I’m Not a Muggle Not Yet a Wizard

I'm Not a Muggle Not Yet a Wizard

By Mariposa

Chapter 11

"Yes it came!" Mervin cried as his owl dropped a package into his lap during dinner.

"What is it?" asked Draco who was sitting across from him.

Mervin exultantly opened the package. Draco noticed the return address was from Play Wizard and rolled his eyes.

Mervin took out an odd looking object and grinned at Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise. "This, my friends, is a very special WizardCam."

"What does it do?" asked Blaise.

"It works like a regular Muggle camera, only it can see behind things. For instance, doors, walls, shower curtains..."

"What exactly are you going to film with that camera?' Draco asked, pretty sure he already knew the answer.

Mervin grinned. "Can you guys keep a secret?"

"Sure," they all replied quickly.

"You all know how I want to be a world famous director just like my idol, Michael Bay?"

His fellow roommates nodded. "Well, I plan to film in the Slytherin girl's shower room...with girls in the shower, of course! Is that going to be a great film, or what? It will be a MASTERPIECE by Mervin Nimrod Crunk!"

Draco looked at Blaise as they both tried to stifle a smirk.

"Your middle name is Nimrod?" said Blaise.

That's a great idea, Mervin," said Draco. "And be sure to show your wonderful masterpiece to Professor Snape. I'm sure he would appreciate it."

Mervin frowned. "He would?"

"Oh yes," Draco said, trying very hard not to laugh. "He sure would."

* *

Mervin cautiously walked to the Slytherin girl's shower room with his WizardCam in hand. He opened the door and could hear water running and three voices. He recognized them as belonging to Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode and Dragnia Paradise.

"So I ran into those two Gryffies today," Pansy was saying as Mervin set up his camera. "You know, Lavendar and Parvati. They kept giggling and pointing at me. Stupid bitches!"

"Those two need a good smacking." Dragnia's voice came from the stall next to Pansy's.

"I could rough them up really good," came Millicent's booming voice and Mervin could hear one fist smacking into the other.

"Aha, here we go," Mervin said quietly as he started to film. He brought the camera to aim at Pansy's shower curtain. It worked! Mervin could hardly contain himself, but kept quiet. He filmed the three girls for a few minutes, then quickly slipped away when he heard the water stop.

**

"Professor Snape, I have something I think you would like to see," Mervin said proudly as he entered Snape's office.

Snape looked up from a thick book. "What is it? It better be important. I'm very busy here."

"Oh, you'll have time for this," Mervin said, winking. "Trust me."

Snape frowned as Mervin handed him the WizardCam. "What is this?"

"It's a WizardCam, Professor!" Mervin said excitedly. "Go on, have a look. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what you see."

Still frowning, Snape held the camera and looked into it. At first he could see green and silver tiles and could hear water running. "Mervin, what is this-" he began, but then stopped and let out a choking sound when the next thing that came on the tiny screen was Millicent Bulstrode washing her hair in the shower. Snape quickly dropped the camera. "Good Merlin! What was that?"

Mervin just grinned stupidly. "It's my film debut! I'm making a smut film! Isn't it great? Eh?"

Snape glared at him. "Mervin, it is against the rules to spy on people in their most intimate moments, such as this one. I'm afraid I'm going have to give you a warning and a detention."

Mervin looked horrified. "You're not going to take away my WizardCam, are you? You know how I want to be an inspiring director so I can be as wonderful as Michael Bay! He's an icon, you know. A legend!"

"No, I will not take away your WizardCam," Snape said calmly. "But I will have to dispose of this film."

***

"You were wrong," Mervin said as he sat next to Draco at lunch the next day. "Snape wasn't very pleased with my camera work!"

Draco tried to keep a straight face. "Oh?"

"Yeah, I showed it to him and he got really mad! Now I have a warning and I have to serve detention this evening. I have to clean the Slytherin bathrooms without magic!" He groaned. "I don't know what Snape's problem is. You think any guy would appreciate seeing Millicent Bulstrode in the shower!"

Draco shuddered at this. "Gee, I'm sorry, man," he said trying to be sincere as possible. "I really though Snape would like to see your fine film work."

"Well, he can't stop me!" Mervin cried. "I want to be a world famous director, and world famous director I will be! I'm going to send my film to Michael Bay AND Jerry Bruckheimer when it's done. They'll appreciate my talent. After lunch, I'm going to go back to the girl's shower room and start taping again."

Draco smiled to himself. This was just too easy!

After Mervin finished his meal of three Cornish hens and a heap of mashed potatoes overflowing with gravy, he stood up and said, "Well, I'm off to make filming history. Wish me luck!"

As soon as he left the Great Hall, Draco stood up and raced over to Snape who was eating his lunch as well. "Professor, come quick!" he said urgently. "I think Mervin Crunk is filming in the girl's shower room again!"

Snape got up and followed Draco out the door while mumbling something about "Crazy hormonal wizards." When he burst into the door of the shower room, he found Mervin squeezed between two sinks, his WizardCam operating. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, CRUNK?!"

Surprised at his unexpected visitor, Mervin quickly looked up, knocking his head on the porcelain sink in the process. "OWWW!" he cried.

The water stopped and Pansy and Tiffany Little emerged from the showers, each with a green terrycloth towel wrapped around them. They both screamed when they saw their Headmaster and screamed even louder when they saw Mervin with his WizardCam.

"What is going on?" cried Pansy in a shrill voice.

Mervin grinned at Tiffany appreciatively. "So it is true! You do have a third nipple!"

"Why you little-!" Tiffany's face went red and soon her hand found it's way across Mervin's cheek and a loud SLAP was heard. When she removed her hand, a bright red hand mark embraced Mervin's right cheek.

"Mervin, you knew I warned you about this," Snape said.

"I can't believe you were taping us in the shower, you perv!" Pansy cried. "This is an outrage!" She turned to the professor. "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

Snape shook his head. "Of course not. There will be punishment."

Pansy stood with one hand on her hips and the other hand stretched out to Mervin. "I want that footage...NOW!"

Mervin looked at Snape with pleading eyes, but he shook his head. Grumbling, Mervin took out the film and handed it to Pansy who made a big show of ripping it up and stuffing it in the trash.

A tear trickled down Mervin's cheek and he wiped it away. "Goodbye, Oscar," he whispered.

"HMPH!" Pansy cried as she turned on her heel, hair flying behind her and marched out of the bathroom.

"HMPH!" Tiffany did the same thing.

"Crunk, my office NOW!" said Snape.

As Mervin walked out of the shower room, he didn't notice Draco holding his hand to his mouth to hide his smirking laugh.

"Okay, Mr. Crunk, I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm only giving you ONE MORE warning. After that, your ass is out of here. Do you understand me?" Snape seethed.

Mervin nodded.

"Good then. For your detention you will be preparing meals for tonight's dinner with the House Elves. Don't even think of eating any of the food!"

*

Draco was only too thrilled when he found out that if Mervin got in trouble again, he would be expelled. "I think I have an idea of how you can get your movie made without getting caught by Snape," he told Mervin as they sat in the Slytherin Common Room the next evening.

"How?" Mervin asked excitedly.

"You need to broaden your horizons a little...go after something more than just the Slytherin shower room."

Mervin frowned. "Like where?"

"Well, everyone here knows about your undying love for that Mudblood, Hermione Granger." Draco rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't you want to make her the star of your film?"

Mervin's eyes widened. "Of course I do! She would be a wonderful star for my film!"

Draco grinned. "So then why don't you go film in the Gryffindor girl's shower room?"

Mervin looked excited. "Yes, of course! Why didn't I think of that before?"

"Why don't you head over there now and set your WizardCam up?" suggested Draco. "I'm sure Gra - Hermione has to take a shower sometime tonight."

"I'm on my way!" Mervin cried as he grabbed his WizardCam and ran out of the Slytherin House, with Draco chuckling behind him.

*

Mervin had reached the Gryffindor girl's shower room and sat on one of the toilets, waiting for his love to arrive. It turned out he didn't have to wait much longer! A few minutes later the door opened and Mervin peeked through the crack in the door to see that Hermione had come in wearing a red robe with gold trim and a red towel was slung over her shoulder. Mervin could hardly contain his excitement! In just a few moments Hermione would be disrobing and stepping into the shower and he would have the whole thing on camera! In fact, Mervin was so excited he could hardly compose himself and found himself tripping over his own feet and felt himself falling to the floor, the weight of his body bursting open the stall door.

"What the-" Hermione exclaimed when Mervin came hurtling out the stall. "Mervin! What the hell are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"

Mervin stood up and held up his camera. "I'm going to make you a star, my darling!"

Hermione looked at him oddly. "What are you talking about?"

"You are going to be the star in my porn film! Now I just need you to get up on the scene like a sex machine!"

In an instant, Hermione's face went from white to red to purple. "Why you little bastard!"

*

Just outside the door, stood Draco. He could hear Hermione yelling at Mervin and a smirk was taking over his face. He smiled even bigger when he saw Ron walking towards him.

"What the hell are you doing in the Gryffindor corners, Malfoy?" he snarled. "Shouldn't you be looking at yourself in a mirror and kissing your ass?"

Draco merely smiled at him and nodded to the door of the girl's bathroom. "If I were you, I'd worry about other things...such as Mervin Crunk filming your girlfriend in the shower."

Ron's jaw dropped open and he turned red. "WHAT?!"

At that moment they could hear Hermione scream and then a loud SLAP! Ron ran into the bathroom, leaving Draco standing out in the hall, a big grin plastered on his face. Perhaps he would get BOTH Mervin and Weasley suspended. Oh, what a wonderful feeling!

When Ron ran into the bathroom he was thankful to see that Hermione was still in her robe and dry. He glared at Mervin who was holding up his WizardCam. "Why you little snot-faced punk!" he cried, taking a swing at Mervin's face. "What the hell do you think you're doing, filming my girlfriend in the shower? Why I oughta bash your face in!"

"OW! You already have!" Mervin howled, as his broken glasses swung from his face.

"Ron! Stop it! You're going to get hurt!" Hermione yelled as Ron slammed Mervin up against the tile wall.

Ron turned his head so he was looking at Hermione. "One moment, sweetie. I just want to teach him a lesson."

He raised his arm and was about to punch Mervin squarely in the nose when he was interrupted by Snape who came running in followed by Malfoy. "Stop it! Stop it this instant!" he yelled. He ran over and pulled Ron away from Mervin. "Would anyone please care to tell me what is going on here?"

"Professor Snape, Mervin snuck into the bathroom and was planning on filming me in the shower," Hermione explained. "It wasn't Ron's fault; he was only trying to protect me."

"I see." Snape's unfriendly eyes looked at Mervin who was still holding his WizardCam. "Mr. Crunk, I warned you...one more time of this nonsense and your ass is out of here. Come on. We're going straight to Dumbledore."

"No!" cried Mervin. "You can't expel me! What am I going to do without my sweet Hermione? It will be like taking oxygen away from me!"

Snape rolled his eyes as he grabbed Mervin's arm and pulled him out of the door.

*

In the end, Mervin, Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore, and Professor Crunk all had a long talk about what should happen to Mervin. Instead of expelling him, they thought it would be best if they transferred him to Pig Snout's Wizarding School, an all wizard's school in Northern England. It would be best if there were no witches around to tempt him. The day after that Mervin left and that was the last anyone ever saw of him.

*

Draco walked down the corridor to the Slytherin House. As he passed a mirror, he paused to admire himself. "Hey there, good-looking!" he said to his reflection as he pointed his hand to the mirror, giving himself the Wink and the Click.

When he reached the entrance, he muttered the password ("Mr. Critic") and the door opened. Draco walked up to his room. The door was closed and he had his hand on the handle, about to turn it, when he heard a strange noise. He pressed his ear to the door and frowned. He could hear grunting and moaning and it was the unmistakable voice of Crabbe.

What the hell is he doing?

Draco thought.

Frankly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but curiosity got the best of him and he opened the door, promptly regretting it. There was Crabbe, in the middle of the room, naked as can be except for an apple pie, which was covering mini Crabbe. All around the floor were open issues of Play Wizard and Pent Castle.

"Oh my Merlin, what the hell are you doing to that pie?" Draco cried, knowing full well what Crabbe was doing.

"Well, I got really horny and Mervin told me screwing an apple pie is just like the real thing."

The next thing he knew, Draco was running to the library to find a book on strong sanitizing spells and also thanking Merlin that Mervin had been transferred to another school.

*

"Hermione, will you please ask Harry to pass the butter?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself, Ron? He's sitting right across from you."

"I'd rather not, thanks."

Hermione sighed. "This has gone on long enough. It's been three days since you two have talked to each other. When is this going to end?"

"When your boyfriend stops being so bloody stubborn!" Harry glared at Ron who glared back.

"Break it off with my sister and all will be forgiven."

"Ron! You don't want to hurt Ginny!" exclaimed Hermione.

"She'll get over it," snapped Ron. "And whose side are you on anyway, Hermione?"

"I'm not taking any sides!"

"Look, it's not the fact that you're dating my sister that has me so upset - though I still think she's too young to date." Ron grumbled, but continued. "I just don't understand why you had to keep it a secret. I thought we were friends!" And with that Ron jumped up from the table leaving a bewildered Harry.

*

Oliver Wood ended gym class fifteen minutes early on Friday afternoon. "I'm ending class a little bit early today because I have an announcement to make," he told his fourth and fifth year students.

Everyone looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"I thought it would be fun if we played a Muggle game," he began.

"WHAT?!" Draco sputtered.

"Actually it was Gillian who suggested this idea to me." He smiled at her and she beamed and blushed. "The game we are going to play is Capture the Flag. Listen up, here are the rules: You will be divided into two teams - the Golds and the Purples. The idea of the game is that the Purples will be guarding the flag and the Golds will try to capture it, hence the name. Tomorrow, the Purple team will take the flag to Fireball Island and put it at the top of the hill there. It is their job to guard the flag. The Gold team will have to find their headquarters over here. They'll try to figure out a way to capture the flag from the Purple team. When the Golds try to capture the flag, they have to be very fast and smart, or the Purple team might catch them and put them in prison. Prisoners can only be freed if someone from their own team tags them without being caught by the prison guard. The team that has the flag by tomorrow at sundown wins. Oh and one last thing: you can't use magic."

"What!?" the students exclaimed.

"Well, this is a Muggle game and I think we ought to play it the Muggle way. Any questions?"

"How are you going to decide teams?" asked Ernie MacMillian. "Will it be fifth years against fourth years?"

"Boys against girls?" said Dean.

"Ravenclaws and Gryffindors against Slytherins and Hufflepuffs?" said Padma Patil.

"I already have the teams figured out," Oliver informed them. "I drew your named from a hat randomly." He held up two sheets of paper. "I have the teams right here. Listen up! "

Oliver read off the list. The Purple team included Harry, Ron Gillian, Britney, Neville, Crabbe, and Goyle. The Gold team included Hermione, Ginny, Colin, Pansy, Draco, Seamus, and Dean.

And remember, we'll meet here tomorrow at noon to begin the game!"

"Ugh, we have Malfoy on our team," Hermione said to Ginny as they walked back to the castle. "How revolting!"

"I'm a little worried about Ron and Harry being on the same team," Ginny said.

Hermione looked up. Ahead of them Ron was walking with Dean and Seamus. Harry was behind them, walking alone, his head bent low looking forlorn like he had just lost his best friend.

Which, in a way, he has

, Hermione thought.

"I feel so bad," Ginny went on. "I keep telling Ron that it was my idea to keep our relationship a secret, but he won't listen to me! He says Harry should have told him anyway."

"Ron just needs a few more days to calm down, then I'm sure he'll get over it," said Hermione. "At least, I hope so."

Ginny sighed. "Poor Harry. He looks so sad."

*

"Michael, are you going to work on your movie all day, or are you going to help me take down the destruction known as Harry Potter?" Voldemort asked his lover irritably.

Michael Bay looked up from his script. "Voldie, you know I love you and I want that four eyed skinny git to take a hike to Valhalla as much as you do, but this movie is very important to me! I already signed Ben Affleck to star and I'm thinking of getting Aerosmith to sing the theme song. I think I can strike a deal with them if I cast one of the member's daughters in the film. This is going to be the biggest movie of the summer when it comes out next year. The general public will be racing out to see Armageddon while the critics will be tearing it apart. Muhahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!" Voldemort joined in.

The two lovers stood there laughing until Michael abruptly stopped. "Silence!" he ordered and Voldemort immediately stopped crackling. Suddenly a light seemed to pop up in Michael's head (a dim light that is) and a slow smile spread across his face. "Yes, indeed. Why didn't I think of it before? Harry Potter can be the guinea pig for my latest invention."

"What latest invention? You never told me of such a thing. Michael, I wish you would communicate with me. How can we be in a relationship where we can't even communicate to each other?" Voldemort's voice had a whiny tone to it.

"All we have to do is think of a way to lure him here," Michael said, ignoring Voldemort's out burst.

*

The next day at noon the fourth and fifth year PE students met to begin the game of Capture the Flag.

"Okay, does everyone remember their teams?" Oliver said. "Good then. Now here are some gold and purple wristbands. Come and put on your according color. Oh, and remember, no wands! If you use any magic during the game, you will be disqualified. Now Purples can head out to Fireball Island to plant the flag and set up jail, and of course choose your captain."

Oliver turned to the Gold team once the Purple team was crossing the lake in canoes. "Now what you all need to do is find a place for your headquarters and decide on a leader as well. Meanwhile, I'm going to find my girlfriend, so you kids are on your own."

The students, all of varying Houses, looked at each other.

"So where should our HQ be located?" Colin was the first to speak.

"How about that overgrown git's cabin?" suggested Draco.

"We can't use Hagrid's cabin!" exclaimed Hermione. "You know he's in France visiting his lady friend."

"Precisely. He's not here," Draco drawled. "So we might as well put an empty cabin to good use."

"I agree with Draco," said Blaise Zabini. "Besides, I'm sure he won't mind if we use his cottage."

In the end, Hermione was outnumbered, so they headed over to the giant's home.

"Now what?" Ginny said, putting her hands on her hips when they reached their destination. "The door is locked and we can't use magic."

"We'll just have to pick the lock," said Dean. "And I think I can do that. I saw it done on an episode of MacGuyver."

"Who?" said Draco.

"Does anyone have a paperclip?"

"I think I do," Seamus said as he fished through his pockets and produced a paperclip and handed it to Dean.

Dean started to pick the lock while humming the theme to MacGuyver.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Aha! It worked!" Dean said triumphily as they heard a small click! He opened the door and everyone entered the cozy abode.

"I reckon this will be a great spot for our meeting place," Ernie said, looking around at the good-sized room.

"So now we just need to elect a leader," said Hannah Abbot.

"That's easy," sniffed Draco. "I should be the leader."

"You?" snickered Ginny. "Don't make me laugh."

Draco glared at her. "For your information, I am a natural born leader.

"I think we should treat this as a democracy," said Hermione.

"A what?" said Draco.

"That means we vote to decide our leader," Hermione said.

"If you ask me, I think Hermione and Ginny should co-captain," said Dean. "Think about it: most likely Ron is going to be captain of the Purple team. Who knows him better than his girlfriend and his sister?"

"We don't know if Weasley will be the captain." Draco made a face. "I bet all my galleons that Potter will be in charge of his team. After all, he is only The Boy Who Lived and the youngest Seeker in years." He had a bit of sarcasm in his voice."

"Somebody is jealous!" Susan Bones sang in a taunting tone.

Draco glared at her. "I am NOT jealous of that git. If anything, he should be envious of me! I'm rich and beautiful AND I have GREAT hair."

"Arrogant much?" Hannah rolled her eyes.

"I hate to break it to you, but you do not have great hair," said Seamus. "Your head is just screaming to be dunked into a vat of shampoo and water."

"I'll have you know I only use the finest and most expensive wizarding shampoo money can buy to make my hair the beautiful silver color it is," Draco said conceitedly.

"Do you use lemon extract to give it that extra shine?" asked Sally Anne Perks.

"As a matter of fact, I do. It works wonders."

"You know, we have better things to do than talk about hair," Hermione said testily.

"Okay, so how does this voting process work?" asked Draco.

"Okay, everyone raise their hands if you want Malfoy to be our leader," said Hermione.

Only four people raised their hands - Dragnia Paradise, Blaise, Pansy, and of course Draco.

"Now raise your hands if you think Ginny and I should lead the team together," said Hermione and everyone else's hands went up.

"Hey, that's not fair!" whined Draco. "I demand a recount!"

"Oh, save it, Malfoy," said Hermione. "We won fair and square. What do you think this is, Florida?" She turned to Ginny. "Come on, let's go back to the castle and get some material. We'll need ink and parchment to make a map."

"Hey, can I come with you guys?" Seamus asked. "I have two sets of walkie-talkies that might come in useful."

"Walkie- what?" asked Padma Patil.

"Get us some punch and pie while you're up there!" Draco called after them. "I'm starving!"

So Hermione, Ginny and Seamus walked back up to the castle and to the entrance of Gryffindor House.

"Pumpkin pasties," Ginny said to the Fat Lady.

The door didn't open.

"Oh, wait, Dean changed the password this morning," Hermione said. She rolled her eyes and said, "Gitchi gitchi ya ya dada. Mocha choco latta yaya."

"What the hell was that?" Ginny asked as the door swung open.

Hermione just shrugged. "What do you think the other team is doing?"

*

The Purple team headed for the hut on Fireball Island after their boats had reached the shore. Ron walked near the front with Neville and Terry Boot, while Harry brought up the rear.

"So who's going to be the leader?" asked Lithorina when they were all in the hut.

"How about Harry?" Neville suggested. "I think he would make a great captain. He's already the captain of the Quidditch team."

"Oh, so then naturally he has to be the captain of this game too, right?" Ron said sarcastically. "Why don't we let Harry rule the Free World while we're at it?"

Neville flushed. "It was just a proposal."

"Look, I don't think I'd make a good captain anyway," said Harry. "I know nothing about this game."

"Well, in that case, I'll be the captain," said Ron.

"That's probably a good idea since your Hermione will most likely be the captain of the Gold Team," said Parvati.

Everyone else agreed and Ron was voted captain.

"Now we'll need prison guards," he mused. "I can't see anyone else for the job but Crabbe and Goyle."

"They're not very bright though," Gillian said in a low voice.

"They just have to guard the prisoners. How hard can that be?"

"We need to find a place to plant the flag," said Gillian. "Anyone have any ideas?"

"How about amongst those trees near the top of the hill?" suggested Lavendar. "That way it will be partially hidden, but they'll still be able to see it."

One of the rules Oliver told them was that the flag couldn't be all the way hidden from the other team.

"Okay, so now what do we do?" asked Millicent once the flag was in place and they were back at the hut.

"Um, has anyone actually played this game before?" asked Ron.

Gillian was the only one to raise her hand. "I played it at my camp back home a few summers ago."

"So what do we do...just wait until the other team tries to steal our flag then start putting them in jail?" said Neville.

Gillian nodded. "Something like that."

*

"We're back!" Hermione said as she and Ginny entered Hagrid's cabin, each carrying a handful of parchments and quillss followed by Seamus who was carrying three walkie-talkies.

"I lost one of them, so we only have three to use," he explained.

"Did you bring the punch and pie?" asked Draco. "I was informed you were going to bring punch and pie."

"Sit down and shut up, Malfoy," Hermione said irritably. "I don't feel like taking any of your bullshit right now."

"Touché," Draco muttered as he took a seat.

"Ginny, do you think you could make a rough sketch of Fireball Island and the lake?" Hermione asked.

"No problem," Ginny said as she started to draw.

"Right then," said Hermione looking over Ginny's shoulders. "We obviously need to get over the lake, but there aren't any canoes since the Gold Team took them....so...."

"We could swim," suggested Ernie.

Hermione shook her head. "No. It's too far. Besides, it's March. The water would be freezing."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Ginny said excitedly. "We have to get across the lake, right?"

Hermione nodded patiently. "That's the plan."

"Well, I know a way we can get across without going over the lake!"

Hermione looked incredulous. "Really? How?"

"A couple of months ago I heard Fred and George planning on going over to Fireball Island with Angelina and Katie." She rolled her eyes. "To snog, I suppose. Anyway, they said they would get there by using the trapdoor next to the Quidditch locker room and crawl through the tunnel that led to the island!"

"So what you're saying is that there's an underground tunnel that leads from here to the island?" Hermione asked excitedly.

Ginny nodded.

"This is perfect!" Hermione cried. "Okay, here's what we're going to do: Ginny you lead everyone over there. I'll stay here with Dean and Seamus in case you need backup."

"Why do we have to stay here?" asked Dean in dismay. "They might need us, you know in case they need us to pull a MacGuyver."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's exactly why you're staying here."

*

Every member of the Purple team was outside except for Ron, Harry, Gillian, Lavendar, and Parvati. Ron made sure he was sitting as far away from Harry as he could get.

Gillian rolled her eyes. "Honestly! Are you two still mad at each other?"

"I'm not mad at him," Harry said. "He's mad at me."

"Correction: I'm furious at you," Ron said.

"Ron, did you realize that you were violating code number 219 in the Witches Handbook of Wizards and Relationships?" Parvati asked him.

Ron looked at her oddly. "The what?"

"The Witches Handbook of Wizards and Relationships! It's only our Sacred Writ!"

Ron looked at Gillian who shrugged. "I've never heard of it."

"What's code 219?" he asked.

"Code 219 states that a brother should not be jealous if his sister dates one of his friends," Lavendar stated matter-of-factly. "In fact, it's a good thing that your sister is dating Harry."

"A good thing?" roared Ron. "How can it be a good thing?"

"Well, think about it," said Parvati. "You wouldn't want your sister to be dating some guy you don't know or a git like Draco Malfoy, now would you?"

"Of course not!" Ron cried.

"And you know Harry. He's your friend. He's a good person, right?" Lavendar continued.

"Yes." This was true. Harry was very polite. It fact, it was actually annoying how mannerly he was.

"So I don't think you have to worry about Harry hurting Ginny," said Parvati.

"No, I guess not." Ron glared at Harry. "At least he better not!"

"Of course I wouldn't hurt her," said Harry. He grinned at Ron. "Do you really think I would want to get beaten up by six Weasleys?"

Ron gave a small smile. "Yeah, that would be anyone's worst nightmare. Listen, I'm not really upset that you're dating my sister....it's just that I'm upset you kept it a secret from me. I mean, I'm your best friend and all..."

Harry nodded. "I know. I should have told you, but Ginny made me keep quiet for a bit. And frankly, I had to listen to her. She can be quite persuasive."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it!"

"So....are we cool?" Harry asked cautiously.

Ron nodded. "We're cool. But first there's something I need to say to you. And I'm saying this as Ginny's older brother and not your best mate."

Harry nodded. "Okay."

"If you ever hurt my sister, I will hunt you down and kick your arse. Got it?"

If the situation hadn't been so terrifying, Harry would have laughed. But Ron was looking at him with menacing eyes. And if Ron could take on Mervin Crunk (twice!), he could surely take Harry out in just a matter of seconds.

Harry gulped and nodded.

Ron grinned. "Wonderful! Glad to have you back, mate!"

*

Ginny and Colin were carrying one of the three walkie-talkies as Ginny led them to the tunnel that led to the island while Hermione had the third one in case they needed to communicate with each other.

"Ah, here it is," Ginny said once she found the small door that lifted up. "Follow me, everyone."

Draco sneered as he took out his gold comb from his pocket and combed his hair back. "I'm not going down there! I'm wearing my finest silk clothes! This shirt is Armani, you know."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Grow up, Malfoy. Why are you wearing your nicest clothes anyway when you knew we were going to play this game today?"

She proceeded down the ladder as the others followed her. Torches on the wall lit their path and they began to walk, with Ginny and Colin leading.

"Is it me, or does anyone feel like they're in a really bad episode of Scooby-Doo?" Colin asked.

At one point Ginny's shoe came untied and she had to step to the side to tie it. When she resumed back with the other members, she found herself near the end, next to Draco. She groaned and rolled her eyes when he ran his comb through his hair once again.

"If you keep doing that, Malfoy, your hair is going to fall out."

Malfoy just smirked at her. Then he looked beyond her and stopped. "Hey, what's that?"

Ginny stopped too. "What's what?"

"That." He pointed again and Ginny turned around to see a door that was partially covered with a rock..but there was still room for another person to get though.

Ginny shrugged. "Looks like another room."

Draco rolled his eyes. "No kidding. Come on, let's go check it out."

Ginny looked up ahead to see that their other team members were several yards ahead of them. "We better not."

"Oh, come on. Where's your sense of adventure? I just want to see what's in there."

Ginny sighed. "All right, fine."

They both squeezed past the rock and found themselves in a small room. Ginny looked around at the stone walls lit with a few torches.

"There's nothing here. Come on, let's go."

But Draco ignored her and walked in the center of the room. "Hey, the floor right here bounces!" He jumped a little and the floor seemed to move.

Ginny frowned. "How odd." She walked over to Draco and the next thing they knew the floor was slowing moving down.

"What's going on?" Draco asked in a panicked voice.

"It must be a primitive elevator of some sort," mused Ginny. "Though I always thought Mr. Otis invented the elevator."

Draco looked at her oddly. "Elevators? Mr. Otis?"

Ginny shook her head. "Don't you ever pay attention in your Muggle Studies class?"

"It's not my fault that class is required!" Draco scoffed.

The elevator landed and they both got off it and watched it rise back to the top.

"Well, this is our floor," said Ginny. "I hope there's a way out of here."

They found themselves in a room larger than the one above. An iron gate was at the far end of the room...but the latch was on the other side and the bars were too small for them to fit their hands through and open it. About eight feet up from the floor was a small hole just barely wide enough to fit a body through.

"Good job, Malfoy," Ginny said sarcastically. She mimicked him. "Let's go look in that room." She shook her head. "Now we're stuck in here and it looks like the only way out of here is if we open that gate....which we can't do from this side!"

"Let me boost you through that hole," said Draco. "That way you can crawl through there and unlatch the gate."

"I'm not climbing through there," Ginny said making a face. "I'll bet it's full of spiders, or rats, or snakes."

Draco rolled his eyes. "What is it with you Weasleys and spiders? What's the matter? Scared of a few bugs?"

"You don't fool me, Malfoy. You're the one who's scared of the dark! My brother told me. He said you freaked out one time in Potion's class when Snape had to dim the lights."

Draco looked indignant. "I am not!"

"You are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"I am not."

"You are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Okay. Think what you want."

"Ohh, you are so vain!" Ginny cried.

Draco just smirked at her and took his comb out from his pocket again and proceeded to bring it to the top of his head.

"Oh, would you stop doing that!" Ginny cried as she reached out and snatched the comb from his grasp. "Your hair looks fine. Honestly, I'm so tempted to stick this comb up your ass!"

"Hey, give that back" Draco howled. "It's made from pure gold!"

Ginny looked down at the comb and read the cursive words etched on it.

"Draco Ulysses Malfoy." A slow smile crept over her lips and she began to laugh.

"What is so funny?" Draco asked haughtily.

"Your initials are D-U-M."

"Yeah, so?"

"D-U-M! Your initials spell dum!" Ginny was now doubling over with laughter.

Draco glared at her and snatched the comb away from her. "I'll have your know that my middle name is my grandfather's name."

"That's wonderful," Ginny said, trying to keep a straight face. "But it still doesn't change the fact that your initials spell dum!" She started to laugh again.

"I'm so glad you find this so amusing," Draco said sarcastically. "So what do your initials spell?"

"My initials don't spell anything because my middle name doesn't start with a vowel," said Ginny.

"What is your middle name?"

"I'll never tell."

"Well at least my middle name isn't as bad as Mervin Crunk's," Draco defended himself.

"What's his middle name?"

"Nimrod."

"Nimrod?!"

Draco nodded. "That's right. Nimrod."

"And to think: Hermione could have been Mrs. Mervin Nimrod Crunk!" Ginny shuddered.

Draco looked up at the hole. "We still need to get out of here."

*

"I don't understand it. I just don't understand it. How can anyone be so cruel? How can we live in a world where we can't share and ridicule each other? They would torture him and taunt him and he only wanted one thing. I can still hear those young children dancing around him and laughing, saying it: "Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!" Dean shook his head sadly.

Hermione put her head in her hands and groaned. "Dean, get a grip. It's just a stupid commercial for cereal."

"But it just makes me so angry that those children wouldn't let the rabbit have any of that cereal!" Dean said, outraged. "All he wanted is a bowl of Trix! Couldn't they share? Didn't their mothers ever teach them to share?"

Hermione groaned again. She, Dean, and Seamus had been sitting in the hut for about half an hour now and she understood why she hung out with Ron and Harry instead of Seamus and Dean. Those two were always going on about the weirdest things. Of course, come to think of it, Ron and Harry would have conversations about the oddest things as well.

"You know, I was thinking," said Seamus and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Merlin, what now?"

"Well, you know that song, I still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For? Well, what is he looking for?"

"Whoa, that's weird," said Dean. "I always wondered the exact same thing!"

Seamus looked at Hermione. "Do you know what he still hasn't found that he was looking for?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, sorry." She quickly changed the subject. "I hope the others have made it to the island."

*

The others had made it to the island and it was at that instant when Colin realized someone was missing. "Hey, where's Ginny?"

"I thought she was in the front with you," said Justin.

"She was...but she must have fallen behind."

"Hey, Draco isn't here either!" said Pansy, looking around.

Colin tried to hide a smile. "Uh oh! Ginny and Malfoy are missing. Harry's not going to be too happy about this."

"Try connecting to them on the walkie-talkie," Ernie suggested.

"Good idea," Colin said as he brought the walkie-talkie to his mouth and pushed the button to talk. "Ginny...come in, Ginny."

He waited awhile. "Nothing!"

*

"What's that sound?" Draco asked.

A static sound filled the room and they could hear a faint voice calling Ginny's name.

Ginny unclipped the walkie-talkie from her pocket and looked at it. "Sounds like Colin." She held the object close to her mouth and screamed, "I'm down here, Colin!"

"You have to turn it on, first, moron," Draco said.

Ginny glared at him. "Well, how do I turn it on?"

"You're asking me? How would I know how to work a Muggle object?"

Ginny frantically began to push all the buttons, but still nothing happened. She slapped the base of it with the palm of her hand. "Maybe it needs new batteries?"

Draco looked confused. "New what?"

"Never mind...oh, we don't have any batteries anyway!"

*

Colin didn't realize how loud he had been talking...and how close they were to the Purple team's headquarters. They had heard him and the next thing they knew, members of the Purple team were chasing them and had tagged them all. They were sent to the "prison" which was guarded by Crabbe and Goyle. To their dismay, Ron had also made Britney guard the prison and sing some of her songs just to terrorize them. Colin hadn't realized that he had dropped his walkie-talkie and Neville had found it and brought it to Ron.

*

"Come on, Ginny, just climb through that hole," said Draco.

"Hmph!" Ginny crossed her arms and turned her back.

"I'm sorry I opened my mouth."

"Don't be...you look good with your foot in it."

"Look, I'm sorry I was rude."

Ginny turned around again so she was facing him. "You're just trying to get on my good side, but I forgive you anyway."

"Come on, climb onto my shoulders. I'll boost you up."

"I'd rather not."

"Okay, boost me though the hole!" Draco yelled.

"You?" she laughed.

Draco crossed his arms. "What's so darned funny?"

"I couldn't boost you as far as I trust you, let alone up there."

"Well, in a few days without food, both of us can fit in there!" Draco huffed.

Ginny sighed. "We're really not going anywhere until I crawl through there, are we?"

"Afraid not."

"Okay, boost me up." Draco helped Ginny up and she reached for the hole. "Hey, watch those hands, mister!" she yelped.

"Oof! I can't help it," Draco said gritted through as he lifted her up. "How much do you weigh anyway?"

Ginny whipped her head around and glared at him. "You better be nice to me or I won't let you out."

She crawled through the tunnel and soon found herself on the other end of the gate. She grinned at Malfoy as she toyed with the latch.

"Well, open it already!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know if I should. You weren't being very nice."

"If you don't open that door right now, I'm going to-"

Ginny smirked. "You're going to what? It's not like you can hex me. You don't have your wand."

"Dammit, let me out!" Draco bellowed.

"Okay, okay, don't be such a baby about it." Ginny unlatched the door and Draco followed her out.

*

"What's this?" Ron asked as Neville brought him the walkie-talkie.

Neville shrugged. "It fell from Colin's possession while he was being put in jail.

Ron smiled. In the distance he could hear Britney singing as the prisoners were covering their ears.

"I can't get no satisfaction," she sang. "I can't get no!"

"Hey, that's a walkie-talkie," said Harry walking over to his two roommates. "Dudley has a set. I think these belong to Seamus."

"That's not fair!" exclaimed Ron. "Oliver specifically said no magic during this game."

Harry smiled. "It isn't magic, Ron. It runs on batteries. Here, give it to me. I think I know how to make it work."

*

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Seamus was saying. "This one guy lives in a San Francisco townhouse with his three daughters, his brother, his best friend-"

"No, no, it's his brother in law," Dean corrected him. "Jesse is Danny's wife's brother."

"Whatever," said Seamus. "So that's six people right there...plus we have Jesse's wife and their two boys. That's nine people right there living under the same roof. No wonder they call it Full House!"

Hermione, who was sitting on the other side of the room, shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you two actually watch that show! What do you do...watch American Muggle TV shows during the summer?"

Dean and Seamus both nodded.

"Yes." Seamus grinned. "Whatever happened to the disability? The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV?"

"Wait a minute!" said Dean. "You forgot Kimmy Gibler!"

"Moron!" cried Seamus. "Kimmy doesn't live with them. She's just over at their house most of the time."

"Well, then she practically lives with them."

"But she doesn't take up any sleeping room, now does she?" Seamus argued. "So therefore, she doesn't live with them!"

"Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you," Dean said. He turned to Hermione and grinned. "Hey, Hermione. You know how Professor Belding said he was going to take us to see a movie next Friday?"

Hermione nodded. Their Muggle Studies class had been studying about movies and film and their instructor told them he would take them to London to see a movie.

"Well, there's this movie theater in London that plays old movies," continued Dean. "Not really old, but just a couple years old. Anyway...guess what movie they're going to be playing that Friday?"

Hermione shook her head. "I have no idea. What?"

Dean and Seamus both looked at each other and grinned. "DIE HARD!" they whooped as they high fived each other with both hands.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Why would you want to see that movie? It's so violent!"

"You've seen it?" Seamus asked.

"I've seen bits of it on TV."

Seamus shook his head. "Oh, no. It's not the same on TV."

"Yeah," agreed Dean. "They edit out the cuss words and blood scenes. You know, take away the best parts."

"Yeah, it's so much better if you see it on the big screen," added Seamus.

"Don't tell me you've seen it on the big screen!" said Hermione. "That movie came out in 1988...that would make you only eight years old when you saw it."

"Seven actually," Seamus corrected her. "My older cousin took me to see it. He's cool!"

"You're so lucky," said Dean. "My parents said I was too young to see it. I've seen it fifty times on video though!"

Hermione shook her head in exasperation. "That movie is so fake. He jumps over a moving semi while on a snowmobile while the bad guys are shooting at him and the snowmobile explodes and he walks away unharmed. Give me a break!"

"Okay, first of all," Seamus said as he held up his hand and lifted one finger, "This is John McClane we're talking about. He can do anything! And second of all," he lifted another finger. "That was Die Hard 2."

"Oh, excuse me," Hermione said sarcastically. "We probably won't be seeing that movie anyway. Remember what Professor Belding told us? He said we all had to agree on the movie we wanted to see."

"Sure we will!" Seamus said positively. "Dean and I are going to talk everyone into voting for it. I bet Ron will. He seems like the type who would love that movie."

Sadly, Hermione had to agree. Ron Weasley was the fan Bruce Willis didn't know he had..yet.

"I wonder if Harry's ever seen it?" wondered Dean. "Probably not since his Muggle relatives are crack cases."

"I still think it's too violent," said Hermione.

"Oh, I get it," said Seamus, a huge grin spreading across his face. "You want to see The Little Mermaid, don't you?"

"No, I don't want to see The Little Mermaid," Hermione said exasperatedly.

Dean frowned at her. "What's the matter? You don't like that movie either? That movie was great! I loved that singing crab. What a loveable fellow."

"It's too bad there are no singing crabs in our lake," said Seamus.

"Forget that," said Dean. "It's too bad there aren't any pretty mermaids like Ariel in the lake."

"There are merpeople in the lake," said Hermione.

"Maybe so, but they're kind of-" Dean lowered his voice, "ugly."

Suddenly they heard a voice come from the walkie-talkie that was sitting on the table and Hermione picked it up. "Hello?" she said into the receiver.

"Hermione?"

"Harry, is that you?"

Dean and Seamus sat on either end of Hermione so they could hear the conversation.

"Yes, it's me."

"Why does he have my walkie-talkie?" asked Seamus.

"What are you doing with our walkie-talkie?" Hermione said into the receiver.

"Oh, I thought you'd like to know that we have captured your entire team," Harry said casually.

Hermione gasped. "What?!"

"Everyone that is except for you, Ginny, Draco, Seamus, and Dean." Now Ron was the one talking on the other end.

"Ron, are you the captain of the Purple team?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, I am." Hermione could hear the proud smirk in her boyfriend's tone. "What about your team? Are you the captain?"

"Actually Ginny and I sharing captain duties," Hermione replied.

She heard Ron groan. "Oh, wonderful. Both my girlfriend and sister are captains of my opposing team. Is Ginny there? Can I speak with her?"

"Actually she went with the others. She and Malfoy are still out there somewhere. I don't know why they weren't caught along with the others."

Hermione heard a soft thud and she knew Ron had dropped the walkie-talkie. "Are you telling me that my sister and Malfoy are off alone together somewhere?" he cried.

"What!" Now Harry had grabbed the device from Ron. "Where are Ginny and that slimy git, Hermione?"

Hermione rolled her eyes even though they couldn't see her. "Would you two calm down? I don't know where they are, but I'm sure Ginny isn't off snogging Malfoy."

"She better not be!" seethed Ron.

"Hold on," said Hermione, "I think I'm getting another transmission."

*

Ginny and Draco had made their ways out of the tunnel and were now hiding in some brush as Ginny fiddled with the receiver. "Aha! I think I know how to make this thing work!" she cried as the red light on the gadget lit up. She spoke into it. "Can anyone hear me? Hello?"

A few seconds later she heard Hermione's voice. "Ginny, is that you? Where are you? Is Malfoy with you?"

"Yeah, he's with me. We're on Fireball Island now. We lost track with the rest of the members because this git here wanted to look at something in the tunnel." She glared at Malfoy who glared back.

"I'm glad I found you," said Hermione. "Whatever you do, be careful. The rest of our team have been caught prisoners."

Ginny groaned. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Everyone except for you, Malfoy, Seamus, Dean, and me are prisoners of the Purple Team."

"So what's the game plan now?"

"You two stay where you are. Seamus, Dean, and I are going to find you and we'll work it out from there."

"Okay." Ginny clicked off the radio and she and Draco waited.

Draco wasn't too pleased that the majority of their team was now in prison. "If I were captain, none of this would ever had happened!" he jeered.

"Oh, shove it, Malfoy," Ginny said irritably.

Fifteen minutes later they had company as Hermione, Seamus, and Dean had showed up.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," whispered Hermione as she crouched down beside Ginny. "Dean and Seamus, one of you distract the prison guards and the other free our team members."

"That shouldn't be too difficult considering the prison guards are Crabbe and Goyle," Ginny said. She glanced at Draco. "Er, sorry."

He shrugged. "You're right. They're not very bright."

"While they're doing that," Hermione continued, "the rest of us are going to capture the flag."

"Grand idea," Draco said sarcastically. "Considering that's the object of the game."

"Is everyone set?" Hermione asked and they nodded.

They crouched as they walked their way up the hill, still hidden by the bushes. As they walked, they could hear a faint noise coming their way. As they continued walking, the faint noise had become a warbling singing noise.

"Now I'm stronger than yesterday, now it's nothing but my way. My loneliness ain't killing me no more. I am stronger!"

"Sounds like they have Britney singing to terrorize our team," Hermione said dryly.

"Good thinking on Ron's part," Ginny said.

"Here I go, on my own now. I don't need nobody, not anybody."

As they walked closer, the singing (which was very offkey) became louder and soon they saw the enclosed gates where the rest of their team members were. Crabbe and Goyle stood at two ends, looking menacing, their arms crossed in front of them. Britney, wearing tight pants and a cleavage-bearing shirt, was dancing and prancing around the gates, singing as everyone had their ears covered.

"Come on Dean," said Seamus. "We have a job to do: Save innocent people from the cacophony."

Hermione and Draco followed Ginny as they continued up the hill.

"Shhh!" Ginny said, stopping abruptly as Hermione and Draco nearly collided into her. "I hear voices."

They strained to listen, and sure enough they heard two male voices.

"Sound like Ron and Harry," said Hermione and Ginny nodded. "Hopefully now that they're talking, they're not fighting anymore."

"I see them," Draco murmured as they took a few more steps and the voices became clearer.

There stood Ron and Harry, less than half a mile in front of them. They were standing in front of the flag (they had used the Hogwarts school flag which bared the crescents of all four Houses). They were talking loud enough so their three spies could hear them.

"I'm telling you, Harry," Ron was saying, "we need to stay positioned in front of this flag. I just know that Hermione and my sister are coming to capture it soon. Now is the time to guard it with our lives."

"Well this makes things a lot easier," Draco whispered sarcastically.

"Shhh...let me think," Hermione hissed. "I think I have a plan. But it's not going to be easy. And it certainly isn't going to be pretty."

Her two allies looked warily at her.

"What is it?" Draco asked.

"I'm gong to distract Ron. Once I do that, I want you to make a beeline for the flag, Ginny. Just make a grab for it. I know you can do it. I love Harry and all, but let's face it, he's only fast when on a broom."

Ginny nodded. "Okay. But how are you going to distract my brother?"

"That's the part that's not gong to be pretty," Hermione said grimly.

"What do I do?" asked Draco.

"You'll find out soon enough," Hermione replied. "Listen, you're not going to any fancy events in the next few weeks, are you? Any balls or banquets?"

Draco shook his head, confused. "No, but why do you care?"

"I just don't think a black eye would do you any good for a fancy event," Hermione said cheerfully and Draco stared at her, horrified.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" he squeaked.

"It's time to put our plan into action," Hermione said as she came out of the brush and the others followed.

"Oh, Ron!" she called.

Ron and Harry looked up and without warning, Hermione threw her arms around Draco and kissed him. Ginny stood at them, gawking, but Hermione gestured her hand towards the flag. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ron sprinting forward, a mad gleam in his eyes. This was exactly the reaction Hermione was hoping for.

"Get your filthy hands off of her, you drogladite!" Ron screamed as he hurled himself onto Draco, knocking him over and smacking him across the face.

Ginny took this opportunity to make a run for it. She was still shocked at what Hermione had done, but had to admit it was a brilliant plan. Harry was still staring dumbfounded at Ron as he kept smacking and hitting Malfoy, so he wasn't aware of Ginny until she had just lifted the flag up from the ground

"Oh, no you don't!" Harry yelled as he saw Ginny pull the flag from the dirt. He ran up to her and grabbed the top of the pole while Ginny was struggling with the bottom of it.

"Let go!" she hissed as the two of them began to play tug of war.

Hermione saw that Ginny was in distress, and leaving behind Ron and Malfoy, she ran in front of her and the two girls were now pulling with all their strength.

"Oof!" Harry said as he fell over as Ginny and Hermione gave the pole one final firm tug.

"Run, Ginny!" Hermione called as she grabbed the top of the pole. "He's down!"

They ran past the fighting boys and Hermione yelled, "Come on, Malfoy!"

"Urgh," Draco replied. He pushed Ron off of him who was getting tired anyway and limped after the girls.

The three of them made their way past the prison where the rest of their team members were freed. They cheered when they saw that Hermione and Ginny had the flag.

"Hey!" Colin exclaimed. "The sun is descending. That means we won! The flag is in the possession of the Gold team!"

The members of the Gold team had a small celebration as they high fived each other. They were all ecstatic except for Draco. He hobbled up to Hermione with one hand on his back and lamented, "You know, you could have warned me that your boyfriend was going to attack me. Or at least have found a better way to distract him!"

Hermione stifled a giggle. "Sorry about that. But...it was kind of amusing!"

*

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed heavily when she entered the Gryffindor Common Room after her classes on Monday. She saw Ron, Harry, and Neville sitting on a couch with Dean and Seamus standing in front of them, both talking animatedly. She heard the words, "Bruce Willis," "Die Hard," "John McClane," and "awesome movie" She walked over to the group, her arms crossed, glaring.

"I've heard of that movie, of course," said Harry. "But I've never seen it. Come to think of it, I've never seen any movie. The Dursleys never took me to the theater and when they rented a video, they made me stay in my room."

"How awful!" said Dean. "Your relatives are real arses."

"I couldn't agree more," said Harry.

"This movie, Die Hard, sounds totally awesome!" Ron cried. "I'm definitely gonna vote to see that!"

Seamus beamed. "Great!"

"I don't think that's the kind of thing my Gran would want me to be seeing," Neville said nervously. "It sounds kinda bloody."

"It is very bloody," Hermione interjected.

"Neville, Neville, Neville," Dean said as he sat next to him and slung an arm around the bumbling boy. "Your Gran isn't here, now is she? And she'll never know if we go see this movie."

"Exactly," said Seamus, pointing his finger at Dean.

Hermione shook her head. "You two are despicable."

*

On Thursday morning Professor Belding ended his Muggle Studies class (which the Gryffindors shared with the Slytherins) twenty minutes early. "As you know, tomorrow we will be going to see a real live Muggle movie."

Everyone cheered.

"I won't be here, though. I have an important meeting to attend, so Professor Snape will be substituting."

The cheering died down except for the Slytherin students who cheered louder.

"It's time now to vote for the movie you'd like to see."

Dean and Seamus started to pound their fist on their desks and loudly chant, "Die Hard! Die Hard! Die Hard!"

Hermione groaned as she buried her face in her arms.

"Everyone raise their hands if you want to see Die Hard," said Professor Belding.

The majority of the class raised their hands, much to the delight of Seamus and Dean.

"Very well. I will tell Professor Snape that Die Hard is the movie you chose to see. Be sure to wear Muggle clothes tomorrow since you will be in Muggle London. Class is dismissed."

"Whoo hoo! We're gonna see Die Hard!" Seamus yelled as he high fived Dean as the students exited the class.

"I can't wait to see it!" cried Ron. "My dad told me to write all about my movie experience after we see it."

"I still don't think this is an appropriate movie for us to see!" Hermione said.

Ron put his arm around her. "Hermione, Hermione, Hermione! It's just a movie! Go and have a good time. You'll be sitting next to me in the dark." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she smiled.

"I hope you leave that part out when you write to your dad!"

*

Harry, Ron and Hermione filed into their Muggle Studies class on Friday all wearing t-shirts and jeans. The rest of the class was also wearing Muggle clothing as they buzzed excitedly about their field trip. Professor Snape, however stood at the front of the classroom, his arms crossed, frown on his face and wearing his usual long black robe. The students quieted down when the bell rang.

"As you know," Snape began without so much of a greeting, "I am filling in for you regular teacher today." He picked up a piece of paper that was lying on Belding's desk. "Today we will be seeing Die Hard, the 1988 action movie starring Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia. Twelve terrorists. One cop. The odds are against John McClane...that's the way he likes it." Snape smiled. "That Alan Rickman is a fine actor, isn't he?"

The students shrugged.

"We're going to see Bruce Willis, sir!" said Dean.

Snape pointed out several objects, each in the corner of the room. There was a boot, a broken clock, a pencil and an old earring. "See those items? Those are all portkeys. You will go over to one and when I say, put your hand on it. That will transport us to an alley in Muggle London, near the theater we are attending. Now I assume everyone has their Muggle money?"

The students nodded.

"Professor Snape, you're going to change before we go, right?" asked Hermione.

Snape glared at her and unbuttoned his robe to take it off. The students bit their lips to keep from laughing out loud. Their usually dark clad instructor was wearing white khaki pants and a pale blue Polo shirt. On his feet were Birkenstocks.

"This was the only Muggle clothing I could fine!" he snapped.

"Ah thinks yo look sexy, Professor Snape," purred Britney.

Snape gave her an alarmed look. "Everyone to a portkey!"

Once everyone was around one of the old articles, Snape shouted, "Now!" and everyone put their hand on their selected object.

The next thing they knew, they found themselves in a narrow alley.

"That was wicked cool!" shouted Dean.

"Shh, keep your voice down," Snape hissed. "Now let's all walk out of the alley and be casual."

Two by two, they stepped out of the back street until they were all on the sidewalk. They walked two blocks to the cinema.

Snape quickly counted how many students there were and stepped up to the box office. "I need tickets for Die Hard, please."

The young ticket taker looked behind Snape at the students who were marveling over the theater. "Do they have student passes?" she asked.

"Huh?" said Snape.

"Students get a discount on tickets."

"Oh, yes, they're students." This was true, after all.

"From which school?"

Snape glanced at Britney. "From the Performing Arts School of New Orleans."

The woman gave him an odd look. She told him the price and Snape fished through his pockets for his pounds. At first he gave her too little, then too much. Once he had given her the right amount, she gave him the tickets, a bemused look still on her face. "Enjoy the show, sir."

Snape motioned for the others to follow him and they eagerly trotted after him. Even Hermione, Seamus and Dean, the only ones who had been in a theater were impressed when they walked inside. Posters of movies, new and old, dominated the walls. There was Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins, Denzel Washington as Malcolm X and Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones among others. A huge poster of Die Hard took up most of one wall with the mug of Bruce Willis.

Ron was so engrossed looking at all the cinema posters that he didn't notice the best part until he turned around. "Oh," he breathed seeing the candy, popcorn, nachos, pretzels and sodas for the first time. "What's that?"

"That's the concession stand," Hermione informed him. "People get their snack here so they have something to munch on when they see the movie."

"Yeah, whenever the Dursleys' came home from a movie, Dudley would always brag how he had two tubs of popcorn, a Milky Way, licorice, and a super large Coke," said Harry.

"You mean people can eat candy and drink soda while they watch the movie?" Ron exclaimed. "How brilliant! They should get a concession stand for Quidditch games!"

"That's not a bad idea," said Harry.

"Well, what are we doing just standing here?" said Ron. "Let's get in line! I'm starving."

They each got a Coke, Ron got a large popcorn to share with his friends, Harry got licorice and Hermione got chocolate covered raisins. (A/N: chocolate covered raisins are the best movie food ever!)

"I want to get some candy too," said Ron. "I've never had Muggle candy. What should I get?"

"Well, I love the chocolate covered raisins," Hermione said holding up her own box of the treats.

Ron made a face. "Chocolate covered raisins? That's practically healthy!"

Hermione sighed. "Only you would think that, Ron."

"How about Milk Duds?" Harry suggested. "It's chocolate covered caramel."

"Ooh," Ron said, clearly impressed. "I'll take a box of those."

Once they had everything, Ron and Harry followed Hermione into the dim theater. The three friends found seats in the center of the theater, with Hermione sitting between Ron and Harry. Seamus and Dean sat in the row in front of them with Parvati and Lavendar, and Malfoy sat behind them along with the other Slytherins. Music was playing on the speakers and advertisements were being clicked on the large screen. Seamus looked behind him and grinned at the trio.

"Isn't this great?" He looked at his watch. "In a few minutes we're gonna see Die Hard!"

"This is so exciting!" said Dean. "Bruce Willis is only my idol!"

Hermione sighed and shook her head.

"Shhh! It's starting!" Seamus whispered excitedly as the theater became dark and loud music blasted through the speakers as the screen turned on.

On the screen appeared a cartoon singing ticket who danced with bags of overflowing popcorn and sodas. They danced and sang about how much they loved movies.

"This isn't the movie, is it?" Ron whispered to Hermione. He was holding the bag of popcorn in his lap and Hermione was leaning towards him, also helping herself.

Hermione shook her head. "This is just an advertisement. A really dumb advertisement."

The first preview they saw was for a movie called Independence Day, a movie about aliens taking over the world and Ron shouted out, "This is so cool!"

"Shh!" hissed Snape who was sitting behind them in the row of Slytherins.

Hermione stifled a giggle as Ron slunk down low in his seat. The next preview was for a movie called G.I. Jane and this time it was Seamus who shouted out. "That's Demi Moore! She's married to Bruce Willis!" (A/N: remember, this is 1996).

"I will take 100 points away from Gryffindor if there is any more talking," Snape said in a threatening hushed tone.

Finally, Die Hard started and the scene faded to John McClane sitting in an airplane. The non-Muggle born students saw things in the film that they had only once dreamed of - airplanes, guns, elevators, helicopters, telephones, computers, and Hollywood actors.

"Hermione," Ron whispered after the scene where McClane was in the vent and mimicking his wife. "I need to use the bathroom....they have bathrooms here, don't they?"

Even though it was dark, Ron knew his girlfriend was rolling her eyes. "Of course they do, Ron. They're to the left of where we walked in."

"Okay." Ron walked out of the theater and into the lobby where he saw a sign on a door that read "Men."

He walked into the restroom which was pretty nice with gold tiles and shiny porcelain sinks. After he was finished doing his business, he stepped to the sink to wash his hands.

"Towel, sir?" said a voice behind Ron making him jump.

He glanced up at the mirror to find his reflection was not alone. Behind him stood a distinguished tall man with slicked back black hair, a white hand towel hung over his arm.

"Oh!" said Ron, surprised. "I didn't see you. You sneaked up on me."

The man smiled. "I am very sneaky, sir." He held out the towel for Ron to dry his hands.

"Thanks," Ron said clearly impressed by this Muggle hospitality.

The man pointed to a round tray on the counter which was filled with many small glass bottles. "Cologne, sir?"

"Sure!" Ron said exuberantly even though he had no idea what cologne was.

"Any preference sir?"

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, the ladies seem to go wild for Calvin Klein's Obsession for Men."

"Better scratch that one," said Ron. "I already have a girlfriend and I don't think she would be too happy if other girls were swarming around me. Not that they already do," he added as an after thought.

"I think this Ralph Lauren cologne would suit you just fine, sir."

Ron thanked the man by giving him some money. He figured he must have given him more than enough judging by the wide smile on his face.

"Thank you, sir."

"Thank you for your service," said Ron, and not knowing what to do, he gave a little bow before he exited the bathroom. When he returned to his seat, both Harry and Hermione turned their heads to him, shocked.

Harry leaned over Hermione. "Ron......are you wearing cologne?"

"Of course he's wearing cologne!" Hermione hissed in a whisper. "The question is how much of it do you have on?"

"Harry!" Ron whispered excitedly. "You have to use the bathroom. It's so cool!"

"Ron, I have used Muggle bathrooms, and let me tell you something. They're not that special-"

"Would you three please be quiet!" Snape hissed from behind them.

They all shut up.

"What a great movie!" Seamus said when the film was over and they walked out of the theater. "That was so cool when McClane came crashing in through that window with the hose tied around his waist."

"And so realistic!" Hermione said sarcastically.

"I loved the part where he dropped the terrorist from the building!" said Ron. "That was great!"

"Yeah," agreed Harry. "Especially since he oddly reminded me of Snape."

*

So how did you guys like playing Capture the Flag?" Oliver asked his class.

"It was awful," Draco said. "I got kissed by a Mudblood, then a Weasley beat me up."

"Oh, I liked it," Ginny said with a smile.

"Me too," agreed Hermione.

"Only because your team won," said Harry.

"Well, I have another Muggle game in store for you," Oliver said.

"You're killing me here," Oliver said Draco.

"This Friday I'm taking all my fourth through seventh years to the Country Club in St. Michael's. We're going golfing!"

Whew, and there you have it. I'm sorry if it took a long time to get this chapter out. I've been very busy this summer what with work and summer school (yuck!). I hope none of you are too sad that Mervin had to say goodbye but I was pretty much demanded to get rid of him by his inspiration. So that's the last you'll ever see of Mervin...or is it? Muhahahaha! Coming up in the next chapter: a golf legend is born, but who is it? Sirius makes an appearance! What is Michael Bay's invention and how will he lure Harry to it? And will any of Harry's loved ones also be involved?