Missile Envy

Two to Obey by Missile Envy
03/11/2009

Sequel to Two to Lead. The Head Girl and Boy hate each other; The Guardians are flip-flopping; The International Association of Death Eaters is up to no good; Harry becomes a teen idol; Draco becomes well-rounded; Ginny acquires a new personality; Thera learns that working both sides is a lot harder than it looks; Vivian and Remus are on the hunt; Fox discovers that diplomacy can't always be conducted with a sword; and all the while Harry and Voldemort are preparing for a showdown to decide not only the fate of the wizarding world, but the future of the entire human race...Featuring Sexcapades! Betrayal! The Guardians Explained (sort of)! and -- as always -- Long Odes to Lucius Malfoy's Hair!

Words: 403,439
Chapters: 20
Hits: 24,927

All Hermione Granger wants is for her thirtieth birthday to be just like any other day. All Severus Snape wants is some black market lethifold fur. But it’s never that simple. What you want isn’t always what you get, and sometimes what you get...isn’t too bad, actually. AU Futurefic. Non-DH-compliant, for obvious reasons.

Words: 13,915
Chapters: 1
Hits: 3,670

When Lily Evans is the inadvertent victim of one of his pranks, James Potter decides that he'll do absolutely ANYTHING to make it up to her. Hijinks ensue. Only tangentially part of the Two to Lead universe; you don't have to read the other story to get this one.

Words: 7,726
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,583
Two to Lead by Missile Envy
12/30/2004

Why is Harry playing juvenile delinquent? Why is Voldemort sending Death Eaters halfway around the world to kidnap an uneducated teenager? Why would someone dump a successful career in favor of teaching a bunch of schoolkids? Why doesn’t Lupin have a sex life? Why does Ginny Weasley keep falling for the wrong guys? Why is the Magical Mafia suddenly so interested in helping out The Boy Who Lived? Why is Draco Malfoy really such a bastard? And what, exactly, are the mechanics of using a sex swing? The answers will be revealed…Rated R for entirely gratuitous sex, violence, language and lengthy descriptions of Lucius Malfoy's hair.

Words: 338,576
Chapters: 31
Hits: 54,797