The Smuggest Thing Ever

~Chapter 1~

Narrator- It is dinner in the great hall and Ron is missing. Where could he be?

Seamus- It's a bird!

Harry- It's a plane!

Fred- (attempting to finish the saying) It's Su-

Voice out of nowhere- Its Ron the un-stoppable!

Fred- perman.

Hermione- Author, that was, like, SO stupid. I mean, Ron the unstoppable? You spelled unstoppable, un-stoppable. Anyone, even Ron, knows it's unstoppable.

Ron- Hey!

Author- Hey!

Hermione- Well it's true!

Fred- *cheers* C'mon somebody, get the popcorn! They're going to fight!

Sally-Anne Perks- *runs up to Fred * You know, popcorn is VERY bad for your health. Wouldn't you like some ham instead?

Fred- *stares in utter and disbelieving shock* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! *Runs away terrified*

Hermione- Good, now we can have our fight in peace..

Narrator- Wrestling type music comes on as Hermione and Ron get ready by singing a few scales to warm up their voices.

Ron and Hermione- Blah blah blah blah blah blllllah No you didn't blah blah Yes you are! Blah blah blah *turn around* Ok we're done.

Author- You're leaving me out of my own story! What is coming to this world? WHAT IS COMING TO THIS WORLD???? *sobs*

Fred- Apparently, Pigwidgeon!

Narrator- Suddenly, Pigwidgeon comes skipping merrily into the Great Hall.

Harry- What the heck...Ron, why does Pigwidgeon have legs? He's an owl!

Ron- How am I supposed to know? I didn't make up this story!

Author- He is skipping merrily because I want him to!!!!!! *snarls*

Harry- Ok, ok...

Author- DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE!!!!!!!! *snarls*

Harry- *whimpers*

Narrator- Howdy, Ya'll! Now I'm about to take over little Miss don't look at me in that tone of voice's fan-fiction. How I am going to do that, I do not know. But I shall succeed!!! I shall succeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author- Thanks for telling me. *Makes Narrator disappear in a puff of icy goodness*

Hermione- Author, PLEASE make Ron say something stupid!

Ron- Hey!!!

Hermione- Thanks, author.

Ron- What do you mean, thanks author? I mean, hey isn't stupid!

Hermione- Hey is for horses.

Hermione- *thinking* He says he stupidest things...but I still love him...

News reporter- Hey everyone, listen to this!!! JK Rowling might write more than 7 books so you won't be left with this stupid geek that calls herself an author!!!!

Author- GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!! *makes news reporter disappear in a GRAY UGLY POOPY puff of smell*

Ron- HERMIONE!! WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!!!!!

Hermione- Umm... Ron, we're in the Great Hall.

Ron- Made you look! Actually, I didn't but oh well..

Author- Where did the narrator come from? He was supposed to disappear in a puff of icy goodness!

Narrator- I came from the toilet.

Author- Oh great, now the whole fan-fiction stinks.. By the way, that was not supposed to be funny.

Great Hall- Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Author- You did that just to annoy me, didn't you. Didn't you!?!?!? *sobs

Great Hall- Yes.

Pigwidgeon- Hey, why am I not in this fan-fiction? You're leaving me all out!! All I did was skip merrily into the Great Hall, and I didn't even want to! Why me, why me!!!!

Hermione- Author, I thought that you had learned a lesson about proper grammar and punctuation! You see, Pigwidgeon said, Why me, why me!!!!, and there was supposed to be a question mark because Pigwidgeon was asking a question. So there.

Author- What did you say? I wasn't listening.

Hermione- You're the author, you're supposed to listen!!! Then again, I guess everyone can't be perfect like me.

Ron- Go Hermione!!!

Fred- Ron, since when do you say, Go Hermione!!!?

Ron- Since the day you died. *thinking* And since the day I started liking Hermione, which was a LOOOOONG time ago.