Hogwarts Idol

(A/N: If you have not been doing so already, please, please download the song that everyone sings and read it while playing the song. It will make everything 10 times funnier. This goes doubly for this song! ('I put a spell on you' By Bette Midler))

Hogwarts Idol

Chapter 13: Bellatrix Black

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Jaina: Is this thing on? *taps microphone* Hello? Can you hear me? What? We're on air? *turns around with a big smile and tries to hide her nervousness* You're back! I'm back! We are all here to see who will become the next Hogwarts Idol! First I would like to thank Draco Malfoy one more time for being our celebrity judge last week.

Ron: Celebrity? Malfoy's nothing but a bloody Death Eater in training! How could he be a celebrity? *he crosses his arms in a huff* Well, if he's a celebrity, then I'm the Queen of Bloody England.

Harry: *smiles and bows down to Ron* It's a pleasure to meet you, your majesty. *however, nobody really knows if he's serious or joking*

Jaina: Be quiet judges! *she pulls out her wand says a spell that puts Harry to sleep* As you can see, our three regular judges from the future are Harry, Hermione, and Ron. *Jaina turns to Ron* You better be careful today, Ron, It's Friday the 13^th.

Ron: *a black cat walks across Ron's path as he groans* Great, now that I have bad luck the next singer will probably kill me with their horrible voice. *he bangs his head on the table and spills some salt*

Jaina: Wow, Ron. You are really racking up the bad luck. I told you to be careful.

Ron: *grumbling* Just get on with it.

Jaina: Ok, our next contestant is Bellatrix Black! *Bellatrix walks out on stage dressed in her Death Eater robes minus the mask. Jaina coughs* Nice outfit you have there, Bellatrix.

Bellatrix: It's not an outfit; it's my work clothes. I'm on a mission. *she glares at someone at the Gryffindor table* But don't worry, I'll be done soon with my mission, it shouldn't take long. *evil crackle*

Jaina: *raises an eyebrow* Ok, well that is nice. I'm glad that I can't die along with our judges.

Ron: Wait! Why can't you die?

Jaina: Because I'm the hostess. And if I die then the fanfiction ends.

Ron: Oh, is that all it takes? Ok. *he says calmly reaching for his wand*

Hermione: *stops Ron* Ronald Weasley! Don't try and kill Jaina! She's not the one singing!

Ron: But she's the one keeping me here! Against my will!!

Hermione: *hits him over the head with a pie as Ron passes out* There, you may continue now.

Jaina: Thank you, Hermione. *turns back to Bellatrix* So, what will you be singing for us today?

Bellatrix: I will be singing 'I Put a Spell on You' by Bette Midler in the upcoming film 'Hocus Pocus' which my sisters and I should star in, *mumbles* or else! *she puts on her pointed witches hat and pulls out her wand*

Jaina: I may have to confiscate that wand from you, just for the performance. We really don't want anymore Hufflepuff's dying. *Jaina reaches for Bellatrix's wand, but Bellatrix growls and bares her teeth* Ok, so I won't take your wand. What good are Hufflepuffs anyway? Well, good luck, you'll need it since it's Friday the 13^th.

Bellatrix: I was born on a Friday the 13^th, so it is my lucky day already! Catch! *she tosses a mirror to Ron who wakes up just in time to drop the mirror and have it shatter all over the floor* Smooth move, butterfingers.

Ron: Ahh! What did you do that for? Now I have seven years of bad luck! *glares at Bellatrix*

Jaina: *looks at the judges* Harry? It's time to wake up. Finite Incantatem!

Harry: *Harry wakes up and looks around. He spots Bellatrix in her Death Eater robes and jumps up pulling his wand out* DIE WITCH! Adabra Kadabra!

Bellatrix: *looks confused as nothing happens* Don't you mean Avada Kedavra? *a flash of green light hits a Hufflepuff who falls over dead* Oops.

Jaina: *sighs* Harry, calm down. Don't make me put you to sleep again. *she turns to Bellatrix* You are just winning the judges over, from what I see. *she says very sarcastically*

Bellatrix: Everyone loves me, from my house elf Kreacher to my boy toy, Rodolphus. *she waves to Rodolphus at the Slytherin table* Hi, boy toy!

Jaina: Err, that's nice, why don't you just start your performance.

Bellatrix: *walks up to the stage* Hello Hogwarts! My name is Bellatrix! What's yours? I will be singing 'I Put a Spell on You' by Bette Midler. And I will be dedicating this song to a certain, cousin. *she glares at the Gryffindor table and puts down her Death Eater mask*

I put a spell on you and now your mine

*she casts the Imperius curse on Sirius and he dances around making a fool of himself as the crowd laughs*

You cannot stop the things I do, I'd lie

*she takes the curse off and casts an innocent look at the teachers*

It's been 300 years right down to the day

Now the witch is back and there is hell to pay

I put a spell on you, and now your mine

*she screeches as the music starts up and Andromeda and Narcissa appear out of nowhere dressed the same as Bellatrix but with no mask. Bellatrix throws off her mask and it hits Sirius in the head*

Hello Hogwarts my names Bellatrix, what's yours

I put a spell on you and now your gone,

Andromeda and Narcissa: gone, gone, gone so long

Bellatrix: *she casts a spell on Sirius and he disappears*

I put a spell on you and it was strong

Andromeda and Narcissa: so strong, so strong, so strong

Bellatrix: Your retched little lives have all been cursed

Cause of all the witches working

Andromeda and Narcissa: Whooooo

Bellatrix: I'm the worst

*Sirius comes back from wherever her was and tries to hide behind James*

I put a spell on you and now you're mine

*Bellatrix disappears now and appears behind Sirius ready to strike him*

Andromeda and Narcissa: *they point at Sirius as they dance and sing*

Watch out watch out watch out watch out

*Sirius turns around and screams as Bellatrix tries to kill him with the Killing curse. However, James saves him jumping in front of him as the curse rebounds off of him and strikes Lily who doesn't die either. Bellatrix stomps back up to the stage*

Bellatrix: If you don't believe you better get superstitious

I put a spell on you, I put a spell on you

*Bellatrix casts the Imperius curse on all the teachers as they jump up and sing with them*

Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa: I say it's a pie alpha baby up and die

*Sirius suddenly turns into a pie and is thrown into James' face*

Teachers: I say it's a pie alpha baby up and die

Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa: In come a corny llama

*Sirius turns back into himself as James wipes him off his face. Sirius looks up and a llama dresses in a polka dot tie and striped hat charges him*

Teachers: In come a corny llama

Bellatrix: Hey

Andromeda and Narcissa: Hey

*Bellatrix appears behind Sirius and leans over his right shoulder*

Bellatrix: Hi

Andromeda and Narcissa: Hi

*Andromeda and Narcissa appear behind Sirius and lean over his left shoulder*

Bellatrix: Say

Andromeda and Narcissa: Say

Bellatrix: Bye

Andromeda and Narcissa: Bye

*Bellatrix raises her wand ready to strike Sirius*

Bellatrix: Byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee Bye, Bye

*she conjures a black veil and trips Sirius through it. Sirius stumbles through the veil and comes out on the other side*

Sirius: I'm fine! I'm OK!

James: And the Killing curse doesn't kill Lily and I!

*Bellatrix looks extremely disappointed and walks back up to the stage*

Jaina: *glaring at Bellatrix* Try and hurt Sirius again and I'll hurt you.... wait, never mind I'll just hurt you now.

Hermione: *holding back Jaina* No, Jaina, just let it be, just let it be. *she looks at the script Harry is reading then back to Bellatrix* Are you sure those are the words?

Harry: *he nods while reading the script* You should get the part; it calls for a very ugly and mean witch as the lead. That fits you perfectly.

Ron: *he sneaks out of his seat and creeps near Bellatrix with his arms out as if ready to strangle her. He steps on a crack on the floor and a red haired woman at the Gryffindor table cries out and falls out of her chair*

Red haired Guy at Gryffindor Table: Molly? Are you ok?

Jaina: Now look what you've done Ron. Get back in your seat!

Ron: *grumbling* And now my 'People who I need to kill' list grows longer. *he glares at Bellatrix* You are right after Jaina!

Jaina: *points her wand at Ron* Quiet you! Hermione why don't we start with you on the judging?

Hermione: Well, err, that was a umm nice performance. I mean look on the bright side you didn't kill any Hufflepuffs during the performance!

Bellatrix: *looks worried* I didn't? Oh no! *she turns around and kills a few Hufflepuffs for good measure* Is that better now?

Hermione: *begins to hit her head on the table* No. No. No. And that is the answers to all of your questions. No, it is not better. No, you won't go on. And no, you will not be living much longer. *Hermione lifts her head from the table* Ron, what did you think?

Ron: You screeched! How do you think you'll bloody go on if you screech? You were horrible! Ohh look a penny. *he picks up a penny head side down. An Acme safe falls out of nowhere and lands on Ron*

Jaina: *winces* Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

Ron: *opens the door of the safe and walks out* I really hate you. And you! *he points to Bellatrix* DIE! And do NOT go on! *walks back to his seat and walks under a ladder* Oh no!

Jaina: *shakes her head sadly* Harry, what did you think of her performance?

Harry: *still glaring at Bellatrix and clutching his wand* I hate you. And I'm going to kill you one day. I will avenge Sirius!

Jaina: Harry, all we need to know is if she can go on or not. Just that, nothing more.

Harry: Never! I shall dance on your grave! With tap shoes! Muhahahahhahaa!

Jaina: *snaps her fingers in front of his face* Harry! Snap out of it!

Harry: Sorry. You cannot go on. You are the weakest link, goodbye!

Jaina: *turns towards Bellatrix* Well, I don't think the judges liked your performance very much.

Bellatrix: Of course they didn't like it. My mission failed! I hated my performance too! Except for my sisters, they did fine! *waves to her sisters at the Slytherin table* Well, it would make it better if my sisters and I got the parts for the movie Hocus Pocus. *she whips out a cell phone and yells at it* Do you hear me, Producers! We better get the part! *she calmly puts the cell phone away*

Jaina: *just stares at Bellatrix* Ok, well, I'm sorry you are not going on, but how do you feel that you sister, Narcissa is going on and not you?

Bellatrix: *smiles a little* I'm happy for my younger sister, she'll do great and win. *she turns to the judges* She better win! Do you hear me!

Jaina: Ok, I believe that is enough threats for one day. Thanks for coming in. *Bellatrix walks off stage and leaves* Did someone out there like her performance? Would you like to see her come back? Then review and vote for her. Also vote for whom you want to win! And you can't vote for Sirius or Remus anymore. Why? Because they have too many votes already and I've stopped counting their votes. So, try something new and vote for one of the other contestants! Who will be our next contestant? Who really cares? Goodbye!