Random Conversations

Chapter 2: Alligators?

Hello again to the reader of this if you have been brave (or foolish, depending on how you want to look at it) enough to come back and read the second chapter of this very random fic. Note: I am very sorry that I am starting this chapter with 'hello' the same as I did for the last one but I'm not that good with intro's so make do with this and we'll get to the randomness soon (is randomness a word? It isn't underlined in red, so it's a word, yay!). Then again, I've made all the words in Harry Potter that were underlined in red words in the computer's dictionary so does that really count for much. . . .? Yes, it does!

Okay, I think I'll vouch for my rights on whether randomness is a word another time and focus on the task at hand (if you can call being random a task). Anyway, if you remember correctly I was talking to Dumbledore in the first chapter and I said I'd talk to him about Christianity and Harry Potter, which will make it a highly philosophical discussion. If you do not remember this or if you decided to skip to Chapter 2 to see what this strange title was all about then you might want to read Chapter 1, although I cannot guarantee that you won't lose a few IQ points by doing so. I am serious.

Sirius: "Did someone just say my name?"

Me: "Sirius, that pun with your name is getting really old, so shut up about it."

Sirius: "You don't think it's getting old. It's in that You Know You're Obsessed With Harry Potter When. . . . list."

Me: "What? How'd you know that?"

Sirius: "Magic."

Me: "I want a real explanation, Padfoot."

Sirius: "Hey, you can't call me Padfoot. Only Marauders can call me that."

Me: Well, I'm the one writing this totally worthless conversation down, so I can call you whatever I want, ha!"

Sirius: "Can't."

Me: "Can."

Sirius: "Can't."

Me: "Can."

Snape: "Is there another fight going on between you two?"

Me: "Yes, Snape. . . ."

Snape: "Professor Snape."

Me: Not another name problem. "Fine, Professor Snape, can you just get him out of here? I want to have a highly philosophical yet random conversation with Dumbledore."

Snape: "The headmaster is busy at the moment."

Me: "How do you know?"

Snape: "Because I saw him going off to an important . . . er . . . meeting with Professor McGonagall for all the members of staff."

Me: *laugh* "If it's for all the staff members, why aren't you there?"

Sirius: "She has a point, Snivellus."

Snape: "Don't call me that, Black."

Sirius: *barks*

Me: "Don't tell me he switched into his dog form."

Lupin: "He did."

Me: "This should be enjoyable."

Lupin: "Indeed."

There are sounds of smacking and cries.

Snape: *runs away wailing* "I want my mummy!"

Me: "Er . . . did Snape just say he wants his mummy?"

Sirius: "Yup, I sure taught him a lesson. He probably went off to play with his chemistry set!"

Lupin: "You didn't need to do that, Pads and that joke from the movie is really bad."

Sirius: "It was fun and that line is one of my best lines in there. Cuaron is a genius, I tell you!"

Lupin: *rolls his eyes*

Sirius: "Hey, how'd you know if Lupin rolled his eyes if you can only hear us?"

Me: "Because I heard him sigh and that most likely means he rolled his eyes."

Sirius: "How'd you know that Moony didn't just sigh, hmm. . . .?"

Me: "Fine. Lupin, did you just roll your eyes?"

Lupin: "Yes."

Me: "See?"

Sirius: "Then why didn't you put *sigh* instead of *rolls his eyes* for Lupin?"

Me: "Because it gets boring using the same words over and over. Ask the readers."

Sirius: "Fine, I'll e-mail them once I learn how to work that thingy on a computer."

Me: "You mean, the Internet?"

Mr. Weasley: "Ooh, pomcuters? Is it Chapter 3 already?"

Me: "No, it's still Chapter 2, because you guys keep interrupting me and we are having thoroughly pointless conversations!"

Lupin: "Sorry about that, I think Dumbledore's back now."

Me: "You mean he actually had a staff meeting?"

Lupin: "I think so."

Me: "Then why wasn't Snape there?" Ooh, there's a foreshadowing technique. Could Snape be a Death Eater and he was on a mission for Voldemort which was why he missed the meeting?

Lupin: "Sorry to crash your hopes and dreams on actually having a plot point, Liz, but I think he was fired."

Me: "Snape was fired?"

Harry: "Snape was fired? Yes! Ron, Hermione, Snape was fired!"

Ron: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Hermione: "Then who is going to teach Potions. What about my N.E.W.T.'s? I'll fail everything!"

Dumbledore: "What's going on here?"

Trio and Sirius: "Snape was fired!"

Dumbledore: "No, he wasn't. He just forgot to go to the staff meeting."

Trio: "WHAT?"

Me: "Lupin!"

Lupin: *shrug* "Sorry, I thought he was."

Sirius: "Stop assuming, Moony, now I'm depressed. I'm leaving."

Me: Finally, thank God.

Lupin: "No, this isn't good. What if Sirius becomes suicidal in his depression about Snape not getting fired?"

Me: Ooh, a plot point.

Sirius: "Moony, you idiot, I'm not suicidal. Come on, let's go back to Grimmauld Place."

Lupin: "You read my mind."

Me: *sigh* "There go more hopes and dreams about having something interesting in this."

Dumbledore: "So, you wanted to talk to me, Miss Grass?"

Me: "Yes, thank you for coming so promptly." Note: To the reader, this is sarcasm, so I'm not being sirius er . . . serious.

Dumbledore: "I am sorry I was late. There were some matters that needed attending to."

Me: "Like what?"

Dumbledore: "Like the staff appointment for next year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

Harry and Me: "Who's it going to be?"

Dumbledore: "I am pleased to announce that the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be *drum roll* Snape!"

Trio: "NO!"

Snape: "Yes! Mwahaha, now I can take over Hogwarts!"

Harry: "How can you take over Hogwarts just by having the Defense Against the Dark Arts position?"

Snape: "I don't know, Potter, but I'll think of something. Oops, was that out loud?"

Dumbledore: "Wait, did you just say you were going to take over Hogwarts?"

Snape: "Er . . . no."

Dumbledore: "Good."

Me: *face-palm* But wait, here's a plot point in my story. There is hope yet!

Harry: "Yes he did, Professor!"

Snape: "Potter!"

Dumbledore: "Fudge, take him away!"

Me: "Where'd Fudge come from?"

Ron: "From batter, get it, ha ha ha. . . . Hey, why isn't anybody laughing?"

Hermione: *sigh*

Fudge and Dawlish take Snape away.

Snape: "I'll be back!"

Me: There is hope yet for a plot point!

Hermione: "Er . . . Liz, didn't you go in here to talk to Dumbledore about Christianity in Harry Potter?"

Me: "Yes, but can you get out, this isn't your conversation."

Hermione: "I've never been more insulted in my life!" *wails*

Harry: "How dare you insult Hermione? 'Mione, wait!" *runs out*

Dumbledore: "There goes the hopes for a Ron-Hermione romance."

Ron: "Romance? Eww . . . girls are gross."

Me: "Professor?"

Dumbledore: "Yes, Miss Grass?"

Me: "Why is Ron such an adolescent idiot even though he's seventeen?"

Dumbledore: "Because Jo created him like that and we do not insult the creator."

Me: Okay, that's a bit strange. "Alright, whatever. Anyway, to the point." If this has a point. "So there are Christian concepts in Harry Potter, correct?"

Dumbledore: "Yes, it is an allegory."

Ron: "Alligators? Ha, ha, I have a funny story about alligators. Once Fred and George put me in the river and said if I waited there I would get three wishes from a genie but an alligator came and I thought it would give me three wishes so I asked it and uh. . . ." *drools*

Me: "Okay, he's a bit weird."

Dumbledore: "A bit?"

Me: "So. . . ."

Ron: "Oh yeah, now I remember, it bit me and I had to get stitches, it hurt . . . ha, ha, ha!"

Me: "Anyway . . . what are one of the Christian concepts in it?"

Dumbledore: "Well. . . ."

Ron: "So, I had to go to the hospital and it hurt a lot . . . and now it still hurts when I sit down because I got bit on the butt. It hurt a lot so that when I sit down I have to put my owl under my butt so it will take out the poison with its feathers. But it still hurts a lot, want to see?"

Me: "NO! Okay, I think this is the end of the chapter, we never even got to discuss Christianity in Harry Potter!" *wails* "You guys ruin everything!"

Harry: "It's okay, Liz. Don't worry. Hey, I know. Will you marry me?"

Me: "NO! Oh, no, what did I do! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Harry: "I've never been more insulted in my life! This is the end of our relationship! Hermione, want to marry me?"

Hermione: "Sure!" *passionate kiss*

Me: "NO!!!"

Sirius: "Is Chapter 2 finally over?"

Mr. Weasley: "Pomcuters!"

Me: "Why me, why, why, why?"

Ron: "Are you sure you don't want to see it?"