Hogwarts: A Musical

Chapter Two: What A Wonderful Sock

Slowly the camera (apparently this one is a film, but hey, when all powerful, one can afford to be flexible) zooms in on a small house elf wearing a lime green tea cozy, traditional Scottish kilt, a Christmas tie that plays "Jingle Bells" whenever you press the star on the tree deco, a bright blue Hawaiian shirt with a floral pattern, and two mis-matched coloured socks (one with smiley faces, the other with vertical stripes of varying shades of green) standing on the top of a Cliffside. The over-all impression was very dramatic, with what might have been Tintagel castle as a speck in the distance on a cliff just beyond the lighthouse that jutted out from the misty sea, the violent wind whipping and lashing across his face, the waves thrashing against the rocks with an unbreakable fury, and seagulls in the background, possibly aiming for whatever unsuspecting tourist may pass by this awe-inspiring scenery. The elf held aloft a very old, ugly, mustard colored, knobbly sock as though it was his most treasured possession. He then opened his mouth, and began to sing passionately...

"Oh it may smell bad,

In fact it reeks.

Its lumpy style,

May not be chic.

Yet I think to myself,

What a wonderful sock!

I was once a slave,

The Malfoys were mean.

Dark blighted days,

Cook, sew, and clean.

Now I think to myself,

What a wonderful sock!

Oh wondrous Harry Potter,

Was the who set me free.

He hid this sock within a book,

Then sent it off to me,

So in his honour,

This song I pen,

So long as I promise,

Not to save his life again.

It was Vernon's once,

Not it is mine.

It's yellow and knobbly,

But I think that's fine,

For I think to myself,

What a wonderful sock!

Oh now I work at Hogwarts,

I'm even getting paid.

I build up all the fires,

An ensure the beds are made.

I am happy now,

As an elf can be.

The world is wonderful,

Now that I am finally free!

I love this sock,

More than you'll ever know,

From the top of my tea cozy,

To the bottom of my toes.

And I think to myself,

What a wonderful sock!

Yes I think to myself,

What a wonderful sock!"

Dobby gave a blissful sigh, lifting a hand to block the sun and staring out into the distance in a pensive manner. As he reached down to tuck the precious sock into the band of his kilt, where he carried it always, he began to think deeply about the meaning of his existence as a house elf...

"Cut, cut, cut!" Morag's voice tore through the moment. "This is getting ridiculous. Point one, Dobby isn't that smart, point two, this is supposed to be a comedy, and point three, that was completely, unbearably corny! We've got to do something before I throw up!"

"Fine. Ruin my creative license," Liz pouted. However, after a sudden change of tact, she let out a slightly demonic sounding cackle. "I've got just the ticket. I'd been saving it for a moment like this one. Action!"

Dobby resumed his melodramatic pose, and was about to begin Shakepeare's "Hamlet" soliloquy, when unfortunately he was chased off the set by a rabid seagull.

Ah well, accidents do happen.