The Magical Twenty-Six

The man knew he was sexy. He told himself this every morning as he stared at his pale, chiseled, naked body in the mirror which hung on the dungeon wall of his room.

"My God, you are one sexy hunk of meat!" the man told himself admiringly.

"Indeed," said a voice from behind.

He swiveled around. Behind him was his intellectual match, Minerva McGonagall.

"Minerva," he cooed, "you certainly are early for our escapade. How am I supposed to strip for you when I'm already naked?"

The woman giggled coyly. "You tell me," she propositioned, dropping her robes.

Smirking, the tall, greasy man strutted over to wear she was standing. He breathed in her scent, willing and eager to--

Suddenly, he stopped. The strangest feeling came over him. His eyes rolled back in his head. The man collapsed to the floor.

------

Opening his eyes, his gaze fell upon a naked McGonagall lying on his bed.

"MINERVA! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Severus Snape shouted, scrambling for his robe. "GET YOUR WRINKLY, NAKED ARSE OUT OF MY DUNGEON!" Donning his robe he pushed the woman off his bed.

"MY HIP!" shouted McGonagall; she managed to get her robe on a crawl out of the room. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!" she screamed from down the hallway. Her threat echoed off of the gray stone.

Severus hung his head down. This is the third time this week that he had opened his eyes to see a strange woman in his bed. On Monday it had been Madame Hooch, on Wednesday it was Hermione Granger who was stripped and tied to the bed, and now, Thursday, Minerva. The strange thing was he didn't remember anything until that point.

There had to be a reason for all of this. Why did women want him in all the wrong ways? Did they not know that he, Severus Snape, was gay?

Now, had it been the Potter-boy in his bed, now, that would have been a different story.

A cold draft blew through the stony-walled dungeon. Shivering, Severus pulled his robe closer to his body.

Suddenly, his head felt as if it would split in half. Severus collapsed to the floor.

------

Awaking, she looked around the badly decorated room and then down at her clothes. The robe she was wearing was gray and scratchy; not at all what a proper lady should be wearing.

She got up from the floor and did her morning ritual. She put on her bra and her lacy knickers and then put on her favorite pink, floral dress (with the stilettos to match). She curled her hair and applied makeup like a pro. She grabbed her purse and was out the door.

Her heels clicking on the stone floor, she went to see Albus Dumbledore, her manly suitor.

"Pansies!" she said gleefully to the stone gargoyle outside his office, which jumped aside quickly.

She ran up the steps, only to see her beloved Albus having sex with Winky, the house-elf.

"ALBIE," she shrieked, "HOW COULD YOU!?"

"Now, now, Sevrista," cooed Dumbledore, finishing off with Winky, "it's not what it looks like."

The house-elf put on her clothes. "Am I excused, Headmaster?"

"Indeed," replied the old man, whose beard was (thankfully) covering all of his private parts. "Now, Sevrista, I know that it looks like I was having sex with that house-elf, but it's not true!"

"What!?" cried Sevrista. "You have no clothes on, neither did she!"

"Don't take it personally," said Dumbledore. "You're still my best, er, girl."

"I hate you, you brute!" screamed Sevrista. She threw a pink stiletto at Dumbledore.

Luckily for Dumbledore, at that moment, Ron Weasley walked into the door. "HUMAN SHEILD!" cried Albus. Grabbing the boy, he used his to block the flying stiletto.

The stiletto lodged itself in the temporal lobe of Ron's brain. "DUHHH!" said Ron collapsing to the floor and dying.

"Ah, he died for a good cause," said Dumbledore, covering the Weasley with a spare Daily Prophet. He snapped his fingers and a house-elf appeared. "Ah, Yappy, will you take Master Weasley to the barber shop on Fleet Street? I heard Mrs. Lovett is running out of supplies."

Yappy nodded her head and dragged Ron out of the room by his foot.

"Now, Sevrista," said Dumbledore in a calm voice, "I think this has gone on long enough. You are actually Severus Snape, potions master of this great school establishment, I have you under a spell. Now, I'm going to fix it."

Dumbledore pulled his wand out of his beard and muttered a spell.

------

Severus Snape looked around. The first thing he saw was a naked Dumbledore. "Headmaster!" cried Severus. "Will you please put on some clothing."

"Like yours?" chuckled Albus.

Severus looked down. "WHY THE HELL AM I WEARING A DRESS!?"