All My Malfoys

Chapter Three

A Master Plan, a Wedding, and a Reception, Oh My!

Act V: Meanwhile, in Lucius's bedroom...

The Baleful Lucius Malfoy was positioned at his desk. He had a sinister look on his pale, pointed face that generally meant that something bad was going to happen. Oh, the humanity! Anyways, there was only one candle lit on his desk, illuminating the parchment that had been scribbled on with horrible doodles.

Doodles? What are you talking about? Doodles are for Mudbloods; this is my elegant handwriting, you twit! Lucius thought angrily (hm, he seems to be trying to communicate with me somehow). I demand for an author who actually understands my genius!

Yes, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, there was a parchment lying on the desk in front of him, scribbled with his master plan (happy now?). It was his master plan to (dun, dun, dun!) separate his son, Draco and Ginny Weasley. He just couldn't have his son marrying a Weasley, even though they were Pure Blood. He supposed she was better than that Hermione Granger Mudblood ("Don't call her that or I'll beat you to a pulp!" Ron screamed from somewhere... Where'd he come from?). But nonetheless, he was going to have his way one way or another.

So, here Lucius was, sitting at his desk and reviewing his "Master Plan", shall we say. He had just heard his son throwing insults at--was it?--Ron Weasley--there were so many of them. Suddenly, another pulsing noise came. His other guests must have arrived as soon as they saw Weasley and Potter--was he the crying one?--leave. Now, the noise was giving him a headache. This just wasn't his day.

"Lucy-Poo, honey, what are you doing in here?" Narcissa sniffed, blowing her noise into a handkerchief like a fog horn. He rolled up his plan and stuck it in his desk drawer, suppressing a grin.

"I'm just doing work, honeysuckle," Lucius replied smoothly, standing up from his enormous chair. She fingered a few random books and then looked at him.

"What type of work?" Narcissa asked, sniffing loudly. He stopped. She never asked about his "work".

"Oh--er--it's nothing--um--just boring old work like usual," Lucius told her nervously. "I mean--the Dark Lord gave me an important task to--um--plot."

"Oh, he's trying to kill Potter again," Narcissa sighed listlessly, yawning and blowing her nose again. She shook her head and sneezed. "How predictable. You know, maybe he should try knocking off a Weasley or how about that--oh, what was his name?--Loopy guy..."

Hm, why didn't I think of that? Lucius thought bemusedly. I could tell him that by making Ginny Weasley snuff it early, he could get back at Potter since he's obviously in love with her! Ha, we'll both win at the same time! And then, I'll tell him to kill--oh, what was his name?--Loopy--Lupiss--ah, heck with it, I'll tell him to kill that Loopy guy to get back at Potter just for the heck of it!

Lucius began to grin wickedly at his new idea. He was about to Apparate to tell Voldemort this when he something else came to his mind (you see, we can't have Lupin dying here; he's not even in the story just yet so that's just not possible). He couldn't tell Voldemort to kill Ginny and Remus Lupin (yeah, I kind of told Lucius his name) because he already had an evil plan made!

"That's a good idea, 'Cissa; I would tell him if I only knew where he was," Lucius lied calmly. She shrugged her shoulders and blew her nose again. He was beginning to wonder if her brains might come out if she blew her nose too much (disgusting, why does he think of such things?!).

"That red-head is going to be the death of me," Narcissa muttered before walking out of his Study. Then, she suddenly wailed, "How could my Draco-Poo do this to me--us!?" She fainted onto the nearest couch and left Lucius staring at her. He scratched his head and then slammed the door shut. He went back to reviewing his "Master Plan".

~*~

Act VI: Even later that night...

After sending a letter to "someone", Lucius patiently waited in his Study, once more. Well, patiently is rather an understatement; he was actually pacing around the room with his hands clasped behind his back, muttering things under his breath and blurting things loudly occasionally. There was a sudden knock on the door and he jumped out of his shoes.

I did not jump out of my shoes! I'm not a chicken! Why would I do that? Lucius thought crossly (denial is the first step). Where's that other author you were talking about?!

As I was saying, Lucius flattened the front of his robes and walked over to the door slowly. He opened it up to reveal that the knocker was (dun, dun, dun) Cho Chang (pun not intended)? Without saying a word, he let her in and peered out of his Study suspiciously to see if anyone had seen her enter. There was only his wife, Narcissa, who still happened to be passed out on the couch from earlier. He shut the door quietly and turned around to face her.

"What do you want with me?" Chang (yes, I'm calling her by her surname because I hate her too) asked seemingly innocently, twirling her hair with her finger.

What? You don't like me? How could you not like me? What's not to like about me? I want a better author who can actually understand my beauty! Cho demanded in her mind (why don't they like me?).

Anyways, Lucius glanced at the door skeptically, anxious that somebody might overhear them. He looked back at Chang. "You see, I'm in this dilemma with my son. He's engaged--to Ginny Weasley, which I just can't have because he's supposed to become a Death Eater for the Dark Lord and then help take over the world and get lots of power and money for me--us--but he won't do it now," he rambled quickly. "What I need you to do is break them up."

"I thought Ginny and Harry had a thing going on...?" Chang replied bemusedly. He pulled a face.

"Oh, they better not have," Lucius sighed disgustedly. "I don't want my son even getting near anything that Potter has snogged. Yuck! Anyways, I gave Draco a few"--don't look at me like that... Wait; I can't even see you (he's a strange fellow, you know)--"Firewhisky glasses and now he's passed out in the room next to us. All you have to do is... have a good time with him! We need miniature Draco's so that Weasley girl will believe he cheated on her with you and had kiddos."

That's my "Master Plan"? This can't be right! I demand to see the script of this fanfic! Lucius questioned furiously in his head. This is stupid! I would never do anything like this!

(Ahem) Yes, as I was saying, Chang pondered about this for a second. She scratched the back of her head and heaved a sigh. Then, she grinned at Lucius and held out her hand.

"Show me the money!" Chang told him cheerfully. "After all, a girl like me needs her make up and diamonds are a girl's best friend, which I need badly."

How dare you?! I have plenty of best friends! Cho blasted in her mind (sure you do).

Lucius grumbled, but pulled out his check book nonetheless. After writing her a check for fifty galleons, which Chang gladly took and pocketed, he replaced his wallet back into his pocket. Still, she just stood there, staring at him like he was the hottest guy of them all.

Well, well, you finally got something right; of course I'm the most hottest guy of them all, Lucius thought, relieved (no, you're wrong; Ron's the hottest guy of them all... hehe...). What?! My son's a lot better looking than that imbecile!

(Watch it there, Lucy-Poo, or you could get hurt; no one talks about Ron like that.) Well, Chang put her hands on her lips and smiled. Lucius frowned at her and waved his eyebrows on his forehead. "Well? What are you waiting for?" he asked her. "Go get him!"

"But I don't want your son, Draco, Lucius," Chang said coyly, batting her eyelashes at him. "I want you!!"

*gasp!* *gasp!* *gasp!* *gasp!* *gasp!* *gasp!!*

What in the bloody hell is this crackpot supposed to be?!!! Lucius and Cho screamed in their minds at the same exact time (look; you're perfect for each other because you think just alike).

He's too old for me and he's evil! Cho thought heatedly.

Hey, watch you're calling old! Lucius snapped in his mind viciously. You call yourself an author?! What kind of twisted, sadistic person are you?!

(I'll take that as a compliment.) Lucius's eyes widened at this statement as he watched Chang get closer to him. He took an involuntary step back out of hesitation. "But--but I'm a married man!" he gasped in a very high pitched voice. "We can't do that."

"Draco's technically a married man too!" Chang said loudly, smiling at him broadly. "You're much better than him! You're most dashing and handsome and clever and evil. And I just love evil, rich, powerful men because I'm an evil, rich, idiotic girl."

I resent that! Cho thought furiously (why must they insist on trying to communicating with me?).

"But--but--" Lucius spluttered, unable to find a plausible answer (yes, yes, I know already, Malfoys don't stammer, but today you do). She got closer to him and he started to sweat.

"Listen; Draco is passed out so he won't remember a thing about tonight!" Chang hissed gleefully. "We can pass off the kids as Draco's and they'll never know the difference!"

Yuck, are you insinuating, what I think you're insinuating? Lucius demanded hotly (are you thinking, what I think you're thinking), because if you are, then you're more twisted than I first estimated!

Lucius thought about this for a second (only a second) and then looked down at her. He shrugged his shoulders carelessly. "Um... okay, why not?" he sighed, caving in. Chang jumped for joy. I think I'll leave the rest of this to your extreme imagination.

~*~

Act VII: The Wedding

The next day was bright and sunny. Everyone gathered at the church for Draco and Ginny's impending nuptials. The inside of the church was decorated in black. They even had black flowers lining the seats. Narcissa was sobbing on a chair. Harry sat in the back so he could cry through the whole thing. Hermione brought twelve boxes of tissues and kept handing one to Harry.

Narcissa walked by. "Can I have one of those?" she sniffed.

"Get your own box!" Harry growled nastily. "I need all of these for myself." Lucius was the last to walk in. He looked disheveled.

Narcissa gasped at the sight of him. "Lucius! Your hair is... out of place!"

"Oh, er... I really don't care how I look. It's a dark day for our son," he stammered uneasily.

"We are Malfoys. We must always look our best--even in such horrid circumstances," Narcissa lectured. Ron stomped in and sat by Hermione and Harry.

"Where have you been?" Hermione questioned.

"In the bathroom-I had to hurl. I wish they would get this over with," Ron muttered, irritated. Harry continued to moan and sob.

The minister came in and had everyone go to their seats. Ginny came down the aisle looking radiant.

Draco was standing in the front, beaming at her.

The minister began. "Today we are gathered to witness the union of Ginerva and Draco." He paused then continued, "If anyone protests this union, speak now or forever hold your peace..."

Everyone in the room shouted, "DON'T DO IT!!!" The minister seemed reluctant to go on.

"Keep going. We don't care what these people say," Draco ordered.

"We love each other," Ginny sighed and they looked lovingly into each other's eyes. The minister shrugged his shoulders and continued.

"This is bull!" Ron mumbled, disgusted. "Why ask us if he's not going to listen?" Hermione patted him on the knee as she handed Harry his fortieth tissue. Lucius was unusually quiet. He remained silent with a sinister grin on his face.

Sinister grin? I don't grin, I sneer. But, we'll see where you're going with this. It can't be any worse than that other author, Lucius pondered in his mind thoughtfully.

Narcissa was shocked. "Why didn't you protest? We can't have our Draco-Poo marry this common....girl."

"Don't worry. It won't last. I'm sure of it," Lucius said ominously.

"If you say so. You are always right," she said uncertainly.

"Of course I am. Now go back to crying and let's get this over with," Lucius snapped. She immediately began to go back to crying.

~*~

Finally, the wedding was over. It's a good thing because Harry was on his last box of tissues. Ron looked even gloomier than before. Fred and George looked bored. They'd much rather be playing pranks on people. Narcissa was still crying and Lucius looked ever so calm.

They all headed to the building across the street for the reception. Naturally, the decorations and food were black. Everyone took a seat and Draco and Ginny stood up front by the cake.

"I would like to make a toast," Draco said proudly. "To Ginny, my adoring wife--and to me, for being me."

They clinked their glasses together and stared at each other like they were the only ones in the room. The parents of the married couple took their spots beside them in the front. They were all smiling, but when Ginny and Draco weren't looking, they sent each other withering glares.

Fred and George exchanged mischievous glances. Fred nodded his head.

"I would like to make a toast also," Fred stood up and shouted. He moved in front of the cake. "To Draco and Ginny--may she end up strangling him."

He grabbed a piece of cake with his hands and hurled it towards Lucius. He didn't dare hit Draco or Ginny would never speak to him again. Something shiny on the floor caught Lucius's eye. "Oh! A galleon!" He bent over to pick it up and the black cake went sailing over him and hit Narcissa right in the face. She shrieked and started stumbling into chairs and walls; the icing was in her eyes and she couldn't see.

Now this author knows what it's all about, Lucius was impressed. Not only do I stay clean, but I find money--my favorite thing besides myself. I do wish this author can continue writing. (Sorry, I'm co-writing this story. We take turns.) Lucius frowned at the thought. Oh, phooey, I have to deal with that other author yet again. Oh, well, my plan will be working soon. Again he had the evil leer on his face.

Everyone was throwing food at each other. Hermione was traumatized because nobody was listening to her. "Stop, I say. This is ridiculous. Stop it, I say!" SMACK! A piece of black cake hit her in the face and also on her dress. She squealed. Ron was having a jolly good time hitting as many Malfoys as he could. Harry was in the corner crying, oblivious to the fact that he was covered in black food.

Narcissa was still tripping over chairs and yelling, "My eyes! My eyes!" Nobody bothered to help her.

Fred and George were running around throwing as much food as they could. George slipped on a noodle and fell to the floor. The floor was so slippery; he kept losing his balance and falling.

He looked up at Fred. "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!" he yelled. Molly and Arthur Weasley ran for cover. Molly got pelted in the butt before she made it to safety. Draco and Ginny ignored all the events around them.

"Let's go. We don't need to stand here and witness such a horrible scene," he whispered in her ear.

"That sounds lovely. Let's go start our life together," Ginny drawled. They left without anyone noticing. They lived together happily for nine months until... (dun, dun, dun!)