A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

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A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

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Draco was happy to see Hermione. He still didn't know why he liked her. He reckoned that love was just another of life's many mysteries which would never be solved.

But there was still that part of him that despised Hermione's bossiness. Also, he couldn't quite shake off his prejudice toward Muggles. And who could blame him? They were undignified and dirty, and they waged all kinds of wars. Mind you, these wars were not on the same par as noble wizarding duels; these Muggle wars were dirty, blood-letting, mutual slaughters.

Besides the whole war thing, Muggles had a tendency to forget their ancient history whenever something new came along. After the Greek scholar Eratosthenes had generously taken the time to measure the circumference of Earth, the people of Medieval Europe spent a whole millennium believing that the world was flat.

'Yes,' Draco thought. 'Muggles are the stupidest creatures on earth. But Hermione is smarter than most, and she's pretty, and she makes me feel alive, and my father would be really angry if he ever found out.'

It wasn't that Draco resented his father--he liked him very much, in fact. It was just the forbidden factor of the relationship with Hermione that was so appealing. I'm sure you understand, reader.

The line had dwindled down, and Draco approached the fountain. The cold water running down his throat felt so much more gratifying after a hard workout. His body was alive now, invigorated, and relieved of stress. This was how he felt after Quidditch practices.

Draco wiped the sleeve of his shirt across his mouth and stepped away from the water fountain. He decided it would be a bad idea to tell the girls about the larghe vedute serum right now. In fact, he may never tell them. They seemed friendly with him at the moment, and he didn't want to risk anything by telling the truth. He didn't know about Ginny, but he knew for sure that Hermione would kill him for giving her a potion without her knowledge or consent--especially a potion that allowed her to like her mortal enemy.

Draco calmly stepped out of the dining hall and joined the others, giving Remus Lupin a respectful nod.

Ron and Harry stumbled back onto the veranda, Harry in slightly better shape than Ron because of his Quidditch training. Ron gasped, "I can't go on!"

"Yes, you can," said Harry.

"No, I can't," wheezed Ron, clutching a stitch in his side. He reached for his wand.

Lupin said warningly, "And don't think about casting any endurance spells. This is going to be a totally non-magic lesson. If anybody uses a stamina charm, they will not be allowed to participate in tae kwon do for the rest of the week."

McGonagall nodded whole-heartedly and gave the students a stern look. Ron put his wand back immediately.

When all the students had returned, Lupin said to them, "I never realized how sedentary a wizard's life was. They should give you kids some physical education. That's what they have at those Muggle schools, anyway."

"What's physical education?" asked Jessup.

"You play games, like dodgeball and football," answered Lupin.

"But they don't have Quidditch," said Harry. Quidditch was the only sport that Harry was any good at.

"No, no they don't," admitted Lupin. "They don't teach martial arts at public school, either. It might be a good thing if they did, though. There's too much competition among high school athletes these days. Tae kwon do does have some elements of competition, but the thing to keep in mind is not to beat your opponent, but to have respect for him--or her--and to constantly learn from each other. Everyone in tae kwon do is friendly with each other, no matter what differences we have outside of class. Respect is a fundamental part of the sport.

"Now that I've said all that, I'm going to show you some ways to fake out your opponent and take him down. I saw this one at a major tournament a few years back; a friend of mine used it." Lupin got into a fighting stance, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet.

"You just pretend that you're about to throw a spinning kick, but instead of doing the kick, you turn about very quickly and come back to your original stance--" He demonstrated this, and then said, "This will draw your opponent in--he comes in to attack, and then you throw a real spinning kick to the head when he's least expecting it." He then whipped around and aimed his foot at an imaginary target.

Hermione gasped. "You kick people in the head, Professor Lupin?"

"They're wearing helmets," he said, hoping that would make it sound better. "Although, at this particular tournament, his opponent was almost knocked out, and... that was the end of the round. But it was a legal kick, so he was not disqualified. So, yes, it can be violent... but no less violent than a lot of Quidditch matches."

Marvin asked enthusiastically, "Can you punch them in the face?"

"Um, no," said Lupin. "I mean, you can do that if someone is trying to mug you on the Underground, but in a tournament, that would earn you a deduction. Not a good thing. We do practice punching to the face in other drills, like one-step sparring and self-defense--like we did yesterday."

Marvin was still intrigued by the idea of physical combat. "So it's not like boxing?"

"No."

"That's no fun," the boy complained.

Lupin laughed. "Tae kwon do is not about knocking people unconscious. At least, not in tournaments. Although, you could slip it in if the judge is looking the other way. You know, a well-placed upper cut to the jaw..."

And with that, Remus Lupin went up another notch in Draco's book.

"But you didn't hear me say that," said Lupin. He noticed that Draco Malfoy was looking at him with something resembling respect, and this worried him. He said to the students, "You look well rested now. Let's do some kicking drills. Professor McGonagall, could you hold this target for them?" Lupin had selected a padded target in the shape of a racquetball paddle, and he held it out to her.

McGonagall shied away from him. "Why do I have to hold it?" she asked.

"Because you're my assistant," replied Lupin.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the students. "Well, what if they kick me?"

"Um, Madame Pomfrey's around here somewhere," said Lupin, peering into the castle.

"What?"

"I said, -- they're good. And -- they're not going to kick you," said Lupin unconvincingly.

McGonagall scoffed, smirking at him in disbelief. "If you think I'm going to do this, you better think again."

Lupin pleaded with her, "But Minny, you haven't done anything all morning. All you've done is stand there."

"And your point would be...?"

"Here, just take it. Do I have to give you the Roman goddess of warfare speech again?" asked Lupin.

McGonagall giggled and scurried away. "I'm not the goddess of war! Stop it!" She looked back and saw that Lupin was following her. She yelped and ran faster.

Lupin ended up chasing her around the picnic table. "Really!" he shouted. "It's not that big of a deal. You're such a wimp, Minny."

McGonagall said nothing. She was still fleeing from the fourth degree black belt, as he was still intent on leaving her to the mercy of eleven uncoordinated witches and wizards.

Jessup nudged Harry and said, "Oh, look at them. They're so cute together."

Harry chortled. He repeated this to Ron, who immediately burst out laughing. Meanwhile, Lupin kept chasing McGonagall around the veranda.

Jessup was so pleased with his successful joke that he decided to repeat it. "Oh, you two make a cute couple," he exclaimed.

"Oh, no," McGonagall laughed. She and Lupin stopped to catch their breath, McGonagall leaning over the porch railing and Lupin sitting down at the picnic table.

"You do! You make a good couple!" said Ginny.

Lupin looked like he wanted to crawl underneath a rock. "Oh, no. Don't say that," he groaned, but he was chuckling as he said this.

"Is this part of the lesson?" inquired Draco.

"No, no it isn't! Professor McGonagall is not cooperating," declared Lupin. "Cooperation is essential for martial arts, and yet, she is still not listening to me."

McGonagall took the target out of his hands and transfigured it into a bouquet of flowers.

Lupin said, "McGonagall has no respect for her senior black belts, as you can plainly see. If she were not a professor, I would give her detention."

McGonagall smiled more broadly.

"I shall have to think of an alternate punishment then," said Lupin. He sniffed the flowers and said, "They're very nice, Professor McGonagall, but you are supposed to be my assistant, and all you're doing is distracting the students."

"It's vacation," exclaimed McGonagall.

"I know, I was only joking." Lupin smiled. He turned to the students and said, "You all know I was joking, right? I'm not a stuffy old codger like Snape. I'm the fun professor. And it's Christmas Eve; I'm not giving anybody detention."

Lupin eventually got the lesson back on track by breaking a board and awing everyone into silence. Actually, it's fairly easy to break a board, but they didn't know that.

What happened was this: Curiosity had driven Hagrid to stop in and watch the tae kwon doists. He peeked around the corner of the open door--his great, big, bushy beard giving him away instantly.

"Hagrid! How are you doing?" Lupin greeted his old friend and co-worker.

Hagrid beamed. "I'm good. An' you?"

"Fine," said Lupin. "Would you care to join us?"

"Oh, I don' think I could. I on'y stopped in ter see what yer doin'. I've never seen karate before," said Hagrid. He also had to chop some firewood that morning and put up several signs around the lake. The signs read, 'DANGER--Angry Sea Squid.'

"Hagrid, could I borrow one of those signs?" asked Lupin.

"Sure, what for?" asked Hagrid.

"I'm going to break a board," said Lupin.

It was then that Rubeus Hagrid had a glorious daydream. He was a free-roaming karate master taming and befriending wild dragons, traversing the Japanese countryside with his fire-breathing companions and quelling evil karate villains. "Is there anythin' I can do?" he asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes. You can hold the board for me. I would ask McGonagall, but I seriously doubt that she would be willing," said Lupin.

Hagrid was very excited about participating in this demonstration. He clutched the top and bottom of the board and clenched his arm muscles.

Lupin stood back and brought his hand behind his ear. "This is called a knife hand strike, if I haven't already told you," he said. "Someday you will be able to do this too, my little grasshoppers."

Lupin slowly brought his hand to the center of the board three times. After he'd gauged the angle and power that was needed, he broke through the wood in one swift motion, dividing the board into two clean pieces. He placed his hands at his sides and bowed to Hagrid. "Kam Sahm Needa."

Ron whispered to Hermione, "What does Commsamnida mean again?"

"It means 'thank you,'" whispered Hermione.

Following this board breaking demonstration, Hagrid stayed to watch the rest of the lesson. McGonagall was quite pleased to have company on the sidelines. Lupin taught the children two more self-defense techniques against single hand wrist grabs, and then he dismissed them for the day.

All of the students except for Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had already left by the time Snape appeared. He stood menacingly in the frame of the doorway, blocking the last four from exiting. Harry's nose was an inch away from the dark fabric of a wizard's robes; he looked up and saw a familiar crooked nose, two piercing gray eyes, and a rather smug smile. Oh, no. He knew that look.

McGonagall smelled something sweet in the air. It was like... flowers. She sniffed around, and her nose led her in the direction of Severus Snape. Aaaach! His hair smelled like flowers again, just like yesterday! It was all washed and groomed, and--and pettable!

Snape caught her looking at him, and she narrowed her eyes. Was Severus trying to impress her? McGonagall shuddered.

But then again..... The man was wealthy. He was the only child and sole heir of Lord Ealhdun Snape the Third and his wife, Odette. (Lady Odette Snape came from France, making Severus half English and half French.) Minerva knew very well that their family was sitting atop a pile of gold. And it was accumulating interest with every minute that passed.

McGonagall and Lupin inquired at nearly the exact same time, "Yes, Severus? What do you want?"

"Potter needs to come with me immediately," Snape ordered. "The Headmaster seeks an audience with him."

"Oh, no. What's the matter this time?" asked McGonagall, filled with dread. Had this message anything to do with the Dark Lord Voldemort?

Snape answered promptly, "I suspect he was sneaking around in my office last night."

McGonagall turned to Harry. "Harry, is this true?" She would be highly surprised if he said anything other than 'no.'

Harry shifted. He looked back and forth from McGonagall to Snape to Lupin to Hagrid.....

"Er, um. No," he denied.

Snape gave him a cold look and said, "Lying won't get you anywhere, Potter. Come along; the Headmaster is waiting."

Harry gulped and looked despondently at Hermione. She wore a confused expression.

The Potions master and his newly acquired prisoner left the porch and headed toward Dumbledore's office.

"Well, that was odd," remarked Lupin.

Hermione wouldn't let Harry's arrest put a stopper on their plans, though. She was still fully intent on getting Lupin's job back.

"So, I guess we'll be going now," she said, looking at Ron and Ginny.

"Right," Ginny said brightly, and the three Gryffindors filed through the double doors of the dining hall and headed for the laundry room. They had agreed during the water break to hold their meeting in the laundry room, as they expected to have the most privacy there. Who would be washing their clothes on the day before Christmas?

.....................to be continued