A Change of MST

CHAPTER THREE

PDYERF: Welcome back! *beams around at all her readers*

READERS: *groan*

PDYERF: *pouts* Hey, if you don't like the stupid story, why have you stayed for all three chapters?

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): Because of the stupid force-field thing you've surrounded us with! *jumps up and runs for the exit* *seemingly crashes into an invisible wall* *sits back down* See?

PDYERF: Oh, yeah...I'd forgotten I'd put that up...

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): God help us!

PDYERF: *cackles evilly* Anyway, let's get on with the show, shall we? Annie and Patsy and the gang had, if I remember correctly, just gotten to page two!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *sarcastically* Oh boy! That just leaves 868 pages to go!

PDYERF: *sincerely* Wonderful, isn't it? We're really getting along, aren't we?

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *groans* *pauses* Will you PLEASE quit writing Random Reader (Whose Actual Name Is Brian)!? You can just write Brian...it'd make your life a lot more easier.

PDYERF: Oh, but it wouldn't be as fun!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *notices how I've written his name again* *cries*

PDYERF: So...let's get on with it, shall we?

READERS: *groan*

PDYERF: *beams* Glad to see you so excited! *flops down on Gryffindor couch* *presses PLAY*

On the whole, Harry thought he was to be congratulated

EVERYONE EXCEPT SNAPE: Congratulations Harry!

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Snape* Well...?

SNAPE: *bitterly* What?

ANNIE AND PATSY: *cough pointedly*

SNAPE: *glares at them*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Snape...you really don't want to be impolite...

SNAPE: *sneers*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Fine! Be that way!

*there's a POP!* *Snape grows a red beard*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHA!

SNAPE: *sneers again* *takes out wand and does a shaving charm that makes the beard disappear*

FRED AND GEORGE: *look enviously at Snape*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Oh, NOW you've made me mad!

ANNIE: Oh no...

PATSY: That was stupid, Severus...really stupid...

SNAPE: *once again...sneers*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: ARGH!!!!!!!! You've asked for it!

*another pop* *Snape's hair is actually CLEAN!?!?!*

SNAPE: *screams like a girl* MY HAIR!!!!!! My beautiful HAIR!

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: You asked for it!

SNAPE: *looks around for something greasy to fix his hair*

EVERYONE ELSE: *laughs*

PATSY: *turns back to book, laughing*

on his idea

PATSY: *looks at Snape again and bursts out laughing*

of hiding

PATSY: *doubles over again*

ANNIE: *annoyed* Alright, enough of this! *swipes the book*

PATSY: *is laughing so hard she doesn't even notice*

HARRY: *still reading A CHANGE OF MST from two chapters ago* Wow! Patsy really is unobservant!

ANNIE: *begins to read, gloating because she succeeded in swiping the book*

here. He was not, perhaps, very comfortable lying on the hot,

BILL: Egypt!

CHARLIE: *groans* Oh, not again...

PATSY: *realizes she doesn't have the book* Hey!

ANNIE: *smiles evilly*

hard earth, but on the other hand, nobody was glaring at him,

JAMES: Okay, now, I will NOT allow this! I'm going to call up the authorities, and inform them that there is an extreme case of child abuse happening at Number four, Privet Drive, Little Winging--

LILY: *puts a hand on his shoulder* James, dear, calm down. The book is fictional. Harry's right here, and he's safe.

JAMES: *takes a deep breath* *hugs Harry* I'm so glad!

ANNIE: *bursts out laughing*

PATSY: *sulks because she is not longer reading*

ANNIE: *shoots her a nasty grin, and reads with much melodrama*

grinding their teeth

SIRIUS: *grinds his teeth*

so loudly

SIRIUS: *grinds his teeth loudly*

that he could not hear

REMUS: Himself think?

JAMES: The authorities coming to take him away to a home where he'll be loved?

SIRIUS: The huge flying car that I mentioned two chapters ago descending to save him?

PETER: A rat?

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

RON: What is it with Peter and rats?

the news,

FRED: The news?

GEORGE: Who cares what's on the news?

RON: What's 'the news'? Is it like the Prophet?

HERMIONE: *exasperatedly* It's a television program, Ron!

ANNIE AND PATSY: *sigh romantically*

or shooting

ANNIE: BAM! BAM! BAM!

PATSY: Give me that! *tries to grab the book* *fails*

ANNIE: *laughs evilly*

nasty questions at him, as had happened every time he had tried sitting down in the living room and watching television

HERMIONE: I told you so, Ron!

RON: *grumbles incoherently*

with his aunt and uncle.

JAMES: Who are going to get a piece of my mind VERY soon!

LILY: Remember, dear, that it's fiction...

JAMES: But that doesn't stop them from being total gits!

LILY: Well, no, it doesn't...

Almost as though this thought had fluttered through the open window,

EVERYONE: *look over at the open window* *nothing happens*

Vernon Dursley, Harry's uncle,

JAMES: *under his breath* And all around great prat...

suddenly spoke.

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Look! I'm suddenly speaking!

EVERONE: *in a bored tone* Not funny...

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Oooh, you're going to be that way, are you? Fine, then I'll curse you with Greasy Snape Hair!

PATSY: That's a proper noun, is it? Greasy Snape Hair?

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: You bet it is! Sells for nine sickles and ninety nine knuts in Diagon Alley!

EVERONE: Oookay....

PERCY: Actually, that's impossible, due to the fact that there are only twenty-nine knuts to a sickle, not like American muggle money, which is one hundred pennies to a dollar.

FRED: Umm, Perce? No one cares.

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: *ignores them* Here it comes!

*ZAP!*

EVERYONE EXCEPT SNAPE: *has Greasy Snape Hair*

SNAPE: *feels his hair* NO! IT'S STILL CLEAN!!!!

EVERYONE ELSE: *runs to door to get to the shower first* *finds it locked*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

LILY AND HERMIONE: *take out wands* Alohomora! *nothing happens*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SIRIUS: *takes out special knife and puts it in key hole and turns it* *takes it out to find the blade has melted*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

FRED AND GEORGE: *realize that their beards have also been cursed with Greasy Snape Hair*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

EVERYONE: *cries*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now get reading!!

EVERYONE: *feels their hair* *cringes*

ANNIE: *stomps her foot* Set our hair back the way it was!

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: No! Now get back to the book, if you don't want a greasy beard as well.

EVERYONE: *sits down*

ANNIE: *picks ORDER OF THE PHOENIX back up*

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *stands up and points at P. D. Yerf* You--you--you cruel person you!

PDYERF: *pauses screen* *looks over at him* I am NOT cruel!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): You are! *runs over to the edge of force field thing and pounds on it with his fists* Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

PDYERF: *holds up wand warningly* Don't make me give you Greasy Snape Hair...

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *continues to pound fists on force field thing* Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

PDYERF: *stows away wand* Don't make me do this, Random Reader (Whose Actual Name Is Brian).

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *turns around and screams* IT'S BRIAN!!!! *turns back to force field thing* Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

PDYERF: *sighs melodramatically* *snaps fingers*

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *his mouth melts away just like Keanu Reeves' in The Matrix* *gives muffled scream*

PDYERF: *sighs and closes her eyes, then opens them to survey her silent readers* I've always wanted to do that!

READERS: *start to back away veeeeeeery slowly*

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *starts to claw at the space where his mouth once was*

PDYERF: Okay, NOW I feel cruel. *snaps fingers again*

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *mouth returns to normal* *lays gasping on the floor*

PDYERF: Okay...let's continue, shall we? That freaked me out a little...

READERS: *wave little flags that say 'Us too!'*

PDYERF: *hides a shudder* *presses PLAY*

READERS: *as her attention is averted by screen, run for exit* *bounce off force field thing*

"Glad to see the boy's stopped trying to butt in.

REMUS: They're talking about Harry, right?

JAMES: *through clenched teeth* They'd better not be...otherwise they should call him by his real name...

Where is he, anyway?"

FRED: Off drinking, smoking, and terrorizing small children with his mates.

ANNIE AND PATSY: *are angry* FRED!!!!

FRED: *laughs sheepishly* Er...sorry...that's Dudley...I read ahead...

ANNIE: *glares at Fred* *clutches book more protectively*

"I don't know," said Aunt Petunia unconcernedly.

LILY: *angry* You'd better be concerned, you-- *tries to attack book*

JAMES: *holds her back* Lil, calm down...It's only a book, Lil...It's fiction...

EVERYONE ELSE: *watches in surprise*

"Not in the house."

Uncle Vernon grunted.

GEORGE: He's a pig!

EVERYONE: *eyes him strangely* Ri-i-ight...

"Watching the news..." he said scathingly.

FRED: We've changed our minds! Harry has every right to watch the news!

GEORGE: Yeah! Leave him alone!

"I'd like to know what he's really up to.

EVERYONE: Watching the news! What, are you deaf?

As if a normal boy cares what's on the news--

REMUS: *darkly* I'd hate to see what their idea of normal is...

PETER: *nods* Me too!

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

PETER: *looks over at them* You've been glaring at me for three chapters! What have I done to you?

EVERYONE: *murmurs their assent*

ANNIE AND PATSY: Read Prisoner of Azkaban. *continue to glare*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Hey! Don't get ahead of me! That'll be the next MST!

EVERYONE: *groans*

SIRIUS: We're going to a have to go through this again?

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: It depends on the response this one gets! We'll see!

JAMES: I have an idea! Let's get through this one first!

EVERYONE: *nods*

PETER: *confused* What's an MST?

Dudley

FRED: Dudley?!

GEORGE: That's a name?

LILY: Unfortunately, yes...

hasn't got a clue what's going on,

LILY: *snorts* Somehow I'm not surprised...

doubt he even knows who the Prime Minister is!

RON: What's a 'Prime Minister'?

HERMIONE: Honestly Ron, don't you know anything?

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: *proudly displays a Ron/Hermione pin*

PATSY: Go R/Hr!

ANNIE: Er...just wondering, but how can you wear a Ron/Hermione pin if your a disembodied voice?

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Er...well...why don't you just continue with the chapter! Hehehe...

ANNIE: Oookay...

RON: *to Hermione* What was that all about?

HERMIONE: No idea...

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME, ANNIE, AND PATSY: *sigh romantically*

Anyway, it's not as if there'd e anything about his lot on our news--"

PERCY: I should hope not! That would mean the end of life as we know it! Not to mention the complete demolition of the Statute of Secrecy--

EVERYONE: Shut up, Percy.

"Vernon, shh!"

SIRIUS: Yes! Please shut up!

said Aunt Petunia. "The window's open!"

RON: *frowns* Why should that make a difference?

"Oh--yes--sorry, dear..."

The Dursleys fell silent.

ALL: Praise the Lord!

SIRIUS: The unthinkable has happened!

Harry listened to a jingle about Fruit N' Bran breakfast cereal

ANNIE: Is that a real cereal, or is it just something Joanne Kathleen made up?

EVERYONE: Who's Joanne Kathleen?

PATSY: *ignoring them* I don't know...

REMUS: Well, we obviously don't either, because Miss Yerf here *jabs thumb up at the ceiling* doesn't know.

SNAPE: *grumbles* You'd think she'd do her research before posting this chapter... *feels his clean hair* *winces*

GINNY: *stands up* Miss Yerf, since you really can't think of anything for me to say here, and as I've only said one thing in all three chapters, could I please go take a shower?

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: *thinks on it* I suppose so. Just make sure to come back when I need you!

GINNY: I will. Thank you! *goes over to door, opens it, and leaves*

EVERYONE ELSE: *runs to door, only to find it still locked*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINL ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

while he watched Mrs. Figg, a batty, cat-loving old lady

JAMES: You've got that right! *shivers*

LILY: *slaps him on the shoulder* Be nice, James. Just because she's a bit...well...extreme on the cat front doesn't mean you have to be mean!

JAMES: *grumbles a bit before finally saying* Sorry...

from nearby Wisteria Walk,

FRED: *snorts* That's a street name?

GEORGE: It's almost as bad as Dudley!

ANNIE: *rolls her eyes* Can we please get back to the book!

amble

PETER: *ambles around the room*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

slowly past.

PETER: *ambles slowly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

She was frowning

PETER: *frowns* *continues to amble slowly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

and muttering to herself.

PETER: *mutters to himself* *continues to frown* *continues to amble slowly*

SIRIUS: *joins him*

JAMES: *exasperated* Okay, guys, that's enough!

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

Harry was very pleased that he was concealed behind the bush;

JAMES: And he should be! No offence meant toward her, but Arabella's a nutter...

LILY: *in a warning tone* James...

JAMES: *to Peter and Sirius* Okay, guys, that's enough!

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

Mrs. Figg had recently taken to asking him around for tea

JAMES: *shudders* My poor son! *hugs Harry*

LILY: James, be nice!

JAMES: *to Peter and Sirius again* OKAY, guys, that's ENOUGH!

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

whenever she met him in the street.

JAMES: Let's hope that's not too often. *to Peter and Sirius AGAIN* OKAY, guys, that's ENOUGH!

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Guys, that joke's getting really old...

READERS: *murmur their assent*

PDYERF: *pauses the screen* SHUT IT!

READERS: *are instantly silent*

PDYERF: *presses PLAY*

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

JAMES: ARGH!!!!

She had rounded the corner

JAMES: Thank God!

PETER AND SIRIUS: *continue to mutter, frown, and amble slowly*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Okay, I've had it!

*Pop!*

PETER AND SIRIUS: *have Greasy Snape Beards* *fall down in shock*

EVERYONE: *cheers*

JAMES: Thank you, Miss Yerf!

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Any time!

and vanished from view before Uncle Vernon's voice floated out of the window again.

EVERYONE: *look over at open window* *nothing happens*

PDYERF: *hits STOP* *checks her copy of ORDER OF THE PHOENIX* Their almost to page three!

READERS: *cheer unenthusiastically*

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): That leaves only 877 pages to go!

READERS: *cheer unenthusiastically*

PDYERF: Yay! Now, for the disclaimer: Harry Potter, contrary to popular belief, does not belong to me, and neither does Ginny, Snape, Sirius, James, Lily--

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): Just say all Potter characters, idiot!

PDYERF: DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M DOING MY DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): Er...sorry? *backs away*

PDYERF: *breaths deeply for a few moments before continuing* ANYWAY, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Fred, George, Percy, Charlie, Bill, Hermione, Snape, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, AND Lily do NOT belong to me, cause if they did, I'd be busy writing the sixth book and not this piece of crap! *looks moody* *mutters under her breath* And I'd be writing really quick and make sure my anxious readers at LEAST know what the title of my next book is going to be--

JKROWLING: *peeks in through door* Hello, all!

PDYERF: *faints*

JKROWLING: *looks down at her* Maybe I'd better leave... *leaves*

PDYERF: *wakes up* What? Oh, sorry about that. Couldn't help myself. ANYWAY, Annie belongs to Riley Snave, and anything else I've forgotten to mention doesn't belong to me either. Oh yeah! Disembodied Voice thing? Yeah, SLIGHT rip off of Jakia's MVTSMLM. Read her story and review. Maybe she won't sue me.

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): What's it called? *under her breath* ANY other story has got to be better than this one...

PDYERF: I heard that! It's called A MST of a Different Kind.

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): Thank you! *tries to leave* *discovers he is duct taped to his chair* HEY!

PDYERF: And now a word from our sponsors!

RONALD MACDONALD: *walks out* Hi kids! This chapter was brought to you by all P. D. Yerf's WONDERFUL reviewers!! Thanks to Jamie_Lilith_Potter, Missy Black, Lilith Evans, joulez, Aibari, AmethystPhoenix, Jakia, Emerald Moonbeams, GrammarQueen, BlackFiresong, non, isla142, Ninotsjka, LilyCat03, Jessica_747487, Sara86, aaaaand DracoNunquamDormiens! And remember, at McDonalds, we love to see you smile!

PDYERF: Er...Ronald?

RONALD MACDONALD: Yes, Miss Yerf?

PDYERF: Isn't the thing now 'I'm Lovin' It' ?

RONALD MACDONALD: *frowns* Well, I suppose it is...but I like 'We Love To See You Smile' better!

PDYERF: Ri-i-ight. You can go now.

RONALD MACDONALD: Thank you, Miss Yerf, for this wonderful opportunity to list your great reviewers! Bye kids! *waves* *leaves*

PDYERF: Oh yeah, and I don't own McDonalds or Ronald there either. *pauses* Well then...goodbye! See you next chapter!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *hopefully* Does that mean we can leave?

PDYERF: No, it doesn't. I'm talking to those readers out there. *points to outside the computer screen* You readers are all here so you can react to my insanity and also so I can torture you every time the story begins to get somewhat boring.

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): *presses his face up against the screen* *sees people* Wow, they really are there!

PDYERF: Yes, they are. Well...bye!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS BRIAN): Run while you still can!