Hogwarts Idol

Hogwarts Idol

Chapter 14: The Speedees: Marlene McKinnon, Edgar Bones, Caradoc Dearborn, Benjy Fenwick, Fabian Prewett, Gideon Prewett, Dorcas Meadows

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Jaina: Welcome back, great listeners! *is yelling* Some of you...*coughs*lost_in_the_rain, Werepuppy, Simoanie Lupin, I Love Draco Malfoy, AnniettaMalfoy, iforget45, and Sirius_about_Black, Linton*coughs* can't hear that well and still voted for Sirius or Remus! They will most likely win, but for now, vote for someone else. And those of you who did resist temptation *coughs*katicle, queenalissa, snuffles123, Sahar Tirband, NeedsMentalHelp, PrincessJulie_Potter, I Love Draco Malfoy, Naddie, atrus waverclan, Unregisturdloser2004, Woodzgurrl, Lady Kate Malfoy, Randomperson456, mstpumpkineer, slytherinrules85, and Alwayshyper*coughs* and voted for someone else, thank you. You're votes will count twice as much; just kidding you get a Sirius/Remus plushie doll. *hands out dolls* And now back to Hogwarts Idol where you, great listeners, choose who will be the next Hogwarts Idol. And to help us are our great judges, Hermione, Harry and Ron.

Ron: *climbs out of the grand piano that fell on him last episode* When will the torture end?

Jaina: Whenever I run out of creative ideas! And right now I don't have the Internet for a whole month, I'm going to be pretty bored.

Ron: *yells at phone company* Get her hooked up already!

Jaina: Calm down Ron. Look at it this way; I get a chance to work more on my wonderful fanfics, I mean show! Now back to the show. Our next performance is going to be a group called The Speedees, which consist of Marlene McKinnon, Edgar Bones, Caradoc Dearborn, Benjy Fenwick, Fabian Prewett, Gideon Prewett, and Dorcas Meadows. *The Speedees walk out in their Hogwarts Uniforms with their Gryffindor ties and badges*

Marlene: Thank you for having us on the show today, Jaina.

Jaina: Pleasure's all mine. Do you think that a group this size will really go onto the next round? I mean there are seven of you.

Fabian: Of course, if those Slytherin's can make it then we can too. *The Speedees glare at the Slythizzle 7. The Slythizzle 7 pull out their wands and the Speeders back up a little*

Jaina: Whoa there. We don't need a rumble going down, not until I have time to sell tickets. Ok now, Speeders, you are all Gryffindors and have ambitions of becoming Aurors, isn't that correct?

Edgar: Yes that is right. We practice all the time so that we will make it as Aurors and will never be killed.

Jaina: *coughs and cleans out her ears* Huh? You are all the safe type of person.

Benjy: Oh yes, which is why we are going to sing the song "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees.

Jaina: *raises an eyebrow* Run that by me one more time?

Gideon: We are singing "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees.

Jaina: All right, well, who am I to get in your way. Go right ahead and start.

Caradoc: *The Speedees walk up to the stage like a procession and stand up straight in front of the judges* We are the Speedees and we are going to sing "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. *The Speedees turn around and snap their fingers to the start of the music. Fabian turns around and rips off his uniform to show a sequenced disco suit with bellbottoms and turned up collars. He walks towards the crowd singing*

Fabian: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm,

I've been kicked around
since I was born.

*The rest of the Speedees tear off their uniforms to show white disco suits and mini skirts and gogo boots of bright colors for the girls. They are all doing the disco point and shaking their hips*
And now it's all right. It's OK.
And you may look the other way.

*The Speedees look behind them as if they are a very suspicious and uneasy group*
All: We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

*The teachers are all reading a copy of the New York Times*

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

*The Speedees sneak up on the Slytherins*
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

*The Slytherins pull out their wands and start to curse the Speedees, but they dodge the curses and dive under tables until they are back on stage again*
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

Fabian: Well now, I get low and I get high,
and if I can't get either, I really try.

*The Speedees all take some pills that are in a container labeled 'Speedees'*
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.

*The Speedees dance around as their drug starts to take effect*
You know it's all right. It's OK.
I'll live to see another day.
All: We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

*Hermione, Harry, Ron and Jaina are reading the New York Times*

Harry: Oh, my stock's up two points.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

*The Slythizzle 7 sneak up on the Speedees and try to whack them when Fabian knocks them out with his wild dancing*
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

*Marlene steps up to center stage as Fabian is flailing around in the back*

Marlene: Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.

*Marlene's eyes drift over to the Slytherin table where Evan is smiling at her. She blushes and smiles back*
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.

*Fabian dives to center stage on his knees singing his heart out*

Fabian: Stayin' alive.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.

*Fabian walks around acting very flaming but winking at all the ladies. He winks at some girls at the Slytherin table as the Slythizzle 7 glares at him*
Music loud and women warm,
I've been kicked around since I was born.

*The Slythizzle 7 start to beat up on Fabian*
And now it's all right. It's OK.
And you may look the other way.

*Fabian crawls away from the Slythizzle 7*
All: We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,

*Gideon and Fabian point to each other*
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

*The Slythizzle 7 jump on stage and start fighting with the Speedees. Fabian is running around, being chased by Rodolphus while singing*
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

*Marlene continues to sing while everyone fights around her. Evan punches out Benjy to Marlene's beat*

Marlene: Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
Fabian: I'm stayin' alive.

*Fabian runs away singing his last line as Jaina walks on stage trying to clear things up*

Jaina: Ok, ok, that's it. You've all had your fun. Slytherins to your seats and Gryffindors stand in front of the judges. *The Slythizzle 7 retreats back to their seats as the Speedees line up in front of the judges* Much better, now Hermione why don't we start with you.

Hermione: What are you all on? Wait, I don't want you to answer that. Well, it was interesting, to say the least. And you all did sing very well, even if you are taking illegal substances, so I guess you may go on.

Jaina: One down two to go, why don't we hear from you Ron.

Ron: *Glares at Jaina, then at the Speedees* You where absolutely wretched. And I will only let you go on if you give me what you are taking. Maybe if I'm high enough...

Jaina: *warning voice* Ron, there will be no taking of illegal substances while judging. Read your contract.

Ron: I have a contract? Can I burn this contract? Where is it? Let me at it! *He starts foaming at the mouth*

Jaina: *Smacks Ron* Snap out of it. Now no drugs and no ripping up your contract.

Ron: *Points to Harry* But Harry's trying some! *Dorcas hands over the bottle that says 'Speedees' as Harry pops a few pills in his mouth*

Harry: Wow, this stuff is great, thanks! *His eyes start to roll around in his head*

Jaina: Oh no, just what I need, for Harry to go on a little trip. Ron, just say if they can go on or not.

Ron: *Laughing at Harry* Hey Harry, can you get me some pumpkin juice?

Harry: Sure! *With a burst of energy, Harry disappeared and came back with a pitcher of pumpkin juice, and 8 cartons of Butterbeer* Wellllll, I-went-to-Hogsmeade-for-the-pumpkin-juice-and-wanted-some-Butterbeer, -so-I-got-myself-a-few-bottles. Here-want-one-Hermione? *Harry said so fast that everyone barely heard what he said* Does-anyone-need-anything-else? I-can-do-your-homework, -polish-your-shoes, -defeat-Voldemort, -or-takeover-the-world? Anything. Anything! *He was now bouncing off the walls*

Jaina: Harry, how about you tell us if the Speedees can go on or not? *She said with a smirk and hiding something behind her back*

Harry: Ok-ok-ok, -I-can-do-that! They-were-awesome! I-wanna-see-them-again! I-want-them-to-bring-more-magic-pills! Go-on, -go-on, -go-on!

Jaina: *She smiled and nodded and pulled out a super tranquilizer gun from behind her back and shot Harry in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. Blowing the smoke away from the barrel, she pocketed the gun and smiled at the audience* Harry will be out for the rest of the evening, but don't worry, he'll be fine when he wakes up. *Ron sneaks up behind Jaina. Jaina whips around and points the gun at him* Don't even think about it. Now back to your seat!

Ron: *Grumbling* Stupid show, stupid host, stupid bad luck.

Jaina: It's ok Ron; it'll all be over soon. *She turns back to the Speedees* Well, how do you feel about going on?

Dorcas: Great! We'll win for sure!

Jaina: Well, you won over our judges, but will you win over Hogwarts?

Edgar: Of course, Hogwarts loved us! *The crowd cheers*

Jaina: You seem a bit worse for the wear, want to talk about the fight with the Slytherins?

Benjy: *Has a broken nose and a black eye from Evan* Oh, we got them good. They didn't know what hit them.

Jaina: Ok, well good luck next round. *The Speedees walk off the stage* And please don't bring any more drugs when you perform again! *She called to them* Well, now that you've see 14 acts, which one are you going to choose? And don't say Remus or Sirius. They win see? *She pins 'Fangirls love me' buttons on Remus and Sirius* See, they get a prize, now vote for someone else. See you later, great listeners!