Fred and George Live!

Episode 8: Did It All For The Ratings

Fred: Hullo! And Welcome back to another roaring adventure with us on Fred and George Live!

George: Today we have a special treat for you. Yes we do listen to our fan mail ladies and gents.

Fred: Today we have, just for Mary Morgoth, Nigel!!!!!!!!!!!

George: Yes, here he is. Say hi.

Nigel: Hi.

Fred: Apparently he is a student at Hogwarts, not a Ricky Martin. He is in Hufflepuff and in his fourth year.

George: He looks kinda like Cedric. Anyone ever tell you that?

Nigel: I get that a lot.

Fred: Maybe he is like you George. Like you are my clone, Nigel is Cedric's.

George: Only difference is Cedric's a big bulky seventeen year old and Nigel is well not...........Hey I'm not your clone!

Ginny: Oy boys! I just got a letter from mum and .....eek! Nigel!

Nigel: Hi Ginny.

Ginny: Um, hi uh heeheeheehee.

Fred: You okay?

Ginny: Yes I'm heehee fine.

George: Good. Now go away!

Fred: No wait! Remember we have to hook her up with Arr-hey.

George: Oh right.........Ginny love, come in.

Fred: Where's Harry?

Ginny: Playing Quidditch with Ron.

George: Where?

Ginny: I have no idea.

George: I don't feel like finding him, Fred.

Fred: Then who will we get to romance our sister?

Ginny: Fred!

Fred: Quiet girl, we are determining the outcome of your love life.

Ginny: Honestly.

George: Well...............Nigel! How about you go sit next to Ginny.

Fred: Yes, Nigel! Please sit next to her, as close as possible.

Nigel: Um, okay.

Fred: Now Nigel, do you have a girlfriend?

Nigel: Well, no.

George: A straping young man like you is single?

Ginny: Are you hitting on him?

George: Shut up Gin or no lovin' for you!

Ginny: Pardon?

Fred: Anyway, Nigel, do you by chance fancy anyone?

Nigel: Well, sort of.

George: Is she a red head, preferably related to us, sitting next to you?

Ginny: GEORGE!

Nigel: Uh, well.........um.

Fred: It's okay you can tell us.

Nigel: Well, actually it isn't.

George: You bastard! How could you say that? She's sitting right next to you!!!!!!!

Nigel: But, I didn't want to lie!

Fred: Oh sure break her poor heart, you heartless twit!

Ginny: Actually I'm okay. I don't really fancy him.

Fred: Sure you do! Every girl does. He is Cedric's clone! The mini Cedric.

George: Yeah everyone loves the Mini C!

Nigel: Mini C?

George: You don't like it?

Nigel: No.

George: Tough! You are chucking our sister! We don't care if you don't like your new name, Mini C!

Nigel: But, I wasn't even going out with her!

Ginny: Boys, honestly. I fancy Harry, remember!

George: Harry?

Fred: Oh yeah........

George: Oh well then, you are forgiven Mini C.

Nigel: Nigel.

George: I like Mini C better.

Fred: Me too.

Nigel: I don't.

Fred: You don't have a say, it's our show!

Nigel: .....okay.

George: Now what will we do now? I mean Mini C was supposed to be the topic of this episode and the stupid boy isn't even interested in our sister!

Ginny: You don't have to say it like that.

George: Quiet Gin, we're thinking!

Fred: Mini C, who do you fancy?

Nigel: I don't want to tell you.

Fred: Why not?

Nigel: Because......

George: Because nothing! We were supposed to have a boost in our ratings because of you! Do something! Confess anything! Even if you fancy Draco Malfoy! Just say something interesting!

Nigel: I don't fancy blokes. Least of all Malfoy!

George: Why not? He's so pretty.

Nigel: Um, I think I want to leave.

Fred: No stay look um...........what will we do?

George: I mean you won't tell us who you fancy so we can't necessarily play the match making game and some many girls fancy you that it would be hard to figure out who it is.

Ginny: Why not just give him to the highest bidder. Teehee.

F&G: ..................hehehehehehehehehehe

Nigel: I don't like the sound of that.

George: Brilliant Ginny!

Ginny: I was joshing.

Fred: Hear ye! Hear ye! Girls of Hogwarts! We are having an auction! That's right! A human auction! Of who you say? None other then Mini C! Or who you know better as Nigel Demetrius Winthrope-Moon the third! Yes girls! Report to the sixth year boy's dorm in the Gryffindor tower, right now, and bid on this fascinating specimen of manhood.

Nigel: I don't want to be auctioned!

George: Sure you do!

Nigel: No I don't! Let me go! Untie me!!!!

Ginny: I bid 20 Knuts!

Fred: Ginny you are the only girl here....and I thought you didn't fancy him.

Ginny: Well maybe not as a boyfriend, but he's still hot.

Nigel: Argh....

Fred: Alright! Here that girls!? Yup! 20 Knuts already down for Nigel....better hurry!

Sally-Anne: 50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nigel: Oh no.......

Fred: Ah....look it's the Hufflepuff fourth years. Thank you Sally-Anne Perks. 50! Now, do I hear 55?

Susan: 70!

Fred: Thank you Susan Bones

Nigel: Girls! Sally-Anne! Save me! I thought I was your best friend!

Sally-Anne: You are, but right now,you are just a sex object, so be quiet bitch while I bid!

Nigel: Help me!!!!!!!!

Hannah: 100!

George: Wow! Hannah Abbot is placing the high bids now!

Sally-Anne: 110!

Fred: Oooo got some competition.

Mandy: 170!

Fred: Wow! Thank you Mandy Brocklehurst. I guess the Ravenclaws have arrived.

Nigel: Hannah! Come on! You are the voice of reason. Please help me out of here.

Hannah: I'm trying!

Nigel: I didn't mean by biding on me! Untie me!

Parvati and Padma: 200!

George: Ah the Patil twins both chipping in at 200.

Padma: We heard Nigel was tied up.

Parvati: We couldn't resist

George: Twins want you Nigel. Don't you feel special?

Nigel: I feel dirty.

Hannah: 220!

George: Oh she is not letting go. Seems like Sally Anne is chipping in, as is Susan. Those Hufflepuffs sure stick together.

P&P: 250!

Lavender: 280!

Fred: Thank you Lavender Brown. Do I hear 290?

George: The Gryffindors are in on it now!

Nigel: Someone please save me!!

Cho: 350!

Fred: Hey...aren't you taken?

Cho: Well, he looks like a little Cedric. I can have two can't I?

S-A: Oh my god! She's a genius! Can we bet on Cedric too?

Cho: Girl,you touch, you die!

S-A: Yes almighty Chang....my bad.

Nigel: Cho, please let me go. Please!!!

Cho: In a minute sweety. Just let me own your bod first.

Nigel: ~whimpers~

Harry: What's going on here?

Fred: Nothing, just a little auction. Do I hear 360?

Ron: Over what?

George: Nigel.

Nigel: Harry! Ron! Help me!

Harry: We can't! The girls are blocking the way!

Hermione: 370!

H&R&N: Hermione!?

George: Wow! Wait.........don't you fancy Ron?

Fred: Or aren't you going out with him? I swear that is what I read in a past episode.

Hermione: Yeah, well, this is before that episode and besides....Nigel has a cute bum.

Ron: Grrrr.......alright Nigel you're going down!

Nigel: But, Ron, please. It's not my fault!

Fred: Do I hear 380?

400!

420!

450!

460!

The Letter 7!

470!

500!

Fred: Wow! Cho and Hermione are really stubborn. Do I hear 510?

S-A: Hold on...let me count all the money I've got.

Fred: No can do. Going once.......going twice.

S-A&S&H: 733!

George: Woah! The Hufflepuffs are back in the game! All three have chipped in for Nigel's lovin'.

Fred: Do I hear 740?

A Voice: 5000!

Nigel: Holy shit! Who said that?

A Voice: Me.

Fred: D-Draco Malfoy?

Nigel: No....No!!!! Let me go!!!! Quick someone call me a professor!!!!!!

George: Okay....you're a professor.

Nigel: WHAAAA!!!!

Fred: Um.....do I hear 5010? Going once.

Nigel: No way in hell am I gonna be Malfoy's bitch! No!!!

Fred: Going twice.

Nigel: Please....anyone else!! Sally? Hannah? Hermione? Ginny? Cho? Susan? Please......

Fred: Sold! To Draco Malfoy for 5000!

Hermione: No!

S-A&S&H: Whaaaa!!!!

Cho: You can't have him!

Draco: Come on Moon, I got some candles and brownie batter waiting for us back in my room.

Nigel: No! No!!!!!!! Holy mother of all that is sacred, save me!

Draco: Ain't happening tonight bitch! Muahahahaha!

Fred: Uh....well that didn't go as planned.

George: What are you whining about? We racked up 5000 knuts!

Fred: Oh yeah...the hell with the little bastard!

George: Yeah! He didn't want our sister! Good riddance!

Fred: Hehehehe....girls why are you glaring at us like that?

George: Uh girls?

Fred: Ahh!! George run!

George: Tune in next time! If we are still alive, that is! AAAAAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!