Fred and George Live!

Chapter 6: Evil Snaky Men and the Women Who Love Them

F-Welcome back to another roaring installment of Fred and George LIVE!

G-Today's topic is: Evil Snaky Men and the Women Who Love Them.

F-Our first guest is Pansy Parkinsons. Welcome Pansy.

P-Hi.

G-Pansy is a fifth year. She is in the house Slytherin and is in love with Draco Malfoy.

F-Now tell us about your experiences.

P-Well, I don't know where to start. I have fancied him for so long and he finally asked me on a date to the Yule ball last year. It was a dream come true that slowly turned into a nightmare.

F&G-No!

P-Yes, he always made up excuses not to be with me like, "Oh sorry Pansy, I can't go out tonight. I have some mudbloods to torture." Then I found out the truth. He was...Oh, I...I can't say it...

F-It's okay. We're here with you.

P-He...he...had...had been really washing his hair!

G-You're kidding...

P-No! His hair! I should of known. I mean I always knew he was vain, but it was too much to handle. How would you feel, waiting for hours for him to arrive when he is in his room stroking his hair, laughing happily with his hair. Complimenting his hair!

G-I feel you sister.

F-Let's bring out Draco, shall we?

G-Boo!

F-Draco Malfoy, welcome to the show.

D-Don't touch me.

G-Er, okay.

F-Now Draco, you have been listening to Pansy's comments. What is your side of the story?

D-I can't help it. My hair is more important then her. It needs a lot of attention.

P-Whaaaa!

G-Look, you made her cry. How can you say that?

D-It is true. I can't help it. I have known this hair longer then her. I can't just abandon it. Split ends are not my style.

P-You heartless bastard.

F-Well, now we shall here from our next guest. Draco's mother Narcissa. Welcome Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy.

N-Hullo.

G-Hi. Heehee...purty...

F-George! Snap out of it!

G-Oh sorry.

F-Now, ladies and gents Narcissa is married to Lucius Malfoy. Now tell us your story.

L-Well, I married Lucius when he was a lot younger and hotter. But as the years have gone by, he has gotten so crabby. It is taking its toll on his looks. And sex drive I might add.

D-MOTHER!

N-Oh hush Draco.

D- Oh my god! Bad mental image.

N-Well, as I was saying he is getting very sexless. He is so devoted to You-Know-Who. Always, "Sorry Narcissa, can't buy you those new suede shoes because I need to go do the dark lord's bidding." Or "Narcissa we must set an image. No muggle Versacci gown for you this year." Who could live like that?

F-Now, because of this, you have found solitude in someone else, haven't you?

N-Yes. An old friend. My dear Sevykins.

G/D/P-Aaaaahhh!

F- Severus Snape could you come out here please?

G-Welcome.

S-Hm.

D- Ew ew ew. My mum and him! Oh my god!

F-Now how long have you been having an affair with Narcissa Malfoy?

S-Why should I tell you?

N-Do it for me, Sevy baby.

S-Okay, pooh bear. I guess for three years now.

P- Oh my god! Draco just had fainted!

N-Leave him.

P- But...okay.

F-Now why did you begin having an affair with him?

N-Well, I'll just tell you this: Nintendo controllers, brownie batter, and Severus Snape. What more could you want?

G-Okay...I so did not need to know that.

F-Well, er, let us bring out Lucius Malfoy.

G-Welcome.

N-Hi Lucy!

F-Now Lucius your wife has something to confess to you. And to Severus I believe, isn't that right?

N-Yes, now Sevy, Lucy, I want you both to know I love you very much and you have excellent taste in black clothing.

S-Well naturally.

N-But, Lucy I have been having affairs for some time now.

L-With Severus?

N-Yes.

L-Ew...

S-Hey...

N-Don't knock it till you try it.

S-What do you mean affairs, pooh bear? There are more?

N-Well, yes, before Severus there was Igor, then before him was Barty, and before him was well, what I am here to tell you both about.

L-This doesn't bold well.

N-I want a divorce Lucy so I can marry Voldemort!

Everyone-AAAHHH!

F-Voldemort could you come out please?

V-Sure. Hey Cisssssywisssyhead.

N-Hey pooky!

F-Now, Mr. Mort, how long have you been in love with Ms. Malfoy.

V-Oh I don't know. For yearsssssss I guesssssss.

L-You're sure this is what you want?

V-Got a problem Luciusssssss?

L-Uh...no sir!

V-Alright, well, sssssunshine of my exisssssstance, we better go. I got my getaway broom waiting out back.

N-Okay. Well, bye everyone!

F-Thank Mrs. Malfoy...I mean Mrs. Mort for being on our show. A Thank You as well to Ms. Parkinson, Mr. Draco Malfoy (George pick him up), Mr. Lucius Malfoy, and Professor Snape.

G- Tune in next time...for, I hope, something less disturbing then this.

F-Goodnight.