A Change of MST

CHAPTER TWO

RILEY SNAVE: I have now taken over this fic! I have defeated its author, P. D. Yerf! And I AM TRIUMPHANT! *dances around in a little circle*

READERS: *are silent*

RILEY SNAVE: Excuse me? Aren't you all going to cheer for me, because I've won?

READERS: *in a bored tone* Hoorah.

RILEY SNAVE: Excuse me? Aren't you ALL going to CHEER for ME?? *glares at them in a VERY threatening way*

READERS: *cheer* HOORAH!!!!

RILEY SNAVE: Much better. *smiles smugly around at the pages that make up what is now her MST* Hehehehe....P. D. Yerf didn't even see it coming... *laughs gleefully*

READERS: *laughs along with her, afraid of what would happen if they don't agree with her*

RILEY SNAVE: And now I'm going to have to get this place cleaned up! It's so awful *looks at the red and gold couch with the Gryffindor crest and grimaces* Ugh, this place needs serious redecorating. And I mean Sirius.

READERS: *don't get it*

RILEY SNAVE: *threateningly* And I mean SIRIUS...

READERS: *still don't get it*

RILEY SNAVE: *getting angry* AND I MEAN SIRIUS...

READERS: *get it finally* *force a laugh*

RILEY SNAVE: *grabs big stick* Now get to work, my loyal readers!

READERS: *are completely clueless to what she means*

RILEY SNAVE: *cries out in exasperation* GET TO WORK! *snaps the stick threateningly into her hand*

READERS: *jump up and start to redecorate the room*

RILEY SNAVE: *smiles* MUCH better!

READERS: *relax*

RILEY SNAVE: *snaps stick again* WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? *points to Gryffindor decor* GET THIS OUT OF HERE!

READERS: *hop to it*

RILEY SNAVE: *starts strolling around, singing country songs under her breath*

READERS: *cringe, both because it's country, and also because of her awful singing*

RILEY SNAVE: *coughs* Is there something WRONG?

READERS: *shake their heads hurriedly and get back to work*

RILEY SNAVE: *continues singing Toby Keith*

READERS: *continue to change the gold and scarlet to silver and green*

RILEY SNAVE: *smiles* *sings louder*

PDYERF: *begins to stir*

RILEY SNAVE: *doesn't notice* *continues to sing*

READERS: *don't notice* *continue to redecorate*

PDYERF: *begins to sing as well, adding her own off-key voice to Riley's*

READERS: *drop everything* *scream and cover their ears*

PDYERF AND RILEY SNAVE: My daddy served in the army, where he lost his right eye...

READERS: *continue to scream and cover their ears*

PDYERF AND RILEY SNAVE: ...but he flew a flag out in our yard, 'till the day that he died!

READERS: *keep screaming*

PDYERF AND RILEY SNAVE: He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me... *notice they're singing together and scream*

READERS: *gasp for breath*

RILEY SNAVE: You're awake!

PDYERF: And you're redecorating! With *screams again* Slytherin colors!?!?!?!

RILEY SNAVE: *smiles proudly* Yep! It looks so much better, don't you think?

PDYERF: *screams* GET OUT OF MY FAN FIC!!!!!!

RILEY SNAVE: *grins evilly* It's my MST now!

PDYERF: IT IS NOT! IT'S STILL BEING TYPED UP ON MY COMPUTER!!!!!!

RILEY SNAVE: *grins threateningly, and slaps giant stick against her palm once again* *stick breaks* What the?!?!

PDYERF: *smiles smugly* My computer, my rules.

RILEY SNAVE: *starts towards her* Why you little...

PDYERF: *snaps fingers*

RILEY SNAVE: *disappears*

PDYERF: *waves wand* *room changes back to Gryffindor colors*

READERS: *sit back down where they were sitting before*

PDYERF: Now then, where were we? Ah, yes. The first sentence of Dudley Demented. Let's go back to that, shall we?

READERS: *groan*

PDYERF: *smiles cheerily* Alright then! Let's go! *pulls out remote and presses PLAY* *stops it before it can even start*

RANDOM READER FROM THE LAST CHAPTER: Hey! What did you do that for?

PDYERF: I thought we'd rewind it a bit, so people would be able to see where we were.

READERS: *groan at the prospect of watching the same part twice*

PDYERF: *rewinds* *hits PLAY*

HARRY: *with dawning comprehension* So this is the series of books about me that Annie and Patsy were talking about earlier!

EVERYONE: *eyes widen* *shake their heads in disappointment*

ANNIE: *sarcastically* Well it is only titled Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

PATSY: *chokes back laughter*

JAMES: *shakes his head in dismay*

REMUS: Let's continue, shall we?

PATSY: *turns back to book*

Cars

SIRIUS: That's it! *snaps fingers*

EVERONE: That's what?

SIRIUS: What I need! I have a flying motorbike--

PATSY AND ANNIE: Really? Where is it?

SIRIUS: --but it's at James's and a flying car would make a lot more sense as it is!

JAMES: Umm...why?

SIRIUS: Well, I can drive it regularly so that I'll blend in with the muggles, but I can also fly it! And it can hold more than just a couple of people easily!

RON: *suddenly* Dad has a flying car.

ANNIE AND PATSY: *start laughing hysterically*

PERCY: *hisses at him* Ron! You're not supposed to tell people that! Don't you know that under paragraph C of the--

ALL THE WEASLEY KIDS MINUS PERCY: Shut up, Percy.

PERCY: *looks abashed*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *continue laughing*

PATSY: *in between giggles* Okay, back to the book!

that were usually gleaming stood dusty

PETER: *sneezes*

JAMES: What is it, Pete?

PETER: I've got a dust allergy. Even the very mention of dust makes me go off... *sneezes again*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *give Peter dirty looks*

EVERYONE ELSE: *give Annie and Patsy strange looks*

in their drives

ANNIE: VROOM VROOM!

PATSY: Er...okay...

and lawns that were usually emerald green

FRED AND GEORGE: DOWN WITH SLYTHERIN!

SNAPE: *gives them a disgusted look*

ANNIE AND PATSY: LONG LIVE THE GRYFFINDORS!!!

SNAPE: *glares at them too*

ANNIE, PATSY, FRED, AND GEORGE: MAY THE RED AND GOLD EVER PREVAIL AND THE GREEN AND SILVER ALWAYS FAIL!!!

SNAPE: *his lip starts to curl...*

lay parched and yellowing;

PATSY: Hufflepuff colors!

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Enough about the Hogwarts houses!!!! ARGH!!!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE THAT SOUNDS MYSTERIOUSLY LIKE JAKIA: Do you need these? *holds out lighting bolts*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Gee, thanks!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE THAT SOUNDS MYSTERIOUSLY LIKE JAKIA: No problem, they're free of charge! *disappears*

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: YAY!!!! *shoots lightning bolt at Patsy*

PATSY: OW! Not again... *coughs smoke rings for a while until she is able to continue reading*

the use of hosepipes had been banned due to drought.

ANNIE: I forgot they didn't Americanize this book...

ALL THE BRITISH PEOPLE: What?

ANNIE: Hosepipes are called hoses in America.

ALL THE BRITISH PEOPLE: Ah...

Deprived of their usual car-washing

PATSY: Car washes are fun. Or, as we call them here in Maine (where this story takes place in case you didn't know) Cah Warshes!

JAMES: Umm...ri-i-ight.

and lawn-mowing

ANNIE: I hate to mow the lawn.

EVERONE: *looks at her*

ANNIE: Sorry, that was random...

pursuits,

SIRIUS: I like the word pursuit.

PATSY: *frustrated* Look, can I PLEASE just READ the book without getting any interruptions every other word?!?! We're STILL on the first page and this MST is about fifteen pages on Miss Yerf's computer!

ANNIE: But Patsy, isn't that what an MST is? Random comments on every other word of the book?

PATSY: No, that's NOT what it is! Yes, the characters make comments, but if they do it every other word the MST is just random and not funny!

SIRIUS: *clueless* Which is what's happening now?

PATSY: Which has already happened! Those poor readers are out there somewhere, rolling their eyes at the computer screen and not reviewing, just because you all can't shut up!!!!!!

SIRIUS: Um...sorry?

PATSY: *breaths heavily* Okay. Let's get back to the story.

the inhabitants of Privet Drive had retreated into the shade of their cool houses, windows thrown wide in the hope of tempting a nonexistent breeze.

ANNIE: *timidly* Er...Patsy?

PATSY: Yeah?

ANNIE: Can I say something?

PATSY *grumbles under her breath before saying finally* I suppose so...

ANNIE: Thanks. Okay, so, why don't these people have air conditioners, or at least fans? I mean, that would help them out a lot more than just opening the window.

PATSY: Is that all you wanted to say?

ANNIE: Yeah

PATSY: Good.

The only person left outdoors was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flower bed

RON: A bed made of flowers?

HERMIONE: No, Ron, a flower bed is not a bed made of flowers.

RON: Well, it should be.

HERMIONE: *sighs exasperatedly*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *sigh romantically*

outside number four.

PATSY: *sarcastically* Hmmm...I wonder who it is!

HARRY: Who?

PATSY: *snorts and turns back to the book*

He was a

SIRIUS: Marauder?

REMUS: Prefect?

JAMES: Quidditch star?

PETER: Rat?

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

skinny, black-haired, bespectacled boy

PETER: *pouts because he didn't get it right*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

who had the pinched, slightly unhealthy look of someone who has grown a lot in a short space of time.

LILY: *hugs her son protectively*

His jeans were torn and dirty, his T-shirt baggy and faded, and the soles of his trainers were peeling away from the uppers.

LILY: *hugs Harry even tighter*

REMUS: Poor boy. Not only is he showing signs of being underfed, whoever he lives with doesn't even supply him with sufficient clothing. Unless he's living on the streets.

JAMES: Trust me Remus, he doesn't. Unless something major has changed between books one and five.

ANNIE AND PATSY: *whistle innocently*

Harry Potter's

HARRY: Oh! So it's me!

ANNIE AND PATSY: *roll their eyes*

appearance did not endear him to the neighbors,

FRED: What do they care if he's got messed up clothes?

GEORGE: Yeah, we wear messed up muggle clothing all the time and our neighbors have never said anything.

CHARLIE: But we don't exactly have neighbors, you realize.

FRED: Ah.

GEORGE: Well, that could be it.

PATSY: You guys do realize we're still on the first page, here, right?

SIRIUS: Really?

PETER: This is a really long book.

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

who were the sort of people who thought scruffiness ought to be punishable by law,

JAMES: Hey! Leave my kid alone! *hugs Harry protectively*

BILL: Who honestly cares what the people on Privet Drive think of Harry?

REMUS: They shouldn't think that way anyway. He's obviously been mistreated. They should be calling the Child Protection Services.

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Do they have that in England?

JAMES: Er...

SIRIUS: Well...

REMUS: I...

DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME: Never mind. I don't know myself, so how was I expecting you all to know? I'm writing this thing!

ALL: *nod in agreement, afraid of what the author will do if they don't*

FRED AND GEORGE: *stroke their beards, as though to make sure they're still there* *They are*

but as he had hidden himself behind a large hydrangea bush

PETER: *sneezes*

REMUS: Let me guess. You're allergic to hydrangea bushes too.

PETER: *nods*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

this evening he was quite invisible

MARAUDERS: *whistle innocently*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *snigger*

EVERYONE ELSE: *look confused*

to passersby.

ANNIE: That word has too many s's.

In fact, the only way

PATSY: Hoorah! We've made it to page two!

ALL: *cheer*

he would be spotted was if his Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia

LILY: *glares at the book*

stuck their heads out of the living room window

PETER: *opens the living room window and looks up*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

and looked straight down

PETER: *looks down*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

into the flowerbed below.

PETER: There's no flowerbed!

ANNIE AND PATSY: *glare at Peter*

REMUS: Come on in, Pete.

PETER: *bumps his head on the window*

ANNIE AND PATSY: *snigger evilly*

PETER: *comes back in* *closes window*

PDYERF: *presses STOP* Hello folks! It's time for the disclaimer for this chapter!

READERS: *groan*

RANDOM READER FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER: Hey, Miss Yerf! Haven't you noticed that there's another disclaimer at the beginning of the story?

PDYERF: *sighs patiently* Yes, I have notices, Random Reader From The Beginning Of The Chapter. But I always feel the need to impress upon my readers that not all of this story belongs to me.

RANDOM READER FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER: My name's Brian!

PDYERF: *ignores him* Okay, for the disclaimer! All Harry Potter characters you see do NOT belong to me. Annie belongs to Riley Snave and Patsy as well as all both of their families belong to me. The Angry American, the song that me and Riley Snave sang (rather badly) at the beginning of the chapter doesn't belong to us either; it belongs to Toby Keith! And, also, the DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY ME can very possibly be called a rip-off of MYSTERIOUS VOICE THAT SOUNDS MYSTERIOUSLY LIKE ME in A MST of a Different Kind, and that belongs to Jakia. And Pringles *holds up the tube of Cheese Pringles she is eating* do not belong to me either!!! YAY!! And now, a word from our sponsors! *nothing happens* I SAID and NOW a WORD from our SPONSORS! *still nothing happens* *to readers* Excuse me for a minute.

READERS: Bye!

RANDOM READER (WHOSE NAME IS ACTUALLY BRIAN): We won't miss you!

PDYERF: *walks along the hallway into her bedroom. There she sees Riley Snave sitting on her bed and watching a movie*

RILEY SNAVE: *sniffles* I'll never let go Jack! I'll never let go! *blows her nose*

PDYERF: *hands on her hips* Get into the living room! NOW!

RILEY SNAVE: *goes to entrance of the living room*

PDYERF: *enters living room* And now, a word from our sponsors!

RILEY SNAVE: *trudges out unhappily* This chapter is brought to you by isla142, Jamie_Lilith_Potter, jenna_potter, Aibari, joulez, non, Jakia, AmethystPhoenix, and Sara86.

PDYERF: As well as anyone else who has reviewed after this chapter is posted! *smiles happily* Thank you!

RILEY SNAVE: *leaves*

PDYERF: *waves* See you next chapter!

READERS: *groan*