The Magical Twenty-Six

Every girl loves a bad boy. That's why every Slytherin wanted to do the naughty with their sex-god Draco and that's the reason why some of them settled for Crabbe and/or Goyle. That's why Bellatrix was absolutely enamored of Voldemort (don't deny it people). That's why Luna snuck into the Giant Squid's underwater cottage at least twice a week.

Hermione Granger was in love with books. Ronald Weasley was obsessed with Hermione Granger. However, since he is a brainless git, Ronald Weasley actually believed that Hermione would fall head over pituitary gland for a bad boy.

So, he decided that he would be the meanest thing to ever knock down the door of Hogwarts. Well, he wouldn't knock down the door of Hogwarts literally, but he would at least be evil.

He never thought that he would do this, but he went to his worst enemy, Draco Malfoy, for advice.

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"Draco, teach me your manliness," suggested Ron, his eyes downcast in embarrassment, to Draco one day.

"Of course, sweetheart!" cooed Draco. Ron looked up. Draco Malfoy was wearing a handkerchief on his head and a floral apron over his robes. He was attempting to feed Shakisha some smashed peas, since she was now a toddler.

The purple squid looked at her Mother/Father/Thing in disgust. Taking the peas in her slimy mouth she then spit them all over Ronald. Shakisha and Draco both started giggling.

Appalled, a pea-covered Ronald Weasley stormed out of the door.

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"Harry, are you sure a tattoo will make me more of a bad boy?" asked Ron nervously.

Harry was holding a rusty tattoo needle in his hand. "Of course it will, stupid-head! I've got one on my butt and it turns Ginny on like you wouldn't believe!"

"Wow, wicked! WAIT! THAT'S MY SISTER, YOU GIT!" Ron attempted to punch Harry, but Harry started giving Ron a tattoo on his face. "OW! BLOODY HELL! THAT SMARTS!"

"Suck it up, you pansy," replied Harry, finishing up the ink masterpiece. He handed Ron a mirror. "Here you go!"

Ron looked at his new facial tattoo. "A UNICORN!? YOU GAVE ME A BLOODY UNICORN ON MY FACE!"

"Well, you didn't say what to give you, so I decided to connect-the-dots with your freckles."

Ron stormed out in a rage.

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"Colin, are you sure that piercings are the way to go to achieve a bad-boy image?"

"Of course!" said Colin Creevy, professional stalker of Harry Potter. "You know, I heard Harry Potter has his...you know...pierced. Is it true?"

"How should I know!?" asked Ron in disgusted shock. Needless to say Ronald left right after he had gotten two thirds of his face pierced.

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After borrowing a leather jacket from Fred and leather pants from Flitwick, Ron decided it was now or never.

He saw her on a couch reading a very old book. Attempting to walk over to her in a bad boy way, he realized that his pants were twenty-four sizes to small. He fell on top of Hermione.

Fortunately for Ron, she liked it. "Oh, Ron, you're covered in leather, just like a first edition book!" She touched the unicorn tattoo. "You have illustrations!" Her eyes wandered to the piercings on his face. "Oh! And a decorated cover, too! Ronald Weasley you are all man!"

Needless to say this made Ron's...wand...very happy. The leather pants weren't helping this matter. "THE PAIN!" Ron screamed, falling to the floor. He writhed around quite a bit. "I can't breathe! I can't--"

And with that, Ronald Weasley died a horrible and painful death.

The moral of this story is: make sure your leather pants are no more than five times too small.