Hogwarts: A Musical

Chapter One: Our Way

Fred and George Weasley held dramatic poses before the buzzing crowd of anxious students and perplexed teachers. Professor Umbridge (today wearing a pink angora sweater) opened her irritatingly large mouth to announce the official condemning words of expulsion (Ministry decree number 293), when Fred turned to his brother and partner in crime George and said, "You know, old chap, I think there's only one way in which to express our feelings at this catalytic moment in our lives."

"I'm in complete agreement, old bean."

Subsequently, the twins burst into song, opera style. At first the surrounding students were unsure what to make of this method communication rarely seen before on Hogwarts grounds (beyond the ever-popular school theme song), but soon placed the tune in their minds. It was in fact, they incredulously realized, "My Way" by Frank Sinatra... But with some slight alterations...

"And now the end is near,

And so we face our true expulsion.

My friend, we'll say it clear,

We'll state our case, our prime compulsion.

We've lived a life that's full,

We've travelled every secret passge way.

And more, much more than this,

We pranked it our way!

Regrets we've had a few,

Like every time we got detention.

We did what we had to do,

And saw it through without exemption.

We planned each chartered trick,

Each careful step along the swamp-way,

And more, much more than this,

We pranked it our way!

Yes, there were times,

We're sure you knew,

When we bit off more than we could chew.

But through it all when there was doubt,

Filch ate us up and spat us out.

We faced it all,

And we stood tall,

And pranked it our way!

We've loved, We've laughed, not cried,

We've had our fill, our share of dung bombs.

And now, as smoke subsides,

We leave them all, agape with their qualms.

To think that we, we did all that,

And may we say, not in a shy way,

'Oh no, oh no, not us,

We pranked it our way!'

Peeves carry on all our good jobs.

Arrange the odd angry mobs,

To fight against that witch,

Or perhaps we should say [CENSORED].

Our record shows we caused an itch,

And pranked it our way!

Yes, it was our way!"

As the mammoth note reverberated across the lush Hogwarts grounds, the crowd spontaneously burst into wild, enthusiastic applause. Witnesses would later swear that they even saw the giant squid waving a tentacle appreciatively from the depths of the lake. Umbridge immediately shrieked over the din, "This singing is an illegal student organization that must be disbanded immediately! I am warning you, I will not hesitate to call the-"

That ominous voice from the sky boomed out as it addressed its cohort. "Please, please, please, Morag? May I please? Just this once, it'd be so much fun!"

"Oh all right then," the other agreed grudgingly.

A mighty crack whipped across the world.

Even more thundering cheers, yells, and applause broke down into total anarchy as a hot pink newt stood in the place of Dolores Umbridge.