idea," said Arthur. "We'll try that. It will take twenty minutes to check."

The second group, nicknamed the wolves, had been chosen for their above-average upper body strength.

"We're good," said Moony via the satellite phone. He sounded fatigued, and Hermione suspected he was suffering from an overdose of Sirius-related memories. "We're close enough to land on Azkaban island within five minutes. I'm having to restrain Bill from howling at a moon that isn't full - it breaks all werewolf tradition and is most uncivilized."

Fleur giggled.

The third group, who had no printable nickname, was responsible for distracting the Watchers - the Ministry employees remotely keeping an eye on Harry's cell - at the precise moment that Harry was switched.

"Everything's rigged up," came the crackly voice of Fred.

"Tell us when," added George in a voice that sounded remarkably like Celestine Warbeck.

"Stupid voice charms," sighed Fleur theatrically besides her. "Bill never told me I would be getting two mad brothers when I married him."

"We can hear you, Flower dearest," replied George.

"Think of all the things we'll teach your children!" added Fred.

Hermione patted the hands of her shuddering friend.

Ten minutes later, Tonks called in. She had managed to send her guard partner off for a cup of tea, and had five minutes available to switch Harry.

It was time to make a decision. Should they continue, even if Buckbeak was not available? The hippogriff was unlikely to be needed, after all. The answer seemed clear, and Hermione nodded to Fleur. Fleur told Tonks to start - it would take the Metamorphmagus a minute to remove the mouse, turn it back into a Harry lookalike, and Imperius the poor ape. Meanwhile, Hermione called the twins.

The Azkaban Watching room was on the eighth floors of the Ministry of Magic. It contained, at any moment in time, a dozen or so witches and wizards. Most were playing cards or chess. The pair watching the cell of the Boy Who Lived were, however, avidly keeping watch. After his suicide attempt, there was clear incentive to do so. Besides, the Daily Prophet paid well for such 'anonymous' tips.

Suddenly, they heard a fire alarm go off in the corridor outside the Watching room, followed by several shrieks and shouts. All the Watchers ran outside, only to find, after several panicked minutes, that it was a false alarm. They rushed back inside and quickly checked their view of each cell. No-one was missing, and there was a collective sigh of relief.

"Bloody prank," muttered one Watcher.

Ensconced in the attic of their Diagon Alley shop, a pair of redheads munched on popcorn as they watched the Watchers' bewildered actions in the corridor. They had set up remote scrying charms placed in the corridor earlier.

"I love watching the watchers."

"I love sound effects."

"I love anchovy-flavoured popcorn."

"I thought it was kipper-flavoured."

"Hey, I've got an idea - how many of these popped corns do you think we can fit into a single wheeze?"

Four minutes later, Hermione and Fleur were feeling much relieved. Tonks had reported in, saying that Harry Mouse (formerly Potter) was now in her pocket, and that her fellow guard had not returned yet. The news was forwarded to the three groups, who cheered appropriately.

The plan had worked well so far. Other than the Buckbeak issue, which they were still waiting for the Old Farts to report in on. Tonks would report in another twenty minutes or so. She had taken a ten-minute-delayed Puking Pastille after the switch. When it activated, she would throw up and pretend to head for the bathroom while her partner stayed to guard Harry. She would actually head for a Tower where she could untransfigure Harry, explain everything to him, and return to guard duty. Hermione had already explained the outlines of the plan to Harry via the Blood Quill.

Hermione and Fleur returned to the other task they had been busy with all day. Fleur had received, that morning, an owl from an old friend of hers. It contained a list of all French Animagi prior to 1900. They had also obtained, through Shacklebolt, the list of British Animagi, but that was notoriously sparse it was fully public and many people chose not to register. The French list was less sparse because every death in France required a Magical Autopsy, which revealed, amongst many other things, a person's Animagus form if they even partially activated it.

They had spent the afternoon and evening trying to find father-son pairs on the list, with the aid of standard Pureblood reference books about old French families from the Black Library.

But by this point, they had covered 1335 to 1840, and had found no such pairs.

"I can't believe it!" said Hermione, frustrated. "We must have missed something. The records are hardly complete. They don't include first-generation Muggleborns, and they don't account for bastards!"

"That is true, but magical genetics is strange," replied Fleur, pausing from her perusal through the tome of families from S to Z. "One of my classmates at Beauxbatons now studies it. He says there some traits deliberately skip at least one generation."

"For example?"

"I do not remember, sorry. But he did not mention Animagus forms."

"I guess he has no Animagus form then," Hermione sighed. Then she remembered why they were searching, and smiled. "Hey, this is actually good news! He can become an eagle, and fly out of there! We don't need Buckbeak!"

An audio Charm tingled - the Old Farts were reporting.

"Hermione?" said Arthur.

"I'm here, Arthur," she replied. "Any luck?"

"No," he said wearily. "We tested it again. Buckbeak threw off the curse. We can't Imperius him, and and he is not going near the island."

"That's weird," Hermione replied. Meanwhile, Fleur had picked up her satellite phone, meaning that Tonks had got in contact again. She heard Tonks say that she had got Harry into a tower. Presumably he was going to drink the Potion soon. "But don't worry, Arthur. Fleur and I have some new information that suggests that Harry has no natural Animagus form."

"That's good news," said an audibly relieved Arthur. "He'll become an eagle then. What new information was this?"

"We think that if a father has a form, the son cannot."

"Oh," replied the father of seven. "That would explain why the twins have no form. I had wondered about that."

"You're an Animagus?" said Hermione, surprised.

"I never achieved full transformation," he clarified. "But I got partway there before Bill was born, and my form's a wolverine. There's a reason for our family name - all Weasleys have mustelid forms if they have any."

"Mustelid?" she asked. Contrary to popular belief, Hermione did not know everything. She merely knew how to find information and absorb it. Meanwhile, Fleur seemed to be talking with Harry - Tonks must have given her phone to him. And Something Wrong had clearly happened, if Fleur's death grip on her phone was anything to judge by.

"An animal related to weasels", explained the Weasley patriarch. But Hermione was only half-listening to him now. She couldn't hear Harry's words, but his tone sounded frantic. Unaware of her inattention, Arthur continued. "Like badgers, ferrets, otters, wolverines, and so on. In any case, that certainly confirms that Bill's form comes from the bite. I don't suppose Harry ever got bitten by anything, did he?"

Hermione did not answer. She was too busy listening to Fleur screaming that Tonks was dead.

Harry was frantic. Tonks was lying stiffly on the rugged steps of the Azkaban Tower, and not responding to his shaking her or slapping her face. The damned Potion had, for some reason, turned him into the creature that had bitten him when he was twelve. He had looked at her in his Basilisk form before he realized it.

"Harry!" He heard Hermione's voice over the phone, and felt better instantly. Hermione was here. Hermione would know what to do. Hermione could solve everything. However, this was relative, and his state of mind had merely shifted from Completely Panicked to Very Panicked.

"Hermione!" he screamed. "I just k-k-killed Tonks! I'm a bloody Basilisk!"

"Calm down, Harry!" said Hermione evenly. She was actually horrified and scared, but had several years of practice in covering up her emotions.

"Calm down? How can you be so bloody calm! I just killed Tonks!"

"She is Petrified, not dead!"

Actually, Hermione believed nothing of the sort, but had to say something that would prevent Harry going to pieces. Fortunately, he seemed to believe her.

"How do you know?" he asked, a little calmer.

"Is she stiff yet?" queried Hermione in return, her mind racing to make up an explanation.

"Er, yes."

"Well then, she's Petrified. If she was dead, then she would stiffen later."

Again, Hermione had no idea if this was true, since their second-year Basilisk had not actually managed to kill anyone. For all she knew, a direct Basilisk stare Petrified someone before killing them, while an indirect stare stopped with Petrifying.

"And you are wearing your glasses?"

"Er, yes."

"That explains it," said Hermione in her best Know-It-All voice. "When you transformed, it formed a covering on your eye, and that meant you only Petrified her."

"Oh," said the Boy-Who-Lived-Using-Hermione's-Brain. "What do we do now?"

"Stay on the phone," said Hermione. Fleur, at the other end of the phone swap, was busy informing the wolves of the new development. "Remus and Bill are just off the island in a rowboat. Are you in the South Tower? Do you know which tower you are in? They can come to the base of it."

"I don't know where I am," said Harry informatively. "But I can see the ocean from here."

"Right," said Hermione reassuringly, despite the fact that one could see the ocean from any tower. Tonks had planned to go to the South Tower of Azkaban Fortress, but she had to confirm this. "How much land can you see before the ocean? See any rocks? Trees?"

"About a kilometre, I think. Can't see any rocks now, but there are a couple of trees."

"Are the trees far apart?"

"Yes."

"Perfect. You are in the South Tower. Moony will be there in a few minutes, with an Invisibility Cloak. There are guards walking around the castle every ten minutes. You will wait by the window, and be careful that the guards don't see you. After the guards pass by, Moony will reveal himself. You will then bring Tonks to the window and he will levitate her to the ground. He will do the same with you. Then you follow him to the boat. Got that?"

"I could use Tonks' wand to ..."

"No! Remember what happened when you used it on her last birthday by accident?"

"Oh yeah, right," he said, remembering the exploding teacup. Then his voice stiffened. "Hold on!" Several anxious seconds passed. "There's shouting downstairs. They're looking for some person called O'Riordan. Is that the guard Tonks looks like?"

"Shit!" exclaimed Hermione. Their plans to leave the breakout undiscovered had just collapsed. "Ummmm - does Tonks still look like O'Riordan?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Grab her wand, and ..."

"Wait! There's more shouting outside! I think Moony's been spotted!"