The Magical Twenty-Six

Minerva McGonagall was mad.

Not angry mad, but crazy mad.

She was batty and insane. She had a crew loose and bats in the attic. She was absolutely positively loony.

Albus Dumbledore told her so.

"Minerva, I do say you are positively loony. What has gotten into you?"

Minerva giggled. "I had some food for breakfast!" This was followed by uncontrollable laughter on Minerva's part. "YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE, DUMBLEDY! WHEE!"

"Now really, Minerva, I happen to be Sane!Dumbledore in this fic," countered Dumbledore. "Besides, do you think life is just a bunch of popcorn and dandelions?"

"I LIKE POPCORN!" shrieked McGonagall. "Give me some!"

"I don't have any popcorn! I do have some lemon drops somewhere within these robes though..." Dumbledore checked the pockets of his robe.

"NEVERMIND THAT, BITCH!" yelled McGonagall. "I'll get that Ronald Weasley kid to give me some! He always carries some around to ward off the spiders."

"Minerva, don't you remember what happened to Ronald?"

"Obviously not, Headmasta D! I wouldn't be talking about him if I did, dummy!"

"He died...a few years ago..."

FLASHBACK

"Oh, what a beautiful unicorn!" trilled Ronald Weasley. He and Hermione were standing in a clearing of the Forbidden Forest. Daisies were all around. The sun was bright in the cloudless sky. Ron was fascinated by the lovely unicorn standing with them in the clearing. All was well.

"Why yes, Ron," agreed Hermione, "it is a rather perfect specimen."

"I want to pet it! Tralalalala!" Ronald danced over to where the silvery-white unicorn was eating some daisies. Its mane and tail shone with the sparkle of one thousand suns in the bright morning light. "Hello, Miss Unicorn! How are you this sunny day?"

Suddenly, the sky clouded over. Almost no light could be seen. Hermione shivered in the cold.

"Who you callin' 'Miss,' bish?" asked the unicorn vehemently. Its eyes glowed red.

Hermione tried to explain. "Now, Mister Unicorn, Ronald meant no harm, you see, he's an idiot and he doesn't know any better."

"Then you won't mind this happening," replied the unicorn. The unicorn then proceeded to pull out a very large machine gun. Then the unicorn, using this machine gun, pumped Ronald Weasley full of lead.

END FLASHBACK

Dumbledore shook his head. He still needed to contact that boy's parents. Oh well, if they hadn't noticed yet, after three years, they wouldn't notice anytime soon.

"Screw you, old fart." McGonagall ran wildly out of the room.

"Professor!" shrieked Hermione as Minerva almost ran straight into her.

"Hello, Poofy!" cried McGonagall. Minerva then streaked down to her bra and panties, which both happened to have kangaroos on them.

"PROFESSOR, EW!"

McGonagall looked down. "I got these when I was in Australia!"

Hermione fainted.

"Sissy," muttered McGonagall. Her stomach lurched. She wished she hadn't eaten all of those nachos and drank that energy drink with the skull and crossbones on it.

Wait...that may have been poison, not an energy drink.

Oh well, McGonagall did not know that so she peacefully drifted off into an endless sleep.

"Well, shit," said Dumbledore. "Where the fuck am I supposed to find someone to take her place?" He looked around cautiously. He then decided to give the position to the next person who walked into the room.

"Tralalalala," sang Dobby, prancing into the room.

"Say, Dobby," said Dumbledore. "How would you feel about teaching?"