Damned Hard Chairs

::Please close you're eyes and imagine yourself -wait--don't close your eyes--you'll never be able to read this. Anyway, without the closing of your eyes, imagine yourself in a room without windows, there is a round table in the center of said room. Said table is white and has eight empty, plastic, blue chairs. If you could sit in said chairs you would realize how damned uncomfortable they are. Anyway, on with the imagining, slowly eight different people fill the chairs. This is how their conversation went...::

Fred: Since we have taken over the world with our army of post-it-notes--

Harry and Ron: flabbergasted and in total shock even though they were directly next to Fred and George when they achieved world domination: We took over the world with Muggle paper products?

George: Yes, you were right there?

Harry and Ron: We were?

George: frustrated and in total annoyance even though he knew Harry and Ron were good for nothing more than saving the world: Yes you were there.

Harry and Ron: Really? : They spoke with a child like innocence:

George: YES, every single person at this very round table was there, me, Fred, Lee, Neville, you two dunces, Draco, and The Unknown Knight.

Draco: We have an Unknown Knight? : Looks around in disbelief, he then spots the fellow next to him wearing a black hood with a sign around his neck saying UNKNOWN KNIGHT, if you can read that you have perfect vision:

Fred: Yes, now I was going to tell you that I have decided that since we have conquered the world that I am going to change my name.

Neville: There was something I was supposed to tell you. : Rubs chin curiously, appears to be in serious thought for several painful moments before shrugging: What name?

Fred: draws himself up proudly in a manner that reminds the author very much of his older brother Percy: Gustave Fredrick Wesley, I've changed my last name because Weasley was much too difficult to spell.

George: Really, I can spell Weasley.

Draco: Only because you have it cunningly tattooed on the palm of your hand.

Ron: You have our last name tattooed on the palm of your hand?

George: Yes.

Harry: Really?

George: Did I stutter?

Ron and Harry: Don't answer with a question we'll become dreadfully confused and start a circular conversation all over again.

George: I've decided I am christening myself Zeus Aiden George Mark Weasley.

Draco: Interesting. : He whips out a pad of paper and begins to write all his new information down with a pen, yes a MUGGLE pen:

Neville: That a good idea mate. : He takes out his own pad of paper and begins to jot down all the new information so as not to forget:

Lee: I'm also changing my name because I do everything Fred and ---

The Unknown Knight: writing on a large pad of paper because The Unknown Knight never speaks: WRITTEN: I believe that the Dark Evil Very Bad and Hot Ex-Slytherins are trying to take over the world with their Army of Cornish Pixies.

Lee: ...to Christopher Brooks Lee Jordan.

The Rest of the Table: That's a stupid name!

Neville: There was something I was supposed to tell you. Ah Ha! The Unknown Knight has just reminded me, the Dark Evil Very Bad and Hot Ex-Slytherins are trying to take over the world with their Army of Cornish Pixies.

Fred and George: They're what?

Lee: repeating Fred and George because he in incapable of any independent thought: They're what?

Ron: Who?

Harry: Cornish Pixies?

Neville: just realizing what he said: Cornish Pixies! I hate Cornish Pixies! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! : He screams some more but the author doesn't want to type that many H's. Neville dives under table cover his ears:

The Unknown Knight writes on sign: Sigh.

Draco: Look! The Unknown Knight Sighed!

Ron: We have an Unknown Knight?

Harry: Who?

George and Draco: If we knew he wouldn't be The Unknown Knight!

Neville: from under the table: I hat Cornish Pixies! Ears! Oh my precious ears love my ears!

Fred: People!

The Village People: who magically appear: Yes, you rang?

Fred: Not you.

The Village People: Fine. We'll go to the YMCA...the author forgets the remaining lyrics but the Village People walk away doing the arm motions:

Fred: How are these really bad people with really long names going to take over the world with their Army of Cornish Pixies if WE control the world with OUR Army of Post-It-Notes?

Ron: puts finger in the air dramatically: I know! They have used a spy to infiltrate our mists!

George: Yes little brother that's it. : He pats Ron on the head lovingly and then proceeds to snicker behind his hand:

Draco: highly affronted spy that he is: What is so terribly funny about spies?

Lee: They don't work.

Draco: Oh yeah? Well I bet we have a spy in out mists right now.

Ron and Harry: Where?

George and Draco: If we knew where he wouldn't be a spy.

Ron and Harry: Oh.

Neville: still from below the table: Ahhhhhhhh! They're coming to get e and finish off my ears!

Lee: How do we find a spy?

: Now picture, in that eye you have in your mind-with your normal eyes open, that this room lapses into total and thoughtful silence. It is truly humorous as Neville has stopped muttering, Draco is not flaunting his Sex God or spy status, Harry and Ron are not asking any obvious questions, and Fred and George aren't growing things and trying to get Lee not to drool on them. The Unknown Knight just keeps up his normal demeanor:

Draco: I know who it is!

Harry and Ron: Who?

Colonel Mustard: It was Miss Scarlet in the Ball Room with the Lead Pipe.

Harry and Ron: Who are you?

Colonel Mustard: Are you questioning ME? Colonel Mustard? I challenge you to a duel.

The Unknown Knight writing: Go AWAY!

Colonel Mustard: I challenge you to a duel too!

Sir Lancelot: I am questing for the Holy Grail and out running from a girl named Zut.

Colonel Mustard: I shall join the hunt!

Fred: Anyway Draco, who is it?

Draco: standing up quickly and pointing boldly at The Unknown Knight: HIM!

The Unknown Knight writing: No I doubt it. I think I would know if I were Dark, Evil, Hot, or a spy.

Draco: You only DOUBT it! So you may in fact be Dark, Evil, Hot, or a spy. : He sits back down with a swish of his long black cloak satisfied he has proven he is not the spy:

Fred: exchanges dark looks with George before nodding: You know what we have to do.

George: Yes. : He nods solemnly:

Fred: We shall have to use the Frying Pan of Doom!

Harry: The what?

Fred: The Frying Pan of Doom!

Ron: The what?

Draco: Did he stutter?

Ron and Harry: We have a Frying Pan of Doom?

George: YES WE HAVE A FRYING PAN OF FUCKING DOOM1

Ron: I thought it was just the Frying Pan of Doom not the Frying Pan of Fucking Doom, because the second sounds painful.

Harry: Yeah: subconsciously he rubs himself...um...you know where, you all live in the gutter anyway:

Fred: It is just the Frying Pan of Doom.

Ron: We have a Frying Pan of Doom?

Harry: I thought we had a Frying Pan of Fucking Doom?

Fred: Let's be satisfied by saying that we have a large heavy instrument that will tell us who the spy is.

Ron: How?

George: We will hit each of ourselves over the head and who ever turn into a poached egg is the spy.

Crabbe: Do we get to eat the egg?

Goyle: Grunt. Grunt. Grunt.

Draco: GO AWAY! : He screams this in a very childish manner and h stands up pointing to the door, his face is flushed, his hair is in front of his face and God does he look Hot and Bothered. He's MINE hands off slut!

Harry: OW that was my head!

George: Nope, Harry's not the spy! : Carries Frying Pan over to next victim, I refuse to type it like vic-er-friend because that is old and over used: he hits Ron on the head:

Ron: OW! What was that for?

Harry: Yeah. What was that for?

Neville: from under the table still: Lee? Is that a scroll under your robes or are you really happy I'm under the table?

George: running over to Lee with Pan: Wait! Before you join him let me hit you on the head.

Lee: Okay. : Lee doesn't change into the product of chicken fornication:

Fred: Don't be too loud or move the table! OW, George you weren't supposed to hit me! I know I'm not the egg headed spy!

George: OOPS!

The Unknown Knight writing: Hit Draco!

Draco: No! Don't hit me! Please! Don't bang me on the head with that thing! OW!

Harry: Where'd Draco go?

Fred: He's a poached egg.

Ron: How?

George: Never mind.

Draco: changes back from being a poached egg: I now know what it feels like to be a poached egg.

Fred: You are a spy!

Draco: Well-spotted!

The Unknown Knight: Can I have him, since we can't send him back to tell those evil people how to kill us?

Harry: Why do I hear Hermione?

Ron: Hermione, where? : Looks around until a polo ball hits him in the face:

Neville: poking a very sweaty head out from under the table: Can we have our polo ball back?

The Unknown Knight talking Ew! Can I have Draco?

Harry: Why?

Fred and George: they're not actually talking but they're laughing as if it is the most obvious answer on earth:

Ron: Yeah. Why?

Hermione: after she stops laughing as if it the most obvious answer in the world: For personal reasons.

Harry and Ron: What are you on?

Draco: smugly: It's about to be me.

Harry: But you have me?

Ron: And me.

Draco: At the same time?

Hermione: No Draco! Harry, Ron, for Christmas I'll give you a charm to help.

Fred and George: I think we should change her name to, since she'll keep the spy from telling his superiors anything....

Harry and Ron: How?

Fred: What do you think of H....