All My Malfoys

Chapter Two

The Trio and the Bachelor Party

Act III: The Next Morning

Draco Malfoy stood in the safety of the boys' Seventh Year dormitory in the Slytherin dungeons. Although his wedding with Miss Weasley was not for another day, he had to look positively dashing. Hey, he was still almost a free man until tomorrow! He had to do something outrageous. And he had the perfect idea for that: An all out, expensive, ritzy, Bachelor Party!! After all, it was only fair that he was allowed to have one since Ginny was having her own Bachelorette Party.

He picked up his huge bottle of hair gel and squirted a ridiculously large amount of it in his hand. He then proceeded to put the hair gel in his hair and slick it back. He then combed it with a comb and then finger combed it just for the looks it gave him. He looked at himself in the mirror and began practicing the Malfoy smirk that had been passed down to him.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most devilishly hott guy of them all?" Draco said playfully to the mirror, smoothing his hand over the top of his hair. It was more of a statement than a question. The mirror seemed to be mulling over this question far too longer than it ought to be. He looked quizzically at it.

"Ah, yes, that would be Ronald Weasley, Mr. Malfoy," the mirror replied properly. Draco was completely in shock. He was... astonished! The mirror had just insulted him. He grabbed the mirror and began shaking it very lividly, screaming outrageously at the top of his lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A DISTASTEFUL THING!!!? RON WEASEL IS A NINCOMPOOP AND AN UGLY NINCOMPOOP AT THAT!!! YOU DARE INSULT ME?!! I AM THE MOST DEVILISHLY HOTT GUY OF THEM ALL!!! ME! ME! THAT'S WHY GINNY IS MARRYING ME INSTEAD OF THAT BLOODY POTTER!!! IT'S ME!!!!"

"Oh, yes, but of course, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You're the most devilishly hott guy of them all, Mr. Draco Malfoy, sir!" the mirror cried out in terror (we're still pondering how a mirror can be terrified). It began begging for forgiveness. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was my mistake! I thought you said... er... 'delicately sod guy of them all', sir!"

Draco sighed, immediately calming down and put the mirror back on the wall where it belonged, smirking at himself in the mirror. He fixed his hair and sighed. "Well, Weaselbee is certainly a delicate sod. Did you know that every time I call Granger a Mudblood, he blows up? Sickeningly really, how he pants after her like a dog everywhere and doesn't even remember doing it..." he noted nonchalantly.

"And you're marrying his little sister...?" the mirror replied, quite bemused (we're also still pondering how a mirror, an inanimate object, can be bemused). He glared at the mirror, but when he saw how he looked when he was glaring, he didn't like it. He moved his eyebrows around until he found a glaring expression that made him look even more handsome.

"Ginny may be Weasel's little sister, but she is much better than him," Draco reasoned slowly. "She is beautiful--unlike him, of course--she's brilliant--unlike him, no duh--she's feisty--well, maybe not unlike him--she's great in Quidditch--very unlike him--and she's just better than him. And the fact that she doesn't like Potter while everyone thinks she does is great! And, yes, I do love her."

"Hm, seems like you have a great life ahead of you. One of your worst enemies is soon going to be your brother-in-law," the mirror told him dryly.

Draco's smirk disappeared off of his face rather quickly. "I thought brother-in-laws were supposed to be your worst enemies..." he said thickly. "After all, I'll have six of them."

"Well, I guess in your case, they are," the mirror sighed exasperatedly. It sometimes wondered why it was stuck with this narcissist fool, but then remembered that it hadn't been its choice. The blasted Dumbledore wouldn't let it switch. Draco shrugged his shoulders and smirked again. "By the way, where is your fiancée anyway? Shouldn't you be with her?"

"Nah, Ginny told me that I should lock myself up in here until tonight for my own safety," Draco replied calmly, flopping onto his bed. He looked at the ceiling and put his hands behind his head. "She's telling her brother, Weaselbee, of our engagement and she doesn't want me to get killed."

"Ah, I see," the mirror muttered in reply. If mirrors could roll their eyes and shake their heads, this mirror would've been doing that the entire time.

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor Tower...

"WHAT?!! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE MARRYING THAT SLIMY GIT TOMORROW!!!?? YOU'RE WAY TOO YOUNG AND HE'S A SLYTHERIN!! HE'S EVIL!!! HE CALLED HERMIONE A MUDBLOOD AND MY NICKNAME FOR THE PAST SIX AND A HALF YEARS OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN WEASEL OR WEASELBEE AND HARRY'S IS POTTY OR POTHEAD!!! ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT THIS MIGHT DO TO US?!! HIS DAD'S A DEATH EATER!!! HE DINES WITH YOU-KNOW-WHO AND HAS LITTLE GET-TOGETHERS WITH HIM FOR TEA AND CRUMPETS AT HIS HOUSE!!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED??!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HERNIA??!! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ALL OF US KILLED--?"

"I love him! I love him! I love him! I love him! I love him! I love him--"

"Ginny, I cannot believe that you're going through with this! I thought you cared about me! I thought you loved me--not Malfoy! You've been lying to me straight through your teeth this entire time! I thought we had a thing going! You cheated on me!"

"I love--Harry, we never had a thing going... I love Draco! I love Draco! I love Draco--"

"Harry, don't be daft. If you would have told Ginny of your feelings sooner, this would never have even happened because she would have fallen in love with you and you'd live happily ever after. That, my friend, is your fault."

"Hermione, you're not making anything any better..."

"--AND ANOTHER THING!!! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE DRACO SODDING MALFOY AS A BLOODY BROTHER-IN-LAW!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, GINNY?!! DID HE PUT A CONFOUNDUS CHARM ON YOUR OR SOMETHING--?"

"Draco is the sweetest, most charming, most devilishly handsome guy of them all and all you can do is yell at me! I love him! You should learn to live with that!"

"Ginny, by now, you should know that it is impossible for Ron and Harry to learn something. I've tried to get them to do that for six and a half years now. Ron, you shouldn't be yelling at Ginny. For one thing, it'll ruin your throat and you'll lose your voice--"

"That's a bad thing?"

"--now this, I lose my girlfriend to my second worst enemy in the world! Why do I have to lose everything in my life! Why me?! I just want a normal life!" Harry begins to sob into his arms.

"--and you're probably disturbing the entire Gryffindor Tower. You do know that some people want to finish their homework. Speaking of which, for another thing, you should not be yelling at Ginny because what you should be doing is finishing that Potions' essay that's due tomorrow. I'm not going to do it for you, Ronald. That doesn't exclude you, Harry, either. Stop crying and do your homework for once in your pitiful lifetime. You should be trying your very hardest in school, Harry, and not whining over silly things that never happened. For the last time, there was no thing between you and Ginny going on. You're being a downright idiot, if you ask me--"

"Thank you very much, Hermione--"

"HE FORCED YOU INTO MARRYING HIM, DIDN'T HE?!!! HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO KILL SOMEONE IF YOU DIDN'T MARRY HIM, DIDN'T HE?!! WHY THAT NARKING LITTLE PRAT!! I'M GOING TO RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB AND THEN THROW HIM IN THE LAKE FOR THE GIANT SQUID!!! I HATE HIM!! I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE MARRYING HIM AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN AROUND HIM!!! THIS IS CRAZY!! YOU CAN'T MARRY HIM AND I WON'T ALLOW IT!!! NONE OF US WILL ALLOW THIS--"

"Charlie gave me congratulations! So far, he's the only Weasley who's invited to our wedding tomorrow and I really don't want you to come now."

"WHAT???!!!!!!!! HOW COULD HE GIVE YOU CONGRATULATIONS?!! WAIT; YOU BROUGHT THAT BLOODY POUF INTO THE BURROW--OUR HOME. OH, NO, NOW IT HAS BEEN CONTAMINATED WITH MALFOY SLIME!! WAIT; THAT MEANS YOU WENT TO HIS MANOR TO TELL HIS PARENTS. OH, NO, THAT MEANS YOU'VE BEEN CONTAMINATED WITH THE MALFOY SLIME!! OH, NO, HE'S KISSED YOU, HASN'T HE?!!!"

"He's quite the snogger, actually..."

"AAAAAAAAAAH, HOW DARE HE EVEN TOUCH MY LITTLE SISTER!!!? HERMIONE, HOSE HER DOWN IN THE GIRLS' SHOWER OR SOMETHING!!! WE NEED TO CLEAN THE SLIME OFF OF HER BEFORE IT GOES TO HER BRAIN AND SHE HAS A SMIRK STUCK TO HER FACE PERMANENTLY--"

"But, I believe you're far too young to be the legal age of getting married. I read in Marriage, The Rules, that you have to at least be seventeen and you're only sixteen. The Ministry will surely not allow you're marriage to go through. I also believe that this is a very foolish thing to do. You shouldn't be off getting married to Malfoy. He's dangerous. He could hurt you--"

"What?! Draco would never harm me at all! He loves me!"

"You should be more worried about school things--like grades, books, intellectual speeches, and such other stuff--and not being the next Mrs. Malfoy at age sixteen. This is very unwise of you. School is much more important than this and I don't think you're giving it enough of your time. You're going to be wasting it on Malfoy--"

"Wasting my time on--?! Humph, Hermione, I thought you were my friend!"

"GINNY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND! I'M THE HERO, REMEMBER! I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO GET THE GIRL! MALFOY'S THE ENEMY! YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED TO THE ENEMY! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE DOWNHEARTED HERO, WHO RISES UP AND CONQUORS ALL EVIL TO FULFILL MY DESTINY, THAT PROPOSES TO YOU AND THEN YOU KISS ME AND WE GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE EVIL PROTAGONIST, WHO'S RICH AND GETS WHATEVER HE WANTS, THAT PROPOSES TO YOU AND THEN YOU KISS HIM AND YOU TWO GET MARRIED AND LIVE EVILLY EVER AFTER!! THAT'S JUST NOW HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK! I'M THE ONE THAT CONQUERS ALL EVIL! HE IS THE EVIL--"

"Whoa, calm down there, caps-lock Harry--"

"First of all, Harry, it's 'conquer all evil' and not 'conquers all evil'. And it's 'evil antagonist'; you're the protagonist. Honestly, Harry, for being in your Seventh Year and the hero of the Wizarding community, you're a bit daft in grammar. It kind of puts a damper in your pointless heroic speeches--"

"C'mon, Harry, let's go find Malfoy and pummel him--"

"No, I won't let you! I love him! Live with it, Ronald Billius Weasley--Harry James Potter--Hermione Jane Granger! I LOVE DRACO MALFOY AND I'M MARRYING HIM TOMORROW WHEN THE SUN SETS WHETHER YOU THREE LIKE IT OR NOT!!!!"

"What about mum, dad, and the rest--except Charlie?!"

"WELL, THEY CAN LIVE WITH IT TOO! And if you don't, I'll hex you until next year!!!"

"Right... Okay, anyone in favor of beating up bloody Malfoy?" There was silence. And since it was in the middle of the day, there were no crickets to chirp, although they wouldn't have been chirping anywhere near these crazy people. "Alright, I guess it's unanimous then. We won't beat up, Malfoy."

"Good, now, with that settled, I have something else to tell you. You're invited to his Bachelor Party tonight! Oh, that's only Harry and Ron, but you're invited to come to my Bachelorette Party tonight too, Hermione!" Ginny beamed at them all. Hermione was frowning deeply. Harry and Ron looked at each other and then at her incredulously.

"Do you think we'll step foot into his--" One threatening glare from Ginny made Harry stop mid-sentence and rethink what he was saying. "I mean, yeah, we'll go and be extra nice."

"Good, what about you, Hermione?"

"Well, I should be doing my homework. Ron, Harry, you two should also be doing your homework instead of partying tonight! I'm ashamed of you!" Hermione exclaimed. Ron gave her a look that said he'd rather be doing homework that going to Malfoy's Bachelor Party. She sighed. "I guess I'll come..." Ginny began to cheer and then ran off to tell her Draco the wonderful news.

Honestly, they took it better than I thought...

Act IV: Later that Night...

Draco put even more gel in his slick hair. He stared smugly into the mirror. "You lookin' at me?" he asked, laughing at the mirror. "You lookin' at me? Who wouldn't?" He laughed again, but the mirror wasn't amused.

"Yeah, yeah, you're the hottest of them all," the mirror replied with a bored tone.

"Don't you forget it!" Draco replied haughtily before going downstairs.

"How can I?" it said, exasperated.

88

The doorbell rang and nobody ran to get it. Everyone was too busy scheming or crying.

Ah, my admirers are here to wish me good luck with my true love, Draco thought happily to himself. After all, It's all about me--just me--nobody else.

He flung open the door to find Harry and Ron glaring at him.

"Hello, Potty. Hello, Weaselbee," Draco spit out their names like they were sour on his tongue.

"Hello, Draco-Poo," Ron smirked.

Draco stomped his feet. "I told you not to call me that in public!" he cried out angrily.

"Why? Will little Draco-Poo throw a little fit? Do we have to call your mummy?" Ron teased unmercifully.

"Why are you two here?" Draco asked irritated at their very existence. "Only important people are supposed to be here to congratulate me. Which brainless git invited you two?" Draco demanded.

"You did," Ron said flatly.

"Oh...." Draco mumbled. "Oh, yes, now I remember why! I wanted to rub my engagement in your faces. Sorry, Harry, she's taken." Draco sneered wickedly at seeing Harry's humiliated face.

"Looks like we are going to be brother-in-laws." He slapped Ron on the back. His face was beginning to turn red. "But, don't expect to be invited over here on holidays. We can't be seen with your family. What would the neighbors think?"

"They would think what most people think--you all have no friends. Nobody can stand to be around you without hurling!" Ron raised his voice.

"Think what you want, Weaselbee. You all need to come in the back door. You can't be seen entering the Malfoy Manor," Draco said in a hushed voice.

"But we've already been standing here for ten minutes!" Ron yelled at the top of his voice and watched Malfoy cringe with embarrassment.

They all glared at each other for a few seconds before walking around to the back door. Draco raised his hands in the air as they walked into the house. "Welcome to Malfoy Manor!" he stated proudly.

"Where's the food?" Harry asked impatiently. "I'm depressed and want to drown my sorrows in food and drinks."

"Of course you do," Draco said knowingly. "Why wouldn't you?" He led them into a room filled with black decorations.

"Nice decorations," Ron cracked. "Is You-Know-Who coming?"

"No, he couldn't make it," Draco said disappointingly. "He had to cause a death or something."

Ron looked at the food and made a face. "I didn't know black food existed," he said curiously. "And I thought I knew everything there was to know about food..."

Draco's face turned slightly red. "The family wasn't too thrilled about my engagement."

.

"I can see why," Ron said, nodding his head.

He looked around the room. "Where is everybody, Malfoy? Couldn't find enough friends to come?" Ron asked sarcastically.

"Of course, I have enough friends. They just didn't want to be seen around you," Draco sniffed.

"Whatever you say, Draco-Poo," Ron said, smirking at him. "I only came because Ginny made me."

"I only came because I'm bitter and I want to complain!" Harry wailed as he poured himself a glass of black punch and gulped it down.

"I want to make a toast," Draco said, irritated. "Thank you both for coming. You guys being here to celebrate my future wedding makes me feel good--about me. Cheers!" He knocked back his punch.

Ron could stand no more. "I propose a toast. To Draco-Poo and Ginny. May you have a terrible life together. May she find out who you really are--a spineless coward who hides behind his mum and dad. You need to have your head examined if you think she will not see through your false façade."

Draco stood up tall. "Let them examine my head! They will find nothing in it! Ginny loves me--and only me. How could she ever love that sniveling pouf in the corner?" He pointed over to Harry who was crunched down in the corner. His glasses were fogged up from all the tears.

Ron growled. "If you hurt my sister, I'll..."

"You'll do what?" Draco asked menacingly.

"I'll... I'll hide your hair gel!" Ron snapped spitefully.

"You.--you wouldn't dare!" Draco gasped and put his hand to his mouth.

"Watch me!" Ron snarled.

"Well, that's just plain mean. There's no need to get nasty about it," Draco said in a huff.

"Come on, Harry, we are leaving," Ron retorted, glowering at Draco.

"I can't," Harry sniffed.

"Why not?" Ron asked, agitated.

"I can't see. My glasses are fogged up from sobbing uncontrollably at the recent nasty turn of events in my miserable life," Harry continued to blubber.

Ron sighed and walked over to where he was crouched down in the corner. "Get up, Harry. Let's get out of here. I'm starting to get sick at the sight of this place."

"Leave then. See if I care! I will give Ginny all she deserves in life!" Draco shouted.

"She deserves better," Ron hissed nastily.

They continued trading insults. Ron kept running Harry into walls or lamp posts since he couldn't see and Ron wasn't paying attention. Draco slammed the door, but opened it back up and added, "Hey, Ron, don't tell Ginny I yelled at you or she won't talk to me."

"Okay, whatever," Ron said absently. He had to do what he said or Ginny would know that he yelled back and then she wouldn't talk to him either.

"Oh, bugger! I hate that boy!" Ron muttered as Harry fell down the steps and into the street. "Sorry, mate. I forgot you couldn't see."

"That's okay," Harry said as he positioned his bent and cracked glasses on his face. "Life isn't worth seeing without my beloved Ginny." He stifled a sob.