Dudders' First Year At Smeltings

"Welcome to sixth grade chemistry. I will be your teacher, and if anyone has a problem with me, it is your entire fault for believing that about a fantastic person like me. What is my name? You shall all call me Professor Curdlydick." The utterly terrifying and horribly ugly man that stood before him finished his speech and the class snickered. Dudley could swear he saw the man go from stark off-white to purple in less than two seconds.

"DO YOU THINK MY NAME IS FUNNY? WELL, DO YOU?!" he bellowed. He was a very short man, about one fifth of Dudley's weight and one half his size, but no doubt about it, he was tough. A girl in the row in front of Dudley let out a small whimper, and Dudley was thrilled to notice that it was the girl he had noticed earlier. His legs went gelatinous and his stomach exploded with butterflies. He smiled stupidly and the first question was sent his way.

"Mr....er...Dursley! Tell me how the atomic structure of acid allows it to easily divide items!" Dudley, who wasn't paying attention answered sleepily.

"Hee hee...she's hot."

"CORRECT! Certain acid contains a heat particle that allows it to slice easily through other objects. Now I suppose you can tell me what the scientific term for 'in very bad shape'?"

"Heh...so cute!" Dudley squeaked.

"Correct again! It is acute! You should all be following the example set by Mr. Dursley here. Your first name, son?"

"What a hottie!" Dudley let slip.

"Vanderhoppi Dursley? Not a very common name, but if you say so. CLASS, COLLECT YOUR BOOKS AND LEAVE NOW!" Dudley, who had missed the entire lesson, tried to get up from his desk, only to find that he was stuck in his seat. He sucked in his belly as much as he could, and the girl he had been watching was chuckling. She came over to him, and he sank into his chair again out of mere shock.

"Erm...hi Vanderhoppi!" she exclaimed.

"Vanderhoppi? My name's Dudley!" he exclaimed, forgetting who he was talking to.

"Hee hee... I knew it was to strange. Well, my name is Charell Dortmund, but you can just call me Charlie, like my friends. Just wanted to say hi. Well, off to English!" Charlie skipped to the door, leaving Dudley wobbling. His desk/chair slipped over, and he hurt his head. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Charlie dropping her books in surprise.

He woke up soon after in the nurse's office, and felt a cold wet icepack on his forehead. He sat up, expecting to be on a bed, and instead, bonked his head on a cold metal ceiling. It was dark all around him, and he couldn't even see himself. He couldn't move, turn, or really do anything. His first thought was "I"VE BEEN BURIED!! AAAH!!!" But after consideration of the fact that he heard voices outside, he changed his mind.

"...poor boy, he just died like that..." A voice was saying.

"I'm DEAD????" Dudley yelled, and began to scream loudly. Then, he actually woke up to a soothing voice.

"Mr. Dursley, wake up!" Dudley woke up, and he was sweaty as all hell.

"Where am I?" Dudley asked, terrified.

"You are in the nurse's office, Mr. Dursley. I am Nurse Yerfmop, and I'm just here to help." Nurse Yerfmop was not a fat lady, although a little chubby, with red hair in a long ponytail behind her head, like a hornet's stinger. She had dark eyes, and looked like a very kind woman. She was maybe around fifty or so, but still looked alright for her age.

"Thanks. How did I get here?" Dudley asked.

"Well, a miss Charlie Dortmund saw your chair tip, and she pulled you here. Amazing feat for a girl like her, no offense intended."

"None taken, but is she still here?"

"No. She said something about meeting Harry. I've never liked that boy. He's the cause of half of my patients."

"HARRY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"