How Harry Got His Groove Back

How Harry Got His Groove Back

One morning at Privet Drive...

::: Harry wakes up and puts on his glasses. :::

Harry: "Today's the day!!!! Time to go back to school!!"

::: Harry gets ready for the travel to Hermione's house. :::
(Hermione and her parents go to pick up Harry from the Dursleys since the Weasleys encounter was not too successful. Harry is bringing all his things down to the living room so that he can take it to the car when they get there.)

Harry: "I wonder how Uncle Vernon is dealing with this..."
::: Harry walks over to Uncle Vernon, who is watching T.V.:::

Uncle Vernon (turns to Harry): "What do you want now?"

Harry: "I was just curious as to why you aren't panicking over the Granger's arrival."

Uncle Vernon: "You said they are both dentists, so I doubt they'll come blasting in here and grow things on Dudley. The only person I'm worried about is that daughter of theirs...could be trouble..."

::: Harry smirks:::

Uncle Vernon: "What was that for?"

Harry: "Nothing, I'm going to bring the rest of my things down."
::: Harry goes to his room. Dudley appears at the doorway:::

Dudley: "I heard your girlfriend Hermione is coming today."

Harry: "Well duh! I told you two weeks in advance and she isn't my girlfriend."

Dudley: "You only say that cause she's ugly."

Harry: "How do you know she's ugly? You haven't even met or seen her. You don't be knowin' her."

Dudley: "She's a witch isn't she? Bet she's got warts on her nose, bet her skin is wrinkly."

Harry: "Don't you have a diet to break, not that you haven't broken it yet..."
::: Doorbell rings in the distance:::

Harry: "That must be her, I'll go get it!!!"

Dudley: "Hey! I wanna see the freak show!"

::: Pushes Harry out of the way:::
Dudley: "I'll get it!!!"

:::Loud knocking on door:::
Dudley: "In a minute ya harpy."

::louder knocking, Dudley answers it:::

Hermione: "We're here to pick up Harry. Is he here?"

Dudley: "You're beau-teeful."

Hermione (scandalized): "Excuse me?"

Dudley: "I said come right in."

Hermione: "No you didn't, I distinctly heard you say something different."

Dudley: "No I didn't! You lie!"

::Harry comes over::
Harry: "I Just need to get all my stuff in the car. I won't need any help though.
Just keep Dudley distracted."

Hermione: "Okay then I'll be here I guess."
:::Harry continues taking his stuff to the car. 1 minute of silence passes:::

Dudley: "So your Harry's friend?"

Hermione: "Yes...why?"

Dudley: "Just askin'. So...um..."

:::Harry knocks his trunk into the back of Dudley's knees, causing him to almost fall over:::
Harry: "WHOA!!! Din't see that comin'! I'm all set, well see you in another year porker. Ha, ha, just kidding, more like whale."

Dudley(to Hermione): "Call me."

Harry: "Ok, I will."

Dudley: "Not you, her."

Hermione: "You don't even know my name."
Dudley: "Yes I do."

Hermione: "Ok then, well I don't even have your number."

Dudley: "Yes you do."

Hermione: "Yes well, you ain't all that."
::runs toward the car::

Harry(yelling from car): "Sho long, Shuckers!!!!!!!!!"

::: Harry turns to Hermione :::
Harry : "What was that about?"

Hermione (in embarrassed voice) : "Ummm... I think your cousin has a crush on me..."

Harry (trying hard no to laugh ) : "Oh I see, well..."

::: Harry laughs hysterically shaking with mirth :::

Hermione ( in annoyed voice) : "SHUT UP HARRY!!!"

One Week Later:

(Dudley writing to Hermione)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I think oft of you during the long days. Though my face be not pretty, and my body fat, I can protect you, for on your enemy's head I will have sat.

Dudley

Dudley : "Only a few more steps to the mailbox till Hermione is mine!"
:: Dudley starts to walk toward the mailbox but stops ::

Dudley : "I don't know Hermione's address! What am I going to do?"

:: Dudley sits down and thinks "very" hard ::

Dudley : "I know! Harry has an owl to send mail to Hermione! I'll "borrow" the Biology teacher's owl!"
:: Dudley walks toward the school in a sort of sneaky way while humming the James Bond theme ::

Dudley: "Now to jump over this fence to get the owl!"
:: Dudley jumps but fails. A teacher hears him and runs to the fence ::

Teacher: "Who are you?"

Dudley (a bit carried away): "Bond! James Bond!"

Teacher: "Say that to the principal, Mr. Bond!"
::Teacher grabs Dudley ear's and walks toward the principal's office::

(Dudley is sitting in the principal's office, the principal is looking intently at him)

Principal : "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Dudley: "Umm... The devil made me do it?"

Principal (angrily) : "DUDLEY!!! This is the last straw!!! Now you have gone too far!! STEALING AN OWL!! WHY??"

::: Dudley starts thinking for an answer and then gradually goes blank, drooling:::

::Principal snaps fingers:::

Dudley: (zones back in) "I am merely a victim of circumstance! See there's this girl and... (musically with harmonica music mysteriously behind him) I'M ALL ALOOONE, AND THER'S NO ONE HEEEERE BESIIIIDE MEEE! MY PROBLEMS HAVE ALL GOOONE BUT THERE'S NO ONE TOOOO DERIIIIIIIIIIIVE MEEEEEEE! But'cha gotta HAVE FRIENDS!!!!"

Principal: (clasping hands to head) "SHUT UP!"

A week later, breakfast at Hermione's house:

Hermione's Mom: "Honey, you got a letter!"

Hermione: "Probably from Ron! :::gets dreamy look on her face, takes letter:::

Harry (reading over Hermione's shoulder): "How do I love thee, let me count the WAYS? I think of you during the long days??? :::snickering::: though my face not be pretty, and my body fat, I can protect you, for on your enemies head I will have sat!??"

Hermione: "I wish I knew who it was from!! There seems to be a smudge on the name. It looks like... RON!!!!!!!! Good God!!"

Harry: "May I be excused?"
Hermione's Mother: "Of course, dear, but what for?"

Harry: "I need to send a certain owl..."

:::Harry writing:::

RON! I have no idea what you are playing at! I thought I told you Hermione is mine and you just have to come BARGING into my territory! I will never forgive you!

~Harry~

:::Meanwhile, Hermione is also writing a letter:::

Oh I'm so glad you feel that way about me, I feel the exact same way, maybe more! Please write back! I miss you!
LOVE,
~Hermione~

Hermione (to owl): "Please send this to the person the first letter came from."

Harry's owl went to Ron, and Hermione's went to Dudley, thinking it would go to Ron. The plot thickens!