Home Run Harry

Home Run Harry

It was an unusually bright and cheery day out and all was well.

"Har har! It sure is an unusually bright and cheery day out and all is well. Right, Son?" Harry said, giving a puff on his pipe as he and little Severus Potter strolled down the street.

"It sure is, Daddy!" Lil' Sevy said, gleefully.

After years of neglect, Harry Potter was finally taking his forty year old son to the park for a nice game of catch.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Hermione muttered.

"Why? It sounded like fun to me. Don't you like baseball?" Ron asked, quizzically.

"No, it's not that. It's just... ugh! Never mind!" Hermione scowled and crossed her arms.

Ron looked at Hermione, a stupid expression on his face. "Why? Whatever is the matter?"

"Well, it's just that we have the worst team in the world," Hermione pointed out.

It was true. In addition to Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Lil' Sevy, there were five other players who were, to say the least, not quite up to par.

"Oh, what if I break a nail?" the ghost of Draco asked. He sighed. "And I might get something on my skirt, too!"

Bill growled. "If you complain more, then Bill eat your head off!" He thought a moment and then licked his lips. "Mmm... Malfoy head taste good..."

Wormtail and the Siamese Weasles followed. Since Fred and George were now conjoined (though the "surgery" had actually been just the two of them taped together with three rolls of duct tape), they hobbled behind, occasionally trying to sell something to Wormtail.

"Do you even know who we're playing?" Hermione asked, crossing her arms.

"Ah, it's probably not anyone too bad," Ron said.

Actually, who they were playing against was an all Death Eater team that called themselves "The Horcruxers." Their original name had been "The Magical, Purple Flying Ponies of Love." They had debated much over if they should change the name or not.

Voldemort spat on the ground. "All right, team! If I lick my left hand and hop around in a circle on my right foot, that means to kill someone on the other team with your bat. If I pick my nose and sing the theme song to ‘Happy Days' then I want you to erase the memories of the audience and give them all new names. If I do back flips and lick my elbow, then that means that we forfeit the game."

Lucius Malfoy rolled his eyes. He was very well acquainted with Voldemort's way of playing baseball.

"Wait. What do we do if you pick your nose?" several of the various Death Eaters asked, stupidly.

Voldemort went over the rules six more times. Lucius Malfoy considered killing the rest of his team and telling the other team that they'd already won, but he decided against it. "I wonder who we'll be playing against," he said to himself.

Meanwhile, Fenrir Greyback swung his bat around insanely. "Grrrr! Me crush other team!"

Suddenly, everything froze. The other team was there. Voldemort shrieked as he realized that the batter was The-Boy-Who-Lived. His arch enemy. Harry Potter.

"Um, what a nice surprise," Lucius said, trying not to look like a gawking idiot, as the rest of his team had failed at. "Who would have guessed? Harry Potter, my son, and..."

"And me!" Wormtail pranced up to Lucius, shook his hand vigorously, and then strolled back to his team.

"Well then," Voldemort said, wide eyed. "I suppose we'd better get on with the game."

The game, besides being completely boring, was also incredibly awkward. Even the man in the stadium selling hotdogs was a bit nervous. Everyone was antsy. Any minute somebody on one of the teams might snaps and start shooting curses at anyone. And Voldemort knew that he had very little chance of winning the game or staying alive, considering who was on the other team and the idiots on his team.

Harry Potter, on the other hand, only wanted to catch up with his son. "Isn't this jolly fun?" he asked.

"It sure is, Daddy!" Lil' Sevy squealed.

Lucius couldn't believe it. Here was one of the scariest and greasiest Death Eaters he'd ever know... and he'd reverted back into a child? "Ah, I quits!" Lucius then stomped off, deciding that he was much better off in Azkaban and that he was far too sexy to be playing baseball with those idiots.

The ghost of Draco, moved by his father's speech, started bawling. "Can't we just stop fighting for one moment and realize how much we love each other?!"

Harry, also crying, ran up to Draco. "I love you, Draco!"

"I love you, Harry!" Draco cried.

It was then that the ghost of Draco Malfoy and The-Boy-Who-Lived shared their first kiss and fell in love.

"Yay!" Lil' Sevy exclaimed. "Now I have two daddies!"

Fenrir and Bill, after seeing the romantic and beautiful scene, decided to stop eating people and join a nunnery.

"Whoa... and to think that I thought that everything was going to turn out bad for me," Voldemort said, in awe.

Coincidently, Fred and George had pitched a ball at that exact moment, which hit Voldemort in the head and killed him.

"Hurrah!" Harry said.

"Hurrah!" Draco said.

"Hurrah!" Lil' Sevy said.

And all was, indeed, well.

~*~*~

"I can't believe it," Hermione said, shaking her head. It had been two days since the baseball game and already Harry and Draco were married (and expecting their first baby), Bill was one of the top nuns at the convent, and Fred and George had become known as the two wizards who had defeated Voldemort and were millionaires.

"It just goes to show that crime doesn't pay," Ron said, shaking his head and sighing.

"Ron. That made no sense," Hermione says. "Honestly, you'd think that you had an IQ of a two year old. You must have been dropped a lot as a child."

"You bet, Mione," Ron said, putting his arm around Hermione and pulling her to him. "You bet!"

The End! (Can you believe it?)